5/25/2020
Walls Around Your HeartWALLS AROUND YOUR HEART
There were walls that surrounded my heart. They had been there for years. They started off small, but slowly I added to them. Year after year, brick after brick, I added to those walls until my heart was completely surrounded. No one could break through. No one could hurt me again. I would not be vulnerable. I would protect myself. But in the darkness of those walls that surrounded me, my heart got cold. It was a continual battle of my own making. I would not allow anyone in. I became insecure. I had trust issues. Bitterness slowly crept in. I thought that if I just stayed behind these walls, I would be safe. Deep down I knew, I had built up walls against God as well. Despite all my efforts at trying to change, the walls would not come down. I was too scared to let anyone in. I was too scared of being hurt again. I was stuck. Instead of giving God each circumstance that hurt me, I built the walls higher, and though I lied and told myself I didn’t, I blamed Him. Why didn’t He step in and stop that from happening? Why did He allow my heart to get so hurt? I always boasted that I never questioned God. Deep down I truly thought that I had faith in Him. That He has a reason for everything that happened, but I realized I was wrong~ I had blamed Him. And now it was too late. The wall was too high for me to climb. It was too hard. I couldn’t break it down. Some days I beat on it over and over and over, but I couldn’t stop the fear, the mistrust and the insecurities. And I fell on my face before God and cried. I cried and I cried. So many wasted years. I was of no use to Him now. How could I be? But then He called my name. He opened my eyes and He showed me. I didn’t have to break those walls down. I didn’t have to try to climb over them. There~ in the darkness that overwhelmed me~was a door. A door called grace. It had been there all along. He whispered to my aching heart that He was that door. All I need do was open it and walk through. I would be free. I hesitated. I hesitated for a very long time. I was scared to open that door and become vulnerable. I couldn’t do it. I cried and told Him that I couldn’t do it. I was too scared. And that’s when He picked me up and He carried me. He opened that door and He walked through it~ with me in His arms. And as He walked through that door, those walls came crashing down behind us until nothing was left. The darkness was gone. I was completely engulfed in the beautiful Light of the world. I was free because~ I was free in Him and through Him. I was finally free. John 8:12, 8:36
5/25/2020
Nothing About This Is NormalNOTHING ABOUT THIS IS NORMAL
2 minute read Last year’s home was gone. The tall evergreen had been cut down. The tree she had made her home in every single year. It had been a hard winter. The wind off the water had been brutal, continually knocking down the only trees left, the fake ones my dad put on his porch that overlooked the lake. The trees that now gave life to the porch area, despite not being real. They lay half toppled over, waiting to be picked up and placed aright again. Waiting for the sunshine to replace the snow~even though it was May. It was Mother’s Day and yet, even though they lay in a crumpled bunch, even though nothing about this Mother’s Day was normal~ They held life. They held promise. They held hope. Deep in their fallen branches lay a beautiful nest. As we approached my dad’s door that evening, a protective mama flew from that nest. The home she had made for her babies despite the circumstances. As we peered inside we saw that promise of hope. Four beautiful blue eggs. And we were joyful. Our homes may not have been the same this year. This Mother’s Day. They may have looked different than last year. The snow and cold may have discouraged us. Missing our loved ones because of this virus may have had us feeling defeated and alone. Maybe some were hoping and praying that this year they would celebrate their first Mother’s Day, but that dream had not been fulfilled. Maybe some had lost their mother or a child this year, and the loneliness of that loss left an aching deep in their soul. And yet, God our Father has not forsaken. He meets us, comforts us and protects us right where we are. Wherever that may be. He gives us hope for our futures. He builds a home in our hearts. In our crumpled, fallen down mess, as we wait for Him to pick us back up~He tells us that He is here. He has always been here. He will never leave. He holds us under the shadow of His wings We watched as that mama returned. She would not leave her babes. Despite the home, despite the circumstances, despite the mess. Despite us, she remained. As the snow blew in the cold wind, she protected them there. They knew no different. They were safe. They were loved. Allow Gods presence to overshadow you today. Rest under His wings as He protects. Give Him every circumstance that surrounds you. You are safe. You are loved. Let His peace comfort your heart until you know no different. God showed me hope that day. He showed me the promise of life despite what our world might look like right now. New life. New beginnings. Soon those babies will hatch. They will fly from the crumpled mess their home once was. We will pick up those trees and they will stand aright again. And they will always be a reminder of Gods love, of His promises, of His care and protection. Of His presence. They will remind us how beautiful our lives can be, no matter what our circumstances are. Despite ourselves, He will always be there hiding us under the shadow of His wings. Psalm 17:8, 32:7, 36:7, 57:1, 63:7
5/14/2020
Happy Mother’s Day!HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
2 minute read I’ve been a mother for 34 of the 35 years I’ve been married~ but I remember... I couldn’t wait for him to come through the door. We had only been dating a month, but my heart knew it was love. Every time he walked in, my world felt like sunshine and happiness. It felt like forever. And then... I couldn’t wait for him to come through the door. The baby had been crying all day. Potty training and terrible two’s, piled on top of the sleepless nights of a newborn. I felt depleted and alone and just wanted help. A break. When he walked in, I just wanted to check out. My respite from a long day that seemed to feel like forever. Little kids fighting grew into teenagers back talking. In those blurred moments there were times I lost sight of the beauty of motherhood and what a precious gift it was. Sometimes I lost sight of my first forever love, and took it out on him. When did it stop? With each phase of mothering, a little piece of that “first forever feeling” got taken away. When did his presence become what I wanted FROM him instead of the love I had FOR him? But then... I couldn’t wait for him to come through the door. The house had been so quiet lately. I had so much to tell him. As I sat and waited, all my first “forever” feelings came flooding back. I could picture him walking through the door those first few months of dating. My heart smiled as I remembered. Crying babies and terrible two’s seemed so long ago. What I thought felt like forever went by in the blink of an eye. The good far outweighed the bad. I saw that now, and I was so thankful for every minute of it. I was so thankful for every minute that lay ahead. My forever future with the daddy of my children. Mama, one of the best things you can give your children is to show them how much you love their daddy. It will change the way you mother. It will change your children. It will change your marriage. It will change your forever. Sometimes I think moms turn mothering into martyrdom. Being a mom is a gift from God. There will be times we are depleted, times we feel alone and needy. There will be times we want to be appreciated, but don’t allow yourself to become the martyr. That’s not what being a mom is at all. Being a mom is a beautiful result and celebration of the love you share with your husband. A glorious picture of the love Christ has for us. A selfless love. A love that brings true joy. Mother’s Day is our celebration of that love. Our children are paying attention. Their behavior is learned by watching our relationships. Let’s make sure we aren’t teaching them to go to God only for what we want FROM Him and not because of the love we have FOR Him. Don’t ever use the sacredness of motherhood as an excuse to become a martyr. Put the pieces of your “forever first love” back together. It’s never too late. You hold the gift of showing your children how precious being a mother is and why we celebrate it~not just on Mothers Day, but every day~ from now until forever. “Who is left among you that saw this house in her first glory? and how do ye see it now?” Haggai 2:3 “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.” Revelation 2:4
5/6/2020
Rain Showers and Dark DaysRAIN SHOWERS AND DARK DAYS
This morning I sat in bed. It was dark and the lamp next to my bed gave the room a soft, cozy glow. God’s word was open on my lap, but I wasn’t reading. I wasn’t praying. I was listening. It was raining. Hard, driving, continuous rain. And I remembered. I remembered a time when I was only 4 or 5. A day just like this. I was in the family room with my mom. I think she was ironing. The room was dark as rain cascaded in heavy streams down the windows. And a lamp was on. I can vividly remember looking at the rain and looking at the cozy glow the lamp gave the room, and looking up at my beautiful mom. And I felt safe and I felt loved. I felt cozy. I felt like I didn’t want that feeling to end. Ever. Every time it rains I think of that day. I think that’s why I’m a bit weird in that, I love rain showers and dark days. They bring me back. Sometimes it’s such a good feeling. Like being wrapped in a soft, comfy blanket. I love the coziness I feel inside my home. And then there are other days. Other days when life is hard and heartache or pain have hit me out of no where, days like today that make me weep, because I want to go back. I want the freedom that comes with being a child again. No responsibilities. No need to be strong for everyone. No pain. No heartache. No real, deep down, debilitating hurt. My mom. I want my mom. I’m a grandma and there are still days I want to go back. There are still days I want my mom. So I look down at my lap. And through the tears I see a love letter written just for me. And even though the words become blurred due to my tears, He tells me this~ “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted....” Isaiah 66:13 My mom is gone. I have bad days. I have heart wrenching, pain filled days. I am not always strong. I have days where all I want to do is cry and go back. Back to that little girl who looked up at her beautiful mom and knew everything was right and good and safe. And then God whispers to my heart and I realize that even though I am a grandma, I will always be God’s little girl. He will always be there to comfort me. He doesn’t scold, even when I lose it and cry and tell Him I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this adult thing. He just loves me and tells me that He knows. And then He holds me and comforts me. He tells me it’s okay as I let the tears fall. Just like that rain. And just like that old lamp, When I look up at Him I can suddenly feel that cozy, safe glow inside my heart~ and I know Everything will be right, and good. I am safe. I am loved. I am held in His arms forever. The weight of the world is lifted and released from my heavy heart and I am a carefree child again. I am His child. And so are you. “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26 |
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