11/26/2016
Choose To Become ThankfulI was a baby when I got married. Barely 20. I had four kids by the time I was 28 and often found myself overwhelmed at the responsibilities. My husband worked away from home all week and returned on the weekend to all the endless needs of a growing church. I can remember one Saturday specifically. All of my kids were sick and I was exhausted. I couldn't wait for Mike to come home for lunch, just so I could shower. Michael's fever had been high that morning and as I came out of the kitchen, I noticed him laying in the hallway. I bent to check his fever but he was unresponsive. I cried out to him, but there was nothing. Mike tried as well, then quickly scooped him up and rushed him to the hospital. I stayed behind with my girls, crying and praying. There were no cell phones to keep me updated. There was only horrifying silence and waiting. My precious little son. How quickly our lives can change. The things we take for granted. The things we might occasionally complain about should be the very things that should be most precious to us. Our husband's, our children, our homes with the endless chores, our friends, our country. My son's birthday is coming up this week. He will be 26. God allowed me to have him a little longer than I might have thought that day. He had a febrile seizure and lost his hearing in one ear. When I was able to hold his tiny little body again in that hospital room, I did not think of how overwhelmed I was or how I needed a shower or "me time", I only thought of my sweet boy and thanked God. Take a moment to think today that every single thing we have is a gift from God. Don't take one thing for granted, but thank Him daily for all He has given you. As hard as it might seem, when our circumstances seem overwhelming and we wonder when things will get better, think on this my friend~ Things will get better when we choose to seek out the good and we become THANKFUL.
11/19/2016
He Will Always AnswerI'm sure that my husband's boss at the hardware store thought I was a train wreck of a wife. Within the short amount of time we lived in our duplex in CT, I don't know how many times I called that store crying and asking for my husband. How about the day that I decided to "help my husband" and hang a towel rack in our bathroom. I got out my little tool kit and drilled the screws in, only to have water come spraying out of the wall at me in full force. Three kids under three, all laughing. Mom crying. Then there was the time I could hear our baby Andrea giggling ridiculously at something. I grabbed the camera and ran in the kitchen to see if I could snap some pictures of whatever it was she was laughing at, only to find her patting on our sliding glass door and giggling harder at a huge rat that seemed to be sniffing at her hand. Thank God for that glass barrier. Charisse calls the hardware freaking out again. Husband comes home and sets traps on the deck only to be called back the next day when a helpless squirrel (instead of a nasty rat) gets caught in said trap and is flailing around on my deck. Now the squirrel and Charisse are crying and the hardware store thinks I'm crazy. We as women can get slightly hysterical about situations and react with tears. When men proclaim how ridiculous we are, we get angry or hurt. To us the situation is very real and merits our hysterics. To men it's just plain hysterics. BUT TO GOD. What a small, but significant sentence. BUT TO GOD. He made us. He formed us. He knows us. He doesn't think we are ridiculous. Our hysterics are real to Him because He understands. He feels the deepest hurts our hearts have. Why is our first reaction to call someone we can physically touch but not to call out to the God who knows the number of hairs on our head? Whatever your situation, you are not alone. Your husband, your boss, maybe even your friend may never understand. But God does, so tell Him all about it. Laugh with Him, cry with Him, be hysterical with Him and then leave it with Him. He will never tire of our hysterics or our tears. So tomorrow or the next day, when it happens all over again, and it will, call on Him first. He will always answer.
11/12/2016
God Hears Your Mother's HeartWhen my kids were little, I decided that every year on their birthday I would write them a letter. I tried to remember special things about their year then told them all about their birthday celebration and what they were like at that age. I also told them my prayers for them. I would tuck each letter away in my special box, thinking about the day they would have their own kids and I would give them their letters. It seemed so far away at the time. This year I was able to give Michael his on his birthday and Andrea hers on her birthday and just recently gave Jessica hers for her upcoming birthday. Through the years there have been struggles. There were times I felt like I was failing or wasn't a good enough mom. I would pray and cry and sometimes wonder what I was doing wrong. Then pray some more. There were times I thought my girls hated me. There were times I worried my kids would grow up and not have close relationships with each other because of how badly they fought. I re-read all the letters this morning and I cried. It was like living all those moments again. The precious, innocent love your kids have for you when they are young and then some of the heart aches that come in their pre-teen and high school years and how quickly things can change. I remember wishing at times that I could just go back to when my kids were so little they truly believed that mom was their everything and couldn't wait to snuggle with her at the end of the day. When I read those letters today, God showed me something very dear. He showed me that even when I felt like I was failing, He was listening. When I wrote my prayers to my children, He heard them. That there was a lesson to be learned in every moment that I lived, and that someday He would show me the good in every one of those moments. Mom, no matter the age of your children, never stop praying for them. God hears your mother's heart. Your children need you but more importantly, they desperately need your prayers. Even when we feel like we can't get it right, there's such a peace to be had in the assurance that~He can.
11/5/2016
Even When We Think We Are UnlovableWe were newlyweds and had our whole life mapped out. Mike had told me on our second date that he intended to move out east and become a youth pastor. I was in love and willing to go anywhere to be with him. We were dreamers and wanted to change the world. Barely three months into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. This was not part of the plan. Driving to my first Doctor appointment with my new husband, in bumper to bumper traffic and getting sick was not part of my big plan either. Pulling over in the middle lane so that I could throw up, but not being able to open the car door because of traffic, so throwing up into my new husband's hands (yes, his HANDS) was not part of "the dream". I was MORTIFIED! I was miserable. I was sick 24/7 and I cried the entire 700 miles to our new home. I felt like I had blown it. I was getting fatter every day and I wasn't the help meet I thought Mike wanted. There have been times in my life that I have felt like this with God too. I've blown it. I've ruined everything. How can God possibly use me? How can He forgive me? I've done things I'm ashamed of. But, HE LOVES US STILL. HE LOVES US MORE THAN WE CAN IMAGINE. Moving so far from home was probably one of the best things for our marriage and those beginning months when I was throwing up constantly, they only drew us closer. He loved me still. He loved me more. I leaned on him. Whatever you have gone through or are going through that has you convinced you have blown it with God, think again my friend. When Christ died on that cross, He took ALL our sins on Himself. Every future sin we would ever commit. Every single mess up. Because He loves us. Just like my poor husband held out his hands when I was sick physically, God's Son held out His hands for our spiritual sickness. There isn't anything in the world that you have done or could do that would make Him love you less. Nothing can change His love for you. Just like our new home, our new beginning drew us closer, this moment right now is your beginning to a new life, a new path, a closer walk with God. Lean on Him. He's not disappointed. You are everything to Him. When you feel beaten down, when you feel like you have done the unimaginable, think about my little story. God uses everything for good because He loves us, even when we think we are unlovable. What good came out of me throwing up (into my husband's hands 😩) in the middle of city traffic? My precious, beautiful baby Jessica. Turn your situation around today by looking to God. Draw closer to Him, lean on Him. Don't give up, but look to that beautiful, precious good He has ahead.
|
© 2020 HOLDING HOPE