2/4/2022
Put On Your Armor And FightHow does this happen?
This little “blue” light that seems to continually lure me in. I constantly find myself repentant for becoming so easily distracted with it. I find myself sorry for this compulsive need to check and eliminate notifications and~ Not my need for Him. I make excuses. I read devotionals and Bible apps. I “like” scripture based posts and quotes. I listen to biblical podcasts. Deep down I know, they could never take the place of that old book. His words. Sitting on the chair in my room. It will never be the same as speaking to Him in humble gratitude upon my knees. I make excuses. I’m writing for Him. I’m posting Godly encouragement. All the while~ preaching the good while missing the best. Time away from that little “blue” light. Time spent reading the ONLY light. (Psalm 119:105) I make excuses. My love for my country. My causes. My beliefs. I need to stay informed. He whispers to my fearful heart. His wisdom is the wisdom I should long for. His wisdom will make me wise. His wisdom has been passed on from generation to generation. (Psalm 145:4-5). This is my weakness. One of so many. It may not be yours. You might not understand how certain things I write about can weaken my soul. How I can allow it to creep in and steal away the most important moments of my day. Those quiet moments with God. It is a battle. It’s a battle I see all around me on a daily basis. Heads bowed to a little “blue” screen. Everywhere. Listen to my words and let me be clear, even if this is not your own personal battle, you ARE IN A BATTLE. Satan knows what your weakness is and if you aren’t prepared, you will lose the fight before you ever pick up a weapon. The weapons of our warfare are not physical. They are spiritual. (2 Corinthians 10:4). God’s word is your sword. Prayer is your preparation. Your local church is your army, this world is the battlefield and your God is mighty! Sadly, we are losing the battle without even realizing it because we have allowed these little weaknesses to creep in. We have allowed them to permeate our lives and the lives of our children. That “blue” light? That’s just one of the many things that appears so innocent, yet destroys without a second thought. This world has conditioned our hearts to feel uncomfortable with the words I’m writing today. This world is whispering to your armorless soul that I am being just a bit overkill. Taking this Jesus thing a little too far. That is a lie. I am in the fight. And so are you. Our minds are continually bombarded by information through social media. (John 8:44-47). We get fearful. We get angry and defensive, or maybe even passive because we have become immune to it all. (Matthew 5:44-48, Psalm 119:51, 53). We have allowed these things to blind us to what this battle is all about. It is a battle for souls and Satan is using his own sly weapons to distract us from that truth. Jesus is what it’s about. His gospel of peace. Jesus who died on the cross for the sins of all mankind. Jesus who loves us despite every weakness we allow to creep in. Jesus who will fight for us and redeem us from an eternity in hell. Jesus who loves fiercely and yet, has a tender compassion on our sin cursed souls. (Psalm 145:8-9). Put on your armor sweet sister. Sweet wife. Sweet mama. Put on that armor and fight for the souls of mankind. Put down the phone and tablet, turn off the TV and make time to saturate your soul with God’s word. (Psalm 119:104) With God’s wisdom, truth and righteousness. Speak to the God who formed all of mankind and beg Him to fight for you and your families. (Exodus 14:14). Get into your local churches and feed on the message from God each week. (Ephesians 6:10-20). Yes, this may seem counterintuitive for me to be singing my little fight song from the very instrument I’m telling you to put away. Friend~if my message can motivate you to put down the nonsense and pick up God’s word, then you fight with your everything to do just that. My fight begins with prayer, because I know I am too weak on my own. My fight continues with boundaries. (Psalm 119:59-60). I will not pick up this phone before picking up God’s word. I won’t even read His words from any “blue” light, because that light can so easily distract. I will turn off notifications. I will keep my phone in another room and I will continually beg God to keep my eyes on what this battle is all about. Jesus. Jesus and the very reason He came to this earth. Souls. The battle is for souls. And that will be my fight song until the day I take my final breath. (Psalm 119:54).
1/21/2022
Let Them Be LittleRemember when they wanted to be held?
Remember when they snuggled? Remember the make believe days when fairies were real? When bad became good with just one kiss? When beds became forts, and pillows were made for happy dreams? Remember when they thought they could fly? They believed in fairy tales and kingdoms. They played with dolls, and built cities with Lego’s. They played outside for hours. On tire swings and monkey bars. Or just staring at cloud shapes that came alive to tiny eyes. And you loved the innocence their lives beheld. Remember when you would tuck them in and they would smile and giggle and say this was the best day ever? Remember when they were little? Remember when they got sick? One child after another? When fatigue had you crying right along with them? Remember when they were sad and the tears of their tiny broken hearts was more than you could stand? Remember when dreams became bad, and they didn’t want to go to bed at night? Remember the peer pressure and teasing and the sadness that ensued? And you hated that sin had made life so cruel. Remember when you tucked them in, and they begged you not to send them to school in the morning. Remember when they realized they couldn’t fly? Clouds were just clouds. Fairy tales weren’t true. Dolls were for babies. Remember when they weren’t little any more? Remember them now. Remember the times they had to go through heart wrenching circumstances in their lives, with their own little families? With their spouses? Remember the nights you sat alone with your husband in the very house they were raised in, and shed tears for the heartache your adult children were facing? Or could be facing even now. And you cried more than you ever did from fatigue when they were little. Remember the helplessness you felt because this was life? This was adulthood. This wasn’t something a kiss could make better. And you hate that sin has made life so cruel. Let them be little mama. Let them be little for as long as possible. Don’t fall into the trap of making your oldest responsible for your youngest, when he’s just a baby still himself. Don’t tell your children to grow up. Don’t yell at them for ‘not thinking’. Don’t expect them to react like an adult. Let them be little, because you will blink and the heartache this world throws at them will break your own heart. And then you will wish they were little again. Don’t dwell on the bad days. You are mama. The same mama who helped them believe in fairytales and made their childhood days the best days ever. Remind your adolescent and adult children of the beautiful days. Show them there will always be a kingdom, one far better than a fairytale could ever capture. Luke 1:33, Isaiah 9:7, Psalm 145:13, Daniel 7:27. Show them the sunshine through the clouds. Encourage them to see those beautiful shapes. To lay down and rest once in a while. To play and to believe in good again. Because God is always good, and his kingdom is being prepared for us even now. John 14:2, Psalm34:8, Psalm 100:5, Psalm 107:8, Psalm 145:9, And His goodness will always, always prevail against the bad. And He loves them more than your mama heart ever could. And then, as hard as it might be, choose to believe that yourself. And give Him those tears you cry for them. Knowing how much He loves you as well. Let them be little mama. Show them they can fly. Even when they aren’t little anymore. Remind them of how much God loves them. Remind them that He will never leave their sides, that He is in control even when they can’t see the good. Help them believe in that good again. And remember that He is holding them when you no longer can. And as they fall asleep at night, be that mama that made them believe that pillows were made for happy dreams again. The mama that whispered encouragement to their grown up hearts. The hearts that once held so much innocence. Be the mama that continually reminded them that day~ That every day can still be the best day ever. “…And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again…”
We are all familiar with the lyrics to this classic Christmas song, except I wasn’t that mom. I didn’t want school to start again. I wanted to hold on to every minute I had my children home with me during Christmas break. I was the mom watching school cancellations on the television during every snow storm, hoping the name of our school would come across the screen. Snowy days in front of a cozy fire. Hot chocolate and sledding. Movie Mondays where we’d all pile into our tiny den with a big bowl of homemade popcorn. My family. My kids. My heart. Yes I had those days when they would drive me absolutely crazy, but I wouldn’t trade one second of this glorious ministry God has placed me in. The ministry of motherhood. A ministry I often messed up. Motherhood is a high calling and one that far too many take too lightly. Every single second God gives you with your child is of utmost importance and will make a lasting impact on their lives. The words you say, the reactions you have, the love you give and the prayers you pray will mold them into the adult they will one day become. They will notice what is important to you without you ever saying a word, because mama that old saying still holds true today~ ”Actions speak louder than words”. Far too often my actions spoke louder. I wanted that clean house. I wanted that 5 minutes of peace. I wanted time to do projects and to write stories and to fulfill dreams. Today, I have all of that. I have all the time in the world to keep a clean house. To sit in the peace and quiet and write. Today the same rooms of this old house gaze back at me. The rooms I thought had to be cleaned and organized “right now” or I might lose it. The rooms I allowed to get between me and my children, because they were constant interruptions in my schedule. The rooms now empty of toys and children and laughter. Today I realize God did fulfill my dreams. He wrapped them up in four beautiful souls. All that other stuff was just stuff. The furniture has been arranged and rearranged and the paint in this house has been changed multiple times in the past 27 years and I will have multiple moments to change it all again, but those moments with my children are gone. And yes, that can break my heart. I messed up a lot in this ministry of motherhood. At times, we grandmas can often feel that pain of wishing we could have a “do over”. I know I do. But then God reminds me of the little miracles He made of the messes. He reminds me of the laughter. Of holding our breath as we wished for snow days, and the squeals of delight when they were gifted to us. Of playing hide and seek in the house and Barbies in the bedroom. Of making homemade popcorn and cookies and fudge. Of four little bodies snuggling in with mama on the couch. Of the prayers I prayed as tears flowed from an abundantly blessed heart. Yes I messed up, but God was in each one of those messes. He heard my sincere heart as I cried out to Him for the ‘now’ and for the ‘futures’ of my children. He was the God of my mundane days. He was the God Who sat with me as I cried out in prayer. The God Who was next to me as I washed dishes and vacuumed and painted that room one more time. The God Who made my home a safe haven of coziness for my kids. The God Who somehow allowed my children to look at my heart and not just my actions. The God Who turned my little beings into my best friends and my mistakes into lessons made. The God Who answered my prayers despite my problems. My God Who takes this ministry of motherhood seriously. I wasn’t the one who made this house a home. I wasn’t the one who raised my children to love the Lord. It was Jesus in me. Jesus in the messes and Jesus in the beautiful moments. Jesus in the very middle of this ministry of motherhood. No matter what that ministry looks like for you today~Invite Jesus in. Invite Him into every single thing you do. The cooking and baking. The laundry and dishes. The dusting and vacuuming. The painting and the rearranging. The bath time and the bed time. The prayer time. Fall to your knees for that newborn, that toddler, that teenager and college student. That wayward adult. When you invite Jesus in, He makes miracles out of messes. It is a high calling mama. One we need be on our knees for continually. It is a ministry that never ends. A beautiful, glorious, life changing ministry. That sweet, sweet ministry called motherhood.
12/3/2021
Practicing The Perfect ChristmasWhen my kids were little, they would “practice” Christmas morning. It was the sweetest thing to watch.
They would come up with “what-if” scenarios, then practice their solution to each. ~what if Michael wakes up first… ~what if Andrea wakes up first… ~what if Jessica WON’T wake up… ~what if Kathryn sneaks downstairs… ~what if it’s too early… Then they would act out their solutions. Michael would go in to wake the girls, Andrea would wake Michael, all of them would jump on Jessica, Kat would be strictly admonished to stay upstairs until given permission, and if it was too early they would tell mom and dad they had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t wait any longer. Funny thing is, all that practicing for the perfect Christmas went right out the window once that day arrived. The excitement made all the perfect planning and good ideas disappear, but that was alright. They will forever hold memories in their heart of running downstairs in complete chaos on Christmas morning and in their eyes, it was always perfect. It seems like so many Christmas movies revolve around someone trying to pull off the perfect Christmas, and utterly failing in one way or another. Apparently this is a hot topic during the holidays. As I look back on my little family and all the Christmases we have shared, I realize that too often I have fallen prey to practicing the perfect Christmas myself. My goal to make everyone happy ended in me being miserable at times, because my focus was misconstrued. I have come to the Christmas conclusion that you will never make everyone happy and~ only Jesus can give the gift of true happiness. I certainly am not Jesus. Year after year I got caught up in striving to make things perfect for everyone, and ended up taking my focus off of Him. Instead, my focus was placed solely on others. I found myself in tears last year because I was afraid that Christmas wouldn’t be special enough for my kids. That old saying~’practice makes perfect’ doesn’t always hold true. 35 years of practicing and planning to make the perfect Christmas for my children, and in my eyes I have yet to perfect it. Now that my kids are adults, they are no longer oblivious to the amount of work that sometimes goes into the perfecting of the perfect Christmas, and they are fully aware of the stress it can bring IF your focus isn’t on the entire reason for celebrating. Last year my girls bore witness to my little breakdown of emotions over my felt failures and they didn’t like it, because they now wish for ME to experience (and not just provide) the perfect Christmas as well. So what is the key to the perfect Christmas if it isn’t in the practice? The key is the peace that passes all understanding. My words might seem counterintuitive but when pleasing others becomes more important than pleasing Christ~we have no peace. Aren’t we always told to focus on others and not ourselves? Yes, we certainly should. I’m not saying that focusing on others is wrong, I’m saying that if that is our only focus, Jesus will become an afterthought. The words to the song Silent Night hold so many truths we need to grasp when December comes around… All is calm. All is bright. Holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. When we keep our eyes on Jesus and remember that He is the ONLY reason we celebrate the season, things will change. Christmas might be chaotic, all the perfect planning and good ideas might go right out the window, but that’s alright. Our hearts will hold the peace that passes understanding... All will be calm. All will be bright. All because of the Holy Infant born for us. And we will forever hold memories in our hearts of what a truly perfect Christmas is all about.
11/19/2021
A Guaranteed Happy ThanksgivingA Guaranteed Happy Thanksgiving
A Thanksgiving Devotional For weeks I had been planning this holiday with an excitement that could not be contained. My family would be traveling 700 miles to visit me for Thanksgiving. I poured over magazines with pictures of beautiful holiday table settings. Wonderful memories flooded my heart as I remembered the countless Thanksgivings spent with family, sitting around just such a table. Despite my apartment being tiny, we would all squeeze in and make it work. Mike and I had been married less than 3 years, with one child and another on the way. Morning sickness prevailed but I didn’t care~I missed home, I missed family, I missed all of us sitting around the dinner table together. Everything began just as I had planned, but it all went downhill on Thanksgiving day. One family member after another came down with the stomach flu~in the very worst way. Everyone ended up sick except for me. It is an understatement when I tell you that our apartment was tiny. There was barely enough room to walk by each other and with only one small bathroom and 5 sick people… well you can only imagine. I had a lot of cleaning… and then more cleaning to do, with no time to rest or even celebrate. Add morning sickness to the equation and my picture perfect Thanksgiving turned into a nightmare. No sitting around a table filled with a cornucopia of delicious foods and thankful spirits. Just misery. We all want that picture perfect Thanksgiving dinner, Martha Stewart style. We have high hopes that the Turkey will turn out a beautiful golden brown, that family will all get along and that laughter along with delicious pumpkin pie will ensue. That we will all truly be thankful. Sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way we hoped, especially during the holidays. The turkey is too dry, we burn the biscuits, we wonder why we’re the only one doing all the work, the stress levels in the kitchen are at an all time high and that one family member gets on our last nerve. And then we lose it. Our frustrations boil over just like our mashed potatoes. And so, as we approach this week of gratitude I would like to challenge you to focus on a different table setting. That of the last supper. There is so much we can glean from the scripture passage in John 13, and it stirs my heart. Who is sitting at your table? The focus in John 13 was not the food or even the fellowship. The focus was Jesus and the example He set for all of us as we sit down to our Thanksgiving meals. I would like to leave you with five things to meditate on this week. It might seem lengthy, but if you choose to focus on one every day~ it’s a guarantee your Thanksgiving supper will be a happy one. 1. A gift in the gratitude~Jesus gave thanks despite knowing what was ahead. Despite the wicked betrayal in the heart of Judas, despite the foreknowledge of Peter’s denial, despite the coming abandonment of the disciples who professed their love for Him. (Luke 22:17-18, Matthew 26:26-27, Mark 14:22-23.) Maybe you are excited about Thanksgiving, or maybe you are stressing over it~ whatever your case may be, you can change your outlook by choosing to give thanks. There is so much to be thankful for, starting with our Savior. How could He possibly be thankful in that moment? And yet, He was. Emulate His gratitude. Find something to be thankful for every day leading up to the big day. A habitual heart that beats a thankful rhythm will not easily be dissuaded when faced with difficult circumstances or people. Look to Jesus and just be thankful. 2. A gift in the giving~ Jesus became a servant. He never complained, but in humble love washed His disciples feet~ even the feet of the one who would betray Him. (John 13:4&5) Prepare your heart to be a servant this Thanksgiving, even to those you feel don’t deserve it. Judas certainly didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t stop our Savior. Serving others should never be viewed as an unwanted duty. Choose to bless others by the love you put into that service. Determine not to have a grumbling heart, but instead a thankful servant’s heart that God can use. Have the heart of Jesus. 3. A gift in the guidance~Despite knowing Judas would betray Him, Jesus chose to love and serve him and told us that we should follow His example. (John 13:11, 14-15.) We are human, there will always be that one person that annoys us (because they are human too) despite the little idiosyncrasies that get on our last nerve, none of them compare to sitting at supper with Judas. As you sit to supper this Thanksgiving, remember Jesus example and His words to us in admonishing that we follow that example. 4. A gift in the getting~Jesus actually told us something simple, yet profound. By following His example we will in turn be blessed with happiness. (John 13:17.) Okay, who doesn’t want happiness during the holidays? Who doesn’t want to fall into bed at night after a wonderful meal and precious moments with family and friends on Thanksgiving, and have your heart full of happiness? It doesn’t have to be something we wish for. Happiness can be our reality this Thanksgiving if we put into practice the steps He outlined for us in His word. Become a servant of love. 5. A gift in the glorifying~The last thing I want to leave you with in preparation of your week ahead is the very gift you will give to others by following Jesus example. (John 13:31&32, 34&35) You will be loving others with a true servant’s heart and in the doing, that love will glorify God. Isn’t that the ultimate goal? It’s not about us. It’s not about the food or the Pinterest perfect table setting. It’s all about the joy in sharing the love of Jesus. It’s all about the happiness in the serving. It’s all about the glory of God. Remember that Jesus is sitting at your table with you this Thanksgiving. He is all you will ever need in making beautiful God moments and memories. As I look back at that Thanksgiving so many years ago and the disaster that it was, it still holds precious memories to me. I can even laugh with my brothers at the events that holiday held and cherish the time spent with my mom and dad, who are no longer with us. Yes, there was a lot of serving, but there was also so much love; and the happiness my heart holds at the time we had together is one that I will treasure forever. A gift in the gratitude. A gift in the giving. A gift in the guidance. A gift in the getting. A gift in the glorifying. All because of Jesus. A Thanksgiving gift of God. Philippians 4:6 1 Thessalonians 5:18
9/11/2021
These Are The Moments That MatterHe had no idea how much this moment meant to me.
He might not even remember it. A little knock at my front door. My visitor stopping by after piano lessons at the church. Barely inside, he began to tell me all about it. His eyes danced as he told me his ideas. Deep breaths were taken between each sentence. Excitement made it hard to get the words out fast enough. Even though I was smiling and laughing along with him, I wanted to cry. I wanted to grab him and hold him and somehow make him understand how much I loved him. How much I loved this moment. Every part of it. My home next to our church. My grandchildren living so close. My grandson wanting to talk to me. I wanted him to be this way with me as long as God allowed me to live. Sharing his ideas and dreams with grandma, no matter how old he was. She might not even remember it. She might not ever know how much it meant to me, my oldest granddaughter coming to me with her drawings. Telling me she remembers when she was “little” and how I taught her to draw a cat after school one day. He might not ever remember, my middle grandson with his tough exterior and big “muscles” hugging me and whispering “I love you” when his little heart needed reassurance. My youngest granddaughter rearranging the pottery bowls she and her sister made for me so that hers was on my top shelf, and the much needed smile it afforded me in a lonely moment at 2am. The look of pure joy on my 2 year old grandson’s face as he ran into my home like it was the greatest place in the whole wide world. The times they are all together and I catch them playing church and talking about Jesus and even praying together. No they might not ever remember, but it is a beauty God has given me that I will never forget and it is my prayer that it will always be this way. The closeness. The sharing. The smiles. The joy. The love. One day… When my oldest grandson comes home and stops by to tell me he met “the one”, excitement in his eyes as he shares every detail of his future plans. My granddaughter one day reminiscing and remembering the precious bond we had as she told me about school and friends and growing up and the many things I tried to teach her in the moments she was in my care. My grandson whispering he loves me and brushing away my tears as he leaves for college or the mission field or maybe even the military. My granddaughter inviting me over one day and making me smile as my crazy, silly girl takes pride in her home and family and shares it with me. My grandson coming over “just because” and always making me feel like it’s the greatest place in the whole wide world. My grandchildren one day telling me all the amazing things Jesus has done in their lives. Parenting doesn’t stop when our children leave our homes and start having families of their own. It doesn’t stop when our grandchildren arrive and it doesn’t stop no matter how old they become. We will always be mom and grandma, maybe even great grandma if God allows. So invest in their lives now. Listen, share, teach, pray, love. Turn off the TV. Turn off the phones. Push them on the swings, take walks with them. Don’t just talk to them about Jesus, show them the wondrous miracles He performs daily in your life. Let them see Him in every area. Teach them what faith truly means. Share with them the blessings He has poured out upon you time and time again. Listen to them. Listen to every little thing they want to share. Show them a picture of Christ in the listening. I don’t want my grandchildren to have to remember the moments, because I want those moments to be a regular part of their everyday lives~no matter their age. I want them to live in those moments and I want them to see Jesus in those moments. I want them to cling to those moments when life becomes unbearable, holding onto the knowledge that God will never leave them or forsake them. I want them to know beyond a doubt that I will always be praying for them and more than anything~ I want Jesus to be their best Friend. I want them to truly know Him, not just about Him. As life so quickly slips by and the days become months and years faster than you could have ever imagined, you will one day catch your reflection in a mirror and wonder for a moment who that older woman is looking back at you. You will stop and look deeper into her eyes and you will see the heart of the young mama you once were. You might have changed physically, but your heart will always remain the same. You are mom. You are grandma…. With the realization of all that entails, allow it to encourage you to make every single moment count in the lives and memories of those you love, because those moments are fleeting. Hold fast to the promises of God’s words. One day you will be remembered. Let that memory be one of unfeigned faith. A faith that will last from generation to generation, and in the mean time~grab those babies and hold them a little bit closer, love on them a little bit longer and pray for them a whole lot more. Make sure they know how much you love them. How much you love these moments, because these are the moments that matter. Philippians 1:3-6, 2 Timothy 1:3-5, 3:15, Psalm 44:1,8, Psalm 45:17
8/14/2021
I Kept A Secret From My HusbandI had been looking forward to this day for months.
Just like when they were little. Little children, little problems. Today, big children, big problems. And so~ We needed time away. Time to focus on each other. But my heart held a secret from him. The moment we drove away, I missed them all already. (They all live on our block) How could this be? I had felt the need to get away from the chaos for so long. I needed to just be a wife, and not a mom for a short amount of time. He needed me to be just a wife and not a mom for a short amount of time. This has happened time and time again, since they were babies. The chaos gets to us mamas and we become desperate for alone time. Desperate for time away just to gather our thoughts and feel sane again. The crying of little ones, the fighting toddlers, the cleaning and cooking and laundry and endless chores. The noise level and continual talking. The lack of adult conversation. The constant. We feel our minds screaming inside to have some time with our husbands so we can feel like a wife again, like a woman again. But when we finally get it~we miss them and suddenly we can’t remember all the bad, we only remember the good. The soft smell of their little heads, their kisses and hugs, their giggles, their smiles, their unconditional love, their joy at just being in our presence. We remember them snuggled into us, fast asleep and our hearts just want to burst. And when they become adults, that mama life doesn’t get any easier. When your adult children are hurting, the pain in your heart manifolds itself into every area of your life, as does their joy. Even when they’re adults, it’s in a mama’s DNA to take care of her children but you can’t just put a bandaid on all the bad that they will go through. You feel it deeply because you know a kiss and a smile from mom won’t take that pain away any longer. It hurts a mama’s heart to the core. Not only can their hurts lay constant on your heart, but their stresses, their arguments, their jobs and spouses and children… all of it becomes bigger than life and as a mama, your heart just wants to make it all better~but you realize you can’t. And you realize that it takes a toll. It can take a toll on you spiritually and if you aren’t careful, it can take a toll on your marriage. That weight was never meant for a mama to bear, it was meant to be carried by God. You realize your mama’s heart of worry has drowned out the heart of His word and all His promises. And then you know, you NEED that time alone with God, because you aren’t God. You can’t fix everything. And you NEED that time away with your spouse, to reconnect with the one who has been in it with you for the long haul. Who loves your children as much as you do, but also needs that time away. Mama, go away. Go away with God. Go away with your spouse. You will fight it. Your heart will feel guilty and the second you drive away, you will miss them terribly. But you NEED it. Your heart NEEDS it. Your spouse NEEDS it, and you both will be better for it. Figure out a way to get away, and make it happen. He will be a better husband and daddy for it and you will be a better wife and mama. And so~I looked over at my husband as we drove in silence. He was smiling. He had no idea what my heart was feeling. I prayed and God reminded me of how much we needed this. I knew He was right. I needed to let go. I asked God to give my heart peace in leaving it all with Him and focusing on my relationship with Him, and our relationship as a married couple. It didn’t take long. God’s good that way. He gave me a comfort in that moment that this was what was needed. I would return home with a restored soul. With a better appreciation for the beautiful life God has given me. With a deeper love for my husband and a deep peace in my heart. I would be a better mama for it and my marriage would be that much sweeter. So, I reached over, I took his hand in mine and I smiled at him~ Because I knew it already was.
6/19/2021
Are You Shocked?My husband received a precious piece of mail a few weeks back.
It was from our grandson Ethan. He has recently finished the second grade and one of his last assignments was posting a letter in the mail. My husband was tickled. As sweet as that letter was to him, we didn’t know the whole story… You see, the very day Ethan wrote that letter, sealed it and placed it in the mailbox is the very day my husband sent him a video telling him how proud he was of Ethan and all the great things he had planned for him that summer. They were the exact things Ethan asked about in his letter, a letter my husband had not received yet, much less read. When my daughter told me this story I immediately thought of my Heavenly Father, and I couldn’t help thinking about Father’s Day and how important the role of a daddy is. Daddies, and even their daddies create imprints of their Heavenly Father on their children and grandchildren’s hearts. Someday they might base their trust, protection, comfort, and most important~ love ~ on how they received it from their earthly father. That’s pretty huge. They will look at approaching God in the same way they could go to their daddy when they were little. It should be in awe, but never fear. How a daddy acts and reacts is a continual lesson in their little hearts to how they will one day believe God will act or react to them. And so, I read Ethan’s letter again. The sweet things he asked of his Bapa were answered before they were ever asked. What a beautiful picture of our Father. Whether you had a good relationship with your father or maybe never even knew your father, whether you felt like you could go to your dad about anything or you couldn’t ever talk to your dad, whether you felt comfort in his presence or disappointment, whether you ever felt loved at all… God your Father wants you to understand that He is and always will be all of these things for you. And so dear daughters, this Father’s Day there are four things I want you to remember. Four things I want imprinted on your heart. Four things to hold close and never forget. 1. God always wants to comfort and protect you. Isaiah 43:2, Psalm 91:1-2 2. God wants you to know you can always trust Him and depend on Him. Isaiah 26:3-4, Psalm 28:7 3. God wants you to talk to Him and tell Him the desires of your heart, understanding that He knows your thoughts before you do. He knows your requests and wants to answer before you’ve even asked. Psalm 139:1-6, 17, I John 5:14, Luke 11:13, John 14:13-14 4. God loves you. He loves you. Your Father loves you. I John 3:1, 4:16, Jeremiah 31:3, Zephaniah 3:17, Ephesians 3:19 I wish I could have seen Ethan’s face when he received my husband’s video message. I can picture his smile. I wish I could’ve seen my daughters face too. They were both in shock. My daughter said she even questioned how he could’ve answered Ethan’s letter when they had only just put it in the mailbox. Yes, God couldn’t have given me a better illustration of His heart for us. He knows. He answers. He loves. Once you grasp that, His love will never be something that surprises or shocks you. Instead, His love will continually make you smile and say~ “That was all God…MY Father.”
6/12/2021
Moments and MemoriesMoments that make up memories.
I realized yesterday that I use that phrase quite often when I write. The importance of those words is very weighty to me. There is nothing in this world that can take away, erase or change your memories. They are with you for the rest of your life. Like a feature film only you can see and play, as often as you would like. Most of the time we don’t get to choose the scenarios, they come upon us unawares as our days progress into each other. Day by day, moment by moment we live our lives, all the while turning those moments into memories. When my dad was still alive, memories of my childhood were precious, but I never fully understood their importance. Maybe because he was still with me and so, a part of me still felt like a child. I had him, I had my memories and I had pieces of my childhood all around me whenever I sat and visited with him. (which was almost a daily occurrence). It felt safe. It felt like home. And then~just like that, all of it was gone and I felt utterly abandoned and alone. I felt as if those memories were a life line I was grasping at and trying to hold on to~ because I no longer had them in the physical things I could see and touch. Dishes and utensils, pots and pans, china and silver~all the things I remember my mom using in my childhood were all priced, packed and put aside to sell. Furniture that I had dusted week after week from the time I started grade school was sold. Pictures were put in boxes and a home filled with my childhood seemed to be erased. I realize that this is something every one of us must face at some point in our lives. I will admit, I’m overly sentimental and probably wear my heart on my sleeve way too often. I almost couldn’t bare to do it. I almost couldn’t bare to part with one thing that my parents had cherished because every single thing, right down to the forks and spoons were part of a childhood that meant the world to me. I am so sentimental that I took pictures of every thing before packing it all up, every drawer and cupboard, every display on every shelf of every room. I even took pictures of my dad’s junk drawer. He was so organized and had everything so neat and tidy and it tickled my heart to see it. I didn’t care if I looked foolish for taking pictures of it all and I didn’t care if the tears fell. And they fell and they fell. And then it was all over and gone and all I had left was the memory of it all. I realized that I was the only one that possessed my unique and exact memories with my parents~ because they were both gone now too. And that’s when the importance of moments and memories hit me. But~ I realized in that moment that I was still making memories. My memories did not end with my parents. They will continue as long as I am alive. I can be a part of the memories in the hearts of my own children. Memories in the hearts of my grandchildren, memories in the heart of my husband, memories in the hearts of my family and my church family~ and my own heart felt such a stirring to remind you all of how important the memories we create from the moments we share are. Because memories are something that will always, always live on in our hearts until the day we die. We might move from house to house. Through the years we most likely will change our decor or our vehicle or our appliances, we might make new friends as the years pass, we might watch our children and grandchildren as they grow and move away and begin lives of their own, we may look lovingly at our spouse and their now wrinkled smile and gray hair, and we might even lose those we love dearly~ but we will never, ever lose our memories. The key to the beauty of it all is in the moments that make up those memories. We put so much importance on the things we can see and touch and possess. Things we think we can’t live without. Projects that have to be finished, jobs that must be done. Houses and cars and furniture and clothes and things we think will make us, or even our children happy. Things we think we are supposed to have. The American dream. But all the while we somehow forget that we can’t take any of it with us when we die. It will all be left behind for someone to sort through, to cry over and to make the hard decisions to sell. And then all that is left behind are the memories we have made in the moments we lived. Yes, I was sad to see my parent’s “things” go, but not because of the monetary value they held. I was sad because of the precious memories that made them so valuable. There is nothing wrong with making a wonderful life and home for yourself and your children. That’s exactly what my parents did for me, but don’t ever allow the making of that life to overshadow the moments with your children that create memories they will always cherish. What are you making of your moments? Every single second you live is a moment and a memory in the making. The words you say to those you love. The hugs and the kisses and the laughter and the magic. The snuggles and the reminiscing and the tenderness. The togetherness. That is what make up the moments that create beautiful memories. One day your child will no longer have you. They most likely will not have their childhood home or any of the things that fill that home. Things you think are so important. But they will always have their memories. Unique only to them. A precious gift that only you can give them by choosing today to make every moment count. To make every moment meaningful. To make a lifetime of every day normalcy into a fairytale of beautiful memories. I am a grandma, and yet I can remember my childhood like it was yesterday. Your children will too. Give those you love that beauty to remember. I will always cherish mine because it’s in that beauty of those memories that our loved ones live on forever.
6/5/2021
I Want To Go BackSome days I want to go back.
Back to when I was tiny and didn’t know about life. When I watched the love my mom poured into being a wife and mother, cooking and cleaning with pure contentment. When she would read to me or hold me when I was crying. When I believed everything would be okay, simply because she told me it would. When I had no cares except for what dress my baby dolls would wear or what flavor ice cream I would choose. A childhood filled with magic and make believe. A childhood filled with extraordinarily beautiful moments. Back to the days when mom made everything cozy and safe. I wish my younger little me could’ve understood how incredibly important those moments were. I wish I could’ve held on to them longer. Some days I wish I could go back to that first look. That first kiss. When the innocence of romance was far from reality. When there were no bills and no quarrels. When my world revolved around him and the love we shared. When he was the only person my eyes could see in a room full of people. When my heart would flutter with each smile and nothing mattered except him. When I put his needs before my own without a second thought. When the weight of life and the heartaches to come were non existent. When I thought that spark and excitement would last forever. Some days I wish I could go back to when they were little. When mommy was their world. When they thought she was the best and the smartest and had all the answers. When she could fix every problem and heal every boo~boo. When mommy was who they turned to when hearts were breaking or secrets were shared. When I watched them as they slept and felt my heart might burst for love of them. When they were safe in my care, under our roof. When I thought they would think of me this way for always and no matter how many years might pass, they would forever be my babies. Some days I wish I could go back to that day. Turning the corner and catching my daddy deep in thought. So deep he didn’t notice I was standing there. I wish I would’ve asked what he was thinking about more often. I wish I asked more questions about his childhood or what it was like raising my brothers and me. I wish I had asked what made him buy a farm and a horse or move back to a subdivision. I wish I had asked questions that might not have been important at the time but answers that would be so precious to me now. I wish I had asked how he was able to live again after mom passed because this is the toughest thing I’ve gone through. Living without them. Perhaps all those things are exactly what he was so deep in thought about. Perhaps he was wishing he could go back to when life was simpler and happiness came in bundles. Happiness we took for granted. Why is it that we don’t realize how important moments that make up our memories truly are until they are only memories? Memories that we can only visit in our hearts. Moments that we beg our children not to take for granted. Moments we want them to learn from now instead of later. How badly I wish I could go back to those moments in time and hold on to them and truly understand and cherish the beauty of each one. Never taking a single one for granted. Always thankful. Always being present. Always loving with my everything. Spending more time in those moments instead of in my head where the to~do’s and tomorrow’s came to visit too often. We can’t go back. But I can love like my mama on my grandchildren. I can make my home a place where they will always feel safe and cozy. I can’t go back to that first kiss but I can remember and recreate. I can choose to be selfless in my love for him and dwell on all the unbelievable goodness our marriage has held, and all the joy we have yet to look forward to. I can’t go back but I can always be that mom who points them to the answers in God’s word, who prays for them when their heart is breaking, who comforts them when secrets are shared. I can be that mom who tells them don’t take one second of your beautiful life for granted. I can be that mom that knows that no matter their age or where they might be, they are safe because God is holding them when I cannot. I can’t go back but I can look forward to the incredible joy I will one day encounter when I enter heaven’s glory and get to hug my Savior. When I get to let go of all the sadness, heaviness and grief as He holds me there. When I get to say thank you for all eternity, and it still won’t seem like enough because of all he’s done for me. When I get to see my loved ones that I have missed so deeply and know without a doubt how happy they are and have been and will forever be. And maybe that’s the lesson God has for us. To stop wishing on that past and start living for eternity. To look forward. To cherish more. To be present. To teach and to not take anything for granted and most importantly to look ahead to the home He has prepared for us. That beautiful home where our most cherished memories and moments will seem like nothing special at all compared to the glory we behold. That home. The home where happiness and joy will never cease and will always come in bundles.
5/15/2021
Your Head That Is BowedYesterday.
Her head was bowed. A worn and tattered bible lay softly on her lap. She read each word as if it were the greatest treasure she ever held. Her head was bowed. Bills lay all over the old kitchen table. A jar of loose change that came up short. Her words were barely audible as she spoke to her Savior. A smile was on her face. Full of assurance that He would take care. Heads were bowed all over the restaurant. Simple meals sat before them. Prayers of thanksgiving abounded for the goodness God had blessed them with. Laughter and conversation ensued. Joy was present. People were present. Heads were bowed as they knelt next to their bed. A tiny bedroom with only a small nightstand. Soft singing could be heard in praises to their Heavenly Father. A roof over their heads. A soft pillow to fall asleep on. Contended children in the bedroom next to them. Children whose little eyes captured each of these moments and remembered. “as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:10 Today. Her head was bowed. Scrolling mindlessly on a device filled with staged perfection. Unhappiness furrowed her brow, yet she could not avert her eyes. Psalm 107:8-9, 119:105 Her head was bowed. A device filled with objects sure to bring happiness, one of many credit cards in her hand. “Purchase now” was always such an easy option, yet happiness always alluded her. Philippians 4:19 Heads were bowed all over the restaurant. A fork in one hand and a phone in the other. A mindless murmur of conversation could be heard. No thankfulness. No laughter. People without presence. Proverbs 18:24 Their heads were bowed. Next to each other in bed, yet both in their own little worlds. Each looking at their device. Almost lost in the immense size of the bed they lay in, yet a bed that seemed small for the room that held it. Both still working late into the night. Worlds apart, yet in the same room. Promises to spend time with children had been broken. Again. Psalm 127:1-3 Children whose little eyes captured each of these moments and remembered. What will our children grow up remembering? As they see your head bowed will it be bowed to your Savior or to your device? Devices will always be around. They will become easier and faster. They will always pull us in. They will lie to us in making us believe that the grass is always greener. That other people’s lives are better. That it’s ok to go into debt because you deserve that new outfit, purse, shoes, furniture, vacation. That it doesn’t matter that you work 90% of your life to pay for what you deserve. To pay for happiness. That God is not in control and He will not help you, that only you can help yourself. That it’s okay to check those notifications, to scroll, to answer emails. That you are present with your husband, your children, your family because they are sitting next to you in the same room. Yes, your device is lying to you. I once read~ “Your cell phone will be small forever. Your children will not”. We only have our children for a short amount of time, and then they will be gone. Tomorrow. All your children’s tomorrow’s. What will they remember of your head that is bowed? Teach them to go to Jesus. Isaiah 54:13 Not their device. As a mother, one of the most comforting passages in scripture to me are the simple words of Jesus in John 2~
My hour is not yet come. In other words~ It’s not time yet, this wasn’t the plan. The magnitude of this speaks volumes to my mama heart because it shows the heart my Savior had for his own earthly mother. The God of the universe, the Christ who controls every aspect of time and space and knows every detail of our lives down to the second~ changed the very course of time for his mother. It wasn’t time for Him to reveal God’s plan to the world. It wasn’t time for Him to reveal Himself as the Messiah. It wasn’t His plan to perform His first miracle that day. Until that moment, He was simply a guest at a wedding. With the pleas of a mother, all of that changed in an instant. Not because she was a saint. Not because she had some power over Him that He could not refuse. Simply because she was his mama, a normal mama just like you and me. A mother. A miracle. A Messiah. His mother asked for help from the only One she knew could truly help. She needed a miracle. He did not hesitate. His heart for her was displayed in a single moment. Compassion, empathy, honor, love. And yes, that speaks volumes to me. Because I know that He knows. He understands. He has compassion and empathy and love. For me. Whatever I am facing as a mother, He will understand, and He will always be there to perform the miracles this mother needs in her own life. No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, Jesus will be with you through it all. ~When the pregnancy test comes back positive and suddenly, you are holding a precious newborn in your arms. ~When your once peaceful home becomes crazy and chaotic with toddlers and toys, diapers and bottles, giggles and laughter. ~When you fight back the tears on their first day of kindergarten and their last day of high school. ~When you smile for every “first” you get to experience, every proud moment, every minute spent together, every confidence shared. ~When you cry as they drive off to college or vow their life to another. ~When suddenly you are staring into the sweetness and wonder of your first grandchild, and it feels like it was just yesterday that you were holding their mama in your arms. As quickly as it starts, time will fly by even faster. With the best intentions, you might have the perfect plan laid out for your future, but the minute your baby is conceived is the minute everything changes. You become a mother. Through every “first” you can rest assured that He will be with you on your journey. Because He knows. He knows all about mamas and plans and change. He is with you through the uncertainty, the fear, the joy, the wonder, the stress, the tears, the loneliness, the pride, the amazement and the thankfulness. You are never alone mama. Your Savior has a heart for you. Even as Jesus was tortured and dying, He took care of His mother. I do not have one shadow of a doubt that He will do the same for me~ because it was for me that He was on that cross. Whatever you are facing, know that you can face it with Him. Not only the hard stuff, but the celebrations of motherhood as well. No one understands like He does. No one will have compassion and empathy for you as He does. No one will love you more on this journey of motherhood than He does. He knows. He understands. A mother. A miracle. Our Messiah.
5/1/2021
Stay At Home MomMy daughter recently shared a YouTube video entitled ‘Day in the Life’.
I smiled as I read all the sweet comments people posted, until I got to the very end. The last comment implied that her life as a stay at home mom was outdated and old fashioned. A slam against everything that she loves, and the calling she feels God has placed upon her heart. I thought back to earlier that evening. I had been babysitting my granddaughters. As I folded clothes in my laundry room, they laughed and played along side me, and in that moment my heart felt so incredibly full. Precious memories came flooding back of similar moments I shared with my children when they were that age. You see~I was living my dream. I am living my dream. All I ever wanted to be when I was little was a wife and mother. Sure I had hobbies and thought about vocations I might enjoy, but ultimately the dream was to be a wife and mom. Just like my mom. I never really knew how deep my passion was for such a dream until I was much older. Right in the middle of this mom life, despite all its craziness, I realized my dreams had come true. I cannot explain the peace that comes over me when I am home, doing home things. I’m in my element. Being a wife, a mom, a grandma. Cooking and cleaning and laundry and baking and taking care of this home God has given me and the hearts He has placed in my hands. Little hearts to mold and nourish and raise and love. And then to let go. There is nothing on this earth that I would rather do. But apparently, that is outdated. It’s old fashioned to think that way. It’s a ludicrous idea to some to actually love taking care of your home and the little hearts God has given you. And to me, that is sad. I raised three daughters and a son. They are all grown now and we’ve added 6 grandchildren to the mix. Two of my daughters have jobs outside the home and one has chosen to be that old fashioned vocation ~ A stay at home mom. I am immensely proud of all of them. Do I believe one is better than the other? Do I think it’s wrong to work outside the home? Let me be very, very clear here~ NO I do not, but I do believe it’s wrong when one of the greatest vocations since the beginning of time has been made into a mockery. What has become of us as a nation when being a stay at home mom has been belittled and looked down upon? Where mothers who choose that life are made to feel “less than” or stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are women out there who abuse the system. Who don’t understand the true meaning of ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ and all that it entails. But to those moms who are living their dream with a passion~ it is a high calling. I am not ashamed to say that I am living my dream. In fact, I’m not ashamed to say that I love my husband, that I love making him his favorite meals or taking care of the home that his job has helped provide. Sadly, even marriage has been deprecated along with the homemaker. If you dare to say that you love cooking for your husband, or God forbid sharing intimacy together, instead of a helpmeet and lover, you are ridiculously labeled a ‘live in maid’ or even worse, a ‘sex slave’. Why do I find joy in these things that I do? Why do I believe I am living the dream? Because of the crazy amount of love my heart holds. Love for my God Who has provided me such a beautiful family and this dream home I have been given to live in and take care of. Love for my husband, who daily loves me back in so many different ways that too often I take them for granted. Love for my children, and the breathtaking wonder that these super, awesome adults were once cradled lovingly inside my womb. I’m living the dream because my heart is overflowing with thankfulness and love. Today I sat across from my three grandsons as they ate a piece of their mommy’s homemade carrot cake. The atmosphere might have appeared messy to some. School work was on the table, dishes were in the sink and all I could think was~ my daughter is living the dream too. What a dream. She’s raising boys who will grow up into men. Men who will have a part in leading our country into a better tomorrow. Maybe preachers or fire fighters. Maybe teachers or coaches. Men who will have an impact. Men who will become husbands and fathers. The kind of husbands you want for your little girls one day. The kind of fathers you want for your grandchildren. What a tremendous calling and privilege has been placed upon her heart. The raising of future husbands and fathers. I so often hear on social media the need we have for strong women. I cannot think of a stronger role model for generations to come than that of a stay at home mom. The time we have with the little lives entrusted to us is barely a whisper in the echo of eternity. But that whisper can become a mighty shout for God’s glory in the halls of their futures. Every single moment spent at home with them is an investment into that future. Please hear me Mama, your dream may not be the vocation of stay at home mom like mine is. That’s okay. There were several women in the Bible who worked outside the home. Maybe it is your dream to be a stay at home mom, but you don’t have the means to make it a reality. Regardless of what each of our situations may be, I think we can all agree that our children and grandchildren need a better future. I truly believe that future begins in the home, with the heart of a mother. Our focus needs to shift. It needs to change. The title Mom should never be downgraded. Instead, it should be applauded. It is a strong woman who has chosen such a job. A woman with some of the greatest strengths of all. The strength of thankfulness and of love. It isn’t a strength she possess on her own, it is a strength that can only come from an even greater love. That of her heavenly Father. As I was leaving my daughter’s home, her youngest hurt himself and came to me crying. I kissed his little finger and the boo boo magically went away. Someday he will be doing the same for his own children. Tears welled up in my eyes knowing I have had a small part in such a beautiful high calling. To be his mom’s mom. To be a stay at home mom. To think that God has allowed me this is beyond my wildest dreams~ and I get to live that dream every single day.
3/13/2021
Spring AheadI could hear them talking about their babies.
“I can’t wait until this child can feed herself. Sometimes it seems like my entire day consists of holding her and feeding her!”... “I can’t wait until this one is potty trained. Two kids in diapers is too much. It feels like it’s never ending.”... I can’t wait until mine can crawl, or better yet walk! I wish she was more self sufficient so I could actually get some things done.”... I looked over at my own children, now adults and remembered days like this. Days I wished I could spring ahead. But I also remembered~ I can’t wait until this child can feed herself... I wish she would let me cuddle with her like she did when she was a baby. I can’t wait until he’s potty trained... Look at him in the bathroom now, getting ready for his date. How can this be possible? I can’t wait for her to crawl and walk and be more self sufficient... Mom, I’m going out with my friends. I’m leaving for college. I’m moving out. I’m getting married... It isn’t never ending. There comes a day when it all ends. A day when you wish you could go back and hold them again. A day when you have all the time in the world to get things done. Suddenly their childhood is over as quickly as it arrived. Everything is new and different. Empty arms. Empty bathrooms. Empty homes. Sometimes lonely~like a long, cold winter. But then everything changes. Winter turns into Spring. Old thoughts become transformed. They turn into~ I can’t wait until this child can feed herself... Mom I made you and dad dinner. I’ll bring some over. I can’t wait until he’s potty trained... Son, can you train me to use all this technology and help me create a blog? I can’t wait for her to crawl and walk and become more self sufficient... She’s such an amazing mother. And she’s such an amazing daughter. She tells me how much she loves me and how thankful she is for the way we raised her. And she tells me that she now realizes all the sacrifices and all the love that went into everything her dad and I did for her growing up. Her sufficiency turns into gratitude. Winter has turned into Spring again. And just like leaves fall away from their home in the cold months of winter, each of my children left the home my husband and I built for them. But then there is a rebirth of all the beauty your heart and home once held, and what I once thought would be sadness has blossomed into joy again. I once read this quote~ ‘The earth laughs in flowers.’ That made me smile, despite looking outside at the dark and muddy barrenness winter holds over her. Because I know what’s coming. Don’t hold onto the long, dark winter months. Look for the incredible new blooms. Look for the rebirth of every single thing you sacrificed, everything you taught them and all the love and prayers you poured into them. Look for Spring, it is only just ahead and it’s incredibly beautiful.
3/6/2021
Fight For HappinessOld seemed so far away.
I was on vacation. Laying in the sand, soaking up the sun, listening to the waves. Getting browner by the minute, and loving every second of it. I took my young body for granted. Never worrying about what I ate or didn’t eat, never worried about joints aching or not being able to open jars. Never worried about wrinkles or skin cancer. Those thoughts never once entered my mind. Yes I took life for granted. And then I had a few kids, and pretty soon I realized these kids really, truly needed me. I loved them with an ache that could not be compared to anything I’d ever experienced. And suddenly, I was worried about skin cancer and what I ate or didn’t eat. As I lifted each child, as I hauled a baby around on my hip that supported a pregnant belly above it, I no longer took that body for granted. I lathered on sunscreen and wrinkle cream. I took vitamins and ate healthier. I spent more time in God’s word instead of magazines with beautiful models on their covers. I began to see things differently as each year went by. Pretty soon my arms and hands were lifting boxes as each child moved into their new homes. I was unpacking kitchen utensils and bathroom necessities for them. I was helping hang pictures and making up beds in their new bedrooms. Bedrooms that were no longer above me upstairs. And later in the evening I was rubbing medicinal cream on achey joints and back muscles. I was missing them. And I was remembering. I was remembering a young 20 year old basking in the sun. Unpacking boxes in her new apartment. Welcoming each child into her heart and home, and taking so much for granted. And I whispered thank you to Jesus. Because I never really realized all He gave me, and I took so much of it for granted. I determined that I no longer would. And I was watching my dad before he passed. How slowly he moved. How hard it was for him to see like he used to. How easily he tired. And yet, he still smiled. He still laughed. He still enjoyed life. And I felt young again. And I knew that every day would be a gift. Every day would hold beauty. Every day would be a day I would look back on with either happiness or sorrow, and every day I would fight for that happiness. And I would tell you~ don’t take it for granted. Cherish every single minute of every single day and thank Jesus for it, because it goes by so quickly. Thank God for your young self. Don’t take your body for granted. Thank God for that body and all it’s able to do. Thank God for His word and the wisdom it gives you each and every day. Thank God for your children and for achey joints and backs, because you were able to help them. Because they still needed you. Thank God that you miss them~ because He gave you so much beauty to miss. Thank God and don’t ever take another minute of another day of your beautiful life for granted again.
2/27/2021
Mama, It’s OkayMama, It’s Okay~
I looked over at her and my heart immediately felt empathy. She was flustered and embarrassed. We were on an airplane and here she sat trying to take care of two young children, alone. Her toddler seemed to be fine, but the baby in her arms would not stop crying. The worry on her face was visibly noticeable as she tried to soothe the baby’s cries and repeatedly apologized to the passengers next to her. I wanted to reach out and calm her anxious heart. I wanted to tell her it was okay. Flying was hard on infants. She shouldn’t worry about what anyone else thought, she should just take care of the tiny one in her arms. Another day. Dinner out when I noticed her. Sitting at a table with four young children. The older two were fighting over crayons and placemats. The baby was crying. The toddler had ketchup all over the front of him. She tried to control the situation, but her mama heart looked overwhelmed in the moment. Worry about the other customers was written all over her face. I could almost hear her whispering~why did I even try? I wanted to get up and walk over. I wanted to wipe the ketchup off her son and sing sweet lullabies to her baby. I wanted to tell her that no one else in that room mattered at the moment, except her children. Sunday services. A brand new mommy bringing her infant to church for the very first time. So many emotions going through her heart and mind. Just showing up was a chore. “Getting ready” for church held a whole new meaning. She was tired before she even arrived and even though the baby slept often during this time at home, she awoke with cries that rang through the auditorium. The mother’s heart fell. Her cheeks flushed and her countenance read panic as she picked her up and tried to shush her, eventually taking her out of the service. I wanted to get up and help her. I wanted to tell her it was okay. I wanted to comfort her heart with the knowledge that everyone understood. I am that mother. I am that mother on the plane, at the restaurant, in church. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self those things. The things that my older self now knows. I wish someone had told me those things. Anyone. Another mom. A grandma. Anyone. But I felt alone, embarrassed, worried, anxious. At times I felt like a bad mom who couldn’t control her children. The worry over what others thought outweighed the worry over my children at the time, and what they were going through. I wish I could go back and wipe away the tears and smile into the eyes of my crying baby and tell her it was okay, Mama was here. I wish I could’ve sung lullabies to them without caring what the passengers next to me thought. I wish I would’ve told myself that kids will fight, ketchup will be spilled. Babies will cry, and that all of that was normal. Not just normal, but okay. Mama. It’s okay. I’m here to tell you, It’s okay. Don’t you worry about a single thing. Don’t worry about what other people think. You are a beautiful, wonderful mama. Your children adore you. Shift your focus off of others and be in that moment with your children. That moment of childhood and all it entails. Don’t look back one day wishing you knew what I’m telling you now. Choose to believe it. It’s okay. One day you will be like me, looking over at your babies who are now all adults. Some with babies of their own. The memories of the chaos at restaurants and the crying in public places will only be a vapor in the overall picture of precious moments you had with them while they were still little. And you will wish that you had known it was okay. Stop and look at them mama. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing~ stop and look at them and tell your heart~ It’s okay. It’s better than okay. It’s beautiful and wonderful and magical~ even in the chaos and the crying. Don’t worry, and don’t wish for anything less. It’s okay.
1/30/2021
Broken ThingsI was having a really bad morning. You know, one of those days where everything goes wrong.
My granddaughter asked me for something from the refrigerator and when I walked into the kitchen, I just stopped. I had a moment. My shiny black fridge had swirls of deep scratches imbedded into it, almost as if someone had taken a fork to the entire surface. My granddaughter looked from me, and the apparent horror on my face, to the refrigerator. She pulled a tiny magnet off its surface and asked “did this make those scratches grandma?” Her big brown eyes were full of remorse and sadness. It immediately brought me back to a similar time when my son was about that age. We were living on a very small salary at the time and I was thrilled when I was able to find a ‘one of a kind’ antique at a price I could actually afford. The dealer apparently did not know what they had. Just a few short days later as my son was innocently playing, the antique got knocked to the floor and shattered. I vividly remember that I did not say a word. I went into my bedroom, shut the door and quietly cried. I didn’t want my son to hear me or think that I loved a stupid antique more than I loved him. It was after all just a “thing” and he didn’t do it on purpose, but my heart was broken. I knew it was an accident, but I also knew I couldn’t afford a piece like this and would probably never find one so cheap again. I felt so petty that day as I cried, and I felt petty as I stared at that refrigerator. The damage was irrevocable. All I could say to my granddaughter was “yes that magnet made those scratches.” I went upstairs because I didn’t want to cry in front of her, just like I did all those years before. As I prayed, a flood of memories washed over me. Memories of all the times I lost it with my kids when they were little. I might have cried quietly the time my son broke my antique, but far more often anger and yelling was usually my response. Drinks that spilled. Muddy footprints. Messy rooms. Stains on clothes. Stains on furniture. Broken dishes. Broken things. Sadly at the time I felt I had every right to be angry at them, even though the majority of the time they were innocent mistakes. I was just having a bad day. Just like today. As I look back at those moments, I realize how foolish I was for flipping out about things. Things. Spilled drinks, muddy footprints, stains and messy rooms can all be cleaned up. Things broken can be replaced. I have come to realize how quickly time has passed since those moments. All those things that had broken~ that I was so sure I’d never find again~ they have all been replaced twice over. They weren’t as important as I thought. And now, there are no spilled drinks or messy rooms or stains to clean up~ because my house is empty. My children are grown and gone. Mama, don’t lose it over the little things. Satan can use those little things, just like that little magnet on my refrigerator, to make you feel as if everything is ruined. It’s not. Tomorrow is a new day. They are children. There will always be messes, there will always be broken things~ until there’s not. One day you will look back and realize how silly it was to let those things ruin your day and cause you to lash out at them. Sometimes I think mamas get so bogged down with the overbearing weight of our day to day chaos that we forget they are only children. They’ve only been on this earth for 2 or 4 or even 8 years. Whatever their age, it’s not much at all to expect perfection from them. To expect them to never make mistakes. But we do without even realizing it. And then one day you are looking at a refrigerator with your granddaughter. A refrigerator that you know you can’t fix but you tell her that it’s okay, and you hug her tight because you know that one day you will look at that refrigerator and remember. You will remember that moment and her little hands, and you will miss it. And you will be forever thankful that God allowed your heart to realize how special that moment was. Moments with your grandchildren. Time will go by so quickly. The feet that once were little will walk out that door for good. Don’t wait until your home is empty and your children are grown and gone to realize that the most important things in your home were never really the things at all. They were those little feet and hands. The little feet and hands that broke the things. The little feet and hands that made the messes. The little feet and hands that will one day be only moments of beautiful memories.
1/23/2021
Small Frames Hold Big LoveBig magic in the mundane, the big picture in a small frame, everything is sacred when you take time to notice, big love happens in the small moments.... Can I just be honest here? Sometimes my adult kids really frustrate me. When the frustration hits, it’s usually due to worry. Am I allowed to say that as a pastor’s wife? Most of my kids read my blog posts. Not sure how that will go 🤣, but if they’re honest, they’re kids or spouses frustrate them now and then too. I know I’ve said it before, but you mamas who think it’s so hard with little ones... Just wait. When they’re little it seems like their hearts are bursting with unconditional love for you, plus~ you get to tell them what to do. 😂 Sure, they might not obey every time, but when they’re really little, it’s SO much easier to teach them why your words of wisdom are so important. And when they’re really little, they usually listen. I tend to let the “not listening” part of adult children really get to me. Often my feelings get hurt and I feel unloved when I don’t understand the direction they’re going, and it seems like they’re disregarding me as a parent and the things we taught them when they were little. But then God gives me mama moments. Moments filled with comfort. They might not be living under my roof anymore or doing things the way that I taught them, but if I’m truly praying for them, if I’m truly leaving my children in the hands of God and trusting Him, then I should not be worried at all. And He always ends up showing me just how loved I am. This past Christmas was one of those mama moments. The kids gave us a video they put together of pictures of our grandchildren set to music. Ten years earlier they gave us a similar video, but it was full of pictures from their own childhood-My husband watches that video all the time, and every single time he gets teary eyed. So, we all jammed into my tiny 10’ x 12’ TV room to watch the new video. Some were standing, grandkids were on laps and the room felt like chaos. But when the video started, magic happened~ silence filled the room as everyone watched. As I watched. I watched the video, but I also watched my adult children and their spouses. Every single one of them was wiping away tears as eyes were glued to the screen. They weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears filled with love. The love their hearts were feeling. And man, my heart was full. So much love filled that room. God was in that room. This was a big moment in a small frame and I don’t think any of them probably realized that at the time. But I did. And God told my fretful, worrying mama heart that I was too often trying to hold on to this big picture and freaking out about what I thought life for my adult children was supposed to look like, when all the while He was giving me small frames to hold onto every single day in the mundane. Beautiful pictures inside those frames to show me how truly wonderful life with my adult children was. I was trying to control what was inside that big picture instead of realizing that He is the only One who can. I was doing the same thing to God that I thought my adult children were doing to me. I wasn’t listening to what He had been teaching me all along, but instead I was doubting His love and goodness. I was doubting that He would take care of them. That big moment in a small frame will forever be etched in my heart and I will look more often for those small frames that my life holds. Small frames God gives me every single day. So moms of adult children, don’t fret, don’t worry, don’t let your heart hurt. Don’t feel unloved. I know it’s hard. I’ll probably never stop parenting or wanting them to listen to my advice, but if we’ve been praying for our children, if we’ve truly given them to God, then we can’t let the frustration and worry control us. Allow Him to hold your big picture. We might not ever see the finished portrait here on earth, but we can rest in the fact that our Heavenly Father is still perfecting every stroke. One day when we take our last breath and stand face to face with our Savior, He will show us that beautiful picture and it will be so much more glorious than we could have ever imagined. Until then, enjoy all the beautiful small frames He hangs on the walls of your heart every single day~and trust Him. Because those small frames hold big love.
1/4/2021
Finding The Good In The GrievingFINDING THE GOOD IN THE GRIEVING
I realize this is a very long post, but I ask you to bear with me because once again, I’m going to be brutally honest here and admit some things I’m dealing with. Things I don’t want to think about, let alone write about. But things that God has given me to help me through this. Steps that I think can truly help others. I know many of you have been anticipating 2021 since March of 2020. It’s been a year of horrors, and people desperately need to believe everything will change for the better in the coming year. But I am struggling. Thanksgiving and Christmas~ decorating shopping, wrapping, baking, Hallmark movies and Christmas music~ all of these things masked the deep ache of grief in my heart. I didn’t want to face it just like I don’t want to face 2021. I don’t want to move forward. My heart wants to go back in time. I’m facing the responsibilities that go along with losing your last parent. Packing up a lifetime of memories my dad held on to. My memories. I don’t want to go through his drawers and cupboards and make the hard decisions on what gets thrown away, or given away, or kept. I want to keep it all, right down to the tape dispenser and air freshener he recently purchased. No, my heart doesn’t want to move forward. Instead, I want to go back in time and just sit with him there in his living room. Laughing about something funny my grandchildren did. Sharing a chocolate. Reminiscing. I want to see his red Jeep outside my front door as he stops by for his daily check in. Always smiling. I want to tell him one more time how much I love him. I know many of you are in the same boat. This year has taken so many loved ones. The heartbreak has been unfathomable. In the past 5 months I’ve written 7 posts on a variety of things that can change your life for the better. Today my own heart longs to be changed. I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to mask the pain with busyness or superficial happiness. I don’t want to continue to push it down into the recesses of my soul and pretend it isn’t there, always looming over me like a black cloud. I don’t want to dwell on “what if’s” and “could have been’s”. So how? How do I move past this deep ache of grief? I understand that everyone deals with grief differently. My own personality does not want to read someone else’s words on how to deal with grief. The devil knows this. He knows our personalities and he will use our own deceitful hearts against us. (Jeremiah 17: 9) He tricks me into believing that I am unique in my pain and no one can possibly understand enough to write anything that will help. But he is wrong. God has continually been tugging at my heart. He will never leave me. (Hebrews 13:5b) He will not give up on me~ even when I feel like giving up on me. He is always whispering to my sadness~”I am right here Charisse.” (Romans 8:38&39) And so, today I want to share some simple things God has used to comfort me. I am a work in progress. My words are not the ‘end all’ solution. They are a day by day choice. Every single day has new challenges and I know I am facing some even harder ones in the coming weeks. 1. Ask God for help- As I have said in my previous ‘life changing’ posts, my number 1 tip will always, always, always be to ask God for help. You will never conquer the next 6 steps if you do not take this very first one. (Psalms 16:11, Romans 8:26, John 14:16-18, 26, I Peter 5:7) 2. Stay in Gods word- The minute I slip away and allow other things to come before, or even replace my time spent talking to God or reading His word is the minute the heartbreaking grief takes control. (John 15:11, I Thessalonians 5:17) Every morning I must get out of bed and choose joy. (Nehemiah 8:10) Choose God, His words, His promises, His peace. Some days when I wake up I just know it’s going to be a good day. I smile. I tell myself I can do this. Other mornings, I just want to hide under the covers and sleep the day away so I don’t have to deal. I don’t know why one morning can be so different from the next, but these are the days that I must choose wisely. I must choose God. Which takes me back to point number 1. I cannot do this in my own strength, so on days like this I cry out to Him and ask Him to help me. Some days I am silently begging Him for help over and over and over again. Even though the day may feel like it was the worst day ever, when I lay my head on my pillow that night I realize I made it through, but only because of Him. If we could see our lives the way God can~if we could understand how horrible things would have been without His continuing presence~we would realize that even on our worst days He was right there with us and got us through it. (Jeremiah 33:3) Tomorrow is a new day. (Psalms 118:24) 3. Face your grief- as much as I don’t want to, I have realized that I cannot pretend my dad is just gone visiting my brothers. I cannot push the pain down deep and not think about it, because in doing so the pain will remain debilitating. I must face it, and in facing it a myriad of other steps come into play. 4. Cry. Talk it out. Ask for help and prayer- We should not feel shame for the grief we are going through. We do not have to pretend we have it all together. We need to cry and not bottle everything inside. This is an area I have a hard time with. I do not want to cry because I do not want to cause my children worry or sadness and I don’t want my grandchildren to see me sad. I have realized that this not only makes the process harder, but drags the grief out longer and longer. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, for someone to just come and sit with you as you talk about what you’re going through or just need to reminisce. (Galatians 6:2) There is nothing wrong with asking others to please pray for you when you are having a bad day. (I Thessalonians 5:25, James 5:16, Matthew 18:20) There is nothing wrong with crying. (Psalms 56:8-13) There is nothing in the Bible that says that we shouldn’t cry, only that we should not cry as if we have no hope. (I Thessalonians 4:13) Which brings me to my next point. 5. Eternity- God has given us this amazing, unaltering hope through the shed blood of His Son Jesus on the cross. Eternity. If we believe that Jesus died and rose again, if we in repentance accept His gift of salvation~ God promises us eternity with Him in heaven. (I Thessalonians 4:14) My daddy did this and I have the full assurance from God’s word that my dad is at home in heaven right now. (Romans 6:8, John 14:2, I John 5:13, II Corinthians 5:8) If I choose to focus on my dad instead of myself~ it changes my whole perspective. Why would I choose to wish for him to be here with me, when he is in the very presence of his God? His Heavenly Father who loved him so greatly that He sent His Son to die for Him? My cousin so sweetly reminded me of this on Christmas Day. His very words were~”he is celebrating Christ with your mom right now.” My parents are celebrating Christ, and what a celebration!!! They are in glory. No more pain. (Revelation 21:4) Only praises. (Psalms 89:5, Luke 15:10) 6. Focus on the good and be thankful- This can be a hard one because when we focus on the good and happy memories, they often bring the tears as well. I know there will come a day when my tears turn into happy, thankful tears. And so, I will remember all the happy times. All the moments turned into memories. The moments that wouldn’t seem particularly special at all to anyone else, but hold beautiful happiness to me. Moments that I thank God for. (Philippians 4:6) As much as my heart hurts and wants those moments back, if I continually remember step number 1, I know that God will help me to be thankful and to see how amazing it was that I had all those silly, special, mundane moments with my dad here in Caseville the last four years. 7. Live every day as if it were your last- (Psalms 90:12b) We do not know what tomorrow holds. (James 4:14) We aren’t promised tomorrow, or even today. Knowing this, and with God’s help, I am moving into the future. Today. January 1, 2021. I am resolving to live every day to the fullest. To see the beauty in every single thing~ whether that’s the snow storm in our forecast, whether that’s the silly things my husband does that tend to irritate me or my aching back that I threw out putting Christmas decorations away~ I am asking God to show me the good in every singe thing. And my friend~ there is SO MUCH GOOD. (James 1:17) Beautiful, fresh clean snow. A picture of a new beginning. A husband that loves me despite all my irritating qualities (like putting away heavy Christmas boxes without asking for help) and then waits on me hand and foot. Time spent sitting with him because, as much as I want to, I can’t move. And realizing how precious this time of doing ‘nothing’ is. I am resolving to truly be present for my grandchildren. To stop and listen to their childish babbling and soak in every word. To play with them and create beautiful moments they can someday remember and be thankful for. So I will ask you~ how do you want your friends and your loved ones to remember you right now? Today? If you drew your last breath as you fell asleep tonight, just as my dad did, would they remember sadness or would they remember joy? Not a masked happiness but the true joy that only comes from God? I want my friends and loved ones to remember joy. I want my husband and children and grandchildren to remember my laughter. I want them to remember me smiling, just as I will always hold the memory of my dad. My sweet, precious dad outside my front door in his red Jeep. Smiling. Smile again with me my friends. I promise, God can change your life! Ask Him to help you find the good again.
12/30/2020
Dear Mom, You Can’t But God CanWhen my children were little, each night I would go upstairs to check on them before going to sleep myself. Seeing them nestled peacefully~all snug in their beds, made my heart feel so incredibly full. Every Christmas I wanted to make all their Christmas wishes come true. Perhaps it was my heart’s way of trying to show them a picture of the incredible love their Heavenly Father had for them. After checking on them, I’d quietly tiptoe back downstairs and I would always stop at the window in our stairwell to check for snow. Snow was always on their wish list for Christmas, something I knew would truly bring them joy, but something I could never provide. Every single night I would stop at that window and look out at my quiet town below. Wishing for snow. Tonight I stopped at that same window and all those memories came flooding back. My heart wished for snow for my children. My grown up adult children who still get excited when beautiful white snowflakes appear in the sky. My adult kids who still text me to tell me it’s snowing outside. I know many of you think I’m crazy. Many of you hate the snow, but you have to admit~ there’s something breathtakingly beautiful about a world covered in white at Christmas time. Especially this year. Maybe this year my heart longs for that blanket of white because our world has been so dark. Maybe for a moment I want my kids to be free from the cares of this world and once again feel like little children. As easy as it seemed to provide happiness for them when they were little, it is almost near impossible when they are adults, and that’s hard. Life is hard. 2020 was hard. But tonight as I sat in our stairwell, looking down at our little town, wishing for snow and pondering all these things, God whispered to my heart~ “Just like you couldn’t provide snow when they were little, you can’t provide snow for your children now Charisse. You can’t take the cares of this world away. You can’t lift the heavy burdens off their hearts. You can’t provide true joy”~ “But I can.” My heart knew that all those Christmases we didn’t have a single snowflake, it didn’t matter. My children never doubted my love for them. They knew they were loved. They knew they would be taken care of. And that’s exactly what I want them to know when they’re adults. As Christmas Day approaches and a new year is on the horizon, I want them to believe like little children again. I want them to trust that they are loved and that God will take care of them. That has been God’s message all along. The message of Christmas. He sent His Son to a little town in Bethlehem to show us His love. To show us He will always take care of us. To wash our hearts whiter than snow. My heart is filled with peace as I look out that window at my own little town and remember. I know my God will take care of my children no matter what the year ahead holds. Joy floods my soul as I think about how much He loves each of them. I don’t have to worry about a thing. He will provide. And as I smile in the darkness~ beautiful, white snowflakes begin to fall.
11/24/2020
You Are Creating MemoriesI looked at their tiny faces. Excitement was in their eyes.
The glow of the fireplace filled the room and candles were our only light. Our power was lost due to high winds. It was an inconvenience to many, but to these little boys~an exciting adventure. They got to pack up and go to grandmas. They got to sit in the dark with flashlights and candles and soak up the warmth of the fire. And without even realizing it, we were making memories for them. Memories of eating grandma’s treats in the dark and playing with Bapa’s head light. Memories of toys and pillows all over the floor. Memories of the lighthearted laughter of aunt Jessica, grandma and mommy. Memories of Christmas music playing in the background and the smell of yummy candles in every room. Memories of their firefighter daddy and Bapa safely coming in from a fire call, and the joy that they were finally home. Memories of tickles and snuggles. Memories of the sound of howling winds yet the cozy comfort of being inside with those they loved. Memories of turning a bad situation into a beautiful one they will never forget. And we didn’t even realize. Sweet mama, make those memories for your children. Their little hearts hold on and they remember. We have opportunities in front of us to fill those little hearts with beautiful memories of the holiday seasons approaching. They will remember the year they might not get to go to grandmas for Thanksgiving or be with their cousins on Christmas Day. We have the power to make those days beautiful for them. Our adult minds understand what’s going on in our world right now. It’s scary and sad and difficult to wear a smile with so much hardship going on around us~ but we can. We must. For our children. Amidst the howling winds of fear and anger and the sickness and sadness that’s going on outside, we might feel like we have lost power, but we haven’t. Our children believe we can do anything. We have the power to make them feel cozy and safe within our homes, within our arms. We have the power to continually show them the joy that only Jesus can give. We have the power to fill their hearts with beauty and with memories that will last the rest of their lives. One day my grandsons will look back and laugh and say “remember the time we lost power and got to go to grandmas?” And even though they will be adults, it will make their grown up hearts feel like kids again~ and they will smile. Those are the memories I want to leave with my grandchildren. I want to leave as many good memories as I can in their tiny hearts~ no matter what is going on in our world right now. I don’t want to fill those precious hearts with fear and anxiety or sadness. I want them to be filled with joy. This is their childhood and they will only be children once. Every single day is a new memory. They’re watching and listening. Too often I think we forget that. Pay attention to your words and your emotions. Pay attention to your reactions and responses. Purpose in your heart to have a life filled with the joy and peace of Jesus no matter what the circumstances around you are like. Because good or bad~ without even realizing~ you are the one creating memories for your children~ Make sure they’re beautiful. Psalms 16:8,9, 11 2 Timothy1:7 Acts 1:8a John16:33 Ephesians 3:20, 6:10 Romans 15:13 2 Samuel 22:33 Isaiah 40:29 Colossians 1:11
11/12/2020
The Sweetest VisitIt was the sweetest visit.
The time went by way too fast, but it was precious. Three full years, almost to the day. Right down my street. He came and he stayed, with no rush or agenda. Just sitting, visiting and reminiscing. We laughed so much. Sometimes we cried. We went on Father Daughter “dates” and drank the best cup of Main Street coffee (his favorite). I rocked with him every summer night on his porch. I signed every note and card “Daddy’s Little Girl”. He told me so many stories about his life that I never knew. I didn’t think I could love him more than I already did. His visit changed all that, and my love grew deeper every day. I wanted happiness for him, yet even through the fun times and the laughter, there was always a bit of loneliness in his eyes for home. For his sweetheart. At times I could tell he was physically in pain, but he would never complain. He always smiled. He always laughed. He joked with me and he worried about me. Each conversation was like a comforting hug. Each “goodnight text” and each “good morning” Santa emoji made me smile. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay long, but in my heart I had hoped it would be longer. He didn’t like goodbyes, so the day he left shouldn’t have been a surprise. He wouldn’t have wanted to say goodbye. He wouldn’t have wanted any sadness, so he quietly left. He went home. Home to his sweetheart. Home to his Father. I didn’t want him to leave. The pain seems unbearable to not have him here with me anymore. I wonder if the tears will ever stop. At times I am completely broken and feel I can’t go on. He moved in, right down my street on October 6, the week of Homecoming. We got to watch the school parade together. He got to see his great grandchildren marching and calling “Hi Pops!” Three years later on October 8 he left. The week before Homecoming. Homecoming. Now he is truly Home. And I think of him and how happy he is to be there. No more pain or loneliness or sadness. His little girl could never have taken that away from him while he was here, no matter how hard I tried. I’m so thankful God gave us that three year visit. What a precious, happy time. I know without a doubt that I will see him again. I will get to go to his home and it won’t just be a visit. We will have eternity to laugh together with our Heavenly Father. No more tears or sadness, pain or loneliness. It was the very best visit. Every day mattered. I’m so glad I realized that sooner than later. I’m so glad I rode my bike down to his house every day. I’m so glad I cooked him meals and took him to doctor appointments. I’m so glad he got three wonderful years with his grandkids and great grandkids. I’m so glad I didn’t have to say goodbye. It was just a visit and I will see him again soon. He isn’t gone forever, just for a while. Thank you Jesus for allowing him to visit me. Thank you Jesus for writing me a love letter that gives me the assurance that this was not goodbye. Thank you Jesus for preparing a home for him. Thank you Jesus for preparing a home for me. Not a home on Prospect Street in Caseville. A home on streets of gold. Next door to my daddy in the presence of our Father. He isn’t home in heaven today because he was such a great dad or grandpa. He’s not home because he went to church or tried his best to be good. He’s home because of Jesus taking away his sins on the cross. He’s home because he knew he was a sinner that needed a Savior. Jesus transformed his heart and life. All of us are truly just visiting. This world isn’t our home for eternity. We don’t ever have to say a final goodbye. I’d love for you to know that you can have a home with my dad and my Heavenly Father someday. I’d love for you to meet the man that made my heart so happy and the Father who’s joy is my strength. We can be free of the fear of death because of Jesus. That’s something my daddy would’ve wanted you to know. No sad goodbyes. Just a sweet and precious visit.
10/5/2020
How Is Your Childhood?On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your childhood?
Do you ever have adult days where you wish you were a child again? When sadness, stress and anxiety weigh heavy on your heart? Days when you remember crying in your mother’s arms, and those beautiful arms making everything okay? Being free from the pressure of responsibilities, deadlines and schedules? Not worried about being sick, because mom always took care of you and made you feel better? To just feel that cozy comfort of home? The comfort of being a carefree child again? I do. The other night my husband and I were watching a game show and the question was asked~”how would you rate your childhood?” Mike looked over at me and asked that same question. I didn’t even have to pause. My answer was 10. My childhood was not free from problems and heartache, but no matter what we went through as a family, I knew that I was deeply loved and cared for. My childhood was magical and wonderful and beautiful. My parents made sure of that. It got me thinking of another conversation I had recently with my daughter in law. She was telling a story about her own childhood. A precious memory of her mother that she had. Her eyes twinkled through tears as she spoke~ ...We sat on the couch. I was snuggled in close to my mom as she read to us about Jesus. It was only my little sister and I, but my mom did this every single day. And then we would sing. I watched my little sister dance around the living room, pretending to fly as we sang “Mount Up With Wings As Eagles”. She was laughing and singing and flying, and I was smiling. My childhood heart had no idea that someday this would be such a beautiful memory for me.... Oh mama, there is nothing more important in this world than making your child feel that way. To give them the gift of time. To snuggle in close with them. No phones, no TV, no distractions. Just you and your child and Jesus. The gift of making them feel that magic and wonder, beauty and comfort and love. The gift of them knowing that no matter what, your beautiful arms will make everything ok. There is nothing more precious than teaching them about Jesus, than laughing and flying with them in your living room as you sing about your Savior, than making sure they know that no matter what~ they are deeply loved and cared for. Oh daughter, there is nothing more important in this world than knowing that you are your Father’s child. He holds eternity in His hands, and yet has all the time in the world for you. You are never alone. He is always present. Make the time to snuggle in with Him. No phones, no TV, no distractions. Just you and Jesus. His word will show you the wonder, beauty and comfort of His love. He will give you the gift of knowing that no matter what, His beautiful arms will always make everything ok. He wants you to know that you are deeply loved and cared for. One day when you enter Heaven’s glory, what if Jesus were to ask you~ How was your childhood daughter? Did you know that I sat there next to you on your couch as you cried? Did you know My words of comfort were always available to you? Did you realize that you could have been free from the heavy weight of your sadness and stress, responsibilities and deadlines, if you had only placed them into My hands? I was there through the sickness and pressures of life. I never left your side. You were never alone. Through every problem, through every heartache, you were deeply loved and cared for. How would we answer our loving Savior? Our Father and Friend? Our Protector and Provider? Oh sister, we don’t have to wish we were children again because we are children. We are God’s children. Snuggle in close and read about the One Who holds you in His arms. Laugh with Him. Sing with Him. Mount up with wings like eagles. Run without getting weary. Walk without fainting. Wait on Him. He will renew your strength. He will make everything okay. Yes, snuggle in. Smile and feel that childlike wonder, magic and beauty all over again. How is your childhood dear mother, dear sister, dear daughter of God? Close your eyes and remember. Remember what it felt like to be a child, then let your Savior pick you up and take you back. Feel the cozy comfort of home. The comfort of His love. The comfort of being a child again. Isaiah 40:31 This room.
When we moved into this house 26 years ago, this room was an office. We changed it into a tiny family room with a comfy couch. I have such sweet memories of all of us piling onto that couch in that tiny room full of love. Homemade popcorn and Friday night movie night. I sat on that couch every morning praying for my children and reading God’s word. Years passed. Decorations changed. Children grew up and moved out, then moved back in. The tiny room became a bedroom for our daughter, an apartment for our nephew and now, once again an office. And here I sit. I can hear the crickets chirping outside the window. It’s a reminder to me of the stillness of this moment 26 years later. All those memories that seem like yesterday. All the memories this tiny room holds. Here I sit praying for my children, their spouses and my grandchildren. I think back on those years. All the hurry. All the rushing from activity to activity. All the worry of what I thought was so important to me at the time. Here I sit in the quiet of this room with the whispers of memories rushing past. I wish I had stopped more often and really, truly understood what was the most important. Time with my little family. Stopping to listen to little voices telling me stories of their days. Really listening and hearing them. Not allowing my mind to wander as they talked. Thinking about what I would make for dinner or where I would have to be or what I would have to do later that day or that week or that month. Just stopping in the moment and soaking it in. Because that exact moment would never come again. Today my days seem to all be the same. What was my life? It was a vapor, but I didn’t realize it when I was younger. And now today turns into tomorrow and yet it continually feels the same. And I see those little faces in this room talking to me and giggling and I remember my mind trying to heed the advice of the older women before me. “Enjoy it because it goes by so fast”. And yet my mind was a million miles away to my list of things I thought had to be done. What do your days hold? What is the purpose of your life? Is your life a fulfillment of the dreams you had when you were younger? Is this what you wanted your life to look like? Do you have joy in your moments? Are you happy? What is the end goal of each day? Of the minutes that turn into hours and days and years? What is the purpose of your life? What are you doing today that your tomorrows will be thankful for? Will you be thankful for your job? Your home? Cleaning and running from task to task with no time to breathe? Late night meetings, early morning alarms, emails and texts and notifications, just to start all over again? Mindlessly making dinner and doing laundry and dishes and baths and prayers and bedtime, but never truly being present? Picking up toys and collapsing into bed just to begin all over again? Why? Why? So often in our younger years our focus is on the future. That job that will make more money. That diet and exercise program that will make us healthier and happier. That furniture we’ve always wanted. That perfect home we’ve always dreamt of. We have no guarantee we will see tomorrow and yet our generation has become so focused on our tomorrows that we forget about all the beauty in each moment of today. If we don’t have time to focus on our Savior, if we are too busy to truly be present for our children, if we are too tired to enjoy time with our spouse every evening~ then our lives need to change. Our priorities need to change, because nothing in this world is more important than your Savior and your family. What will your children remember about today? One day as you sit in your family room when they are grown and gone and look back on today, is this what you want your today to look like for your children? For your family? Is this what you want them to remember? Will you remember being present. Really present? Is that what they will remember? And so I ask again. What are you doing today that your tomorrows will be thankful for? Because today will never come again. I encourage you, as a mom who is now living in those tomorrows and a grandma who now realizes how important her todays are~ stop and be still and watch and listen and smile and breathe and find beauty and joy and laughter. Dance and sing, listen and hug. Tickle and giggle. Hold them and rock them. Love them with your everything. Love them with your everything. You do not have to continue on the path you have made. Be fearless in your Father and change the direction your path is going. The path of all your beautiful tomorrows starts with each beautiful moment today. Hey Moms, you’ve been on my heart a lot lately.
Especially moms of little ones. A few months back when our lives were suddenly turned upside down and parents were forced to stay at home with their kids, I began seeing posts from mothers that really surprised and sometimes saddened me. To be honest some of them made me wonder why some women became a mom to begin with. Staying at home with their kids was driving them crazy. Please don’t get the wrong idea, I understand crazy. My own kids have driven me to that point many times (and sometimes still do.😂) I’m not trying to portray myself as some super mom. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I lost it with my own kids (just ask them), and as I look back I can say without a doubt that ‘feeling sorry for myself’ had a big role in some of those moments. Being a mom is hard work. I understand that. It’s stressful and overwhelming and exhausting, and moms everywhere need breaks and some “me time”. We have to be so careful though. When we start to look inward and listen to those thoughts that continually whisper to our tired souls~”what about me?” Pretty soon those thoughts aren’t whispering. They’re screaming. And thats when the crazy hits us. With that being said, I would like to encourage you on how to get your sanity back. I could probably write a book on all the things I wish I had done differently as a mom. Today will be some basics. Let’s say page 1 of chapter 1. 😂 I’ll warn you right now, it’s going to take some work~mentally and physically~and I know what all you exhausted moms out there are thinking~ I don’t want to work at anything right now!!! I want a maid and a cook and a babysitter and twelve straight hours of sleep. And some chocolate. No tantrums, no dirty diapers, no potty training, no children in bed with me, no laundry surrounding me on my couch or dirty dishes in my sink. No sticky fingers and faces and toilet seats. No work~PLEASE. And that my sweet mamas is what takes me directly to point number 1~ 1. Go to God and ask for help. Right now. Stop reading and ask Him to help you. I’m serious. Just put your phone down and plead to Him for help. Whether you feel like you’re doing fine with this mothering thing or whether you’re in the middle of the chaotic crazy. Stop and ask. If you don’t do this, the rest of this post won’t help you at all. We as moms have to realize we cannot do this mom thing without God’s help. Whether you’re pregnant right now, have a newborn, toddlers, teenagers or college students~ or even if you are a grandma~ you never “arrive”. You need God’s help and guidance every step of this motherhood journey, until you step into Heaven. 2. With that being said, my second tip would be prayer and time with God. I’ve written a lot of posts on prayer and if you go to my blog and type prayer in the search bar, I’m sure you will find many. I know how hard it is to find the time to pray when you’re a mom of little ones, but sometimes I think we look at prayer completely wrong. We think that we have to have this “holy time” set aside; alone in our rooms, kneeling by our bed, devoting complete attention to God. When you’re a mother of little ones, you know that won’t ever be a reality. So, here’s what I want you to think about. Do you love your children? Of course you do. When they come to you, do you tell them they have to make an appointment to talk to you so that you can devote your entire attention to them? Of course not. Your children come to you ALL DAY LONG. You answer their questions, you provide comfort and nourishment. You provide love. That’s how it’s meant to be with God. Moms need to realize that God is right there with them ALL DAY LONG. You can go to Him anytime and He will listen. He will help you with your questions, He will comfort and nourish your soul. He will love. Not only should you ask God to help you, but it is never too early to begin praying for your children. From the time the THOUGHT of starting a family enters your head, it should be bathed in prayer. It doesn’t matter how old they are, never stop praying for your kids or asking God for help in raising them! We cannot do it in our own strength because many times moms of little ones have no strength left to give. We have to rely on God. He is the one Who will give us the energy to be the moms we need to be for our children. 3. Next, I want you to switch your focus off of yourself. When your little ones don’t give you a moment’s peace. When you hide in the bathroom and tiny hands are knocking and little voices are shouting “mommy, mommy, mommy”. When your newborn is crying all night long~ when all of these things overwhelm you and your exhausted mind starts screaming~”what about me?” I want you to think about the thoughts that are running through your mind at that moment and then think to yourself~ what if my Savior had these same thoughts about me? When I’m asking Him to help me ALL DAY LONG. When I’m sometimes shouting “Father, Father, Father” because I just can’t do it alone. When I can’t sleep at night and I’m crying out to Him. He always, always, always gives grace. Give your children some grace. Don’t feel sorry for yourself and snap at them. They are children. They aren’t adults. They don’t understand hard mommy days, they don’t understand mommy and daddy fights, they don’t understand when you’re bent over the toilet with morning sickness and they’re hanging on your neck telling you that they love you (Jessica 😊). They don’t understand the stress of a pandemic or worry over their futures. They don’t understand. All they know is that you are mommy and YOU ARE LOVE and that’s what they need. Show them grace. Show them love. Just like your Heavenly Father does for you. 4. With that out of the way, now I DO want you to focus on yourself haha. Show YOURSELF a little grace. Every mom needs a little “Me time” for her own sanity. Whether you leave for a half hour to take a walk or a ride, whether that looks like grocery shopping for you or a hot bath, whether it’s time alone with friends or time with your husband, or time just sitting in your car alone in the driveway. You need TIME, but not before God time. Stay in God’s word and pray. This goes back to point number 2. If you don’t ask God for help and find little snippets of time to be with Him, your “me time” won’t make one bit of difference. You will return home to the chaos and crazy, and immediately lose it all over again. Remember to not only talk to God all throughout your day but also remember His promises to you. Promises from His word. It’s hard to find that time with God to actually read the Bible when you have little ones getting up at the crack of dawn, on top of a newborn that spent the whole night crying. The exhaustion is just overwhelming and your eyes can’t even focus on your coffee cup, let alone God’s word. Something that has always helped me is to find promises from God’s word, write them or print them out and place them strategically around your home. They will be constant reminders of God’s love for you. Put them above your kitchen sink, on your fridge, next to the changing table or toilet (your escape ie~”mommy is going potty, go away) or on your mirror to remind you first thing in the morning. Doing this will uplift your soul and encourage you no matter how tired you are. If you put this into practice and then you take some “me time” you will return home refreshed with a new outlook and more patience and grace for your little ones (and for your husband). By talking to God and staying in His word, His love will continually fill all the tired, empty spots and push aside all that crazy. When you return home from time away, you will be able to pour that love right back into your family, no matter what you return home to. Sticky kisses and toilet seats included. God understands that we are only human. Don’t ever allow yourself to feel guilty for taking some time for yourself. It will make you a better mommy to those little ones and a better wife to your husband. Like I said, these are only some brief points on motherhood and those beginning crazy years and I have some good news, if you think it’s crazy now, it’s only the beginning ha ha. But if you strive to make it a habit to put these points into practice, the years ahead will be so much easier for you because you will have that foundation and you will know that God is right there by your side, helping you along the way. Remember, this parenting thing will be different for everyone. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t like that “other mom”, you know~the one that is perfect and has her life all together. You be you, the perfect mom God created for your children. Ask God for help. Stay close to Him in prayer and through His word. Show grace to your children and to yourself. I promise it will change your life. |
© 2020 HOLDING HOPE