It has been an emotional week.


My dad has been gone for a little over a year and yet, thoughts of his passing have come to the forefront of my mind for no particular reason. At times I can hardly wrap my mind around it. My dad went home to heaven the day after the funeral of one of our dearest friends, who had unexpectedly passed away just the week before.
The friend whose birthday would be this Monday~the day before my dads. They entered this earth a day apart and left this earth a week apart.


Thoughts of the trials my children have faced, and continue to face have also weighed on me. Thoughts of missing my sister-in-law as I watch her son get married tonight have brought tears of happiness mixed with tears of sorrow.


And then, thoughts of the horrors other countries are facing have been a constant, even as I write this.


I have struggled with what to post this week. I have prayed and asked God for words to encourage, and yet He has been silent.
And I couldn’t understand why.


I wondered if perhaps he didn’t want me to write a thing. Certainly I don’t want to post some cliche story that God never intended I share.


Sometimes you may wonder why continual “bad” hits you from every direction and God seems to remain silent.


Here’s the thing.


For me, He hasn’t been silent. He has been speaking to my soul, but my mind was screaming too loud to hear Him. My eyes were focused on the emotions I was feeling instead of on Him.


My scripture reading landed on Job this week. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to read it. I complained. I told God I needed something uplifting, but He knew exactly what I needed.


Quotes that I had scheduled a month ago popped up on my Holding Hope page all week, and it still didn’t hit me. Quotes suggesting I pray about what my mind wanders to. Quotes reminding me to keep praying, even if all I have left is a whisper.
(1 Thessalonians 5:17, Philippians 4:6)


Quotes that told me to just Be Still.
(Psalm 46:10)


My mind was anything but still. My thoughts were running a marathon inside it. But today in the tiny moments of quiet I had, I prayed again.
I finally heard Him.
His whispers through the cracks of distractions touched my heart.
(I Kings 19:11&11, Matthew 14:28-30)


He kept telling me to be still and as much as I argued that I was being still, I knew deep down I wasn’t. So I stopped. I stopped trying to figure out all the answers on my own. I stopped and I just sat. I sat on my bed and I asked Jesus to sit with me. Just to sit there and hold my hand and still my heart. (Matthew 28:20, Jeremiah 29:11)


And He did.
And He told me to tell you to do the same.


How easily I allow circumstances to weigh me down and steal my peace and joy as I wonder what’s going to happen. How easily I miss my loved ones and fall into a sadness I don’t want to climb out of, instead of realizing the comfort and hope of heaven.(1 Thessalonians 4:13) How easily I try to control situations and find myself in continual unrest. How easily I focus on the bad and miss all the good.


I miss Him.


We’re all looking for hope. For answers.


We scroll through social media looking for that quote or devotional that will give us those answers we’re seeking. We even open our bibles, as if a verse will magically appear to answer our “whys”. God often uses all of these things to help those in need, myself included, but sometimes in the looking we are striving in our flesh to find the answers that only God knows. Sometimes the answer is simply Him, and that’s all we need to know.
(Hebrews 6:18 & 19)


Once we get to the place of that realization our eyes are opened. We see life through Him and in His stillness, everything is changed. We suddenly understand that we don’t have to know all the answers, we just need to be still with Him. (Ephesians 1:18)


Don’t stop praying sweet friend, even if it feels like God is silent. He is not. Keep seeking Him in the stillness until His stillness pushes out all the distractions and it is just you and your Savior~


And through faith, you once again see your life through His eyes. The eyes of of Him who loves you and gave Himself for you.
(Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 4:17 & 18)

When was the last time you laughed?
I mean really, truly laughed, holding nothing back. Laughed until you cried and your sides hurt and you couldn’t breathe?
Do you remember the freedom in that? Feeling like just for a moment all the cares of the world were pushed aside and you were free to let go and experience unfiltered joy? (Luke 6:21, Psalm 126:2)


If you cannot recall a time like this, perhaps you are living inside circumstances of sorrow, whatever that sorrow might be.
Maybe you didn’t even realize you were residing there, until you thought about how long it had been since you laughed in such a way. Maybe you’re sitting in circumstances of your own choosing or maybe you have no control over the sorrow that has enveloped your life. Whatever the case, I don’t want you to be stuck there and more importantly, God doesn’t want you stuck there. A life of being stuck in sorrow is not His plan for you.


I’ve looked back at articles I’ve written and realized that I can be a bit emotional at times. When God moves my heart so tremendously, it stirs a deep passion within me to want to share that with others.
Phrases I often use are:
God loves you so much.
God is always with you.
God will help you through anything.
Allow Him to hold you.
Cry out to Him.
All of these things are true, but might leave the reader feeling lost and questioning~
but how?


And so today, we’re going to start with the first 3 points on our journey through circumstances to joy. I’m going to show you some things that God has used in my own life to pull me out of my sorrow and help me see hope in the joy before me.

1. If you read my Ebook you know that my first point is always the same. The difference in how this point is applied often depends on the circumstances we are in. Whatever the circumstances are, this will always be the most important thing you can do. Ask God for help. (Matthew 11:28-30, Galatians 5:22a) I will never stop asking, even when I know deep in my heart that there are things I need to change. When I know that I should be implementing the steps in this article on a daily basis, but I don’t. When I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to push through and do those things, I continually just talk to God all day long. Even on those days that I fool myself into thinking joy will never come again, so “what’s the point?”~there is one thing I know to be true no matter what~ He will never leave me. He won’t abandon me. He will pull me through this. The Holy Spirit will minister to my heart and comfort me, even when life feels hopeless and joy feels far. God is always trying to help us but too often our circumstances tune Him out. Never stop asking God to help you, even if you feel like He is silent. He is helping you without you even realizing it. (John 14:16,18, Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 26:3&4

​2. Realize that when you ask for help, the circumstances that follow are God’s way of helping you~you just need to open your eyes to see it. You know what usually makes me happy? Predictable, mundane, day in, day out schedules. Being in control. Knowing that each day holds its tasks and at the end of that day Mike and I will relax on the couch. Maybe we will talk or watch a few of our favorite shows. We will laugh, we’ll go to bed, I will feel fulfilled with what I accomplished that day. I’m that kind of person. I’m a schedule and list maker. I thrive on routine. I’m a control freak. If my house isn’t cleaned up and straightened at night with everything in its place, I can’t relax. I feel uneasy and unhappy. This need to be in control is just as bad as looking at material things for happiness. I’m looking at “the control I think I have over situations” to make me happy and last March when life went out of control and spiraled downwards month after month into continual heartbreak, I lost all control and my happiness along with it. I yearn for predictable and mundane. It’s how I’m wired. The past 3 weeks have been anything but. My dad passed away unexpectedly in October. Working on packing up his things has only been part of the “crazy busy” my life has been. Long days have gone into long evenings right into early mornings and the crazy busy beginning all over again. I found myself thinking I just want a normal day at home. I want to do some laundry, bake some cookies, clean my house, sit in front of my cozy fire drinking coffee or just watch TV! But as I complained about that busyness and thought about my prayer for help, the Holy Spirit showed me that because I have been so busy I haven’t had time to just sit and think. Usually “the sitting and thinking” leads to “the missing and crying”. As my head hit the pillow each night I realized I was so exhausted that I fell asleep quickly, as opposed to laying in the dark crying. And I knew it was God. God was helping me. It might not have been a way I would’ve chosen, it certainly wasn’t an easy way, but it was God’s way and it worked. He knows my crazy, emotional, over thinker brain far better than I do. (Psalm 139:2) Jesus is continually going to God on our behalf and I now wonder how many times through the years I missed the answers to the prayers I had prayed, just because they weren’t the solution I was looking for. (Romans 8:34, Hebrews 7:25)

3. Stop listening to yourself (John 15:11) If God in all His wisdom did not intervene and answer my cries for help, I would be overthinking everything. My emotions are continually telling my brain that things will never change. Because I’m such an emotional person, I too often let my emotions dictate my life. I think all women~ whether they want to admit it or not~ are emotional. Our lovely hormones play a big part in that. When my emotions begin to dictate what my life story is, I start to believe it. I don’t like to admit this, but quite often since my dad died I have been scared. Not scared as in fearful, but scared as in “this unshakeable heaviness and lonely feeling.” Scared as in “this dark cloud of sadness will never go away. I will never see joy again.” The beginning of each day seems to be promising as I open God’s words to me and pray, but as the day slowly creeps by and thoughts bombard my mind, as my emotions kick me over and over again~ I feel as if God is very far away. That scares me. These are the times that we must realize our thoughts are not God’s thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9, Psalms 94:19), Even if we are struggling to believe it, we must go back to point number 1 and talk it out with God. Stop listening to ourselves and listen to what God is speaking over us. (Philippians 3:3) His words are truth, our emotions are not. He isn’t far away. He isn’t there only in the times we set aside to kneel and pray. He is our constant companion. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. A comforter and peace maker. He is the ONLY One who understands with 100% clarity and compassion what our heart is going through. (Psalms 139:1-18, Philippians 2:5, 4:6-7, 2 Timothy 1:7, Proverbs 16:3, Luke 2:10, John 15:11)

You can’t simply “choose joy” without God. You can’t wake up and just decide “Starting today, I’m going to be happy” without God. Our strength is not enough. It will never be enough. It doesn’t matter what kind of a personality you have, Satan knows your weakness and he will find a way to steal that joy. Only Jesus is the strength of our joy. Pray about these first few points this week. Ask God to open your heart and your eyes and show you what you’ve been missing. (Nehemiah 8:10)
I am so confident in the strength and power of God’s truths and the joy they speak over our circumstances, that I am adding a second post today. Scripture that you can print out and continually read throughout your day to comfort and encourage your heart.


You can have freedom from sorrow. You can laugh again~deep, heartfelt, freeing laughter from the depths of your soul. Laughter that comes from unfiltered joy. Laughter that only comes from God and the joy that only Jesus gives. Make that your goal this week. JOY.

Do you know how to pray?
I’m confessing my faults here.
It doesn’t always come easy for me.
I’m not a morning person at all,
and I’m not a social butterfly. Two things that really seem to hinder my prayer life at times.

I’ve written articles on this before but even after 54 years, I can’t say I’ve got it down.

I don’t wake up and automatically talk to God. I’m one of those “don’t talk to me for 2 hours” kind of non-morning people.
I wish when that alarm went off I was praising Jesus instead of grumbling all the way to the coffee maker.

From the moment I wake up, a thousand thoughts run through my head. The first ten or twenty are usually “I want to go back to sleep”, but then I start thinking ahead about my day and my schedule.

I have a hard time just sitting and being still. My hands are always doing something. My mind is always thinking ahead. For me, bible reading comes easy. It’s a task that I am physically doing.

Prayer not so much.
I am an introvert, a quiet thinker but not a big talker.
For some reason I dread even talking on the phone. I’ve heard that women talk way more than men, but in my case my husband must say three times the words I do in a day.

And then, as soon as I do start talking to God, my mind begins to wander and I’m thinking of everything I want to accomplish that day.

I know that’s not God, that’s Satan trying to limit my prayer life. He knows what our weaknesses are and he knows how to use them against us.

When I think of goals, I often think about the account of Moses shining so brightly after he talked to God. Deep down that is my desire. To just shine for Jesus. To just talk to Him so big and so often that everyone knows He is my Jesus. He is my everything.

Listening to sermons and reading devotions and going to church can all motivate but having a personal one on one time with Jesus is the only thing that will truly help us get to know God and learn what it means to talk to Him as a Father and Friend.
To shine from the inside out.

You might be completely different than I am. Prayer might come easy to you but Bible reading is harder. Either way, I hope these next tips can challenge you as you talk to God on a day to day basis.

1. First and foremost, I want you to ask yourself~am I a child of God? I know that I mentioned in my last article that my first tip will always be to ask God for help, but before you can
do that~ Do you know if you are
truly His child? We are not all
“good”. All of us have sinned.
We are born sinners. Romans
3:12,23. From that tiny white lie
that you told to the murderers
on death row. We were all born
with a sin nature and can never
be good enough or do enough
good deeds to somehow make it
to heaven when we die.
Ephesians 2:8&9.
That’s why Jesus had to come
and die for our sins. He paid the
debt we owed to God for all the
wrong we’ve ever done. We
have to believe in Him, repent
and receive Him to be
permanently forgiven of our sins
and become God’s child.
Romans 10:9&10. This isn’t a
“get out of jail free” card or a
ticket you hand to God when
you die that says “I said a
prayer, so I get one free pass to
heaven”. This is a true prayer of
repentance and forgiveness
from the heart that leads to a
beautiful relationship with God
for all of eternity. John 3:16. If
you don’t have a relationship
with God, the rest of this article
will be of no help to you. If this is
something you have questions
about, please message me. With
all my heart I would love to talk
to you further about this.

~So, with that being said~
2. ASK God for help. If you don’t know where to start, if you don’t know what to say. If you feel like you are talking to a wall and you can’t feel His presence. KEEP asking for help. Every single day. All day. Keep asking. God wants a relationship with you. He wants you to communicate with Him all day long and He wants to help you with this. Pursue Him and don’t give up. Romans 8:26
3. Get to know God better by reading His words. I wrote a post about this that you can read here~ https://www.cbcofcaseville.org/blog/read-through-the-bible
A big part of the problem many
people have with prayer is that
they don’t really know God. You
might know about Him but until
you open His word and read
about His tremendous love for
you, prayer will not become
real to you.
4. Make it a habit to talk to Him all day long. Prayer doesn’t have to be a special time set aside. Prayer is simply talking to God. Talk to Him, cry with Him, sing with Him. Sit in silence and listen to Him. Thank Him. Prayers of thanksgiving can change everything about your prayer life. I encourage you to read my post about that here~ https://www.cbcofcaseville.org/blog/a-prayer-that-can-change-your-life#comments
All of these things are a part of
prayer. His presence is ALWAYS
with you, so why not talk to Him
ALWAYS?
5. Once you are a child of God, nothing can separate you from His love. Romans 8:39, John 10:28&29. You will always be His child but if you know deep down that you have sin in your life, make sure you ask Him to forgive you and restore your relationship. Psalm 66:18.
Just like in any relationship, if
you have wronged someone,
that relationship can’t move
forward and flourish until you
ask for forgiveness.

Now that we got past some basics, here are a few new things God showed me this week about my own prayer life.

1. Quit viewing it as a job, a duty or a mandate and start viewing it as an expression of love. I don’t know how many sermons I’ve heard on the importance of bible reading and prayer. ~You need to read and pray~ has been ingrained into me since junior high. It seemed as if it was almost portrayed as a command and if that command was not followed, punishment would ensue. As the years went by, I didn’t realize I began to view prayer as a duty to God. A job. Something every Christian is “supposed” to do. Prayer can too easily become mechanical. This is not what God intended at all. Think about the person you love most on this earth. Do you ever think about talking to them as a duty? No, that’s ridiculous. We WANT to talk to them. It comes natural because we love them so much. That is how it should be with God. We should wake up excited to speak to Him. We should want to share everything with Him about our day, we should lay all our burdens and anxieties at His feet. He should be the first person we want to go to when problems arise and when overwhelming happiness floods our souls. All because we love Him and all because He loves us.
2. I’ve heard women say that it’s too hard to talk to someone who is not physically there with with them, yet we talk to ourselves all the time. Think about that. Let it sink in.
Our inner thoughts command
our steps without us even
realizing it. Women have
thousand of thoughts running
through their minds at once. It’s
how we were created. Not all our
thoughts are good. Not all our
thoughts are uplifting. We can
beat ourselves up with negative
thinking. We listen to our
criticizing inner voices and we
believe them. Isaiah 55:8&9,
Jeremiah 17:9. Why is it so easy
to talk to ourselves and to listen
to those inner voices, yet
convince ourselves that we can’t
talk to God or hear from Him?
Whenever my inner thoughts
start getting the best of me, I
have tried to make it a habit to
stop listening to them and bring
all those thoughts to God. 2
Corinthians 10:5. I talk to Him
about everything going through
my mind. It’s so much easier to
give the burdens to Him. I Peter
5:7. Try this practice the next
time your inner thoughts are
gaining a negative control on
your life. Romans 12:2
3. I’ve read a lot of helpful tips on what to do if your mind wanders like mine does. Things like praying out loud, praying in a room with no distractions, kneeling when you pray etc. What has helped me most is to first ask the Holy Spirit for help, and second to remind myself that Jesus is literally right there with me. I can talk to him so much easier when I picture Him there with me. I can laugh and I can allow Him to hold me as I sob tears of heartache or shame. Because He is right there. Once your mind gets a hold of this truth, prayer is life changing.

We are all created different. God knows this. He understands this. Our prayer lives will all look different. There isn’t a magic cookie cutter mold that God expects us to master. God loves you just the way you are and He will love your conversations with Him, because He will know that’s you. He knows everything about you. He knows the deepest thoughts and feelings of our hearts. Nothing is hid from Him, so why not be real and raw when you talk to Him?
Don’t try to pray like someone else.
Let your prayers be the words your heart speaks.

You pray you.
And it will change your life.

Even though it’s scary, I’m going to be an open book here.
Back in March when this virus gripped our nation, I experienced something I never have before. I’ve had my fair share of depression, stress and even a bit of anxiety from time to time~ especially in situations involving my loved ones. It was always something God helped me get through quickly and easily.

But this, this was something new.

Fear.

Fear and fearful anxiety, and I couldn’t shake it. It seemed to control me despite everything I tried. I would wake up out of a sound sleep with my heart racing for no apparent reason.

It seemed to consume me.
I felt alone.
I felt ashamed that I was afraid.

I knew that my mind was getting the better of me. My thoughts were controlling me instead of Christ and I couldn’t seem to make it stop.

Some days I would read His words and they would be like a familiar friend. I would feel so close to Him.

But then I left my bedroom~
my safe Jesus and me space.
Sadly, without even realizing it I had allowed myself to believe that Jesus was back chilling out on my bed while I was fighting continual battles. My mind allowed myself to forget that He was right there with me through every step and every breath that I took.

As I went about my day, the cares of this world bombarded me and pushed away all the beauty I held in my heart from earlier in the day. I would fall into bed at night feeling very far from Him and wonder what happened.

Why am I like this?

There are seasons where my inner thoughts are a continual enemy, fighting against me.

Thoughts like-
⁃ I’m so scared.
⁃ I’m so messed up inside.
⁃ If anyone knew what I was really like, they’d wonder how I could even be a pastor’s wife.
⁃ I have to appear to have it all together, even though I feel like a disaster.
⁃ I wish I could be like her. She’s so strong, confident, fearless, friendly....
⁃ God must be so angry/disappointed with me.
⁃ I can’t even tell my own husband some of the crazy things that go through my head, he’d think I was nuts.
⁃ Why am I so anxious? Why am I so scared?
- I’ve got to snap out of this.
- How can I possibly help others when my mind is in such chaos?
⁃ I shouldn’t be so scared.
⁃ I need help.

These inner thoughts can create a deep loneliness and when my thoughts start to control me, it’s a battle.
My heart fighting with my mind.

In March my mind was winning.
It was a long battle.

Whatever battle you are facing, realize you cannot fight it in your own strength. No amount of positive thinking, meditating, self help devotionals or even sermons can safe-step you through this battlefield. It is only through God’s redeeming love~ in the death of Christ on the cross~that you will have the power to defeat your inner thoughts, depression, stress or anxiety. It is only your relationship with Christ that can give you that power. His power.

Christ is the only One Who can carry you across your personal battlefield.

So today I want to share some tips with you on what has helped me get past that fear and anxiety and what has helped me get through depression and stress in the past. If you don’t remember anything else from this post, I urge you to remember this
~FIGHTING WORDS.
Each one of these tips involve fighting words.

⁃ Every day, no matter how afraid or messed up I felt, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me. Day after day after day. I did not give up asking, even when I felt like it wasn’t working.
These were my fighting words.
John 14:16-18,26, 15:26, 16:13-15,
I Cor. 2:10
⁃ I started a bible plan with an accountability partner where large amounts of scripture were read daily. You can read about that post here~ https://www.cbcofcaseville.org/blog/read-through-the-bible
These were God’s fighting words.
Psalm 1:2, 119:15-16, 148, Romans 10:17
⁃ I took one day a week to sit in God’s presence and simply thank Him without asking for a thing. Even when my heart was scared and didn’t feel thankful. You can read about that experience here~ https://www.cbcofcaseville.org/blog/a-prayer-that-can-change-your-life
These were my fighting words. Ephesians 5:20
⁃ I wrote down uplifting promises from God’s word and placed them all over my house. God’s fighting words. Deuteronomy 6:6,9
⁃ I downloaded the app Dwell https://apps.apple.com/us/app/dwell-audio-bible/id1343917374 (I highly recommend this app) Whenever I am able, I listen to this all day long. It’s a beautiful way to listen to God speaking His words directly to me. It creates a place of safety, comfort and peace no matter where you are.
Again~ God’s fighting words. Deuteronomy 11:18a, John 15:11
⁃ I listen to uplifting music. Music that is centered around Christ and glorifies Him can change your heart in ways nothing else can. Here is an album that brought me much comfort back in March. https://music.apple.com/us/album/hidden-in-my-heart-a-lullaby-journey-through-scripture/464465132 Fighting words. Psalms 104:33-34, Ephesians 5:19, Colossians 3:16
⁃ And for those times when nothing seemed to help, I literally sat in bed and cried. I imagined that I was curled up in my Savior’s arms, because deep down I knew that I truly was, and I cried and cried. No words came, but I knew that God knew the words of my heart. These were the Holy Spirit’s fighting words. Romans 8:26,27, Psalm 16:11, 56:8-13, 63:6, 91:1-16
⁃

If you are trying to do life in your own strength, if you are scared or anxious, sad or stressed, if you are trying to be like someone else instead of who God made you to be, if you are trying to work your way into God’s good graces, if you are fooling yourself into thinking that you are too screwed up for God to love you or help you, if you’ve convinced yourself that He is angry or disappointed with you~ then you are basing your relationship with Him on works instead of His redemption.

I know because I have lived all of those scenarios. The last time I was feeling this way, going through some hard moments, God pricked my heart to look up the word redeemed and He showed me something that really stuck~
the very definition of redemption.
Isaiah 43:1

“Redemption refers to the deliverance of Christians from sin. It assumes an important position in salvation because the transgressions in question form part of a great system against which human power is helpless”.

Human power is helpless.
I can’t get past that fear or stress, anxiety or depression because I alone am helpless.

BUT CHRIST IN ME!
Those are fighting words.

I am redeemed. He is my power. He will fight for me. He will carry me through that battlefield of my mind right over to the other side. And He will carry you too my friend. Exodus 15:13

And guys, it will change your life.

I CAN ONLY WRITE THE SONGS I NEED TO HEAR

Can I just be honest here~

I have fear. I get anxious. I don’t have answers to the hard questions. At times I struggle knowing what I should post or how I should pray, and sometimes I don’t think I even know what to think.

I’m not strong. I worry I’m doing this life wrong. I’m doing this mom thing, this wife thing, this pastor’s wife thing, this whole blog thing~wrong.

I have doubts. Who am I to write anything? I’ve been accused of overthinking. How can I tell others what they ought to think?

I get scared. Life is going too fast. The older I get the weeks seem to spiral past me like a movie on fast forward.

At times I find myself wishing I could be free of worry and doubt. Free from the overthinking and fear. Free from the “what~ifs” and “should~haves”.

And I’m scared that if I share this, everyone will think I’m a little bit crazy. Or a whole lot crazy. No one will want to read the words that I write.

God won’t get the glory.

But today, as I read HIS words to me, He tells me something different~

He tells me I am set free~
“For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death”

He tells me I don’t need to feel enslaved by my mess ups.
He tells me I don’t need to be scared~
“For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba (Daddy), Father.”

He tells me He is my Daddy and I can cry out to Him, day or night because I am His child~
“The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: “

He tells me He will be glorified~
“And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

He tells me He is always there to help me, when I don’t know what to write or think or pray, He knows~
“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.”

He tells me that everything will work out~
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

That He is for me, and that’s all that matters~
“What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”

And that nothing that I do or don’t do, nothing that I think, nothing that I say, no fear or worry~~
NOTHING can separate me from His love~
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”

And that through Him, I will conquer~
“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
‭‭
Romans‬ ‭8:2, 15-18, 26-28, 31-32, 35, 37-39‬ ‭

So, that’s what I will think. That’s what I will say. That’s what I will write. That’s what I will post. Because they are His words, and not mine,

And that’s what I will believe.

There is a sphere.
It continually turns, as water gently cascades across its surface.
It sits in a waiting room and when my children were younger, the first time they saw it they were in awe.
It was limitless.
It was powerful.
It was beautiful~yet, with the simple touch of their tiny hand they could stop it all.

Without realizing it, we often limit God’s power in every hard situation we face. We compartmentalize what we believe God can and can’t do in our lives. In our messes. In our anxieties, in our fears, in our unknowns and in the world around us.

We might hear the trite words~
“God does everything for a reason”. Or~”you just need to pray about it more”. Although meant to be, these aren’t words of comfort. They are often pet answers from a sincere heart that has no answers.

Perhaps a heart that hasn’t truly been intimate with God’s power.

And we limit God.

God can do anything.

ANYTHING!

Just like that sphere, when our hands interfere and our hearts disbelieve-God’s beautiful glory no longer cascades across our lives and the lives around us.
And we ask “why God, why?”

And the whole while our sweet Father is telling us-“lift your hand of disbelief away and allow my power and my glory to wash over you. Let Me show you what I can do in your life.”

In the waiting.

That job situation. That school situation. That hurting marriage. That crying infant. That rebellious teenager. That health scare. That loved one’s illness. That unknown future.

I used to watch my children as their tiny fingers touched that sphere and think about how big they looked next to it, as if they had the world in their hands. They held the power to control its beauty.

And then, I couldn’t help but think~

My God is so much bigger.

The reality of our minute stature hits me hard~

He holds our world in His hands and we hold His power in our hearts. With Him, anything is possible.

ANYTHING

Lift your hand. Let go. Watch God’s power, glory and beauty cascade over your life and just believe.

Just believe.


“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:20‬

“God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭62:11‬ ‭

“Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭22:29‬ ‭

“Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭71:18‬ ‭

“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:”
‭‭John‬ ‭1:12‬ ‭

“But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭59:16‬ ‭

“And they were all amazed at the mighty power of God.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭9:43‬a‭

“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭32:27‬ ‭

“I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.”
‭‭Job‬ ‭42:2‬ ‭

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭

***FOR WOMEN ONLY***

I’d just had my first baby only one month before. Between the post baby body and hormones, my insecurities were at an all time high. Mike suggested we go out and do something that sounded fun to me so we packed up the stroller and headed to the mall.

It was December of 1986. Baby Jessica decided in the middle of our mall trip that she was hungry and she could not wait.

Things were different. Moms didn’t just whip it out in public and start nursing, even with a blanket covering them. So, I went out to our small, cramped car and attempted to nurse fussy Jessica under my heavy sweater and winter coat.

Despite the freezing temperatures, the sweat began to roll and the hormones began to rage. The hormones were definitely winning the battle and I started to cry.

When I got back inside, the first thing I saw was a full wall advertisement for Victoria’s Secret. Not life size. Bigger. Gigantic, gorgeous, amazon women with perfect hair and bodies.

And I lost it.

That was the beginning of the end.

My insecurities got worse instead of better. I felt fat and ugly after each baby. Instead of doing something about it, I resorted to junk food and complaining.

Continual complaining.

“I’m so fat. I’m so ugly. My double chin, my small chest, my flabby stomach...”

and on and on and on.

I was defeated without a fight.

And my daughters watched it all.

Why do we let society dictate what qualifies as beautiful to us? Why do we allow it to dictate those qualities to our daughters?

Why is it so hard to believe that we are beautiful?

It starts so young and once it grabs hold, it’s hard to shake.

My innocent granddaughter Ellie with her naturally curly, brown hair came home from kindergarten and told me she was ugly because her hair wasn’t straight. Or blonde.

It broke my heart.

She is so beautiful to me.
She is so beautiful to God.

How can we change this mindset in our daughters?

YOU are beautiful to God.

Start believing it’s true in yourself.

And that’s where it gets so hard.

Many of us can’t. Including myself.

It’s a continual battle that I cannot seem to win. With every TV commercial and magazine cover hitting me where it hurts. Ephesians 6:12-18

So you buy books and read articles and decide you’re going to change. And the first week you get up and spend time with God and read and feel the confidence returning. You smile. You’re happy.

And then you walk into the mall with your husband.... And you are defeated and complaining all over again. Romans 7:22&23

Your husband sits in silence. He has told you time and time again how beautiful you are to him. He is at a loss for words.

But your daughter hears your EVERY word.

She thinks you’re beautiful.
She thinks you’re amazing.
She’s confused.

Why is this a continual cycle in our lives?

Because society screams at us from every direction and we listen to them and NOT TO GOD.

We don’t believe GOD’S words.

I can hear some of your thoughts as you read this. “Oh brother. You’re tall and slim. Why are you complaining?” But we all have our trouble spots. We all have our insecurities.

Your daughter looks at you and thinks~ “mom you are amazing and beautiful and I want to be JUST LIKE YOU. Why do you complain?”

And even sadder, God looks at us and says-“I made you in MY IMAGE. You are wonderfully made. You are beautiful in MY EYES. Why do you complain?” Genesis 1:27

In a way, we are telling God~”you created the world and you saved my soul from eternal damnation, but man~You really missed the mark with this body of mine.”
Romans 9:20, Psalm 8:3-4

Shame on us.
Shame on me.

I’m not condoning being lazy and not taking care of ourselves. It’s not ok to go buy a bag of Lays and a half gallon of ice cream and have at it every time we feel ugly~ because pretty soon, for some of us, that could be our daily diet.
It’s actually harmful to our bodies in so many ways and it’s teaching our children that food is the answer. Food is our comfort. Food is our happiness.

And God isn’t in the equation.
Isaiah 55:2
I Corinthians 10:31

I wish I had started my healthy journey earlier but after my daughter Jessica went to college I decided it was time for change.

I started working out. I ate right. I lifted. I lost weight and gained muscle. But when I looked in the mirror I was still discouraged.

All that work would not take away the hidden wrinkling, sagging skin that age allows to creep up on us.

It didn’t take away my hidden flabby tummy after having four children and a hysterectomy.

It didn’t take away the hidden dimples (aka cellulite) I had in all the wrong places or the varicose veins that looked like a road map on my thighs.

I just learned how to hide it all.

But my heart was hidden too. Hidden behind push up bras, loose shirts and control top panty hose.

Why was I hiding behind these things in self loathing doubt and why do I still try to hide?

Because I’m not hiding God’s words in my heart.
Romans 8:9-11

That’s where it has to start and that’s what we have to keep going back to. Over and over and over.

That thought process is very, very foreign to so many of us.

We can’t win this battle on our own ladies. We can only win with Christ in our hearts and His power on our lives. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10


So this is my journey.

✔️To take care of this body He has given me. To work hard on the things I CAN change but accept the things I PHYSICALLY can not. Matthew 6:27
✔️To continue to stay healthy, eat healthy and work out.
✔️To tirelessly play with my grandchildren and someday see them graduate and get married. (And maybe my great grandchildren one day too.)
✔️To understand that outward beauty is vanity but inward beauty is EVERYTHING. Proverbs 31:30
✔️To focus on the beauty of my Lord and continually remind myself that when He looks at me, He sees beautiful. Song of Solomon 4:7, Isaiah 62:3, Psalm 90:17
✔️To understand that He has made me in HIS image. Genesis 1:26-26,31

HIS IMAGE!! That’s HUGE!

✔️To look in the mirror and choose to be like Christ and not like the world’s standard of beauty.
Psalms 17:15
✔️To trust that God knew about each part of my body before I was even born. He knew about every future wrinkle, every dimple, every sag and every measurement and when He celebrated my very first birth day~ He said “perfect”.
Psalms 139:13-17, Luke 12:7,
✔️To teach my granddaughters what beauty really means in God’s eyes. Romans 10:15
✔️To show them they are strong and can accomplish anything with Christ in their heart and God by their side. Ephesians 2:10, I Peter 2:9, Philippians 4:13

✔️To know that it’s not about me but it’s all about God. And God’s beauty shines brighter and longer and more magnificent than any wall mural this world has to offer.
Psalm 90:17

And that’s all I need to know.

Because I am made in His image.

​Have you ever wondered if you were a little crazy? Don't tell anyone, but I have. 😂Maybe it's because I'm a deep thinker. Sometimes that can get you into trouble because then you tend to over think every situation. There have been times that I lay in bed at night and vocalize my crazy thoughts to my poor husband and afterward realize that he must think I have some serious issues. So then I ask him if he does think that I have some serious issues (because I am laying next to him over thinking) and he hugs me tight and whispers "not at all" then rolls over and within seconds is fast asleep. In the mean time~there I lay. Thinking. At times, if we aren't careful, our minds can get us into trouble, especially if you are a pre-menopausal woman like me who sometimes has trouble sleeping at night. All kinds of things can pop into your head and suddenly you are worried about issues you probably wouldn't have even thought about in the busy day time hours. It's at these times that I am so thankful for God's words to me. When the rest of the world is fast asleep and my husband lays next to me snoring~I am thankful that the Bible tells me that my Heavenly Father never sleeps or slumbers. He stays awake with me. He holds my hand and my heart when it frets. When my brain won't shut off and my thoughts become scattered~ again God reminds me that His thoughts are not my thoughts neither are His ways my ways. He asks me to set my thoughts on things above, not on things on the earth and He promises me that if I think on these things; things that are lovely, things that are true, things that are honest, just and pure, that the peace of God that passes all understanding will keep not only my heart, but my mind and all those crazy thoughts inside it. So I snuggle in closer to my husband under the covers and listen to my Savior whisper psalms to my heart and then I drift off to sleep under a blanket of peace that truly passes all my pre-menopausal understanding.