“Why can’t I be normal?” We were on our way to another Doctor. Another specialist. Something wrong with me AGAIN. Tears filled my eyes. “And it’s always something strange with me, something that the doctor can’t figure out”. I was pouring my heart out to Mike. I felt like a constant disappointment not only to him but also to my children and church family. And every time something was wrong, it resulted in me being flat on my back. No use to anyone. I wanted to hide. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. I was sure all the ladies at church thought I was a terrible pastor’s wife and my own children thought I was a huge disappointment as a mother.
Here’s the thing. Of all the posts that I’ve written, of all the stories I’ve shared of deliverance by God, of answered prayer, of trust in the Savior, at that moment I felt lost and completely alone again. In one tiny moment, just like that, it was all forgotten as I sat crying in pain. I am not some picture of Godliness, I have not arrived. I am human. I am weak. Ladies, that’s exactly where Satan wants us. He gets us to the point where we are so weak and so desperate that we begin to entertain thoughts that aren’t even true. We forget about every miraculous story of God’s deliverance and sit in our own pitiful pain and despair. We feel sorry for ourselves, and depending on the circumstance, maybe we have every right to, but we have absolutely no right to dismiss God and all He has done for us. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what we do when we allow ourselves to get to this point. God can do unexplained miracles in our life but all it takes is one Doctor uttering the words “way out of her league” or “abnormal” to scare us into thinking we are alone and forgotten. I guess that’s why the story of Moses and the Israelites has always intrigued me. How easy is it to read about the burning bush, the plagues, the Red Sea and judge the Israelites for their childish murmurings. How easy it is to say “how could they forget God’s miracles so quickly?” I guess one of the reasons we can be so quick to judge is because we can go back a few chapters and reread the miraculous story of God’s deliverance over and over and over. It’s a story that never gets old. My friend, your story will never get old. You just have to go back a few chapters and reread it. We have to push aside our childish murmurings and we have to mentally remind ourselves that He is OUR God of miracles and He has been, and always will be there for us. Take a moment today and write down one thing from your past that God helped you get through. Shut everything else out and focus on that. And then thank Him over and over throughout your day. Tomorrow, add another to your list and then the next day and the next and the next until one year from today you are adding the 365th way God has blessed your life. Your perspective will be completely changed. We can’t allow Satan to squirm his way in, because he will use any means necessary to take us away from our closeness with God. Focusing on ourselves is one of his best weapons.
God made me laugh at myself even today as I typed the words at the beginning of this post~”I was pouring my heart out to Mike”. When I went back to read what I had written I laughed out loud. Auto correct changed “pouring” to “pouting”. “I WAS POUTING.” I’m sure that was all God. Funny how He uses things to get our attention. Switch your focus today and place it on the Savior and all the crazy, unexplainable, miraculous, beautiful ways He has blessed your life. Grab a pen, because today is only the beginning of your story, a story that you will want to read over and over again. A story that will never get old.
Exodus 19:4 Ephesians 3:20 Proverbs 3:5-6