RAIN SHOWERS AND DARK DAYS
This morning I sat in bed.
It was dark and the lamp next to my bed gave the room a soft, cozy glow.
God’s word was open on my lap,
but I wasn’t reading.
I wasn’t praying.
I was listening.
It was raining.
Hard, driving, continuous rain.
And I remembered.
I remembered a time when I was only 4 or 5. A day just like this. I was in the family room with my mom. I think she was ironing. The room was dark as rain cascaded in heavy streams down the windows.
And a lamp was on.
I can vividly remember looking at the rain and looking at the cozy glow the lamp gave the room,
and looking up at my beautiful mom.
And I felt safe and I felt loved. I felt cozy. I felt like I didn’t want that feeling to end. Ever.
Every time it rains I think of that day.
I think that’s why I’m a bit weird in that,
I love rain showers and dark days.
They bring me back.
Sometimes it’s such a good feeling. Like being wrapped in a soft, comfy blanket. I love the coziness I feel inside my home.
And then there are other days.
Other days when life is hard and heartache or pain have hit me out of no where, days like today that make me weep,
because I want to go back.
I want the freedom that comes with being a child again. No responsibilities. No need to be strong for everyone. No pain. No heartache. No real, deep down, debilitating hurt.
My mom. I want my mom.
I’m a grandma and there are still days I want to go back.
There are still days I want my mom.
So I look down at my lap. And through the tears I see a love letter written just for me. And even though the words become blurred due to my tears, He tells me this~
“As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted....”
My mom is gone.
I have bad days.
I have heart wrenching, pain filled days.
I am not always strong.
I have days where all I want to do is cry and go back.
Back to that little girl who looked up at her beautiful mom and knew everything was right and good and safe.
And then God whispers to my heart and I realize that even though I am a grandma,
I will always be God’s little girl.
He will always be there to comfort me.
He doesn’t scold, even when I lose it and cry and tell Him I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this adult thing.
He just loves me and tells me that He knows. And then He holds me and comforts me. He tells me it’s okay as I let the tears fall.
Just like that rain.
And just like that old lamp,
When I look up at Him I can suddenly feel that cozy, safe glow inside my heart~
and I know
Everything will be right, and good. I am safe. I am loved. I am held in His arms forever. The weight of the world is lifted and released from my heavy heart and I am a carefree child again.
I am His child.
And so are you.
“For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.”