WALLS AROUND YOUR HEART
There were walls that surrounded my heart.
They had been there for years.
They started off small, but slowly I added to them. Year after year, brick after brick, I added to those walls until my heart was completely surrounded.
No one could break through. No one could hurt me again. I would not be vulnerable. I would protect myself. But in the darkness of those walls that surrounded me, my heart got cold.
It was a continual battle of my own making. I would not allow anyone in. I became insecure. I had trust issues. Bitterness slowly crept in. I thought that if I just stayed behind these walls, I would be safe.
Deep down I knew, I had built up walls against God as well. Despite all my efforts at trying to change, the walls would not come down.
I was too scared to let anyone in. I was too scared of being hurt again.
I was stuck.
Instead of giving God each circumstance that hurt me, I built the walls higher, and though I lied and told myself I didn’t, I blamed Him. Why didn’t He step in and stop that from happening? Why did He allow my heart to get so hurt? I always boasted that I never questioned God. Deep down I truly thought that I had faith in Him. That He has a reason for everything that happened, but I realized I was wrong~
I had blamed Him.
And now it was too late.
The wall was too high for me to climb. It was too hard. I couldn’t break it down. Some days I beat on it over and over and over, but I couldn’t stop the fear, the mistrust and the insecurities. And I fell on my face before God and cried.
I cried and I cried.
So many wasted years. I was of no use to Him now. How could I be?
But then He called my name.
He opened my eyes and He showed me. I didn’t have to break those walls down. I didn’t have to try to climb over them. There~ in the darkness that overwhelmed me~was a door. A door called grace. It had been there all along. He whispered to my aching heart that He was that door. All I need do was open it and walk through.
I would be free.
I hesitated. I hesitated for a very long time. I was scared to open that door and become vulnerable. I couldn’t do it. I cried and told Him that I couldn’t do it. I was too scared.
And that’s when He picked me up and He carried me.
He opened that door and He walked through it~
with me in His arms.
And as He walked through that door, those walls came crashing down behind us until nothing was left.
The darkness was gone.
I was completely engulfed in the beautiful Light of the world.
I was free because~
I was free in Him and through Him.
I was finally free.
John 8:12, 8:36