9/30/2017
Let This Mind Be In YouGod bless all you mothers who love/loved being pregnant. I am not one of them. The only things I loved about being pregnant were letting my stomach hang out and eating whatever I wanted from months 5-9. The supposed exciting months (1-4), when you make that first announcement and everyone is so happy for you, were THE WORST. I was puking continually, peeing continually, dizzy, exhausted, peeing again, irritable, crying over everything and peeing some more. My hormones were an absolute mess. I felt confused and ugly and my chest felt like my bra was holding up a couple of rocks or maybe boulders. Ya, it wasn't a fun experience for me. Unfortunately, it was an amazing experience for an acquaintance of mine who happened to get pregnant at the same time~ and she always made sure I knew it. At times it can be so very hard to love someone with a pure heart, the way that Christ loves. It's even harder when you are going through something that seems horrendous to you, and that person just rubs it in.......day after day after day. I was so nauseated with my pregnancies that I didn't even want to talk to people for fear that if I opened my mouth, surely I would puke. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to sleep, yet every time I came to church I heard-"isn't being pregnant amazing?" I have so much energy!" I think I'm just GLOWING! I wish I could be pregnant ALL the time". Mind you, this woman was fully aware of how sick I was. Believe me, I had asked for prayer on several occasions. It can be very dangerous to mess with the mind of a hormonal woman. There were times I could feel the anger boiling inside me, with fleeting thoughts of strangling the life out of her (just kidding....but maybe a little serious). Most of the time though, I just wanted to hide and cry. I would beat myself up inside, wishing I could be just like her. "WHY CANT I BE LIKE HER????" I even questioned God and wondered why on earth He would put me in a ministering position yet have me running to the bathroom every two seconds to pee or throw up. "How can this possibly help people Lord?"
I'll be completely honest here Ladies. I never came to an "AHA" moment with a changed heart full of love and compassion for this woman. It was a daily battle for me for three years, until we moved away. After pregnancy, her delivery was perfect, her babies were perfect, her marriage was perfect. Her children were born with full heads of hair. They sat up first, walked first, talked first, slept through the night and even ate like adults. Not one bit of food anywhere on them. Then I'd look over at my daughter, with baby food smeared all over her little face and bald head, and I just wanted to cry and crawl under the table. Why do we do this to ourselves Ladies? Why do we always compare ourselves to others or worse, let the things others do rule our lives and steal our joy and peace? God tells us that if we love God's Word we will have great peace, and nothing will offend us (Psalm 119:165). He also tells us that if we compare ourselves to others we are not wise (2 Corinthians 19:12) and most importantly of all, He tells us to love each other FERVENTLY with a pure heart (1 Peter 1:22). When you are pregnant and hormonal all you can think is " how on earth am I supposed to love this person?" God answers for us-"let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5). Even if we have to beg God for help to love as Christ loves on a daily (or minute by minute) basis, that's exactly what we need to be doing. So any ladies out there who are hormonal, or pregnant and miserable, I'm right there with you and understand! Any ladies who are having a hard time dealing with the worst person in the universe right now, again, I'm right there with you but more importantly so is Christ. He not only had to deal with the worst of the worst, He died at their hand, and He did it all for us~out of pure love. What a beautiful standard to go by. So, don't be comparing yourself to others and wishing you had that "glow" but pray for His glow, His mind, His love~every single day. And here's a crazy thought to ponder....what if WE ARE that person that drives someone else crazy and gets on their last nerve? But that's another Devo for another day. Today~ let His mind be in you. 😉☺️
9/23/2017
Forever His ChildI think she wanted to be a mama from the time she could start walking and talking. Always acting grown up. Always taking care of her baby dolls, and then her siblings. Always putting on a brave face. And then she was telling me with wide eyes and a shaky smile that she would be okay, but she was just my little girl. My first. My baby, and I could see in her eyes that she was scared and my mama heart hurt for her. I knew this was something she would have to go through. The Doctor thought it best for her overall health but it was very hard for this mama to watch her baby as they wheeled her away.
This wasn't the time she had to have her tonsils out and tubes put in her ears when she was only 4 years old, although that's exactly how my heart felt. This was 23 yrs later when my daughter had to have a procedure done to make sure she didn't have cancer. And even though she was an adult, when I looked into her eyes she was still my little baby. The same baby that the Doctor placed in my arms in the delivery room as I wept tears of joy. The one I loved more than life itself and couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as I loved her, and yet God showed me 3 times again how much love I had to give. For 18 years they are our everything and they may go to college, get married and have children, but they are, and always will be, our babies. Mamas of little ones, when your baby is sick or hurt and the tears flow and your heart breaks because it is so hard to watch them go through this pain, please always remember that is exactly how your own mother feels about "grown-up" you. You will always be her baby. And mamas of grown children, sometimes it's even harder when they're adults. It's hard to stand by and watch pain, physical or emotional. It's hard for advice to go unheeded or to sit and cry with them when life is scary and uncertain. When mistakes have been made. I think worry over our children and grandchildren has to be the biggest obstacle a mama goes through in life and something we need God for so desperately. Whether the little girls tease her on recess or the boy with the cute smile breaks her heart. Whether she has the stomach flu with a high fever or a bad dream during a thunder storm. Whether she can't get pregnant, though they've tried and tried or the Doctor finds "abnormal cells" ~the tears are almost unbearable and the heart ache is always the same. It's crushing. I'm very thankful she did not have cancer, but I honestly don't know how mama's can do it without the Lord by their side. He is our God of comfort~ to talk to and cry with and share our mama heart with. So from the moment they are born, you teach them that God is always, always there. That He is the God who answers prayer and the One who loves them so much more than even you do. That He will hold them as the nurses wheel them away and He will take care of them. That He can give peace in the midst of every storm. Show them the miracles in your life because of Him. Show them who God is and place those babies in His arms, the safest place they could ever be, no matter their age. They will always be your baby but they will forever be His child.
9/16/2017
Making Memories That Mean SomethingOkay this is going to sound crazy but, Walmart gives me a crazy sense of joy. Not the spending money part, just the being there part. My husband... not so much. He could do without that weekly bill I rack up every Monday.
Mondays have always been shopping day for us since we first moved to Caseville 23 years ago. Every time I walk through the doors and grab that shopping cart, the memories rush over me and I think of the thousands of times I have walked through those very doors and the different seasons of my life I was in. Walking through the doors with 4 children under the age of 7. Taking my youngest straight to the hospital from Walmart when she fell running around a rack of clothes with her brother, only to find she had a broken collar bone. Shopping with my kids after they got spending money and losing my patience because my son could not make up his mind on a toy after over an hour, sometimes longer. (He's still the same way today). Listening to them all chatter and laugh through the aisles as I tried to keep them close and demanded they had one hand on the cart at all times while in the parking lot. I remember watching my girls pretend to shop like mama. I remember thoughts about what it would be like to actually shop with them when they were grown and married. To talk to them as we shopped, to pick out makeup together or share recipes. Thoughts of the fun times we would have during the holidays, looking at the decorations or checking off our lists for Christmas baking and present shopping. For them to someday become my best friends. And now, my little babies (and their spouses) are all my best friends. I don't have to wonder anymore. My girls shop with me quite regularly. At times it can be crazy if they are all with me, sometimes packing all my girls (Jessica, Andrea, Kathryn and Shannon) and our groceries~and even the babies~ into one vehicle. There have been trips where babies cried the entire time or pooped through outfits. Times when my daughter and I were in the bathroom holding their onesie under the hand dryer after washing the poop out, (to the horrified looks of some elderly ladies) or the time one of the babies peed through her diaper and someone actually told me my granddaughter was leaking from the cart 😂😂 (Thank God Walmart sells clothes!) but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is my awesome life and I will forever be thankful to God for the chaos and crying and poopy onesies and the piles of groceries jammed between my daughters and car seats and their dad's tools in the back~the serious talks and the silly ones where we laughed so hard we cried~ and the love that fills that vehicle~ all on our way to and from Walmart. Cherish every single moment of your life. Make it a memory that means something. Always be thankful to God for the piles of blessings our lives our jammed with. Blessings that we can sometimes miss if we only focus on the negative. See the good in every situation. Yes, we can have a heart of joy if our hearts choose to look for it in everything, even as we walk through the doors of Walmart. James 1:17
9/9/2017
He Waves To Me With A SmileWhen my son left for his first day of school, I stood on the porch and watched as he walked down the street with his sisters toward the school. I stood there until he turned the corner and couldn't see me anymore, the same corner where my daughter now lives. Tears were in my eyes because that entire walk down our long street he kept looking back at me and waving. He looked so tiny and helpless to me and I prayed that as I waved back, my presence would reassure him that he would be okay. My baby trying to be a big boy.
Today I watched my grandson as he left with mommy and daddy. They were pulling him in a wagon with his brother toward home. The same direction my children walked every day towards the school. Mommy and daddy were busy talking, not knowing that as I stood on the porch Ethan continued to look back at me, waving the entire time. His little arm had to be so tired but he kept waving and I continued to wave back. He has a very tender heart and often gets teary eyed when he has to say goodbye to me, so I wouldn't step back inside for fear he wouldn't see me and it would break his heart. Just like his uncle Michael. Do you ever wonder what goes through their little minds? What troubles their little hearts? Growing up, my mom always taught me to try to "put myself in other's shoes". If someone acts like they're having a bad day. If someone is grouchy or quiet or sad. If someone snaps at me, or doesn't say a word. Even at times when I might initially be very hurt by someone's comment or actions, I try to reason that something caused them to act that way. Perhaps they are facing something scary and the fear of the unknown has their hearts troubled. Maybe they are lonely or have received bad news. Maybe they feel like their life is falling apart. As a grandma it's even easier to do with your grandchildren. When my daughters are having a rough day because the kids are whiney and clingy or crying non stop, I guarantee they will hear~"aww, maybe they don't feel good today" instead of "I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day". It must drive them crazy! But in that moment as I watched Ethan and remembered his uncle doing the same thing, I just couldn't help trying to put myself in their shoes. Trying to imagine what was going through their tiny hearts and minds and I desperately wanted to make everything ok for them. I wanted them both to know that I was here, and I would be here when they returned. I'm so very thankful that I have a Savior who doesn't have to wonder what's going through my heart and mind. He already knows. He truly put Himself in our shoes when He came to earth and He desperately wants to make everything okay for me. His heart is always touched when I'm sad or lonely. When I feel tiny and helpless. When no one else around me knows what I'm going through, He is standing at the door of my heart reassuring me, because He knows exactly what my heart is going through. He is always there. I never have to fear that I won't see Him there. He waves to me with a smile and His peace washes over me and when I turn the corner to face my day, His reassurances give me courage and hope. And I know that whatever my day holds, I can return to Him again and again and He will always be right there waiting.
9/2/2017
This Is What Is NeededWhat is it about our precious, sleeping babies that just tugs at the heart strings and brings tears to our eyes? Maybe it's the exhaustion that gets to our emotions from a full day of babies and laundry and poopy diapers and potty training, teething and allergies and toys and terrible two's. It's those days where your youngest is colicky and your oldest decides to get into your red lipstick to help her sister look "boo-t-full". The days you thought you were being such a great mom by sitting and doing crafts with your kids, even though you felt like you had a million other things to do. Then, your potty training two year old has an accident and upon returning to the craft table your daughter is holding the scissors and her bangs are missing. Yep, cut clean off. Every time you look at her, you beat yourself up inside (I mean what kind of a mother leaves her kids alone with scissors?) The days you want to collapse and cry. The times you do cry because you just screamed at all of them for the umpteenth time, "Why can't you ever get along? I'm so sick and tired of this!" Or the days your husband walks in and you realize it's time for dinner, but you forgot all about it because your kids have the flu and when you catch your reflection in the mirror for the first time all day, you burst into tears. The times you tell your kids you have to go potty and need privacy just so you can sit on the bathroom floor and get a few minutes of sanity back. The moments you were wishing so bad you could just have one night alone with your husband and when you do finally get a babysitter, you end up missing those babies like crazy and worrying about them the whole time. The guilt you feel for always thinking "what about me?" The mornings you just want some time alone with God so badly, but they all decide to wake up at 5am and get into bed with you. The every day chaos where life turns into one big blur and you feel like you are always pregnant or breast feeding or changing diapers or cleaning up puke...... But now the house is quiet and in the dark you see their soft, beautiful, precious faces. So amazing and so innocent and you want to cry all over again because you love them so much.
Mama, this is your ministry. This is your high calling. This is your time with God. These are the most important days of your life. You are not alone. Every mama is going through it with you, and you know what? Every grandma is looking back on it and wishing for one more of those moments with her children. One more of those days. More chaos. More runny noses. More sloppy kisses. More cuddles. More giggles. More hugs. I'm that grandma. Those were my children. You have a gift in front of you right now. An amazing, wonderful, beautiful, precious gift from God. Your child. Your children. You are the most important thing to them in this universe. There is no one else that can take the place of mama. There is no one else they want when they are hurt or scared or sad. Only you, and God made you to be the perfect mother for them. Don't get discouraged. Don't beat yourself up. God understands the 5am mornings when they pile into bed with you and your bible remains unopened on the night stand. And God understands that some days when you look in on them after they've all gone to sleep, you really feel like you blew it that day. But now in the dark as they all sleep, you softly kiss each of them and whisper your love for them and God whispers back to you. Can you hear Him? He is whispering to your heart~ "you are doing MY work right now. You haven't blown it. This is what's important. This is what's needed. I am with you. They need you and I have chosen you, only you." So close your eyes, kiss them again and let your heart smile, because right now you are the most important person in the world and you are doing an amazing job. |
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