UNTIL THEY NO LONGER NEED YOU
I listened to him tell us about his dump truck.
His big blue eyes sparkled as he spoke. Any other person may not have understood half of what he was saying,
but I did.
He’s my grandson and memories of his own mother came flooding back.
With her lisp and tiny voice.
I could hear her telling me all about her little stuffed bunny.
Just like it was yesterday.
And this grandma wanted my daughter to hold that memory and make time stand still for a moment.
I wanted her to realize how much she would miss these seemingly trivial conversations with her son.
Telling mama about dump trucks.
But when we’re a young mom and in the thick of it, often we don’t even hear it.
They talk and talk and talk...
It is non stop.
Life is so busy, our schedules are so hectic, our day to day responsibilities are so weighing~
that we brush it off.
We don’t really pay attention.
It’s just background noise.
Until one day he is talking to you like an adult, and your heart skips a beat.
When did that happen?
When did it change?
Time goes on and pretty soon their life is too busy. Your children are adults with schedules and day to day responsibilities that weigh on them.
And then there is no talking at all. Moments that are few and far between.
You understand their busyness because~
wasn’t it just yesterday that you were there in the thick of it?
Wasn’t it just yesterday that your own mother was telling you how much she missed you?
How she wished you would visit more often?
And you were frustrated.
You complained that she had no idea how busy your life was.
Until it wasn’t.
But then it was too late.
Dare I say mama that you may think your life is hard now, that you will never get beyond the constant talking, interruptions and neediness~
You might wish for peace and quiet~
but one day all you will have is the quiet.
That’s when it’s hard.
Soak up every single word.
Stop what you’re in the middle of while your child is talking to you, think about what I have said and try to picture that little one as an adult who no longer needs you.
Look at them~really look at them~
because one day they will be too busy to talk and you will wish for that moment back again.
You will wish he was telling you about his dump truck like you were the most important person in his world.
Because honestly mama, you were.
Don’t ever take that for granted.
And one day, just because you remember that busy time in your life and you understand it~
doesn’t mean you miss your children talking to you any less.
You will remember those moments and wish you could have them back again.
Just you and your baby~
talking about dump trucks.
You aren’t alone.
You aren’t the only one who struggles in your walk with God.
At times it’s hard to look at pictures of other people’s lives on social media. Posts that seem to dictate how close they are to God.
Pictures that make us wish we were more spiritually “mature”.
I always fall short.
I feel ashamed.
I beat myself up wondering why I go through these seasons of minuscule prayer time and five minute devotions.
I feel ashamed that I’m not praying more for the ones I love most in this world. That I lose my temper or my patience. That bitterness creeps in so easily and my fruits of the spirit seem non existent.
I feel ashamed that I don’t love God more.
I find myself asking how many times God can forgive me for messing up again.
No, you aren’t alone.
No, I don’t have it all together.
I find myself dwelling on past mistakes. Even mistakes from my childhood haunt me.
And I find myself believing how disappointed God must be with me.
For crying out loud, I’m a pastor’s wife.
I write a blog that’s supposed to encourage!
I post quotes about Gods mercy and love and grace, but find myself questioning how much mercy and love and grace God is willing to impart on such a failure and perhaps even hypocrite.
It is hard for me to grasp the truth that~
THIS IS NOT TRUE!
It’s hard for me to wrap my finite mind around a love so pure and a grace so infinite and a mercy so constant.
But my Father assures me that my finite mind doesn’t have to, because His love and His mercy and His grace are NOT contingent on my actions.
They are unconditional.
He whispers to my heart that He will always love me and nothing can separate me from that amazing love and grace.
I am a child. He is my Father. And just like a child, I will always be growing and learning and changing. Just like a child I can become lazy or try too hard to be independent.
And just like a child~
eventually I realize I just need my Dad.
And He will always be right there calling out to me~
“It’s time to come home Charisse.”
“You were never alone. I’ve been here all along. Right here. I haven’t moved. Patiently I’ve been waiting. You are my daughter and there is nothing you can do that will change that.”
And so, I sit and open His words to me. Immediately they speak to my saddened heart of all His love, all his mercy, all his grace.
And I weep with thanksgiving that anyone could love me so much.
No you aren’t alone.
I am right there with you,
but more important
So is He.
And He always will be.
Just come home.
One word that can change her life forever.
2 minute read
The blankets were warm.
The lights were dim.
The voices were soft...compassionate.
She was explaining to me what she would be doing, showing me the screen and the images.
I watched as the needle went in, almost as if it wasn’t happening to me.
But it was.
And time stood still...
Thousands of us have been here.
Right here in this very moment.
Holding our breath.
Watching time stand still~
yet our life pass before our eyes.
Waiting for the results that are finally spoken.
And in the waiting,
those who have been here before us have two options:
To show that person empathy,
or to show them apathy.
To remember the fear, the anxiousness, the worry~
and to allow all of those pieces of our hearts to spill forth into our words~
or to thoughtlessly dismiss it because somehow you made it through.
You were ok.
But she may not be.
I remember both reactions in those moments my life stood still.
I will never forget the sweet compassion and heartfelt prayers of those who knew exactly what I was going through.
As that needle went in and I watched, I felt God comfort my weary soul. I felt the prayers of loved ones wash over me and as time stood still, I heard my Savior whisper to my anxious heart that I would be okay...
No matter what story that needle had to tell~I would be okay.
Because He is my Father and even if I lost my very life, I would never, ever lose Him.
And if my physical body had to endure tremendous pain in the process and I had no strength left to hold on~
I wouldn’t have to~
because He would be holding me.
And my sisters would be holding me. Holding me in prayer and compassion. The compassion of those who had been there, who remembered the 60 seconds it took as the doctor told them their results.
That compassion and those prayers allowed me the peace that passes understanding.
60 seconds that could change a person’s life forever. One word that could bring immense relief or heart wrenching sorrow.
So choose your words and actions wisely as you encounter a sweet soul going through the waiting. Remember exactly how you felt and what you wished someone had said to you.
Only 60 seconds,
but they could change her life forever.
Your empathy can tell them a different story.
A story of comfort and of hope.
A story of a sister who will stay by their side and a Savior Who will carry them through.
The story of peace that passes understanding~
No matter what story that needle has to tell.
II Corinthians 1:3-4
1 minute read
Last week I wrote about our wonderful, omnipresent God. Yes God will always bend down to listen, but how often do we come to Him with the heart of a child~ just as my precious grandchildren came to me....
And amidst the chaos of that Sunday morning service,
the pastor’s wife bent down to listen to her grandchild.
The child who didn’t notice the chaos,
That didn’t notice the “to do’s”,
or the time they took to tell me.
They simply came as a child with a need.
A child with faith that the one who loves them so much,
would surely bend down to listen~
and to love~
and to make everything okay.
Oh that I would just go to Him~
holding nothing back.
Oh that I had such faith in my Father!
Oh that I could put aside every weight and
fear, every worry and anxiety.
Oh that I could for a moment forget the
“to do’s” and the schedule,
the chaos and responsibilities.
Oh that I would come as a child, placing it all in His hands~
and let it be just me and my Savior.
Allowing His love to wash over me,
and every other thing around me
disappear in His presence.
Resting in His love.
Believing~without a doubt~
that He would make everything okay.
I am that child.
You are that child.
Come as you are, just as a child.
Come to your Daddy.
And just as if you are His only child in this world,
He will always, always bend down to listen and to answer and to make everything okay.
Take us back dear Father~
Take us back to that child like faith.