Why does life feel like a chore to me?
That was my first thought the other morning. I was tired before I even got out of bed. Not wanting to escape the warmth, I laid there thinking back to a time when I used to wake up excited about the day ahead. What happened to that girl? I thought I had it all figured out. I told myself there was just too much on my plate. Too much busyness. Too much weariness. My mind felt like there were a thousand things going on all at once, and I couldn’t make it stop. I wanted it to stop. It was exhausting me. How do I find myself here again? I don’t know how many blog posts I’ve written on this subject, and yet I fall prey to its defeat again and again. Google tells me we have anywhere from 60,000-80,000 thoughts a day. We have 6-7 thoughts per minute. 95% of our thoughts are repetitive, and 80% are negative. Why is that? What feeds that negativity? The world tells me busy is better. It chides me to do it all. I work part time from home. I also have a stitching business. I over stress trying to be a good wife, mom and pastor’s wife. I hold Bible studies and ladies meetings. I schedule and teach and study and pray. I write a blog and run a Facebook page. I create more content, to gain more followers, to encourage more ladies, to have more hope. But somehow along the way, I continually seem to lose my own hope under a pile of busy. And that’s when the devil tells me that I am failing. He convinces me that I don’t want to be a pastor’s wife with ministry responsibilities, I just want to be a plain old wife. I don’t want to create posts or write a devotional every single week. I just want to scroll and be fed by someone else. I just want to be me. I just want to not have to think. And I will be honest ladies, that morning I told God ALL of that. I tried telling Him that I am a homebody, an empathetic introvert who wears other’s heartaches on her sleeve. “Don’t you know this is all too much for me?” I asked. As if He doesn’t know me. And that’s when the Holy Spirit revealed to me that my thoughts had gained control over my heart. My busy schedule and commitments overwhelm my soul. What “new” message of hope I can give to my followers constantly captures my thoughts. The heartache of others is continually on my mind. I find myself thinking about ALL of these things more than I think about GOD Himself. In fact, I’m sure it would be safe to say that 80% of my thoughts are “busy” thoughts, maybe more. That means only 20% of my thoughts are being still with God and thinking about Him. And therein lies the problem. Life has become a chore because I’m not dwelling in His presence and it’s only in His presence that there is fullness of joy. I am trying to be God, instead of resting in Him, surrendering all my thoughts, and days, and moments to Him. I was “taking the yoke”, but I forgot about the “learning” part. That morning Jesus told me~”Take my yoke upon you and LEARN of ME. If you do this Charisse, you will find rest for your soul.” When will I learn? Probably never, this side of heaven. But I sure am thankful for a God who doesn’t give up on me. His mercies are new every morning. The busy won’t ever stop. Life is filled with it. It will continue to pile up, but instead of being under that weight~ we can be on top of it, if we will just learn from God. What have I learned? Here are just a few takeaways~ *To wake up and rejoice before I get out of bed, thanking God immediately for the day ahead, and all He has blessed me with. *Pray about everything, all day long. If a thought comes into my head and I start trying to figure out my own solution, I’ve got to stop. I have to pray about it, because let’s be honest~ God’s solutions are so much better. When I do this continually it helps me to cease from “Charisse’s” works and focus on God. That’s when I find rest. *I meditate on God’s words throughout the day. When I think on God’s words, it pushes the busy right out of my brain. My thoughts are on God, and His peace tells me that He is in control and will take care of whatever has me stressed, anxious, heartbroken or fatigued. His words comfort me and He calms that storm inside my head. *Learn from Jesus. He continually got alone with God. The insurmountable love and burden for a sinful, fallen world was completely on His shoulders and yet, He took the time to rest and be still with His Father. Imagine if our repetitive thoughts~ the ones that take up 95% of our waking moments~ were transformed to think about God and His promises to us? He wants us to rest, but that doesn’t mean He wants us to stop. That voice that’s telling you to quit is from Satan. God’s voice tells us~ Be still. He is God. We are not. Life isn’t a chore. It’s a blessed, joy-filled opportunity to be about our Father’s business. Google might tell me otherwise. The world tells me “I” have to do it all. The devil tells me that “I” am not cut out for the ministry and convinces me that~”I just want to be me, plain old Charisse”~ but GOD… Who am I with God? I am crucified with Christ, YET NOT I, but Christ… In the multitude of my thoughts within me, His comfort delights my soul. SCRIPTURE READING: Philippians 4:4-9 Matthew 11:28-30 Jeremiah 6:16 Psalm 46:10 Hebrews 4:9-12 Psalm 16:7-9, 11 Lamentations 3:22-24 Galatians 6:9 Romans 12:1-2 Galatians 2:20 Psalm 94:19
8/11/2023
Don’t Tell Me How To GrieveI started crying in Walmart the other day. Something I did not expect.
It was just a quick trip in for a few things. I was almost finished when I looked up, and for a split second I felt a thousand emotions flooding my heart. I saw an older man approaching. His hair. His shirt. His shorts. Even his shoes. In that split second I thought it was my dad. I couldn’t look away. I wanted it to be my dad. I even walked closer. Almost hoping. My brain knew my dad was gone, but my heart wanted it to be him so badly that it fooled my brain into thinking it could be. In one split second. And then the emotions flooded me with the reality that it wasn’t and the tears came. I quickly turned down an aisle to hide my hurt~ but even now, several hours later I can feel its tug, and the tears keep returning. It was so real to me. My dad has been gone for almost three years and yet, out of the blue the grief will hit. A place. A smell. A song. A memory. I’m transported to childhood memories. The waves of it all will crash over me and my heart yearns to step back in time and relive the beautiful moments I had with him. That’s what grief feels like when you love deeply, but even more important~ that’s what it feels like to BE loved deeply. Grief is a road with many turns. It has been unexpectedly hard for me. I thought I was mentally prepared, I had already lost my mom and experienced that heartache. But dad’s home going hit me differently. Nostalgia visits often. Unexpected tears are frequent and frustration over the comments people make has been politely hidden away. Comments like “You should be thankful for the time you had, and the memories you made”. When grieving moments hit me, I couldn’t find the thankfulness in the reminders. Until yesterday. Somehow, at some point my grief had been wrapped up inside the arms of Jesus and transformed into genuine, beautiful thankfulness. That’s what Jesus does. I realized as I stood on my dad’s porch that my heart felt a true joy and happiness, and I was so incredibly thankful. And now when I think back to my moment in Walmart, I know why. I was thankful because I was loved so deeply. What a beautiful gift God gave me. That hurt that runs so deep, that longing to see my dad again, the tears and the memories the smells and the places, all of these are a byproduct of being loved deeply. Does this realization make the pain go away? No, but it somehow makes it easier. And it makes me thankful. A year ago I don’t think I could have said the same. I didn’t want to be thankful for “what was”. I just wanted my dad back. I won’t tell you how to grieve. No one should. It’s a journey all your own. But I will tell you this. Grieve with God. Despite what others thought of my grieving process, despite being told how I should feel, despite feeling alone and misunderstood, God knew. God understood. He never left my side. He allowed me to grieve in my own way as I leaned fully into Him and asked over and over if He would wrap his arms of peace and comfort around my tired, hurting heart. As crazy as I must sound, I wanted to run toward that man in Walmart. It is unreal what the pain of grief can do to us. And that made me think of heaven. Entering glory. Knowing the love I have for those who have gone on before me, but more importantly~ knowing how much I was loved BY them. And there is no greater love than the love of Jesus. Not only will I get to run and hug my mom and dad. I get to hug Jesus. With joy, He endured the pain of the cross because He loves me so much. Because He loves you so much. And because He endured that pain, our pain is only temporary. We will one day be united with our loved ones again. All those who have put their faith and trust in Him. The Bible tells me that one day, because of God’s love and redemption, when I take my last breath I will immediately be in the presence of Jesus. In one split second. What a difference a second came make. Today, I can smile through the tears. I can laugh with joy. God entered into my grief with me, and as much as I miss my dad, the gift of being loved is one of the greatest gifts God has blessed us with. I will hold on to that gift and cherish it, and my heart will be filled with thankful praise. Let’s think outside the box today. What is your enemy/enemies?
Notice I did not ask “who” your enemy was. Quite often we find ourselves in circumstances beyond our control. Those circumstances cause our hearts to be heavy and our thoughts to spiral, so we look for things to blame for those circumstances. A person that hurt us. A health problem. A financial scare. Watching those we love suffer. Such has been my case for the last few months. My adult children have been suffering, and I’ll be honest~it’s been way too hard. Anxiety and sleeplessness have prevailed. Countless tears have been shed. It’s been discouraging and frightening. It’s been physically and emotionally draining. It’s been me trying to blame the circumstances and problems for all the emotions I just listed. The reality is, the problem has been in my head. The multitude of thoughts within me have been on the problems instead of God’s promises. I realized that this morning. My reading was Psalm 1-8. Very familiar passages. Because I have read these chapters so many times, I actually had the fleeting thought that they would not bring me the comfort I was desperately needing today. But just like God always does, my eyes were opened once again. Let me break it down for you. Psalm 1:2~’His delight is in God’s word and he meditates on it day and night.’ I immediately realized I have been meditating on the darkness my kids have been walking through, and trying to somehow find a way to fix problems or bring them comfort, instead of meditating on God’s words and leaning on them. Psalm 3:1&2~’There are so many that trouble me, rise up against me and convince me that God will not help.’ So often when we read the Psalms, particularly verses like these, we think of physical people. Here is where I want you to think outside the box. What if you added~ Many “thoughts” trouble me. Many “thoughts” rise up against me. Many “thoughts” convince me that God cannot help. Because~ isn’t that the truth? God tells us over and over again that He loves us. He will help us. His plan is for our good. He will never leave us. But we let the enemy, our thoughts, convince us otherwise. *Our enemy called discouragement. *Our enemy called fear. *Our enemy called sadness. *Our enemy called unbelief. *Our enemy called hard. *Our enemy called anger or loneliness. *Our enemy called tired, depleted and empty. *Our enemy that tells us we can’t do this. We can’t go on. That it’s hopeless. Psalm 3:3~’But’. I’m so thankful for that little word, because it brings hope. ‘But God. God is our shield, our glory and the lifter up of our head.’ This verse really struck me. My daughter just had a baby girl 2 weeks ago. As my husband was holding her, she kept trying to hold her head up to look at him. We were amazed at the strength she had for only being 2 weeks old, but eventually her tiny self could not keep up. She let out the sweetest little cry and then she just laid down against my husband and in all that coziness, she fell fast asleep. You know where I’m going with this. When my feelings tell me that things will never look up, God literally just told me ‘He is the lifter up of my head’, not me. He is my strength when my tiny self has no strength. And then… Psalm 3:4&5~’I cried to God and He sustained me and I slept in peace.’ It isn’t until I realize all the things above that sleep and peace will come. It isn’t until I cry out to God and realize that it is He who holds me and sustains me and that I cannot do it myself, that I can lay down against Him and in all that coziness, rest in His peace. Psalm 3:6&8~ And that’s when I realize that ‘I don’t have to be afraid of ten thousand thoughts’ that enter this mama’s mind and fight against me. Because God is my strength and salvation. He is my children’s strength and salvation. His blessings are upon us. There is so much more here~ Psalm 4:1~God gives us relief when we are in distress. Psalm 4:3~The Lord has set us apart and will hear when we call. Psalm 4:4&5~I can be still when I put my trust in God, even when the thoughts creep in and say, ‘Will things ever be good again? Who will help me?’ Psalm 4:6~I know God will. His light will break through all the darkness and shine on me and my children. Psalm 4:7&8, 5:11&12~And God will put gladness and joy in my heart again. Sleeplessness will be replaced with joy. Psalm 5:3~And in the morning, I will look up at God, but things will be different because I won’t be trying to do it in my own strength anymore. He will be holding me.
7/21/2023
What Does Jesus Say About You?My daughter just gave birth to a precious baby girl early Wednesday morning. Ivy Flora is her first.
Every mom has a different birth story. It’s crazy and beautuful and unique. I have a different birth story for each one of my four children. By my last, I had no idea what to expect. But I knew the end result. Pure joy. Laughter. Tears. Crazy love. Only moments after she was born, my husband got to hold little Ivy for the first time. Kathryn and Josh unashamedly shed the tears, and with complete and utter joy Kathryn said “I just love her so much. I want to take her everywhere and show her to everyone”. And boy did that make me think about Jesus. Because that’s exactly how He feels about us. Each of us may have a different rebirth story. That moment we were born again. John 3:3. That moment we understood the gift God gave us in His Son and His redemption on the cross. Romans 3:23. When we realized our sinfulness and asked for forgiveness. When God became our Father. John 1:12 It may have been a long process. It may have been painful. There may have been heartache and tears. Conviction can do that. Or, it might have been an easy, immediate understanding of such a gift. Everyone of us has a different story to tell, but ultimately the ending is the same. Pure joy. Laughter. Tears. Crazy love. Because at that moment we accept Jesus as our Savior we understand it wasn’t anything that we did. Ephesians 2:8&9 What does a baby have to do to be born? Not a thing. All that baby has to do is accept the free gift of life the moment they leave mama’s womb. Mama does all the work, and with a crazy love, she does it with joy. Because the moment that child is born changes everything. Jesus did all the work. And He did it with joy. Because of His crazy love for us. Hebrews 12:2 And that moment we are born into His family… that moment changes everything. That deep love we have for our children is because they are a part of us. Ivy didn’t do a thing to merit that unconditional love of her mama. Her mama loves her because she is her child. My eyes overflow with tears as I look at my baby and her baby. They are a part of me. My heart yearns to love and protect. And yet, as great as my love is for my children and grandchildren, the Bible tells us that there is no greater love than the love of Jesus. John 15:13, Jeremiah 31:3 When Jesus looks at us, He truly says~ I love her so much!! I want to take her everywhere and show her to everyone”, and do you know why? Not because of anything we have done. We didn’t do a thing to merit that unconditional love. God loves us simply because we are His. You are His little light, His precious child shining the love of Jesus from the inside out. You manifest His glory because He is always with you. Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5 What does Jesus say about you? You’re created In His image. Genesis 1:27 You are wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 God intricately formed you in your mother's womb. He knows you better than you know yourself. Psalm 139 He takes joy in you. Zephaniah 3:17 He knows the number of hairs on your head. Matthew 10:30 You are the light of the world. Matthew 5:14 God has chosen you. Revelation 17:14 You are His child. Always and forever. And He loves you so much, He wants to take you everywhere and show you to everyone. Pure joy. Laughter. Tears. Crazy love. “I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.” John 17:23 “I have loved thee with an everlasting love…” Jeremiah 31:3
7/14/2023
Don’’t Let Satan Talk To YouI’m not a morning person. Not at all. I literally wake up on the wrong side of the bed Every. Single. Morning. I think my blood type is “tired”. My body literally screams at me~ “Just let me sleep!!”.
This morning, after not seeing my husband for two weeks (and being ecstatic at his return home the night before), I pour my coffee and he makes a comment. Nothing negative, just a simple comment about the day. I am silent, but in my mind I have a quick, smart mouth response. It’s not pretty. Inwardly grumbling, I turn and walk silently back upstairs. Coffee in hand. In my mind I’m thinking~ “He knows I’m not a morning person. I’m tired. I don’t want to talk to anyone, except maybe Jesus.” And then my heart is pricked. I am a terrible person. After that silent comment, my thoughts tell me~surely Jesus doesn’t want to talk to me. My thoughts have gotten me into more trouble than I would ever care to admit. This reminded me of the other night. As I lay in bed in the darkness, a thought entered my mind. I knew it was wrong, but I ran with it. I knew it wasn’t truth, but I didn’t fight it. I didn’t pray, I just let it take control. It put me in a bad place and I felt utterly defeated. I could picture satan laughing and chiding me~”Gotcha”. The beauty is, no where in the Bible does it say that Satan knows our thoughts. He can certainly place them in our path, but we are the ones who can choose to grab a hold of those thoughts, or fight them off. He doesn’t know whether or not he has won that battle unless consequential action is taken. Even then he cannot read our minds. But God can. This can bring shame, but praise God it can also bring SO MUCH HOPE. There’s so many lessons here. For the Christian who judges others actions, but whose thoughts are far worse. God is so clear in His word on this matter. Pride and arrogance on the outside, but dirt on the inside. God sees the dirt my friend. And He sees all my dirt. All the negative thoughts I have, but don’t say out loud. I’m so thankful they stay inside my head and don’t come spewing out my mouth. I’m supposed to be the “good girl”. Sweet Charisse. Pastor’s wife. I would NEVER speak some of the things I think out loud. And sadly I would never tell a soul some of the places my thoughts have taken me. Here is where the Hope comes in. Satan can plant that thought and his lies in our path. In our human frailty we can either choose to cling to that disruptive thought and let it take over, or we can continually remind ourselves that God is with us ALWAYS. Right in that moment we have the power of God, His Son and Holy Spirit to fight for us and take that thought captive. That my friend is incredible hope. We are NEVER alone in our fight against the evil one. NEVER. The moment you become a Christian, Christ lives inside you. Satan might try to get inside your head, but he doesn’t live there. Jesus does. And here is another bit of beautiful hope. We are human. We mess up constantly. Satan may know our weaknesses but praise God, so does Jesus. Our God knows what we’re going to do. He knows the times we’re going to fail and not call out to him for help. He knows when we’re going to give in and our thought life is not going to be pleasing to Him, and yet even with this omniscient knowledge comes His amazing grace. Mercy and help in time of need. Love. Incredible love. He never turns His back. The times my thoughts are judging. The times my thoughts are sinful. The times my thoughts are filled with worry or fear. The times my thoughts are angry, sad, mean, prideful, wicked, doubting, covetous, self destructive, self reliant. He doesn’t turn His back. And when my heart weeps for the path my thoughts have taken and I allow myself to believe the lie that Jesus doesn’t want to talk to me~when I know He is always there to rescue me and I still push Him aside. He still loves. And He tells me His mercy is new EVERY morning and GREAT is His faithfulness. Satan might come knocking but we don’t have to let Him in. Let us continually remind ourselves that God owns this house we live in and when we reach for that door knob, stop and turn to Jesus. Look at Him and be reminded of that mercy and faithfulness, then walk away from the door. Tomorrow morning when my feet hit the floor, despite what my body might be screaming, I’m going to talk to Jesus instead of allowing Satan to talk to me. SCRIPTURE READING: 2 Corinthians 10:5, 12:9, 13:4 Proverbs 6:16-23 Matthew 23:23-27, 28:20 1 Corinthians 6:19&20, 10:12&13 Matthew 5 Romans 5:8, 7:15-25, 8:28, 15:13 Galatians 2:20 Hebrews 4:16 2 Timothy 1:7 Psalm 42:11, 55:22, 62:11, 103:14, 121:7&8, 136:12, 139:1-18 Philippians 4:6-7&13 1 Peter 5:7 Isaiah 41:10-13 Deuteronomy 31:7&8 Proverbs 15:3 James 4:7 Lamentations 3:22&23 Ephesians 1:19-21, 3:20, 6:10 I Chronicles 29:11 Colossians 1:16 Romans 8:37-39
6/30/2023
When Life Isn’t A Joy RideI honestly don’t know how long I had been driving before I noticed the red and blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. We live in a rural area. Long stretches of road with nothing but fields and beautiful views for miles. It’s wonderful, and doesn’t give much occasion to glance back at any oncoming traffic. Traffic is pretty nonexistent. I was singing along to some worship music with several kids in tow. Probably why I didn’t hear the siren. My children and their cousins were the reason I finally noticed. Fighting had ensued, followed by yelling (from me) “to knock it off or I’ll pull over!” It wasn’t until that moment that I finally looked in my mirror to see if they were obeying. Instead, I spotted flashing lights beckoning me to stop. So I pulled over. It wasn’t pretty. Apparently I had been speeding. 🤷🏼♀️ I was flustered, and when prompted to surrender proof of insurance, said proof could not be found. The officer returned to his vehicle, and of course that’s when I found it. When he came back I smiled cheerfully and said “I found it!” to which he replied. “Too late. I’m writing you a ticket.” My cheerfulness went right out the window. I’m sure the kids heard about it the rest of the way home. Isn’t that how life can be at times? We think we’re doing all the right things. We go to church and Bible studies. We read devotionals and blogs. We listen to podcasts and sing along to worship music. We coast through life enjoying the view, and then suddenly we are hit with an inconvenient attack from the devil. And we lose it. What we don’t realize is that~ all along Satan has been right on our tail but we were being too “spiritual” to notice. Too often all the good things take the place of the best things and when that inconvenience strikes, we can’t fight it. Suddenly we’re searching for truth, but we’re already in trouble. The Christian life isn’t just a joy ride. It’s a battle. We live in a day where knowledge and opinions are at our fingertips. So many people are telling us how we should live, that we don’t even search for that truth ourselves. We let others do that work, and in the process we miss out on all the wonders God has specifically for us. Wonders that only come from time spent with Him. Reading His words. Asking the Holy Spirit to show us what we need. Listening to the voice of God speak to our hearts. We want easy. We want quick. We want to glide through life and not have to dig for the answers. For the proof. Eventually Satan catches up to us. God’s word tells us that he goes about seeking who he can devour. How can we be prepared? By keeping God’s armor on at all times. The armor of God is so much more than a great Sunday School lesson or Vacation Bible School theme. It’s something you can study and glean countless knowledge from. I’m going to share a quick overview, but I HIGHLY recommend you get into God’s word yourself and look up scripture references that correlate with every piece of God’s armor. Armor God has specifically made for you! 1. The Belt of Truth- you cannot know what is truth if you aren’t in God’s word. Don’t let someone else tell you what is truth, read it for yourself. Jesus tells us HE is the way and the truth. God tells us to think on whatsoever things are true. Our hearts can so easily be deceived (even by ourselves) when we don’t know God’s truth. 2. The Breastplate of Righteousness- Righteousness only comes from Jesus. All our righteousness is like filthy rags. Nothing else can take the place of Jesus and the protection that He gives your heart and soul. 3. Shoes Fit for the Gospel of Peace- There is so much to learn from God’s word on the gospel of peace. God’s peace passes ALL understanding. When we are attacked, is this the reaction the world sees from us? 4. The Shield of Faith- Our faith will always be tested (proved) and it will not remain strong if we are continually relying on others for knowledge from God’s word. Faith strengthens when time is spent with the God of all strength. 5. The Helmet of Salvation- This is of utmost importance. Without the gift of salvation received by faith, the battle cannot be won. God’s gift of His Son’s death on the cross rescues us from eternal damnation. It renews and transforms our minds against anything the devil tries to deceive us with. Once received, salvation can never be taken away. It is our protection for eternity. 6. The Sword of the Spirit-God’s word is so powerful. It’s inspired. It speaks to our soul and spirit. It shows us doctrine, reproof, correction and instruction. I didn’t think it was fair when I received a ticket for not providing proof of insurance “fast enough”, because I still provided the proof. I’m not trying to compare that police officer to Satan but… 😂 Here’s the thing~Satan doesn’t play fair. Don’t coast through life on a joy ride with Satan on your tail, because he will catch up. Have your proof always ready and when he does show up, just speaking the name of Jesus will be your truth, because you know you’re ready for that battle. You’re strong in the Lord and the power of HIS might. His armor is all you need. Praise God for the gift He gives us in others, in the beautiful feet of those who share the gospel of peace. We all need specific men and women that God places in our lives, but their words should never take the place of HIS WORDS. Instead of allowing someone else (this blog included) to tell you how God is speaking to you, spend time in the presence of God Himself. That is a sweet, precious intimacy between you and your Savior. Nothing else can take its place. SCRIPTURE READING: John 8:32, 10:28-30, 14:16&27, 16:13&33, 17:17 Philippians 4:6-8 Isaiah 64:6 Romans 3:22&23, 10:15&17, 12:2&3, 15:13 Titus 3:5-7 James 3:17&18 Ephesians 2:8&9, 3:16&17, 4:3, 6:10-18 Psalm 119:165 Proverbs 3:5&6 Mark 9:23 I Peter 1:8&9, 5:8-10 2 Peter 1:19-21 I John 5:4 I Corinthians 16:13 Hebrews 4:12, 12:2 I Timothy 6:12 2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16&17 Isaiah 52:7, 54:17 Hebrews 2:1-3
6/23/2023
Are You Under AttackSatan knows when the best time is to attack. Each of us have our triggers. Maybe it’s loneliness, or something deep within that no one else knows about. For some, it might be the work place, for others it might be family. For me, it’s the dark of night.
Sharing this is something that I wrestled with. I haven’t wanted to. Maybe one day I will tell the whole story, but for today I will just share a part… During the day time hours it’s easy for me to feel like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. It might not always be easy to fight battles, but my heart and my mind know what the truth is. I can think logically. I can get in God’s word. I can pray, quote scripture and listen to worship music. But in the middle of the night, when my brain is in a fog and I’m half asleep~that’s when satan strikes. Often. I get up 2-3 times a night. Old age and 4 kids. Always, I stumble into the bathroom. The entire world is dark and quiet, and even though I am half asleep~ thoughts immediately spring up into my head out of nowhere. My defenses are down and I am not prepared for the battle. And it’s a big one. A battle of doubt that wages against everything I’ve ever believed. And it’s scary. And it’s very hard to admit. Today I want to mention some things that have helped me through this. Maybe you don’t have the same issues that I do, but maybe you’re fighting different battles and you feel helpless and alone. Maybe scared. I pray these things can help and encourage you to fight with your everything, and to remember that God is always, always for you. There are no weapons that are stronger than He is, because our weapons aren’t carnal. They’re spiritual and they will pull down the strongholds that battle against us. He will always fight for us. For me, the time of the attacks is what makes them hard. 2-3 times, night after night. Let’s be real here, in my sleepy state I am not going to do a Bible study on the toilet in the dark. I’m not going to blast worship music and wake up my husband. Quite often I just want to go back to sleep, and I’m not thinking logically. So, what’s a person to do in that situation? Be prepared ahead of time. Here are some things that can help you with your battle, especially when the attack hits you out of nowhere. 1. Remember. It doesn’t matter what the situation is or where you are, you can remember the goodness of God on your life. In the past, in the present and in the future. If Jesus is your Savior, you will one day be in glory with Him. That alone can help sustain us. So when that attack happens, and it will happen, start thanking and praising Jesus for EVERYTHING. Every single thing that comes into your heart and mind. Remember our God of the Bible. He is your God too. Remember His faithfulness. Recall it. Say it out loud. Remember. 2. Read. Stay in God’s word and hide it in your heart. When an attack happens, you don’t have the luxury to say to Satan- “Can you hold on a minute while I get out my Bible and look up some verses?” Know God’s truths. Memorize them and use them to fight against the lies. An amazing chapter to meditate on is Psalm 119. I listen to it on my bible app every single day as I’m putting on my makeup and preparing for the day. Over and over let His words saturate your heart and soul. 3. Refrain. Stay away from things that can mess with your head, ie television shows, music and social media. For me, the things that my eyes (and heart) take in right before going to bed at night can have a huge impact on how my night goes. We don’t realize how much these things can affect us negatively. Every single day we soak it all in~ sadly, even more than we soak in God’s words to us. This is a huge deterrent to our spiritual warfare. The Holy Spirit will show you the things you need to steer clear of, you just need to listen. 4. Rely and Pray. In my situation there were times this was a tough one, because doubt was my battle field. In those moments all I could do was say the name of Jesus. And that is enough. There is power in His name. Did the doubts magically go away at 2am? No. 4am rolls around and BAM!, I’m hit again. But I will keep saying His name over and over. Why? Because of my first two points. He has always been faithful to me and I know He’s not going to stop now. His word is His promise. God helped me in ways I could never imagine. My heart was saying “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” And He did just that. In amazing ways that bring tears to my eyes. And every night, I remember. Be prepared for the battle. Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks. Prove all things. Hold fast that which is good. Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it. He will be your Warrior. He will be your Comfort. He will be your Peace. Remember. Read. Refrain. Rely. The battle is already won. SCRIPTURE READING: 1 Thessalonians 5:5-6, 8, 10-11, 16-18, 21-24 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 Psalm 71:18, 77:6, 78:4, 101:3, 102:18, 119, 143:5 Daniel 2:22 I John 5:14-15 Colossians 3:2 Ephesians 6:10-18 Romans 12:2-3 Philippians 2:9-11, 4:13 Mark 9:23-24 John 1:1-5,9, 8:12, 14:18, 26 Hebrews 13:5 Deuteronomy 1:30, 20:4 I Timothy 1:5-14, 6:12 2 Peter 1:12
6/16/2023
Is Jesus Sick Of Hearing From Me?Some of you will think I’m crazy when you read this, but the other night I received a late night text message from my son.
And it made me tear up. Not because he was being sentimental or sharing his love, but because he asked if it would be okay to talk to his dad. Yep, that brought the tears. He still needed his dad. Sometimes, as our kids get older we see them unconsciously moving farther and farther away from us. Not physically, but emotionally. It’s just a part of the maturing process. They don’t need us anymore. And that’s hard. Even though we’re incredibly proud of the adult they have become, somehow we don’t feel as important to them anymore. But then there are moments like these. My husband never turns his phone off. He’s a pastor, so he needs to be available 24/7. My kids know this, so in an effort not to wake him late at night, they will text me to see if we are sleeping. They know they won’t disturb us, because I turn my phone off when we go to bed. The thing is, they also know that if they did call their daddy, he would answer. He would help. He would get out of bed and go to their house to fix any problem at any hour of the night. No matter what. That’s the kind of daddy he is. Always on call. Always helping. Always present. And man, isn’t that just a picture of our Heavenly Daddy? Someone commented on one of my posts recently and said, “I know Jesus must be sick of hearing from me.” I immediately wanted to reassure her~ “NO, NO this isn’t true!” Yet, as I looked deeper at my own heart I realized I have had those same thoughts myself. Too often my prayers seem to come back to… “I’m sorry God… I messed up again. Help me God. Please help me. Why do I keep doing this God? When will I learn? I have no right even asking You for help, but please, please help me.” I get myself into trouble then need God to bail me out. Over and over. And I feel ashamed to even ask. To even call on Him. Just like we don’t want our own children to experience the “hard” alone, God feels the same about his children. Whether we grow and mature in our Christian faith, or fail time and time again, we will always need our Heavenly Father. Always. And that makes me think about these moments with my kids. There isn’t a single thing they could do that would make me turn them away and not answer when they call for help… When they call just to talk, when they call to complain, when their hearts are broken, when they’re hurting or excited, happy or sad. Always, my heart yearns to listen, to help them and to rejoice with them. I never tire of hearing from them. Their daddy feels the same way, and so does their Heavenly Father. And He wants to hear from us. He will never, ever get sick of hearing from us because we are His children. Forgiven, redeemed, justified and loved. Loved beyond comprehension. No matter the time, no matter how often, no matter the reason… no matter what, Jesus will always be there. He will answer. Always on call. Always helping. Always present. That’s the kind of Father He is. That’s the kind of Daddy He is. Call on Him today. SCRIPTURE READING: Psalm 5:3, 18:6, 34:6, 42:8, 72:12-13, 102:1-2, 17, 103:13, 145:18 Isaiah 64:7 Jeremiah 33:3 Matthew 7:11 Luke 11:13 John 3:16, 15:16 Romans 8:26 2 Corinthians 6:18 Philippians 4:6-7 Hebrews 4:16 I John 3:1, 4:9, 5:14
6/9/2023
What Are You Proud Of?What are you proud of?
I’m not going to beat around the bush here, we all know what this month has been labeled, so again I ask~ What are YOU proud of? I realize there is a fine line when it comes to pride in scripture. God hates pride when it’s directed toward self and we become our own center of worship.The pride I’m talking about today is a different type of boasting. How is it that you can tell when someone is proud? Proud people talk about the things that they are proud of. Often. We find it easy to talk about our favorite sports teams, our political views, our children and grandchildren, our spouses and even ourselves. We find camaraderie with those who pride themselves in similar things. Our voices become louder and louder when we are around others who share in that pride. So I want to ask you again, what are you proud of? Because others are watching. Does your pride come through in your praises, or in your opinions? Your pride reveals itself in the words that you speak. Your children hear it, your family hears it. Your friends and coworkers, your neighbors, even strangers hear it. What story is your pride telling? I am afraid that too often it’s a sad and angry story full of complaints and woes, and not a story of hope and redemption. Please don’t get me wrong~ it’s incredibly important to stand for what is right. To teach our families truths based on God’s word and to stand up for that truth. But do others know why we believe these things? What is the point of our stand? To prove we are right, or to praise our God and give Him the glory? Are we so focused on proving others are wrong that we’re missing the whole point of the gospel? We can become so focused on what we believe is evil that we miss out on opportunities to share all that is good and righteous and beautiful. The very person of Jesus our Savior and Redeemer. Our hope for the hopeless. Our amazing God. Our lives should revolve around Him and His goodness. Our praises and pride should be for Him and His gift of salvation. He took our place on the cross. He died for the wickedness of this world~ and my friend, that includes you and that includes me. No one is excluded. For all have sinned. If we don’t teach the next generation why we believe what we believe, if we don’t boast on the incredible love of our Savior and the gift of salvation that we did not deserve, our opinions and viewpoints will become just that. Opinions. Viewpoints. Voices becoming louder and louder. And the next generation will grow up believing that it is “us against the world” instead of~ “God so loved the world.” So today I want to tell you what I am proud of. I am proud of my God. I am proud of my Savior. I am proud of the love and mercy and grace He shows me on a daily basis, all of which I do not deserve. Love that isn’t based on my performance, mercy that doesn’t stop as soon as I mess up again, but love and mercy that endure FOREVER. I am proud of what the rainbow truly represents. The rainbow HE created as an everlasting promise to us. A rainbow that surrounds the very throne of it’s Creator. I am proud of His word and His promises, promises that hold peace that passes understanding. I am proud to call God my Provider and Redeemer, my Father and my very best Friend. I am proud to say that He is my everything. I would be nothing without Him. I am proud of Jesus. Name above all names. I want to share God’s truth and stand firm on my beliefs, beliefs that are rooted and grounded in scripture; but more than anything I want to make HIM known. That’s what I want the next generation to remember. Not me. Not my opinions. Jesus. God is our everything. Let’s brag differently. What are you proud of today? Psalm 89:1-2, 5-9, 11, 13-18 Psalm 136, 148, 150 I Peter 3:15-18, Hebrews 12:14 Revelation 4:3, Ezekiel 1:28
6/2/2023
What Story Will Your Pain Tell?This wasn’t the plan.
In an instant, life changed and I desperately wished I could hit the rewind button. But I couldn’t. This moment had the power to rewrite the rest of my story, and I could not see a happy ending. I suddenly felt like I was in a dream. Day by day, trying to survive but living in a fog. Walking in darkness. Alone. This would be my life, because I could not go back and change the events that happened. And I cried for the memory of what I thought my life would look like. Have you ever been here? In this moment? Perhaps you are right now. As my husband was typing his Bible study the other day, I couldn’t help but think about this. He finished his first page and in his tired state, he hit “no” when prompted to save his work. We aren’t tech savvy. This has happened to me before and I knew there was a solution, I just had to find it. I warned my husband not to touch any keys but he was somehow sure he could figure it out. And he kept trying. By the time I googled the answer, it was too late. His study was gone. How many times in my life has this happened to me? What I thought my life would look like, disappearing within seconds. And my heart left broken like an empty page staring back at me, the cursor hovering over nothingness. What do I do now? How often I have tried to figure it out in my own strength. Trying, trying but failing. Sadly, there have been moments that turned into years upon years of me trying and missing all God had for me. Crying way too often, because this wasn’t supposed to be my life. What do you do when the unexpected happens? When your life is turned upside down in a moment and you weren’t prepared for it at all. When the shocking trauma blindsides you, and there’s nothing you can do to change it? When this is your new normal and you are left with a blank piece of paper representing the rest of your life? I am here to tell you that I did all the wrong things. For years. I kept writing on that paper and erasing it and trying again. Over and over. Until the day I finally gave God the pen. Ladies, I know it’s not easy because I’ve been there. Trauma leaves scars. It’s hard. So very hard. But God is our God of the impossible. And my life felt like a happy ending was definitely impossible. So today, I want to encourage you with a few things I learned through it all. It’s okay to have all the emotions, but don’t camp out there. Bring them ALL to God. Too often we cry about how it isn’t fair. How we don’t deserve this pain or how we do deserve to feel all the negative that our hearts are experiencing. We sit there in that muck and tell ourselves that we have every right to be angry or sad, scared and hurt or even depressed. And then we’re stuck. Exactly where Satan wants us. And we don’t even realize that we are hurting ourselves day after day with these emotions we are justifying. We begin to write our own story on that blank piece of paper, but this is not the story God wants your pain to tell. These aren’t God’s words, they aren’t even our words and in those moments we don’t even recognize that they are Satan’s. His lies. We have handed him the pen. It would be so easy for me to just say Trust God. He’s in control. The end. But when the hard really hits you, you don’t know what trusting God looks like because you are human and you’re hurting. And it’s in those moments that we need God to remind us. He understands our emotions better than we do. Not only because He created them, but He also experienced them Himself. There will be days that you are angry and don’t want to read His words. There will be days when you’re hurting so badly that you can’t even whisper a prayer, and there will be good days when God is your lifeline and you know deep down that He’s got this. You know you can trust Him. So what does trusting God look like? It is all of us in our feebleness understanding that God truly is in control and we are not. We were never alone in the darkness. He was always with us and He always will be. It’s looking back at all His goodness and looking ahead to the goodness to come. He knew what was going to happen. He knew all the hurt and anger, fear and sadness you would feel. He knew and because He allowed it, we have His promise that it’s for our good and for His glory. Instead of asking why, ask God to open your eyes to the truth of that goodness. And in the mean time, I highly encourage you to write down every single emotion you are feeling. Those emotions could change daily, and daily you will need God’s perspective. Once you’ve written them down, do a word study of each one in scripture. Google works great for this, so does an old fashioned Bible commentary. Give God that pen and let Him fill that blank piece of paper. Ask Him to take each emotion you are feeling and wrap it in His promises. Once you have God’s words written down, read them to yourself over and over. God’s words are power. Let them shout over Satan’s lies. Each day is a new day toward a different narrative. You can choose to wallow in what happened and what could have been, or you can decide that you are going to live your best life. You can decide that Satan will not have the victory and that cursor hovering over all the nothingness will suddenly be moving across moments of time filled with promises of joy and new beginnings. I’m not going to lie, it will be hard but God knows the outcome. I can say with 100% certainty, it will be worth it because today I can finally look back and see God’s story and His goodness. When I chose to let go of every emotion and give them over to God, my happy ending wasn’t impossible because my God worked the impossible deep within me. His power changed everything. And He gets all the glory. What story will your pain tell? Hand Him your pen my friend. SCRIPTURE READING: Revelation 12:9 Hebrews 4:15, 11:1, 13:5 Romans 8:26, 28, 37-39 Proverbs 3:5-6 Psalm 23:4, 34:4, 73:26, 94:19, 139 Deuteronomy 3:18 Isaiah 55:8-9 Exodus 14:14 Nehemiah 8:10, Isaiah 41:10 Ephesians 3:20 Luke 1:37 Matthew 19:26 Philippians 3:13-14 Ecclesiastes 3:11 When my youngest daughter was only 5, we took our family swimming. Our beach is ideal for young families. You have to walk at least a hundred feet before the water gets deep enough to actually swim. It’s perfect for young ones to splash and play in.
On this particular day, Mike and I went out a little deeper as our kids played near the shore. Within a split second our lives could have drastically changed. We looked over to see our youngest bobbing up and down right next to the shoreline, an area where the depth of water doesn’t even reach my knees. How could this be? She was drowning. We never moved so quickly. Praise God, we got to her in time. Somehow right next to the shoreline there was a large hole that she had waded into. Later that night, after we were all in bed she came down to our bedroom and told us that if she had died she knew she would’ve gone to hell and she wanted to ask Jesus to save her right then. And we knew she knew. Even at such a young age, she understood sin. She understood she needed Jesus. There was no prompting. It was of her own free will. There are so many beautiful moments when you’re a mom, but there are also a lot of hard aspects too. From the moment they are born, if your child has been raised going to church and hearing the gospel, I think one of the hardest aspects for parents is concern for their child’s soul. I didn’t grow up knowing Christ. I grew up with religion and rules. I didn’t have an intimate relationship with Jesus until I was 12. It was different for my children. They grew up hearing about Jesus, their beautiful Savior, from day one. It was talked about often. And that’s where it gets hard. As a parent, you don’t want your child to make a decision just to please mom and dad; nor do you want them to make a decision because it’s what they’re taught, thinking it’s just what they’re supposed to do. You want their repentance and salvation to come out of a genuine heart that understands they’re a sinner that needs a Savior. Every child is different. Some just seem to grasp that at an early age and others don’t get it for a long time. And that’s when the worry sets in. Mamas KNOW when they’re child understands sin. It comes naturally to them (and us 😉). There’s no mistaking it. And then you begin to wonder, what if something happens to my child and they don’t know Jesus?? I also understand that heaven can be so alluring to a child. I mean, what kid wants to go to hell? That’s incredibly scary. At such a tender age of 5, I’m sure that was a scary thought for my daughter. There’s so many things young children don’t quite grasp when they’re little, but with age comes growth. Here’s the thing about God and His promises to us~ whether you are 5 or 95, you will always be growing in your walk with the Lord. Not once does He tell us that we have to understand the weight of every single thing the Bible teaches before we can accept His free gift of salvation. God simply tells us to have the faith of a child. Matthew 18:3-4, 2 Peter 3:9 So what is a parent or grandparent supposed to do? I’m not claiming to be an expert, far from it. But here are some things to keep in mind through your parenting journey as you introduce your children to Jesus. I pray that they can be an encouragement to you. 1. Pray for your children without ceasing. I Thessalonians 5:16-18 2. Talk about Jesus and His gift to us often. Ephesians 2:8, John 21:25 3. Make sure they understand that this isn’t religion, this is Jesus you are talking about. Their Father, their Savior and their very best Friend. 2 Corinthians 1:3, Philippians 3:10 4. I cannot stress this enough~ make Jesus real to your children!! Don’t just introduce them to your “way of life”, introduce them to the God of the Bible. The same Jesus who has radically changed your life. Make Him real to them by example. Titus 3:4-8 5. Don’t try to allure them with a “free ticket to heaven” speech. Salvation is so much more than that. Salvation is Jesus. Hebrews 2:9 6. Don’t use fear as a tactic for conversion. Jesus death on the cross had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with love. There is no fear in love. I John 4:18 7. Don’t pressure your child to make a decision or force them to say some “magic words” that they hope will get them into heaven. 8. Help them to understand that it isn’t the words they say as they pray, it’s a repentant heart that understands their sin and need of saving. Acts 3:19 9. Understand what it means in your own life to have the faith of a child, and then do just that. Have faith as a child. Don’t make salvation complicated in your mind, or in theirs. Believe what Jesus says in His word, that if we confess and we believe~ we will be saved. It’s as simple as that. Don’t add to it or make it hard. I John 1:9, Romans 10:9-10 10. And then pray some more. As a mama and grandma, you can never, ever pray too much for your children and grandchildren. Only God knows our hearts. Only God knows your child’s heart. Don’t try to work out their salvation for them. As hard as it is not to intervene and worry and nag, remember all power and mercy, love and forgiveness comes only from God. And always remember, God’s love for your children and His care for their souls is infinitely greater than your own. You do your part in being that example to your children and leave the rest with Him. Ephesians 3:16-21 I’m not sure what sparked the thought, but the other day it hit me that I may not be here to see my grandchildren get married and have children of their own. A sadness swept over me. My love for them is so strong. I have this immense desire to protect them and pray for them and be a part of their moments, good and bad. To rejoice with them and cheer them on. But this may not be my reality, and my emotions got the best of me. It’s probably silly, but the tears came.
I know Mother’s Day is past and the celebrations are over, but this mom and grandma still has so much on her heart to share. I probably always will. As I was reading all the celebratory quotes, one stuck with me and I’ve been pondering it ever since~ “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” Wow! That stopped me in my tracks. So mama, what message are we sending to the future? This thought went deep for me. There are just SO MANY!! To be honest, I wanted to be lazy and write a fluff piece for today but God gave me a nudge, just like He always does. It’s crazy how often I will read the daily devotional sent to my inbox and somehow my Scripture app just “happens” to be on the exact same Bible chapter that day. Today was such a case and as I worried about my children and my grandchildren’s futures, God literally spoke to me through His words. Words I would like to share with you today. I hope they encourage you like they did me. Psalms 90-94. Psalm 90:1&2~ Continually remind yourself that GOD is our dwelling place. Not this world, not our homes~ but God. He has been from generation to generation and know matter what the future holds, He will be from everlasting to everlasting. Psalm 90:12-17~ With this in mind, let these words be our prayer as we look to the future of our children and grandchildren~ God: *TEACH us to number our days and in the doing, gain wisdom. (Each day is another opportunity to mold our children and grandchildren. Don’t take it for granted and don’t squander it.) 90:12 *SATISFY us with your STEADFAST (loyal, unwavering) love. (This is the heartbeat of our joy and gladness.) 90:14 *MAKE us glad ALL our days. (Not just the good days, but the bad days too. Our emotions teach our children just as much as our words.) 90:15 *OPEN our eyes to see your works and show your power to our children. (We take so much for granted. God is continually blessing us and we need eyes to see and in turn, share that with the next generation.) 90:16 *ESTABLISH the work of our hands. (This should be our daily prayer. When God is the author of every single thing we do, He is glorified and His love shines from us to others. Our children will carry this prayer with them into the future, by witnessing it in our lives on a daily basis.) 90:17 Psalm 91:1-16~ *When we dwell in God’s presence we are protected under His shadow. He is our refuge and fortress and we can trust Him with everything. 91:1-2 In the trusting we will not fear the present or the future of our children and grandchildren, because we made God our dwelling place and held fast to Him in love. He will protect, rescue and satisfy us. No matter where we are, no matter where our children are, there is so much comfort in knowing that when we have God, we are always home. 91:3-16 Psalm 93:1-2~ And when we realize ALL of this, we will give thanks to God. We will sing praises. We will talk about His steadfast love and faithfulness morning and evening because we will realize He alone makes us glad and joyful and He alone (not us) will make our children and grandchildren glad and joyful. Psalm 93:3-5, 94:14&15~ As the floods of this present world roar against us and we fear the future for our children and grandchildren, we can KNOW that God is mightier and that **“The things that we’re afraid of are afraid of God!” We can trust Him. He will never forsake us or abandon us. Psalm 94:17-19~ If we didn’t have these promises we would be utterly distraught, but we have an entire book of God’s promises to cling to. His steadfast love holds us up. When the cares of our heart and the worries for our children’s futures are many, God’s consolations will cheer us. When we are no longer on this earth to cheer our children and grandchildren on, His consolations will continue to do so. Psalm 94:22~ He is our rock. He is our stronghold and He will forever be our children and our children’s children’s rock and stronghold. From everlasting to everlasting. I know this was long, and if you stuck with me to the end I hope it encouraged you. Sometimes mamas just need a reminder that ultimately we are not the ones to determine the happiness in our children’s future. We want to be their rock and fortress, we want to bring them joy and happiness and we can, but our love could never compare to the steadfast love God has for them and the best way to show them that is by example. An example we will leave with them long after we’re gone. **The Things That I’m Afraid Of Josh Wilson
4/20/2023
He Weeps With UsToday I am sharing a guest post written by my daughter in law Shannon on the topic of infertility. Our prayer is that it will help others who are going through this heartbreaking experience as well. Shannon gives us a beautiful look into her heart and pain, but also into the hope she has in Jesus.
He Weeps With Us By: Shannon Goforth April 23rd marks the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week – a week I never thought would have any significance to me, let alone know it even existed. Infertility is a topic that is personal, vulnerable, and even intimidating to share, but it is something that I have been praying about for months. I feel like God has finally pressed on my heart to share my story. I never thought I would be that “one in eight.” You get married and dream of starting a family one day, but you never think it will be difficult. After struggling with infertility for almost five years, being told we have a 2% chance of having a child naturally isn’t what I imagined we’d hear. This devastating news was horrible and scary from the beginning. As we began to process and cope with our new reality, I began to read stories of other couples who had struggled in the same way. Hearing others’ miracle endings gave me hope. It made me feel less alone seeing how others could beautifully articulate the pain infertility brings. But what about still being in the middle of the waiting? Wondering if you’ll ever get your miracle at the end of your long journey… Infertility isn’t something many people talk about. The waiting is extremely difficult. It has been one of the loneliest, darkest valleys Michael and I have ever had to walk through together – and still are. Despite this being such a heartbreaking struggle to endure, it has also been an amazing season of refining in our marriage. God has used our infertility to strengthen our relationship in such a remarkable way. We’ve experienced an incredible closeness with each other that has been so beautiful. Michael has been an incredible comfort to me throughout this entire process, all while experiencing such deep pain of his own. I could not get through any of this without his constant encouragement. We’re in this together, and I love that. As we’ve slowly started sharing our story with others, I’ve been blown away with how many women have reached out to me and shared that they’ve silently struggled with infertility as well. This is ultimately why I’m sharing this uncomfortable topic: to help even one person know they’re not alone in their journey, as I thought I was for so long. Being able to open up and share your story, then having an army of people praying behind you in response is so worth it, but I know that doesn’t make it easy. I want to share some truths that have comforted me while walking through this difficult journey. I pray these reminders can be an encouragement to anyone who is in a valley reading this — something you can turn back to and reference in Scripture when you are in your darkest moments. There’s a well-known story in the Bible that comes from John 11. Mary and Martha are grieving over the death of their brother, Lazarus. Even though Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, He still looked at the tears of those around Him and was so gripped by their pain that Jesus, the God of the Universe, wept. From this passage in Scripture, we learn that God doesn’t just see our tears, He weeps alongside of us. This has been an amazing reminder to me that Jesus is always near. He sees me when I’m questioning His goodness and asking how any good could come from this. In the darkest moments when the enemy tries to get in my head and convince me that God has forgotten about me, I can look back on all His faithfulness in my life and know that’s the farthest thing from the truth! He is near. He is weeping with us in our pain. Not only that, but Jesus understands our pain more than we ever will. While Jesus is fully God, He is also fully man. He felt the pain that sin brings. He went to the cross for us on our behalf and felt the agony of pain leading up to that dark day. In Luke 22 He says to the Father “If you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.” This passage goes on to say that He was in such agony over the cross and prayed so earnestly that His sweat became drops of blood. Can you imagine that pain? When I’m tempted to feel as though Jesus doesn’t understand my deepest pain, I’m reminded of this incredible truth. Not only does He walk alongside me through this, but He weeps with me and knows the pain I’m enduring. I would never choose to endure this pain of infertility, but the intimacy I’ve felt with the Lord and this beautiful realization He’s taught me during our devastating season has made it worth it. Had I not chosen to lean into Him a year ago during some of my darkest moments, this isn’t something I ever would’ve been able to say. God is still writing our story. Even though I don’t know what the future holds, I know He has a better ending for us than we could ever imagine. If you are currently walking this painful road of infertility, just know I see you and you’re not alone. More importantly, God sees you and weeps alongside you.
4/7/2023
Don’t Lose HopeCan you imagine being the very first person that got to walk into Paradise with Jesus immediately after His crucifixion? I weep at the thought. I can almost picture it, the two of them entering Heaven’s glory. The thief weeping and laughing as Jesus smiles and hugs him. What hope this story gives to us all! A hope of redemption. A hope of new life when all seems lost.
Hope has been the theme of my story since I started this blog. Today I am here to remind you~ Don’t give up hope. Not on a child who has gone astray, not on a loved one who you’ve prayed desperately for, and not on yourself. There are so many lessons from the story of the thief on the cross. The account is only mentioned in one gospel, but the message has a huge impact. The thief did nothing to deserve forgiveness. The thief did nothing to merit him walking into eternal paradise with Jesus. He simply believed. As the scene unfolds, I can see Mary the mother of Jesus weeping at the foot of the cross, but I also wonder about the mother of the thief. Was she there as well? Was she weeping for her son? Was his wife there, or perhaps his sister? Prayers seemed unanswered for the son, the husband, the brother. There had been no repentance. He was being crucified. All seemed lost. This was the end. But it wasn’t. With his last breath he saw his sinfulness. He understood Who Jesus truly was and He understood that only Jesus, the Son of God could forgive his trespasses and take him to heaven. Hope was not lost. Jesus did not give up on that thief. Through horrifying agony and pain, He loved unconditionally. He gave mercy and grace. He forgave. As He took upon Himself the sins of all mankind, the agony and pain He endured were for that thief. They were for your son or daughter, and for your spouse. They were for your brother or sister and they were for you. Whatever situation you find yourself in, keep bringing it to Jesus. Your health. Your marriage. Your spouse. Your children. Your finances. Your past, your present or your future. There is always hope at the foot of the cross. Walk into Easter simply believing that because of Jesus there is hope with every breath you take. Walk into Easter holding on to that hope. Walk into Easter holding on to the thief’s redemptive story. Walk into Easter holding on to Jesus, the Son of God Who gave Himself for you. SCRIPTURE READING: I John 5:13-15 Luke 23:39-43 Psalm 16:8-9, 31:24, 71:14, 112:6-7 Romans 8:37, 12:12, 15:13 I Corinthians 13:7 Philippians 1:6, 4:6 Isaiah 41:10 2 Peter 3:8-9 Luke 1:37 Proverbs 3:5-6 Hebrews 12:2-3 Ephesians 6:10 Titus 2:13
3/24/2023
Change Lives In MeThere are certain things I’ve been struggling with lately. I am ashamed to admit that my perception of people has been a big one. Just this morning I realized how completely messed up my perception is.
I can “preach” on this platform about how “God can change your life” and how “you don’t have to remain the same once you know Christ, because His power lives in you”, and yet… This morning I had a conversation with myself that sort of went like this~ ‘What are you supposed to do Charisse? Past circumstances have led you here. Trauma that sucked the life out of you and left you weak. You can’t help it that you feel this way. The situation is hopeless. It is what it is. Just accept it and live with it.’ Immediately I was convicted. Nothing is hopeless with God. No past circumstances or feelings I might have are stronger than the power of God in me. He can change anything and anyone. And here’s the shocker~ the change starts with me, not with the person I am perceiving to be in the wrong. If I build up walls and raise the white flag of defeat on relationships in my life, I do not know the love of Christ at all, because He did the opposite. He loved the very unlovable. And despite past circumstances in His life~ He continues to love the unlovable… and I am at the top of that list. Do you know why I felt that immediate conviction this morning? Because Jesus lives in me. The Holy Spirit lives in me. God’s love lives in me. And because of all of this… Change lives in me. I thought darkness had a permanent dwelling in my heart, and the perceptions I had were truly hopeless situations. But I was wrong. The past is the past. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. The same power that raised Jesus from the grave is THE POWER that lives in me. And today that light has permeated the darkest recesses of my heart, because I know that Every day is a new day with Jesus and… Nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with God. SCRIPTURE READING: Psalm 51:6, 55:18 Proverbs 19:21, 21:2 Malachi 3:6 Hebrews 13:8 Luke 1:37 Matthew 19:26
3/17/2023
I Want To Watch It FlyWhen I was in the 4th grade, my parents bought an old farmhouse that sat on 12 acres of property, property that was surrounded by endless horizons of beautiful land. We affectionately called it “The Farm”, and I loved it. When I recall that time, my heart feels free. My imagination could soar there. I could run in all the beautiful openness of the unknown, and feel as if I was flying.
But then, my parents split up. My world was turned upside down. That freedom was quickly taken away and replaced with the chaos of things that I could not control. Praise the Lord that He continually pursues us. Through all that heartache and pain, we came to know Him. My parents got back together and purchased a new home, away from the painful memories of the past. This home was so very different. It was a cookie cutter house located only a few feet away from all the other houses that looked exactly like it~ in the middle of a subdivision full of similar houses. House upon house. No freedom. No flying. But for some reason, my heart took comfort in the familiarity of it all. All the past chaos was outside that perfect little suburb. I was safe in this new, controlled setting. And my journey of familiarity and control began. At that time in my life, my flesh associated the comfort of my parents being reunited with my controlled situation, when all along it was Jesus. Jesus is what changed our lives. Not the cookie cutter house, in the cookie cutter subdivision. I have found that almost 50 years later, I still look for comfort in familiarity, in everything being predictable. In control. In planning. In a cookie cutter life. It occurred to me today that a large part of that process has to do with fear. If I write it down and accomplish it, if I plan, if I have control, I don’t have to fear. Life will be predictable, and I find comfort in predictability. But not in God. But then when life hits me with a curve ball, suddenly all my comfort is whisked away and I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the future and what that looks like for my marriage, for my kids, for my church, for my blog. I’m afraid of the opinions of others. I’m afraid I won’t accomplish what needs to be done. I’m afraid of pain and heartache. I’m afraid of the unknown. Circumstances can hold us hostage to the fear of the unknown. My anxiety over that unknown can become so strong that my control seems lost. Inside that anxiety I am paralyzed. I don’t long to be placed in my cookie cutter house in a subdivision. I long to run away and fly. I long to just be free… and it’s there in that moment that God teaches me again and again that freedom and comfort only come from God. Not from all my control. Slowly, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I learn to put my trust in Him. Sometimes daily, sometimes minute by minute. It’s something that only He can provide. A comfort that only comes in trusting Him, and not in my own control. And suddenly in that trusting, when life throws me another curve ball~ the unimaginable happens. I have peace. I am free from the bondage of my fear of the unknown because I know that HE knows. And everything God allows in my life is for my good. You can have freedom from whatever might have happened in your past that makes you want to hide within the cookie cutter walls of your control. You can have freedom from the fear of the unknown. When life throws you a curve ball, you have one of two choices. Remain paralyzed with fear and anxiety; or catch it and throw it back. Throw it back towards endless horizons of beauty, and watch it fly. Feeling the freedom of complete trust, having no idea where it will land but knowing that God will catch it. His goodness is written all over it. Today and tomorrow and every day ahead, I want to watch it fly. SCRIPTURE READING: Psalm 11:1, 27:5, 51:12, 55:5-8&18 , 61:1-4, 90:9-10, 12, 14, 17, 139:9-10 Proverbs 14:12-13 Isaiah 40:28-31 Acts 2:25-28 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 I Peter 5:7 I could hear her little voice as they entered the bathroom, and I chuckled to myself. “It’s messy in here mommy!” She continued to babble about her little brother, the stall, the toilet paper, and the changing table. As I washed my hands I think I heard the words “don’t touch that” a dozen times.
I remember those days, but not with disdain. With longing. In that moment in the Meijer bathroom, my heart had an incredibly deep, unexplainable yearning for one more moment like that. One more moment just to hear my daughter’s childhood voice talking to me about everything her little mind could think of. I don’t know why there are times that that longing grabs a hold of my heart so fiercely. Some days I miss it all so much. The giggles upstairs and the reprimands to “go to sleep!!” The toys all over the house. The forts built under the piano. The laundry EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. The constant “I’m hungry”. All the talks. The fun conversations, but also the hard ones. The “talks” about changing bodies and crushes and heart breaks. Talks about mean kids at school, but the reassurance of the forever love of mom and dad. And Jesus. A deep love from Jesus that is not fickle like the friendships of adolescents. Yes, some days I yearn for it all. I yearn to hear my little girl babbling in the bathroom as I try to change her sister’s diaper. Maybe it’s the remembrance of unconditional love looking up at me through the wide eyes of naive innocence. Mommy could fix everything and do no wrong. Or, maybe it’s because at times~as hard as motherhood seemed to me back then~I can now look back and realize that in those moments, life for my children was so much easier. I long to fix everything for my adult children just by saying the words “I love you” and with a simple smile and a hug, watch their life become beautiful again. When our children were little they could bounce back and in a moment, life goes back to being care free. But the older our children get and the more time that passes, the more mom realizes that at times life can be very cruel for the ones we love more than anything in this world. And that’s when the hard truly hits. So today I remind myself of the talks. The talks about the love of mom and dad, but more importantly of Jesus. Today I want to remind my adult children of that love. The incredible, deep love I have for them, but more than anything~Jesus. A friend Who sticks closer than a brother, even closer than mom and dad. Jesus, Who literally loves with His everything. Jesus, Whose heart yearns for carefree moments for my children even more than my own heart yearns for it. That’s a fierce yearning. That’s a love deeper than I can imagine. As much as I long to hear that babbling again, Jesus wants to hear it from our children too. He wants to hear ALL the babbling. He wants to hear our children talk to Him about every single thing their minds can think of. And He wants to hear it from me as well. He wants me to tell Him all about it. So today, I did. Today I babbled on and on with Jesus. I told Him all about it. I cried. I laughed. I asked silly questions. And in that moment, just like a child who feels deeply loved~ Life became carefree again. SCRIPTURE READING: Psalm 37:25, 42:4-5&11, 51:12, 62:8, 142:1-2, Isaiah 49:15, 66:13 Philippians 4:6-8 John 8:36 Galatians 5:1 I can remember getting my first biopsy. Watching the needle go in on the screen. Holding my breath. So many emotions wrapped up in such a small amount of time.
As I look back over my life, countless moments were held captive by two words. ”What if”. My todays were taken away by worry over my tomorrows. Always wondering what would be on the other side of this mountain of “what ifs”. Somehow believing every worst case scenario and sometimes living through them. Maybe hope was lost. And in that believing~denying Christ power by giving up and giving in. Not only allowing the devil to believe he had won, but believing that lie myself. Recently I have pondered Christ sacrifice on the cross for me. I have thought about that dreadful day when all hope truly seemed lost. I have wondered about all the emotions his disciples were feeling~ so many emotions wrapped up in this moment. This wasn’t supposed to be the end. How could this be? Can you imagine their discouragement? All the incredibly powerful miracles they had witnessed and yet, it appeared death had won. Satan had won. Pretty sure that’s exactly what the devil believed too. But Jesus’ followers did not know what was coming. Neither did the devil. When it comes to scripture, at times I think we tend to take the outcome of mountain moving stories for granted. The faith isn’t spectacular to us because we know how the story ends. But when faced against our own mountains, the “what ifs” overwhelm us and we convince ourselves that we won’t be able to get over them to the other side. Let me remind you today of your beautiful reality~Satan doesn’t know what’s on the other side of your mountain anymore than you do because unlike God, Satan is not omniscient. He is not all knowing. He doesn’t hold your future, God does. There is so much power in that statement. Take heart in the fact that the very men who LITERALLY walked with God on this earth~those handpicked and chosen by Christ~ went through discouragement as they faced a mountain they thought was unclimbable. Even more comforting is the fact that Jesus~being all God yet all human~asked His Father if there was any way possible to avoid the overwhelming sorrow that was upon Him. He knew the deep love He had for His followers, and the heartbreaking emotions and confusion they would be faced with. He knew the mocking, the beating and the physical agony that was coming. He knew that He would be taking the sins of all mankind upon Himself. Jesus knew what was on the other side of that mountain He was facing, yet in that moment, He poured out His heart to God. Jesus understands completely what you are going through. We might say we trust God. We might even believe we have mountain moving faith, but that doesn’t mean the trials we go through will be easy. Trials that can overwhelm us. “What ifs” that can loom heavy over our souls. Don’t focus on this idea that the devil knows the end of your story and that he has already won. Instead, focus on the fact that only God knows what’s on the other side. On that side of the mountain is the irrefutable reality that the same Jesus Christ who defeated death and once again walked with His awestruck, astonished disciples upon this earth, is the same Jesus who is alive today~ daily making intercession on our behalf. He is the victor of every “what if” mountain we face. And that side of the mountain? It’s always good. Always. Because God told us so in His word. There is no “what if” scenario that God doesn’t have an answer for. There is no “what if” scenario that God will not provide comfort for. There is no “what if” scenario that God doesn’t give peace to face and weapons to fight. There is no mountain you will ever climb alone. SCRIPTURE READING: Matthew 17:20, 26:37-39, 28 Isaiah 51:12, 52:7, 54:10, 55:12 Mark 11:23, 14:33-36, 16 Psalm 90:2 Luke 22:41-44, 24 Romans 8:34 I John 2:1 Hebrews 7:25 Revelation 1:5,18 I Corinthians 15:19-23, 56-57 Philippians 2:10-12, 4:7 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 10:4 John 14:18 Every day I see the posts, the pictures, the memories~
“Happy Birthday in heaven Daddy.” “Today is the day God called Mom home.” “I miss my son/daughter every single day, even more so today.” Mamas and Daddies, sons and daughters, husbands, wives, grandmas and grandpas. Loved ones and friends~ The loss of someone we loved incredibly. As hard as we might try, we can’t escape the date on the calendar. It will always be there. Year after year. A reminder of how much we lost. We relive that moment in our hearts and minds, and it breaks us all over again. The shock of it is as real today as it was yesterday, last year or ten years ago. We hide our tears in pillows or in the shower, alone in our grief because culture makes us believe we should be past this pain by now. I still find myself gazing at our “Pops condo” in utter disbelief that my dad is really, truly gone. I still have fleeting thoughts that I need to call and check on him. I still look into my grandchildren’s eyes, unable to control my tears as I think about how much my mom would have loved them. I still have dreams of my sister Amy and for a split second, wake up believing she is still with us. Even though I know God’s Word and His promises to me, even though I know my loved ones are in Heaven with my Savior, even though I know they are experiencing remarkable glory~ I have hope, but I also grieve. The bottom line is~ I miss them terribly, I still grieve them, I still wish I could talk to them every single day. I still randomly break down and cry. I still feel lonely. And that’s okay. It’s okay sweet friend. Don’t let society dictate to you how you should grieve someone who was your whole world, especially if they have never lost theirs. When it comes to the grieving process, one of the most important things society seems to forget is this~our pain is a direct result of our obedience to God’s second greatest command. Love. Hold on to this hope~ Jesus will NEVER be disappointed in us because we loved so deeply. He will not leave your side as you grieve. Jesus will not be angry as you cry, sometimes again and again and again. His Spirit knows when your grief is too deep for words. He is touched by your feelings and longs to comfort your broken heart as He whispers~ “It is okay sweet child. It is okay. I am with you.” Today I am here to remind you~ It is all okay. The tears, the memories, the pain But most important~ the love. It is ALL okay. SCRIPTURE READING: Matthew 22:37-40 Mark 12:30-31 Romans 8:18, 22-27 I Corinthians 13:13 Hebrews 4:15, 13:5-6 I John 4:7&8
1/13/2023
Precious PromiseThe tears fell as I listened to him sing. This wasn’t new to him, his mama often cried when she sang solos or gave testimonies. I don’t think he really understood why though. I could picture him catching a glimpse of me, shrugging his shoulder a bit and running to find his brothers. But he didn’t see me cry. My 9 year old grandson singing about His Messiah, our precious promise. I didn’t think my heart could get any fuller. Why did I cry? “Messiah, a baby born to save us all.” My baby was singing about the Baby born to save us all. The significance of the words resounded deep within my soul. “All we longed for, all we needed shining in a child’s eyes.” Jesus. Just a child yet a Savior. The innocence of childhood grasped me in that moment. My little Ethan. Ethan who has not yet experienced the pain that this sin cursed world can so cruelly throw at him. The heartbreaks that come again and again as we age. No, right now he is just a child singing about His Messiah. One day though, he will remember this moment. Singing with his mama. The words will whisper to his heart when it’s hurting… “Hope forever. Death defeated. Because of this one holy night.” Why did I cry? Because I have known death. I have known heartache. I know what lies ahead for this little man, but I also know his Hope. Jesus will be with him through it all. Everything he longs for, everything he will ever need. His Messiah. My Messiah. I listened to his little voice as he reminded me of a future he has yet to live and a promise I can cling to. I don’t need to fear the future. I don’t need to fear the future of my children or my grandchildren. And I smiled through the tears. “O come, let us adore Him.” So many emotions were wrapped up in that moment. That God would use my grandson to remind me of His love in sending His own Son for us all. The older I get the more I realize how truly sinful I am, and the impact of God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness on my life. I realize the hardness of life, but the promise of a Savior Who walks with us, and sometimes even carries us through it. This brings me to my knees. Someday Ethan will understand. Someday he will cling to the words he sings. Words that show me a future made beautiful by the past. “Because of this one holy night.” What a precious promise. Messiah. On our knees we fall. SCRIPTURE READING: Hebrews 2:14-18 Isaiah 9:2,6-7 When I was in the third grade my parents told me we were moving. My little heart was broken. I think I cried for a month. I didn’t want to leave my friends, and the home I loved so much. I can remember throwing rocks at the For Sale sign in our front yard, I even pulled it out of the ground once and hid it.
But then we moved, and slowly I came to love our new home. The one we endearingly called “the farm”. My imagination came alive on that old farm. I began writing stories in the fourth grade. It was a place to dream, and I sat and dreamed a lot. I sat at my piano overlooking our beautiful apple orchard. I sat in the apple trees. I sat in the kitchen shucking corn and snapping beans.I sat on the hills overlooking acres and acres of breathtaking land. I sat in bed as my mom read to me each night. I sat in church and I sat in confessional every week. I sat on our horse and I sat in our hayloft. I sat on our cellar door and on our milk house steps. I even sat in our out house. And… I sat and cried when we had to move again. I loved that old farm. God had given me something beautiful and then taken it away. It wasn’t the first time little Charisse went through something painful, and it certainly wasn’t the last. Here’s the thing though, Today I can sit and I can see why. Not only did I become “me” on that farm, due to heartbreaking circumstances involving the move, my family came to know Christ. And today I sit at His feet. What a beautiful place to dream. Time and time again I thought God was taking the wonderful things I loved away from me because I did something wrong. Surely He was punishing me. But that wasn’t the case at all. Each time God took something, He replaced it with something so much better. He did it because He loves me. And now at the age of 57, I can’t even count the number of times God has done this in my life. Given me something better. With His grace in my heart and His word on my lap, today I sit and smile. When people invite you to sit, you know that old saying~ “Take a load off”? That’s literally what Christ tells us to do. Give Him the load. Imagine if we made a New Year’s resolution to sit more. I think people would laugh if you told them that was your intention. Sitting is such an easy thing to do. How often do we do it without a thought… but what if we actually did think about it every time we sat down? Giving all your heaviness to Christ and recalling all the times He blessed you with something better. Whatever you might be going through today, sit with Jesus. You might not understand things now, but if you will just sit with Him through it, you will see that His “beautiful” is always so much better than our own. No striving. No trying to figure things out. Just sitting with Jesus. What a beautiful place to dream. what a beautiful place to be. SCRIPTURE READING Jeremiah 29:11 Psalm 77:1-14, 78:4,6-7
12/23/2022
Silent NightLast week I wrote about missing my yesterdays…
Let me tell you about my today. I ponder this day as I reflect on Christmases past. Christmas Eves full of excitement. Trying to get children to sleep so that presents would appear under the tree the next morning. Late nights and early mornings every year. Joyful laughter filling every corner of the house. Of my home. But tonight. As parents around the world relate to this happy noise Christmas Eve brings, others are experiencing a silent night. The kids are grown and the house remains quiet. I couldn’t help but ponder the moment Jesus was born as I thought on this. God’s silent night. The earth’s Holy night. Jesus left His Father. Despite knowing the incredible sacrifice, sadness did not engulf His Father’s silent night, for the inexplicable love that God had for us took all sadness away. With joy unspeakable, His Son left the happiness of home and heaven. In the gift of Himself, He took away all silence and replaced it with a multitude of heavenly hosts praising God. He gave us glory and hope. He gave us Himself. Always with us. Never alone again. My kids might not be under my roof anymore. My home may be silent, but my heart can be full. Your heart can be full. On this night, that excitement that was once a part of my home lives on. It lives in my children as they share hope with a world that can sometimes feel hopeless. As they sing praises to God on this Holy night. As they share the good news of God’s gift with strangers and friends, loved ones and children. It lives in my grandchildren as their parents try to get them to sleep and then a few short hours later, in the laughter coming down stairs of expectation and joy. Tonight is not silent. Tonight is Holy. God came down. He came down to give us expectation and joy. Forgiveness and hope. From the star that led the way, to the cry of a newborn~every moment of this night leads us back to our Father. And oh that our hearts would pierce that silence with our songs of deliverance. Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace goodwill toward man!! Scripture Reading: Daniel 12:3 Luke 2
12/16/2022
I Miss YesterdayI miss yesterday.
There’s a strange emptiness inside me at Christmas. A hole that seems to get larger with each passing year~ It’s the memories of Christmases past and the ones who made this season so beautiful for me. A house full of children and magic. Parents and grandparents coming to visit. Cookies baked and Christmas carols playing. Life has changed so much. It’s not the same. And I miss it. I know I shouldn’t long for the past, but at times I find myself pining for it. I know I should be rejoicing in Jesus, the entire meaning of Christmas, but sometimes I still find myself looking back to my yesterdays and wishing for them back… I miss my kids being right upstairs. I miss my parents. I miss my In-laws living only a few hours away and their frequent visits to see us. I miss all the Christmas parties at aunt Mendi’s. I miss family. I miss Christmas dinner at Mom’s. Maybe I’m the only one who feels this type of emptiness. Deep down, I’m a nostalgic sap. Today I listened to my grandchildren all huddled around me, sharing in their excitement. “Only 10 days till Christmas grandma!!” And I yearn to make my daughters understand how beautiful these moments are in their lives. Right now. Moments with mom and dad right down the road, with excited little voices in every room. With cookies and carols and all the Christmas chaos. I want to tell them to soak it all in. Every last second. Even the exhaustion as their heads hit their pillows each night. Today. Right now. It will never be here again. What marvelous, majestic gifts God gave me year after year each Christmas. Gifts I took for granted. Gifts I opened each Christmas season, smiled, said thank you to Jesus and then forgot about. Until now. He is still giving me marvelous gifts, if I will just open my eyes to see them. They might not look the same but in my remembering the days of old, I am reminded that I am a part of the gifts He is giving my children and grandchildren. Gifts they will one day recall and cherish. I can choose to pine away for my yesterdays or I can make those gifts beautiful. The same way my parents, my in laws, my grandparents and aunts all did for me. In this moment as I sit and listen to the quiet, God shows me that I am looking at Christmas all wrong. I wanted my yesterdays and all the joy they brought, until it dawned on me that my tomorrows are not promised. It’s not what I can get every day leading up to Christmas. It’s what I can give. What will my loved ones and friends remember? What will your loved ones and friends remember? What will your children and grandchildren remember? Instead of focusing on the memories of your yesterdays, I want to encourage you to focus on the moments of your todays. Ask yourself~ “how can I make the lives of everyone around me better?” Somehow my parents, my In-laws and my aunts all made magical memories for me. Memories I cherish. I’m sure they were missing their yesterdays now and then too, but they never showed it. They made my life better, sweeter. They taught me how to give of yourself to those you love. I don’t know what next Christmas holds. Perhaps God will choose to take me home before I celebrate another season. And so, today I will take my own advice. I will soak it all in. Every second. I will make magic for my children and grandchildren. I will fill that hole to the brim with the gift of giving. Not of things, but of memories. Beautiful, majestic Christmas memories. And one day I pray they will realize, Those are the best gifts of all.
11/11/2022
All About MeI was a somewhat self centered new bride. Thirty seven years later, and I still am at times. Everything all about me. It’s something I’m constantly working on. When we were newlyweds, we came up with our own little life plan. We were going to wait to have kids, spend a few years getting to know each other better and then start a family. Two months later I was pregnant. I was 20 years old. Funny, with my first pregnancy it was all about the experience for me. (I blame it on my immaturity😂) The cute clothes, the big announcement, the first grandchild, the family excitement. The idea of being pregnant was so magical. Until reality hit. I didn’t just have morning sickness, I had 24/7 sickness. Anytime, anywhere. When it hit, it hit hard. It was no respecter of time or place. And suddenly, it was no longer about that little baby growing inside of me. It was all about me. I whined. I complained. I cried. I pouted. I felt sorry for myself. I forgot about the “why” because I was so focused on me. But when my precious little child was born, everything changed. All the sickness of pregnancy and pain of childbirth was wrapped up in a tiny baby and when that gift was given to me, it was beyond good. She was my miracle. Her birthday is next week. She continues to teach me what selfless truly means. She is one of the most selfless people I know. Looking back I realize, if I had taken my eyes off of Charisse and focused on the miracle inside me, things could have been so different. I’m not trying to say that I miraculously would have avoided morning sickness, but a different outlook could have changed my life, and the lives of those around me. We are human. It’s easy to let the “what about me” feelings seep in and control us. It’s natural to want others to feel sorry for us when life is hard, to want a little compassion and even empathy. Life is hard. For some, unbearably hard. But even in the unbearable, we are not alone. There is a Miracle living inside us and His name is Jesus. From the beginning of time He has promised that He will always be with us and will never leave us comfortless. Some of us might be so focused on ourselves that we completely miss God’s “why”. Others might not ever know the “why” of their suffering until they are home in heaven one day. In either case, we can choose to glorify our Savior if we will learn to continually fix our eyes on Him. Sometimes we forget that. We take our eyes off the Miracle and focus on ourselves. My first little miracle’s name is Jessica. When she was born, everything changed. The miracle of all mankind’s name is Jesus. The season of His birth is fast approaching. He is our Wonderful, our Counselor, our Prince of peace. He is our Comforter and Sustainer. All our pain, all our sin and all our suffering was wrapped up in a precious little baby Who took it upon Himself when He died on the cross. When He was born, all of mankind was given the greatest gift of all. Everything changed. Our past, our present, our future. Our eternity. All the pain and all the “hard” that we might be going through will one day produce our own miracle. I know this to be true because God promises me that whatever I face is for my good, and I trust Him. I’m not trying to convince you that the hard will miraculously go away if we take our eyes off of ourselves and place them on our Savior, but I am saying that our lives will look a whole lot different if we do. And the lives of those around you will be better for it. Focus on the Miracle inside you. Focus on the miracle of Jesus. SCRIPTURE READING Hebrews 12:1-2 Galatians 2:20 Ephesians 3:16-21 2 Corinthians 13:4-5 Isaiah 9:6-7 John 14:18-20 John 3:16 Romans 8:28, 38-39 Isaiah 41:10-13 1 Peter 5:7 Hebrews 13:5-6
11/4/2022
A Good CryI’m such a baby.
My husband had his knee replaced on Monday. He came home Monday night. Yes, that’s quick. Too quick. Since he did so great with his shoulder replacement in July, we thought we knew what to expect. We were wrong. His first day home he overdid the exercises and didn’t take his prescribed pain medication. Tuesday the pain and swelling set in. By Tuesday evening the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I changed his bandages and heard him cry out in pain. Lessons learned for the next knee, scheduled in December. Wednesday as I sat with him in Physical therapy and watched his face riddled with pain again, I fought back the tears and had this little conversation inside my head~ “Charisse. Get a hold of yourself. Be strong. You look ridiculous crying over this.” I thought about that a lot today. Me being a big baby. How ridiculous I looked crying over my husband’s pain, how ridiculous I look when I cry about a lot of things… but then I had a little God moment epiphany~ Who says? Who says it’s ridiculous to cry? Who has the right to say it is weak to weep when we see loved ones in pain or even when we are experiencing heartache of our own? God doesn’t. Man does. Man’s words are continually ingrained into us~ Be strong. Other people are going through much worse. Look at all your blessings, you have no right to cry. Don’t show your vulnerabilities. Don’t be weak. And yet, the majority of the time it’s all a facade. We are weak. We are human. Tears flow. And guess what? God is okay with that because in our weakness we find His strength. God really opened my eyes to that fact in my bible reading this week. I read the story of a woman who was barren. It touched me deeply. My own child is experiencing this anguish and it is a rollercoaster of emotions. Hard doesn’t come close to describing it. Prayers have been poured out. Tears have been shed. An answer has not come. As I read God’s words to me about the story of Hannah, several things were brought to my attention. Hannah was never reprimanded by God for crying. Hannah cried because of how she was treated by another woman. She cried because her prayers weren’t answered. She cried because her heart was broken. She had bitterness of soul and wept. Even the man of God judged her. God did not. There is power in her story. The hard hit home this week. My husband endured excruciating pain. A sweet friend had breast cancer surgery and another dear friend found out she has pancreatic cancer. There is heartache all around us. Life can be so cruel, but oh how powerful our great God is. He will help us walk through the unthinkable and from our pain He will produce miracles. Others may judge us because of our tears, but God does not. God does not diminish the pain we feel. He does not categorize our tears. He keeps every one of them. He tells us to cast ALL our cares on Him. Not just the big cares, ALL the cares. He understands. God offers grace. He offers tenderness. He offers miracles. As I got my dad’s old walker out of the backseat of our car and helped my husband into another therapy session yesterday, the emotions were all there. Memories came rushing in of doing the same thing for my dad at countless doctor appointments. It was also the anniversary of my mom’s home going. In that brief moment I wanted to yell at the world~”I’m tired of trying to be strong!!!” But then I recalled the words of a dear friend, beautifully reminding us all not to quit. Hannah never quit. Though she had tears, she kept on praying to God for her miracle. And so, I watched my husband take one tiny step after another and I thanked God through the tears. I know God’s working miracles, but I also know He thinks it’s okay if I cry through the process. I will give the hard to Him again and again, day after day because my yoke might be heavy but when I give that yoke to Him, my burdens become light. I may not see the answers I’m looking for and I might cry like a baby, but this one thing I am confident of~He will hold me through it all and allow me to let the tears fall with no judgement. He will whisper to my soul~ It’s okay Charisse, have a good cry. Miracles are coming. SCRIPTURE READING: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Philippians 1:6 Matthew 11:28-30 I Peter 5:7 Psalm 34:17-19, 56:8-9, 147:3-5 Hebrews 4:15-16 I Samuel 1 Isaiah 40:28-29, 43:2 John 16:33 |
© 2020 HOLDING HOPE