11/20/2019
Don’t Wish For Time To FlyDON’T WISH FOR TIME TO FLY
Dear Daughter~ Don’t wish for time to fly. Don’t wish to grow up too soon~ To be in school, or junior high, high school or college. To be married and then wish you could have a house and children. And then to wish those children right past the baby years and then the toddler years, the terrible twos or the hormonal teens. Don’t wish to have an empty nest and time to yourself. Soon enough dear daughter, all these things will come to pass~ and one day you will wish that you hadn’t wished them away so quickly. That you looked for the incredible joy in every single moment of every single day. Savor the wonder of your childhood~ your baby dolls, your make believe. Savor the comfort in the care of a mommy and daddy. Savor that time of new love with your soul mate. Determine to truly see the young love in his eyes as he looks your way, and the even greater love of that spouse as the fleeting years go by. Savor the early morning sunrise over a little extra sleep, the soft breathing of your babe against your chest, the giggles and little footsteps coming down the stairs, the tears of a teen as she confides in her mama. Enjoy the rain drops and the snow. The home you call your own. The family God has given you. The precious promises of God. Dear daughter~ don’t wish for tomorrow’s. It will all be gone before you know it, and one day you will wish it back. Don’t take life for granted. Don’t take today for granted. Look for God in every moment, no matter how good or bad that moment may seem. He is there. He is always there. Don’t be in such a hurry that you miss the incredible blessings God is giving you right now. Right this very moment. Stand still in that moment. Take in the blessings of your Father. Don’t look for happiness in the “if only’s”. Look at all you have today. Today is a joyful celebration, if you will only open your eyes to its beauty. Purpose in your heart to choose thankfulness each morning of each day for the rest of that beautiful life. Your life. No sweet daughter~ Don’t wish for time to fly. Psalm 118:24 Ecclesiastes 2:24, 3:13
10/23/2019
Until They No Longer Need YouUNTIL THEY NO LONGER NEED YOU
I listened to him tell us about his dump truck. His big blue eyes sparkled as he spoke. Any other person may not have understood half of what he was saying, but I did. He’s my grandson and memories of his own mother came flooding back. With her lisp and tiny voice. I could hear her telling me all about her little stuffed bunny. Just like it was yesterday. And this grandma wanted my daughter to hold that memory and make time stand still for a moment. I wanted her to realize how much she would miss these seemingly trivial conversations with her son. Telling mama about dump trucks. But when we’re a young mom and in the thick of it, often we don’t even hear it. They talk and talk and talk... It is non stop. Life is so busy, our schedules are so hectic, our day to day responsibilities are so weighing~ that we brush it off. We don’t really pay attention. It’s just background noise. Until one day he is talking to you like an adult, and your heart skips a beat. When did that happen? When did it change? Time goes on and pretty soon their life is too busy. Your children are adults with schedules and day to day responsibilities that weigh on them. And then there is no talking at all. Moments that are few and far between. You understand their busyness because~ wasn’t it just yesterday that you were there in the thick of it? Wasn’t it just yesterday that your own mother was telling you how much she missed you? How she wished you would visit more often? And you were frustrated. You complained that she had no idea how busy your life was. Until it wasn’t. But then it was too late. Dare I say mama that you may think your life is hard now, that you will never get beyond the constant talking, interruptions and neediness~ You might wish for peace and quiet~ but one day all you will have is the quiet. That’s when it’s hard. So mama~ Soak up every single word. Stop what you’re in the middle of while your child is talking to you, think about what I have said and try to picture that little one as an adult who no longer needs you. Look at them~really look at them~ and listen, because one day they will be too busy to talk and you will wish for that moment back again. You will wish he was telling you about his dump truck like you were the most important person in his world. Because honestly mama, you were. Don’t ever take that for granted. And one day, just because you remember that busy time in your life and you understand it~ doesn’t mean you miss your children talking to you any less. You will remember those moments and wish you could have them back again. Just you and your baby~ talking about dump trucks. 
9/11/2019
All The Little ThingsALL THE LITTLE THINGS
2 minute read I wanted so many big things for my children when they were younger. Parental goals. But now~ in their grown up lives apart from me~ I want all the little things for them. I want all the little things for their children. Small things that don’t merit recognition. Insignificant moments that turn into beautiful memories. When my adult children get together, their accomplishments aren’t the topic of conversation. Their fulfilled goals aren’t what fills the room with laughter. The memories they have of home are what brings beauty. Building forts under the piano. Hide and seek with daddy. Playing in the mud an hour before church. (and getting in trouble for it) Walking on a snow covered street at midnight with mom. Making chocolate chip cookies, pancakes every Saturday and birthday dinners. Getting up on Thanksgiving morning to gather wood for a cozy fire. Practicing “waking up” on Christmas morning. Growing up in church. Bringing others to Jesus. Watermelon and swing sets. French fries and long talks. Evening swimming at the lake. Redeemable coupons for hugs and kisses. Camping in the backyard. Hunting with daddy. Baking with mom. Roasting marshmallows and making s’mores at the cottage. CHRISTMAS. Jr. camp and The Beach. Praying together. Praising together. Bike rides and sleigh rides. Snuggling on the couch. Just Being together. Twenty years from now, as my children sit with their spouse or with their children~ those are the things I want for them. Those are the memories I want them to hold close. I don’t want them to miss out on all the little things while chasing what they believe are the big things. I want those little things to live on in the hearts of my children. The joy of home. The joy of just being together. The joy of Jesus. That is the joy I want them to experience. My children are all grown now. They have families of their own. Looking back, one of the most important things I’ve learned is that the things this world says are so important~those big things~ aren’t what’s truly important for your children. The ONLY big thing our children need is Jesus. Jesus. Jesus and all those little things that make life beautiful. Ecclesiastes 2:24, 3:11, 13, 5:18-20, 11:9
8/28/2019
Never Grow UpNEVER GROW UP 3 minute read I love the movie Hook. My heart always gets emotional during one particular scene. A child is holding ‘grown up’ Peter’s face in his hands, and as he looks into his eyes he sees the ‘little boy’ Peter. His heart smiles and he says~ ”there you are Peter.” Maybe I get emotional because I have moments like this with my own children. I know that it’s part of our job as parents to raise them to be responsible adults who no longer need us, but I don’t believe there’s a mom in this world who doesn’t miss her children when they were... well...children. We’re proud of them and the adults they’ve become, but we still miss those little beings. Adulting can be so serious at times. So, I have these mama moments. Moments when I see my oldest and the childlike excitement and joy in her eyes every time she’s able to do something sweet and unexpected for someone. Since the day she could walk and talk she’s had a tender, giving heart for others. When she shares those special moments with me~ I see my little girl and my heart smiles and says~ “there you are Jessica.” Moments when I see my middle daughter rolling around on the floor with her boys and I see those boys laugh in sheer delight at their silly mama~ who for a few playful hours puts the cares of this world aside to care for the most important things in her world~ When I see her chasing and tickling and making goofy, childlike faces and she catches my eye~ I see my little girl and my heart smiles and says~”there you are Andrea.” Moments when my son asks if we are busy because he just has a “quick question” and an hour visit feels like mere minutes. Each time I find myself wishing he could stay just a little longer. Moments when I study his face as he’s talking to his daddy~ I see my little boy and my heart smiles and says~ “there you are Michael.” Moments when my youngest daughter shares little, insignificant details of her everyday life that are very significant to me. Texts about her dog and cats, her makeup or a cozy, fuzzy sweater she found. Moments when she repeats an inside joke from her childhood that only the two of us share~ I see my little girl and my heart smiles and says~”there you are Kathryn.” Am I proud of the adults my children have become? Yes I am. They aren’t just my children. Aside from my husband, they’re my best friends. Do I still miss the children they were at times? Yes I do. But now I have these new little beings that surround me, that give me unlimited hugs and continual snuggles. Little ones that look just like my children, and when I see Ellie take care of her younger cousins or Clara get down on the floor so that her little cousin can stand on her back to reach the drinking fountain~ I see my little girl and my heart smiles and says~”there you are Jessica.” When I see Ethan sweetly sharing with his little brothers and Gabe making goofy faces at his grandpa, without a care in the world~ I see my silly, happy little girl and my heart smiles and says~”there you are Andrea.” You will always be mommy no matter how adult your children become. Don’t be sad that they are grown. Their childlike heart is still inside them. You gave them that gift, and it will live on in their hearts. ~Perhaps one day in the hearts of their children as well. Don’t lose sight of that. If you look into their grown up eyes, you will see it~ and when you do, your heart will smile because their eyes will always say~ “there you are mommy“. •”Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.” Proverbs 17:6 •“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Psalms 127:3 KJV
8/21/2019
Never Stop Praying For That ChildNEVER STOP PRAYING FOR THAT CHILD
3 minute read “Mrs. Goforth, this is officer Joy. We have your son in the back of our squad car....” I thought it was a prank call. At the time I didn’t realize our town had an officer with the last name “Joy”. I started laughing, until he cut me off to tell me what my son had been up to~ jumping off a barge into the Pigeon River. Apparently he had gotten permission to do so earlier in the day, but he had NOT gotten permission to go back at night with his friends. This wasn’t the first time Michael had “befriended” the police. *A few years earlier he climbed on top of our shed and shot a BB gun toward some trouble makers on Devil’s night. He thought he was protecting us. The police were knocking on our door a few minutes later. He was 7. *On a family trip, he left a convenience store at 9pm because he couldn’t find us. He started walking toward the highway and the police picked him up. He was 9. *He rode a moped on his senior trip without a helmet. The police stopped him, despite his protests that everyone else was doing it. *He snuck out at night and put an 8’ fiberglass rabbit in the middle of Main Street. A police chase ensued. Tasers were involved and the trouble makers ran into our church to hide out. (Yes, my husband is the pastor of that church). None of these things were terrible, life altering mistakes. They began in innocence. Slowly mischief was added, a little bit at a time and each time, my heart was pricked a little more. Our children’s actions can do that to us. And then, as mothers we worry. I was worried I was a terrible mother and I was worried about the direction my son seemed to be heading. When you write a weekly blog that all your children read, when you live in a small town and all those children live in that same town AND grew up in that same town, it makes it difficult to share past experiences and heartache you may have gone through in raising said children. At the same time I cannot pretend our life was a wonderful bed of roses, or that we were perfect parents and they were perfect children. I wasn’t. They weren’t. I had struggles and heart ache just like every other parent. This mom had more sleepless nights~filled with tears~than she cares to recall. But God is faithful. That isn’t cliche. It isn’t a cute phrase. It’s a truth I know from the depths of my heart, and have witnessed in each of their lives. The very first time we were called into the school office due to my son’s misbehavior, my mama heart wanted to blame everyone else. The teacher for not controlling her class, and the mischievous little boys he was interacting with. But that day God showed me that Michael wasn’t sweet and innocent either. He played just as much a part as the other boys involved, and this mom began praying even harder. I prayed specific prayers. I begged God to watch over my children and help them make Godly choices. I asked God ALL DAY LONG to keep His angels around my babies like a fortress, and to hold them under the shadow of His wings. So, from the moment I started praying earnestly on Michael’s behalf did his life dramatically change? Did he become the perfect little boy who grew into the Godly preacher he is today? Obviously, after reading the beginning of this story you know the answer~he did not. But, this mom never gave up on begging God and to this day, even though they are grown and married~ she’s still begging. Don’t ever stop going to God on your children’s behalf. Jesus Himself goes to God our Father on our behalf. If Christ, our ultimate example, does that for me~ then I will continue to do that for my own children until my last breath. Don’t give up mom. No matter how discouraging their choices and actions might be~Wait on the Lord. God is faithful. If you will keep asking~ He will answer and in time it will be true joy, and not an officer, calling to your heart. John 16:24- ...ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full. Psalm 27:14- Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 91:4,11, Psalm 34:7, Matthew 18:10, Hebrews 1:14
7/24/2019
Safe And CozySAFE AND COZY
2 minute read The sky turned black and the clouds rumbled. Torrential rain came down in thick, heavy sheets. We opened the front door. Both of them tucked their little hands into mine. And we watched. Summer heat and mists of rain hit our faces, but they remained unmoved. A few moments later I turned away to shut the door. Even though my eyes could not adjust to the darkness, a sense a peace and comfort washed over me. Little Ellie looked up at me and said~ “Grandma I love your house when it’s raining like this. It makes me feel so safe and cozy.” I almost cried. She said exactly what my heart was feeling. Safe and cozy. That’s the feeling I want my granddaughters to have for the rest of their lives. I wish I could protect them from all the hurts and disappointments that life will throw at them. From the ugly words and angry people that will step across their paths. But I can’t. I could choose to be sad and worry over the outlook of their future, knowing the evils this world holds, or I can choose to give those babies to God. I can choose to teach them that yes, no matter what, they can always feel safe and cozy. I can, because I have experienced all these things myself. I remember the dark nights that I lay in bed feeling completely alone. I remember the tears that fell like torrential rain from hurts that were thrown my way. I remember my soul yearning for comfort that no human could give and I remember begging my Heavenly Father to wrap His arms around me. As silly as it sounds, this 54 year old will always be her Heavenly Father’s little girl. I will always want to tuck my hand into His or crawl up into His lap and just be held. Where every other person in this world may fail me, He will not. When my mind can’t wrap around the hurt my heart feels, I close my eyes. I picture my Father’s home. It is safe there. I will never grow too old to ask Him to hold me. He will always keep me~ safe and cozy. And that is what I want my grandchildren to grasp. That is the knowledge I want them to hold close. And I will know that one day, when the rain and heat of this world hits them, they will remain unmoved Because their hand will always be tucked into His. 💗 “For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm...” Isaiah 25:4 “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” Isaiah 41:13 Psalm 16:1, 46:1, 91:2 & 14, 118:6 & 8, Proverbs 18:10, John 10:28 & 29
7/17/2019
Giving In Moments“GIVING IN” MOMENTS OF MAMAS WITH TEENS
3 minute read When our kids were little we adopted a rescue dog. The kids named her Mandy and she became a part of our family. On one particular night around 2am, Mandy began pacing, running up and down our steps. She was relentless and whiny. Mike (my husband) was tired. He was annoyed. He gave in. He got out of bed and let her out. As soon as the door opened, she took off. I don’t know how long she was gone. When she finally returned, before we could stop her she ran right back upstairs and into bed with the girls. It was too late. The stench filled our entire house. Mandy had been playing tag with a skunk. The skunk won. The next morning despite the smell, we sent the kids to school. (I know...what were we thinking? 😂) It didn’t take long for the stench to permeate the entire school. It emanated from their closed lockers, book bags, clothing and hair. Let’s just say that “perfect attendance” was not high on the school’s priority list that day. My kids were all sent home. They were not happy. This might seem like a silly tale, but mama~ can I just encourage you~ don’t give in. It starts at a young age. Our children want to do the same things the other kids are allowed to do. They want to watch the same shows and listen to the same music and wear the same clothes and go to the same places. They want to get out of our house. They will whine and cry and beg. And it will not stop for at least... 18 to 22 years 😂 And you will get tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of being “that parent”. Tired of being the bad guy. Tired of the relentless begging and whining. You will be tempted to just give in. But mama~ if your intuition is screaming “NO” and you give in, if you try to convince yourself that maybe it isn’t as bad as you think~ that one moment of weakness could lead to future heartache and unhappiness. No matter how hard you try to pretend it didn’t happen, you won’t be able to go back on the decision you made to just give in. Giving in is just like allowing them to play tag with a skunk. The skunk will always win. The stench that might ensue will permeate every aspect of your child’s life and the consequences could emanate for years. One single moment of “giving in” could change everything. Mama, you know what’s best for your child. You know in your heart of hearts the things that you shouldn’t give in to. God gave you a mother’s intuition. Believe me, I know how hard it is to say no over and over and how much it hurts when the response is continual anger. You feel as if your child hates you~ and truthfully, they might believe they do hate you. But God knows all of that. God hears your prayers and knows your hurt. He will watch over your child and one day, when they’re an adult and have children of their own, their eyes will be opened to the truth and they will realize the tremendous love you had for them in the “not giving in” season of their life. And when that day comes, your children will thank you. My children are all grown now. There are times I look back on and wish I hadn’t given in. I hadn’t worried about being the cool parent or having my children “like” me. I wish I would’ve had the faith to trust God that they might not have liked me in the moment but they would love me for that “no moment” in the future. There are also instances we look back on and my adult children thank me and tell me they don’t know where they’d be today if I had given up and given in. Even though I remember the hurt from the hateful looks and angry responses (especially between the ages of 13-18 😬) my heart is full today and I thank God for the intuition He gave this mama because without Him... That skunk would’ve won. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR CHILDREN? One night long ago, as another baby tooth was put under a pillow awaiting the tooth fairy, I was asked what the Tooth Fairy did with all those baby teeth. It’s one of those moments when a father might panic, but not a mother. God has this way of giving mamas perfect answers on the fly. Either that, or we’re just really good liars. 😉 An idea formed and I began to pen the words to a cute little tale. My daughter Andrea drew the illustrations and when her teacher found out, she asked if I would come in and read it to the class. I’ll never forget the look of excitement on the children’s faces as I began to read. They had all kinds of ideas on how it would end, but only I knew the outcome. I was the author. They wouldn’t know until I finished reading and when I said “The End” smiles lit up the entire classroom. “Looking unto Jesus, the AUTHOR and the FINISHER of our faith...” Hebrews 12:2 Think about those words. Just like I was the author of a unique tale about the Tooth Fairy, Jesus is the Author of our unique life story and He is the Author of our children’s life story. Let that sink in. Not you. Not me. Jesus. And just like I probably have you wondering~”What does the Tooth Fairy do with all those teeth?” 😉, we might constantly wonder what will happen next in our own lives or the lives of our children. Instead of leaving things in God’s hands, we attempt to control each situation, writing our own story, making ourself the hero instead of our Savior. This tends to lead us on a path of worry and frustration instead of joy and peace. Because ultimately~ it is Jesus story. He is our Author and He will finish the story. The story called Faith. If we had our way, if we knew the outcome~ then it wouldn’t be called Faith. It might be called Mistakes, Heartache or Pride. It might be called Worry or Distrust. But not Faith. These things need not overtake us when Jesus is our author. We can sit in His presence with comfort, peace and even joy~looking ahead to what unfolds. Confident that the ending will be written by Someone Who loves us with an unfathomable love. Someone Who knows exactly what is best for us and our children. Allow your children to see His story of faith unfold in your own life. Give them that gift. Teach them to allow Jesus to be their Author as well, understanding that He is the ultimate Hero. Our Hero. His story is not fiction. He will never lie and He will never panic when we ask questions~ because He always has the perfect answer. And that answer will always be Faith. As we go through the heart rending chapters, we don’t ever have to tire because~ with the strength of a Hero and the love of a Savior, He will continue writing His love story. Our story. And we can rest in knowing that when we hear the final “The End” His smile will light up our hearts because we will be in His presence. Our story will have a happy ending if we will just allow Him to finish it for us. His love story called Faith.
5/15/2019
Sleepless Nights Of A MamaSLEEPLESS NIGHTS OF A MAMA
We lived 700 miles away. Away from all family. I felt very alone. I didn’t have many friends, mostly just acquaintances. And I was tired. So tired. Mom wasn’t there to give me a break and Mike worked 6 days a week. Our firstborn was almost a year old and I hadn’t slept through a single night in over a year. Not only had my uncomfortable, huge belly kept me awake before her birth, but after her birth she woke up (and stayed up) several times a night. Every single night. We tried everything. I cried more than I care to admit. Sheer exhaustion took over and I can remember thinking that I would give anything, anything for one night of uninterrupted sleep. I couldn’t complain to anyone. The only phones we had were land lines and it was far too expensive to call home. There were no cell phones. There was no texting. There was no one to vent to. So I turned to the only One I had in my loneliness. I complained to God. I cried out to Him and I finally admitted to the ladies at my church that I needed prayer. I was not super mom. I needed them to reach out to God on my behalf. Once I gave it to God, once I leaned totally on Him and told Him I couldn’t do it anymore, He told me~ “I can Charisse, I can do it for you.” He whispered to my lonely, exhausted heart that I wasn’t alone and that I needed to trust Him through this. It was then that I realized I had not been trusting. I had been feeling sorry for myself in my loneliness and sleep deprivation. I might have called out to Him in frustration and despair, but not in faith and trust. So to all of you moms that are wondering~’How can I get through these baby years without losing my mind?’ The sleepless nights, the terrible two’s, (or terrible teens), the empty nest or even the adult years of our children.... You can’t. But He can. Let go of the frustration and despair and give it to God. Once I truly did this I realized I was never really alone. When the world was dark and everyone was asleep, as I held her and cried~ He was right there by my side the whole time. His strength is limitless when we have no strength left at all. Three more babies came after my first. There were many more sleepless nights. A lot of crying. Too much of Charisse and not enough of Christ. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful and even now when the sleepless nights of crying over my adult children may come, when the world is dark and I’m holding their problems in my heart, I can rest in Him, trusting that I am not alone and neither are they. He is right there by their side. Deuteronomy 31:8 Psalm 121:2-3 💗
4/16/2019
The Softness Of A MotherTHE SOFTNESS OF A MOTHER
Sometimes the days seemed so long, but the nights seemed even longer. Newborn feedings, teething, bad dreams, growing pains. Overwhelming exhaustion. You couldn’t wait for bed time, just for a little peace and quiet. Until the crying started all over again. But then there would be nights that just pulled at your heart strings. The soft glow of the moon shining in on their tiny faces as you watched them sleep. You didn’t think love could squeeze your heart any tighter. They came to us always. We were Mama. We made their boo boos and their heart breaks better. And at night, when all the world was fast asleep, they were safe there. Safe under our roof. Safe in the quiet. No one warned us how much our heart would feel that squeeze as one by one they moved out~ until one day they were all gone. You think back to the days when they were safe, and now as you lay in bed looking at the vast darkness outside, you wonder if they are okay. Maybe hundreds of miles away. No longer under your roof. No longer in their childhood bedroom. They are an adult now, in a dormitory or maybe their first apartment or house. That quiet you longed for so many years ago is now an unwelcome guest. You can’t control their safety. You worry. You think back to all the nights they cried for you when they were little and you held them close and rocked them back to sleep. It was in your DNA. It was your job. You were the one who made sure they were okay. And now you aren’t. The reality of that hits you. You thought it was so hard during those baby years. You never truly realized how simple life was back then~until now. This is a hard you’re not sure you can get past. You wish you could hold them and rock them again. You can’t, but Someone else can. Someone else is. The same One Who holds you close. The same One Who gives you the peace that passes understanding. The same One you cry out to when you’re hurting. Just as He is with you, He is with your adult children. Release your control and understand that He is with them even now. He knows their hurts, their disappointments, their adult growing pains. He will take care of them, no matter how far away they are. There is no need to worry. He is the great Shepherd and even though they are adults now~they are still, and always will be His little lambs. Just like they will always be your little lambs. When you look up at the stars tonight, they are sleeping under that same sky. The soft glow of the moon shines in on them as their heavenly Father watches them sleep. They aren’t as far as you think. They are right there next to you, asleep in your Savior’s arms. So let Him sing to your heart the soft lullabies of peace and comfort. Let Him hold you as you fall asleep, knowing that His great arms are holding them as well. You can let go of that control and give it to Him. It wasn’t ever really ours to begin with. It was always His. He just poured down His love a little extra in the softness of mama until He knew they would be okay on their own. Without you~ But always with Him. Psalm 42:8 FLEETING MINUTES THAT MAKE UP MOMENTS
“Oh honey, you’re going to miss this. They grow up so fast.” I had asked for prayer from the ladies at church. Her words did not bring comfort, they brought guilt. All I could do was just stare and nod. Sheer exhaustion made my brain so foggy that my mouth wouldn’t form the words I wanted to say. I’m that mom now. Writing blogs. Warning mamas about time fleeting by. Telling them to cherish every moment. But I remember. After countless months of no sleep, I had little strength left. She cried all night long. Every night. I cried all night long. I cried because I was horrible and selfish. I cried because I felt like a failure as a mama. A failure because I had no patience left. No compassion. I just wanted the crying to stop. I just wanted to sleep. If I’m honest with you mamas, I don’t miss that. I miss every one of those baby moments, but not that. “You’re going to miss this”... that’s not the answer any poor, sweet, exhausted mama needs to hear when they’re in the middle of a particularly trying time with their little one. They need compassion. They need understanding. They need someone to tell them it’s going to be okay. They need a shoulder to cry on. They need someone to give them a break, make them a meal, allow them a nap, encourage them in God’s promises and help them to remember that they are not alone. He is always with them and He understands. They are not a failure. They are human. God understands. And then they need to know that God gives strength when they have no strength left. That He is always by their side, holding them as they hold their little one. He wants them to know that they can cry out to Him, just as their little one cries out to them. He wants them to understand that even when they think they have no compassion, His compassions fail not. Lamentations 3:22 And in the morning, with tears rolling down her cheeks for the frustration she felt the night before, that mama will look into her baby’s smiling eyes and pure love will fill her heart to overflowing for her little one. That moment is when she can find comfort in knowing that the love her heart holds for her little one doesn’t even come close to the love her heavenly Father has for her. God is in that moment. God is in every mama moment. All the beautiful sweet baby moments and all the desperate, helpless, exhausted minutes. He is always there. He will never leave. He will help you through. He will give you strength. He will give you compassion. He will teach you to forgive yourself. And one day, when your children have grown, when you realize how quickly time went by and how much you miss those baby years~ those desperate, exhausted minutes will be just that. Fleeting minutes compared to all the beautiful moments God allowed you with your child. The desperate moments won’t define you mama, they will make you grateful. Grateful because you will know that God was right there with you in every minute that made up the moments~ and that’s what made those moments so beautiful.
2/12/2019
Parenting Pet PeevePARENTING PET PEEVE ✔️
Parenting pet peeve #557... Just kidding, I don’t have them numbered... or do I?? 🤔😂 Sometimes it feels like this many... You know those moments when you’ve been praying and talking and praying and talking with your children and for some reason it just doesn’t click? They come to you overwhelmed and discouraged. They’re heart broken and hurting. They cry, which makes you cry. They want answers. They don’t know what to do. You’ve been there. You understand. So, you pray for them. You pray with them. You talk to them. You text them. You share verses and words of encouragement. But it just seems like it doesn’t click. They’re just not getting it. i.e.~In one ear and out the other. And then they have a breakthrough. An epiphany. They tell you they heard a message, they read a devotional. They talked to someone. And here is where the pet peeve hits you smack in the face. Excitedly, they share the words that changed their life, the “great advice” that helped so much. And it’s exactly what you have been saying ALL... A...LONG. EXACTLY. Yep. That’s hard. As a mom you just want to scream~ “Are you kidding me?!! Where have you been the last 25 years I’ve been telling you that exact thing? Were you even listening at all?!!” And then, as you’re standing there completely dumbfounded, they don’t understand why you aren’t more excited for their new change of heart. For their epiphany. And you have no words. I don’t know why I let this bother me so much. Unheeded words. Someone else’s advice. Someone else’s help. It’s hard on a mama. But then I think about my own life. My own walk with God. When I’m overwhelmed and discouraged. When I cry and don’t know what to do. I read God’s word and for some reason, it doesn’t click. In one ear and out the other. But then I read a devotional or hear a message and bam!! I have my own epiphany. My own breakthrough. As if the speaker or writer wrote it just for me. And I say “thank you Lord”. And He whispers back with a smile~ “I’ve been telling you this all along, you just needed an extra nudge.” Isn’t that what we have been praying for? For help for our children and what they are going through? And yet when that extra nudge comes and it’s not from us, our mama hearts sting a little. This mama wants her mama heart to look more like Jesus’ heart. To understand that God can use anyone and anything to turn a situation around. That He heard my prayers for my children and He answered. And to be thankful. Even if that answer didn’t come from me. I’m sure He’s been speaking to me all along about this. Tomorrow I will probably read it in a devotional and get hit over the head. So instead~ I’ll tell Him I hear Him today. And I’m listening to His advice. ✔️Pet peeve #557~ Given to God.
1/29/2019
Babies Don’t KeepBABIES DONT KEEP
They had this fairytale flair of cleaning. These ‘littles’ I called my own. “Don’t come up yet” they’d yell down the stairs. I’d smile knowingly. And when everything was clean and I was given the okay, the door would be flung open, magical music would be playing and proud smiles would be displayed. The music got me every time. It was as if they turned ‘cleaning their bedrooms’ into a Walt Disney production, with all the dramatic effects. Looking back, cleaning was a household word. Mom (I) was a clean freak. Every day had its chore and every thing had its place. Living in a parsonage, the worry over appearances took over the ease of letting life happen and loving it. Too often. Would anything life changing have happened if I had let the dusting go one more week? If I had allowed toys to lay around an extra day? If the pillows weren’t perfect on the couch and the dishes weren’t all washed? Here I sit 25 years later. The same house. The same rooms. Something life changing did happen. I put down the mop and my high expectations for the Pinterest perfect house and looked around. The same rooms~now empty. No more toys. No more dramatic entrances into fairytale bedrooms. No more pillows strewn all over the floor. Life changed. My kids grew up. The vacuuming. The mopping. The dusting. The chores. It’s all still here. My kids are not. Tidying up can be done tomorrow. Even if your children are “posing” in it, that picture or story for Instagram can wait. Your kids cannot. Tomorrow and the next day and then 25 years later you can take all the pictures in the world. But the little hands will no longer be tugging. The little feet will no longer be running. The little laughter will no longer be ringing in your ears. The chores will wait. Life will not. It will continue to move, even as your walls stand still around you. So build a fort in the living room. Have a pillow fight in the den. Play Barbies in the bedroom. Smile at the dishes in the sink. Laugh at the dust that will be there tomorrow~ And love until it aches. Love on those babies until it aches. Because the cleaning and dusting and dishes will all still be here tomorrow... But your babies won’t. 💕
1/8/2019
Don’t Miss Out On The RooftopsDON’T MISS OUT ON THE ROOFTOPS
I stand at my bedroom window in the quiet. This room that my three daughters once shared. It didn’t used to be this way. Quiet. I look out into the darkness. The moon’s brilliance reflects softly off the snowy rooftops. My bedroom used to be downstairs. I never had this view. I didn’t realize what I was missing. My life was downstairs. Down in the trenches of the crazy life of a pastor’s wife with four children. Busy and happy. Crying and laughter. Moments turned into memories. Now~all quiet. I see the snow covered rooftops of our church....our hall....our beautiful town. I look toward my children’s rooftops. Sleeping soundly with their spouses. Their children. Their moments. Their memories. They will be busy. They will be happy. They will have crying and they will have laughter. And I weep for the blessings my Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me. The happiness He has allowed me to hold under this rooftop. Some years I was so focused on the mess that I missed the moments. So focused on the busyness that I missed the blessings. But now I see them all. I look at the rooftops. The beautiful clean snow falling softly in the darkness. I see God. Don’t miss the rooftops. They’re there~ in the craziness, in the busyness. They’re there in the crying and laughing. They’re all the sweet blessings God gives us each day~ that we often somehow miss. They’re all the beautiful moments that make up our memories. There~ under the rooftops. Soon the snow will melt. Winter will pass and before you can blink~the tiny laughter of little children, the busyness, the craziness~ It will all pass, and another rooftop will hold that magic inside. Cherish those moments while you can. You might not even realize what you are missing. Don’t get so caught up in the trenches that you miss the miracles you hold at your fingertips. But don’t get so caught up in the memories that you miss the moments you have right now. I hear my husbands soft breathing as he sleeps, and I smile. Old memories are deeply cherished but new ones are ahead. Don’t miss out on the rooftops.
12/4/2018
Don’t Lose Heart In The NowDON’T LOSE HEART IN THE NOW
It was almost Christmas when our family moved from Ohio to MI to live with my parents. It had been a long and lonely few months up until this time. My husband had been working out of state all week and I was left alone with our four small children, our youngest being only 8 months old. We enrolled our kids in the same school my husband graduated from. It was an exciting time. Christmas was right around the corner and we were sure a pastorate position would be as well. All was right with the world. We thought. God had different plans that year. It started with Andrea’s teacher informing us that she was extremely behind in her class. She told us that the class already knew the entire alphabet, but that Andrea could not identify one letter. We were in shock, she had been getting such good grades at her previous school. Her sweet teacher suggested we start out with flash cards and work with her every night. From the beginning. I had panic moments. How could I teach her the entire alphabet when she was already so behind? There were many, many long nights. Lack of patience and crying often ensued (from mom and daughter). It didn’t take long to figure out what was going on. I would hold up a card, Andrea would look at the card, then at me. Directly at my mouth every time. Apparently she had gotten very good at lip reading and instead of identifying what the letter was, she was waiting for me to mouth the word. She didn’t know the truth, she was only imitating. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, the next 8 months weren’t easy ones for our family. There was a lot of praying. A lot of crying. Some fighting. A lot of trusting. And so much learning. During that time, Andrea wasn’t the only one learning, I was as well~ Learning to trust God was a big one. Not just with the alphabet incident, but also in the circumstances of life that surrounded us. Next on the list would be the realization that our children watch everything that we as parents do, in every situation. How we act. How we react. We are teaching them in every moment we live and their little eyes are soaking it all up. A parent can send their child to the best school, the best church, the best children’s programs, but ultimately as important as all these things are~ God has chosen YOU as the most important person He wants your child to learn from. YOU have to teach them. They might imitate the good behavior they learn at church. They might know all the right answers from the lessons they are taught~ but the truth of life’s lessons, the hard lessons, God’s lessons~you’re the one that will teach them that. They can imitate their teachers or their church leaders, but every single day, every single moment, they are watching you and the truth you are teaching them by the life you are living. It will be hard. There will be times that it will be very hard. There will be panic moments, lack of patience, fighting and even crying. There will be a lot of praying. Don’t give up. Every night for 2 hours I worked with Andrea. It wasn’t easy for either of us. She finally got it. Months later when that pastorate position became available in a little town called Caseville, her teacher told us she was ahead in her class and doing very well. Twenty Five years later Andrea teaches as a substitute at that very school. One day, your children will have children. They will teach them the lessons they learned from you, whether they were good or bad. I know I made many mistakes through the years, mistakes I see my own children replicating at times, but I also see the amazing ways God allowed them to see some of the good too. It’s very humbling to watch your own adult children. When the days and nights seem long and hard, you think that day will never come~but it will. And then you realize it came too fast. Don’t lose heart in the now. Stay with it mom. Teach them. Pray with them. Discipline them but most of all, love on them. Then, one day watch with a heart that is full, as they do the same. Psalm 78:2-4, 6-7
9/26/2018
Before They Are GoneHis eyes were huge and scared.
Pools of blue. Tears almost spilling over, yet trying to be brave. Who was this little man I was raising?Who would he become? As he walked to school his very first day, he continued to look back at me until he was no longer in sight. And then he was gone. Each year passed. He brought me flowers he picked on his way home from grade school. He made me cards and wrote inside that he would never marry, or leave home. He brushed my hair and bought me trinkets. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He wrote sermons, and told me he would one day be a preacher. Who was this little man I was raising, and who would he become? He would become someone’s husband. Someone’s father. Someone’s preacher. And then he would be gone. He would grow into a man with no need to look back at his mama~ and her blue eyes would spill over. Trying to be brave, yet praising her Father for the man he had become. For the husband he was. For the love of his Savior as he preached. For the father she knew he would be. Who is that little man you are raising?Who is that child you hold close? They will one day be someone’s husband, someone’s wife. Someone’s father. Someone’s mother. You are teaching them that even now. What a heavy, glorious responsibility it is. One we need to remember daily. One we need to bring to our Savior minute by minute, hour by hour. One we must never forget~ Before they are gone. I got lost in all the beautiful images.
My sweet grandchildren. Their precious little eyes were dancing with joy in every picture. Full of love for mama and daddy. This day, this time, this age, it will never come again. It is a fleeting moment and then it’s gone, and the eyes that once were dancing, won’t dance anymore. Yet, we do not realize. We take today for granted. We get lost in our own lives and goals, wants and dreams. Today is just a page of our story. A page that we turn day after day, without really thinking about it. It is routine. Until it’s not. And then, one day those innocent, happy, dancing eyes are filled with irritation, embarrassment or even disdain. It is too late~ and we realize the moment is gone. We want to go back and read the previous chapters. We want to linger longer. We want to meditate on it, but we cannot. That moment will never come again. It was lost in our work, in our hobbies, in our time spent on social media, in the worry over keeping a clean home, in the changing diapers and sleepless nights, in the laundry and dishes. That moment was lost in ourselves and the desire for time alone and “when will this ever end” moments. And that’s when you realize those dancing, innocent eyes don’t look at you the same. Perhaps one day, when this stage is past, they will. But now those eyes are dancing for their friends, their crush, their desire to get away, to be their own person~ to grow up~ but they aren’t dancing for you. Stop what you are doing and lose yourself in those innocent, dancing little eyes. Soak every tiny moment up. Don’t get lost in you~ get lost in them. Today isn’t routine because today will never come again. One day those eyes will search for you once more. They will become the eyes of your best friend. They will look to you for answers and help, for guidance and love, for relief and prayer. They will be filled with remembrance and respect, Because those eyes will be looking into the tiny dancing eyes of another.
7/25/2018
Every Moment MattersThere were a sea of faces all around me~ children my age. Hands outstretched, waiting to be filled with tiny, tasty goldfish~ a picture of one of the many miracles of Jesus. The 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Another day straw cowboy hats were given to every child. I can still remember the delicious smell of that straw as it filled the gymnasium. We made crafts with popsicle sticks and learned the song~ “STOP and Let Me Tell You What the Lord Has Done For Me”. I was in awe of the STOP and GO signs the leaders held up as each verse was sung. Everything was so foreign to me at the time. But I remembered. These are memories I have. Pieces of a time in my life that wasn’t the norm for my family and wouldn’t be the norm until almost ten years later. But God knew that. He was working in this little girl’s life before she could truly understand. He was whispering to my heart~”let me introduce you to my Son. One day, He will be your very best friend.” Put aside the fact that for one brief week, I was in the same church my future husband attended. Maybe he was one of the young boys handing out hats~ or fishes. Maybe he sat next to me as we sang. Maybe he even smiled at me. We never attended that church again and yet, despite moving 4 different times to 4 different cities,16 years later I met him and married him. God has a miraculous way of using everything in our lives. Everything in our children’s lives. Nothing is by chance. Nothing is an accident. God introduced a little girl that knew nothing about Jesus, to His Son~ She was only in Kindergarten. And she remembered. Vacation Bible School. God used all the workers that week, all the “behind the scenes” helpers, every craft, every snack and every prize. It all mattered. None of them will ever know the impact they made on my life that week, until someday we meet in heaven. But it made a difference in this little girl’s heart. And she remembered. Vacation Bible School. Don’t discount the importance of our children and the impact God’s word can have on their lives. Every moment matters. And 48 years later that little girl will start her 24th Vacation Bible School with her husband. Joy will fill her heart as she looks into the eyes of each little child~ And she remembers.
7/3/2018
For Women Only***FOR WOMEN ONLY*** I’d just had my first baby only one month before. Between the post baby body and hormones, my insecurities were at an all time high. Mike suggested we go out and do something that sounded fun to me so we packed up the stroller and headed to the mall. It was December of 1986. Baby Jessica decided in the middle of our mall trip that she was hungry and she could not wait. Things were different. Moms didn’t just whip it out in public and start nursing, even with a blanket covering them. So, I went out to our small, cramped car and attempted to nurse fussy Jessica under my heavy sweater and winter coat. Despite the freezing temperatures, the sweat began to roll and the hormones began to rage. The hormones were definitely winning the battle and I started to cry. When I got back inside, the first thing I saw was a full wall advertisement for Victoria’s Secret. Not life size. Bigger. Gigantic, gorgeous, amazon women with perfect hair and bodies. And I lost it. That was the beginning of the end. My insecurities got worse instead of better. I felt fat and ugly after each baby. Instead of doing something about it, I resorted to junk food and complaining. Continual complaining. “I’m so fat. I’m so ugly. My double chin, my small chest, my flabby stomach...” and on and on and on. I was defeated without a fight. And my daughters watched it all. Why do we let society dictate what qualifies as beautiful to us? Why do we allow it to dictate those qualities to our daughters? Why is it so hard to believe that we are beautiful? It starts so young and once it grabs hold, it’s hard to shake. My innocent granddaughter Ellie with her naturally curly, brown hair came home from kindergarten and told me she was ugly because her hair wasn’t straight. Or blonde. It broke my heart. She is so beautiful to me. She is so beautiful to God. How can we change this mindset in our daughters? YOU are beautiful to God. Start believing it’s true in yourself. And that’s where it gets so hard. Many of us can’t. Including myself. It’s a continual battle that I cannot seem to win. With every TV commercial and magazine cover hitting me where it hurts. Ephesians 6:12-18 So you buy books and read articles and decide you’re going to change. And the first week you get up and spend time with God and read and feel the confidence returning. You smile. You’re happy. And then you walk into the mall with your husband.... And you are defeated and complaining all over again. Romans 7:22&23 Your husband sits in silence. He has told you time and time again how beautiful you are to him. He is at a loss for words. But your daughter hears your EVERY word. She thinks you’re beautiful. She thinks you’re amazing. She’s confused. Why is this a continual cycle in our lives? Because society screams at us from every direction and we listen to them and NOT TO GOD. We don’t believe GOD’S words. I can hear some of your thoughts as you read this. “Oh brother. You’re tall and slim. Why are you complaining?” But we all have our trouble spots. We all have our insecurities. Your daughter looks at you and thinks~ “mom you are amazing and beautiful and I want to be JUST LIKE YOU. Why do you complain?” And even sadder, God looks at us and says-“I made you in MY IMAGE. You are wonderfully made. You are beautiful in MY EYES. Why do you complain?” Genesis 1:27 In a way, we are telling God~”you created the world and you saved my soul from eternal damnation, but man~You really missed the mark with this body of mine.” Romans 9:20, Psalm 8:3-4 Shame on us. Shame on me. I’m not condoning being lazy and not taking care of ourselves. It’s not ok to go buy a bag of Lays and a half gallon of ice cream and have at it every time we feel ugly~ because pretty soon, for some of us, that could be our daily diet. It’s actually harmful to our bodies in so many ways and it’s teaching our children that food is the answer. Food is our comfort. Food is our happiness. And God isn’t in the equation. Isaiah 55:2 I Corinthians 10:31 I wish I had started my healthy journey earlier but after my daughter Jessica went to college I decided it was time for change. I started working out. I ate right. I lifted. I lost weight and gained muscle. But when I looked in the mirror I was still discouraged. All that work would not take away the hidden wrinkling, sagging skin that age allows to creep up on us. It didn’t take away my hidden flabby tummy after having four children and a hysterectomy. It didn’t take away the hidden dimples (aka cellulite) I had in all the wrong places or the varicose veins that looked like a road map on my thighs. I just learned how to hide it all. But my heart was hidden too. Hidden behind push up bras, loose shirts and control top panty hose. Why was I hiding behind these things in self loathing doubt and why do I still try to hide? Because I’m not hiding God’s words in my heart. Romans 8:9-11 That’s where it has to start and that’s what we have to keep going back to. Over and over and over. That thought process is very, very foreign to so many of us. We can’t win this battle on our own ladies. We can only win with Christ in our hearts and His power on our lives. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 So this is my journey. ✔️To take care of this body He has given me. To work hard on the things I CAN change but accept the things I PHYSICALLY can not. Matthew 6:27 ✔️To continue to stay healthy, eat healthy and work out. ✔️To tirelessly play with my grandchildren and someday see them graduate and get married. (And maybe my great grandchildren one day too.) ✔️To understand that outward beauty is vanity but inward beauty is EVERYTHING. Proverbs 31:30 ✔️To focus on the beauty of my Lord and continually remind myself that when He looks at me, He sees beautiful. Song of Solomon 4:7, Isaiah 62:3, Psalm 90:17 ✔️To understand that He has made me in HIS image. Genesis 1:26-26,31 HIS IMAGE!! That’s HUGE! ✔️To look in the mirror and choose to be like Christ and not like the world’s standard of beauty. Psalms 17:15 ✔️To trust that God knew about each part of my body before I was even born. He knew about every future wrinkle, every dimple, every sag and every measurement and when He celebrated my very first birth day~ He said “perfect”. Psalms 139:13-17, Luke 12:7, ✔️To teach my granddaughters what beauty really means in God’s eyes. Romans 10:15 ✔️To show them they are strong and can accomplish anything with Christ in their heart and God by their side. Ephesians 2:10, I Peter 2:9, Philippians 4:13 ✔️To know that it’s not about me but it’s all about God. And God’s beauty shines brighter and longer and more magnificent than any wall mural this world has to offer. Psalm 90:17 And that’s all I need to know. Because I am made in His image.
6/26/2018
Dear EllieI realize ladies of all ages will be reading this letter today.
This is the day I will watch my niece Holly get married. It seems like yesterday that she was my little Ellie’s age as I watched she and her mama walk hand in hand along the seashore. Some of you may have precious little ones this very age and wish time would stop going so quickly. Others of you may be my age with grandchildren, remembering your own children at this age~ and still others of you may be the age my mom would be if she were still alive today. One thing I wish for all of you to remember is this~ your own mother~ no matter her age, or yours, has these exact thoughts about you. So stay a little longer, love a little harder and laugh a lot more with your children ~and your mom~ because time is passing quickly and these special moments will soon turn into fleeting memories.~~~ 💗Dear Ellie💗 Today I watched you walk away from my front porch toward school, hand in hand with your mama. Oh the memories that flood over me. This is your last week of kindergarten and I desperately wish I could hold on to this moment, every second of it, and someday replay it for you when you are a mama yourself. You look up at her in childlike wonder and innocent love. She is your everything. Your super hero, your mentor, your example, your comfort, love, encouragement and strength~ your whole world. When you grow up you want to be just like her. I watch you unashamedly hold her hand. Your precious little face looking up at her as you share your thoughts and dreams. She is your very best friend. And I don’t want it to end. Someday when you read this, you will be a grown woman. Your views on life will change. You may not look at your mama in the same way. And it will hurt her, more than you could ever realize~ until you have a child of your own. I wish I could wrap this very moment up in a box and one day ask you to open it and let every memory flood over your heart like warm beams of sunshine. And bring you back. And help you remember the love of a little girl for her mama. I don’t want that to ever change. But it will. I see you turn the corner and walk out of sight. Still chatting happily. Not a care in the world. No worry over what others will think. Proud to be walking hand in hand to school with your very best friend. And I want you to remember. Because that was my Jessica. That was my Andrea. That was my Michael & that was my Kathryn. Don’t ever forget. Because she never will.
6/5/2018
Stop Being A Parent?One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to not be a parent. Recently, my 4 year old granddaughter Clara got an awful splinter in her foot. It was deep and painful. She’s a tough little cookie and doesn’t cry easily. I regularly hear her shout out~”I’m ok!”~as she jumps up from tripping, falling, running into walls, getting plowed over by her cousin on the swing-set, etc. But when her daddy had to get that splinter out, this grandma couldn’t even watch. I had to leave the room. I could not handle seeing her in so much pain, even though I knew the consequences of that splinter would cause major infection if left unattended. It brought me back to all the times I had to deal with similar situations in my own children’s lives. My daughter Kathryn was about the same age when she broke her collar bone and had to have it reset. I can still remember her screams. Seeing our children in that type of pain is heart wrenching, but if we know that pain will be for their good~as parents, we have to allow it. Parenting doesn’t just stop the moment our children move out of the house. It doesn’t stop once they get married. It doesn’t stop after they have their own children. I don’t think parenting will ever stop, as long as I am alive. The wisdom we gain as we get older, the consequences we endure for our actions~all of this becomes warning signs that we want to frantically wave in front of our children. It’s not that we think they aren’t smart~or even that we are smarter. It’s like fast forwarding to the end of the movie and trying to tell them we know the outcome. We’ve already seen it. We thought we had all the answers when we were their age. But time told a different story. That little splinter our own parents tried to remove, we told them no. It was fine. It was too small to do any harm. But it wasn’t small. We don’t want them to endure the heart aches we did. We don’t want them to go through pain. But this isn’t our story, it’s now theirs. We can’t write their ending. Only they can. And so we pray. We continually give them to God and when we are tempted to take them back~out of His grasp, when we grab for their heel and beg them to let us get that splinter out, we have to let go. Again and again and again. And trust Him. It will be hard. There will be pain. We might even have to walk out of the room~but in the end, if we’ve really truly given our children to God~He will be glorified. There’s a freedom in letting go and letting God. He is and always has been the One in control but somehow in our finite minds, we think we are. Once our minds can comprehend that the God of the universe knows exactly what’s going on in our children’s lives and that He has a plan~for their good, we can let go and allow God to pull that splinter out Himself. Because He loves them with a love that cannot be measured. Get that. He loves them with a love that CANNOT BE MEASURED. When the threat of infection was removed and the pain was over, Clara wanted to be held by her daddy. She snuggled in close as the last of her whimpers faded away. Isn’t that the end goal? To know that our children are being held by their Father, and ultimately~ to be closer to Him than ever before.
5/29/2018
Bats In Your Bed“Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” Those were my husband’s words~ and I wanted to punch him. It was 2am. I don’t know what woke me, but I sat up in bed. Our bedroom door was open to our living room and in the darkness it almost looked like a light was bouncing off of our living room walls. I grabbed my phone, turned on its flashlight and got out of bed. (Don’t ask me why I was brave enough to go check out a potential burglar, while my husband was fast asleep.) I shined the flashlight into the living room, illuminating the cause of the bouncing light effect. A bat was flying back and forth in front of our open window and to my horror, when it spotted my light, it flew directly at me. I quickly jumped back into bed but that crazy bat followed me into our bed. By now you probably know that my house isn’t decorated in a “normal” style. 🤣 I love 17th century antiques. We sleep in an enclosed “Scrooge bed” as Mike calls it, complete with four posts and curtains on all sides. That bat was flying around above me inside that bed, and Mike was still fast asleep. I started screaming his name and shaking him. In his sleepy state he sat up, which startled the bat who then flew toward the foot of the bed right into one of the curtains. It caught him and he plummeted to the floor. Mike never saw a thing. We turned every light on in the house, but after shaking every one of those bed curtains and all my blankets multiple times, we never found the bat. Of course, Mike was sure I dreamt the whole thing. I got even angrier (there might’ve been a few tears too) and ended up sleeping on the floor in the bathroom. Mike slept soundly in the bed all night. In the morning, I found the bat, alive and well, hanging upside down on one of my kitchen cupboards. Here’s the thing. I didn’t have the confidence Mike had. I wanted proof that the bat was found and taken care of. I wasn’t going to take Mike’s word that (IF there was a bat 🙄), it would leave us alone. I knew that bat was in there somewhere but because I couldn’t find it, my actions were not pretty. I couldn’t rest until it was found. That’s exactly how we need to be with God’s word. Do we know why we believe what we believe or are we just taking someone’s word for it, and going with that. You might’ve been raised in a Christian home and gone to church your whole life. You believed the words of your pastor or parents and based your own beliefs on the words of someone else, never really knowing why you believe them yourself. You might have married someone that has strong beliefs and taken their word that their way was the right way. Even now you might be raising your children to honor God and Country, but aren’t really teaching them to know why they believe what they believe. In this day and age, it is so very important to teach our children to know the “why’s”. It’s important to teach them to study God’s words, because the world will always have questions and we need to have the right answers. God’s answers. It’s not enough to say~”well, that’s what my parents always taught me” or “that’s what my church teaches”. We shouldn’t be content to “rest” in our beliefs until we have the proof. If we aren’t taking the time to read the Bible, when people come across our path and the questions fly at us like that crazy bat, will we have God’s word hidden in our hearts like our own personal flashlight~ able to shine HIS answers? Or are we looking at every other light~church, our pastor, our spouse or parents, even social media~for the answers, but never really finding our own? When we aren’t resting firmly in God’s word, when we don’t know why we believe what we believe, our actions will not be pretty. Let’s teach our children, and ourselves, that we don’t need to be afraid of the unknown, as long as we are resting in Gods words and have the proof hidden away in our hearts. Psalm 78:6-7, Psalm 119:11, Psalm 119:105, Psalm 119:41-42, Psalm 119:165, I Peter 3:15, Psalm 132:12-14, Hebrews 4:9
5/22/2018
I’m Not ReadyI’M NOT READY
May 15,2018 My daughter gave birth early this morning. Her sweet little Caleb decided he wanted to arrive 9 days early. Caleb’s mommy happens to be just like his grandma. A planner. A list maker. A “get. every. single. thing. done. before. the. baby. comes” mommy. When the contractions started~and then continued every five minutes on the dot~she still didn’t want to believe it. This wasn’t part of the plan. She frantically tidied, vacuumed and even cried a little (okay~maybe a lot) and she said~ “I’m not ready.” But God her Father thought differently. I couldn’t help but think of all the times I uttered those words through the years. “I’m not ready.” When the pregnancy test came back positive. When I went into labor. When I brought my little one home for the very first time. When my children spoke their first words and took their first steps. When they were no longer a baby. When they left for their first day of school. When they no longer wanted to snuggle. When they chose their friends over mom and dad. When they were no longer a child. When they graduated and drove off to college. When they said “good bye”~ to say “I do”. When they were no longer mine. Even today I find myself saying those words, but when I think about the absolute miracle of pregnancy and natural childbirth, when I think about the fact that Andrea couldn’t do a single thing to control the situation when she went into labor early, when I think about the precision of labor~the perfectly timed contractions telling mama it was time~I see God’s hand all over it. How could I not? I saw my Savior holding my daughter last night and telling her it was ok. He was with her. It was time. Time to let go and give Him control. And each stage of my children’s lives where I didn’t feel ready~God was holding me. I can now look back and see that He was always in control. He had a plan and His plan was for this mama to let go of everything she was holding onto so tightly and give it to Him, trusting Him completely. No matter how hard. When your heart is being squeezed. When the tears begin to fall. When you utter the words “I’m not ready”~ God your Father thinks differently. Trust in Him and let go. Our children are the most precious gift God has given us apart from His Son, but they aren’t ever really, truly ours~they will always be His. Our plans for our children may not be God’s plans. No matter how old they get, you will always hold your child in your heart. Take comfort in knowing that God will always hold your heart in His hands. Once you realize that His way is perfect and give Him control, once you learn to trust Him completely~that’s when you’ll hear Him whispering the words~ “You are ready mama.”
5/15/2018
Just Like My MomJUST LIKE MY MOM
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was playing Barbies with my girls in their bedroom? That I was teaching my son how to tie his shoes? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was hiding money under pillows, in place of tiny teeth? That we were snuggling during thunder storms and I was whispering away nightmares? As I think about my children, my heart has this deep longing for my words to somehow impart some wisdom into their younger hearts. If I could, I would wish that they could magically catch a glimpse of their future and their children’s future, to see how much their “now” impacts that. If only I could pen the words that would open their eyes to a not so distant world where they are grandparents looking back... Just like me. What do my kids remember of me as they learned to walk, as they learned their alphabet, mathematics and manners, as they went through puberty or had their first crush, as they graduated high school? As they went off to face the world without me? Moms with young children~ what do you remember growing up? Think deeply about that. What do you want your children to remember? How will they remember you? Oh if I could go back in time, I would do things so differently. My highest priority would not be a “perfect” house. My hormones wouldn’t get the best of me and physical insecurities would not be so prevalent. I would love on their daddy a little more and yell a lot less. The glory of God’s grace would shine a lot brighter, like beautiful beams of light guiding their tiny steps. I would want my children to remember that I was always praying and always praising, that I loved life and loved my Savior. That He was very real to me~ and that He was my very best friend. That I was always happy. I would want them to look at me and say~ “when I grow up, I want to be just like my mom.” I can’t go back but I can go forward. Precious grandchildren are now looking up at me. What do they see? Mama, you have a lifetime ahead of you. Despite what we may allow the world to see on social media, our children see the real “us”. Choose wisely. Little eyes are looking up at you and little hearts are soaking it all in. Your choices today are impacting their tomorrows. Someday when your children become adults, if they could choose to be anything in the world~ would not your heart burst with maternal humility to hear them say~ When I grow up, I want to be~ JUST LIKE MY MOM. 💗💗
4/15/2018
Momentarily Mixed Up MamaMOMENTARILY MIXED UP MAMA
No one really told me exactly what to expect after having babies. It was all the rage in CT in the 80’s to go all natural. With my first pregnancy we went to the Lamaze classes, toured the hospital, read the books on natural child birth and bringing baby home~ but no one warned me about the hormones and how messed up I might feel inside afterward. I ended up going the “all natural” route with our first until the last five minutes and even though the Doctor told me medication would take at least 20 minutes to kick in, I insisted. Three minutes later Jessica was born. So, my next baby was born with no medication whatsoever. First and last time I did that. Ohio had different views on labor and delivery. The doctors there were all about the epidural and being pain free (thank the Lord) so, I actually got to enjoy my last two deliveries. But~the hormones with each baby when I got back home~ that was another story, and I never talked to anyone about it. I held it all inside. I felt like a failure as a mom and a wife. Both sets of parents came all the way from MI to CT to visit after Jessica was born and I can remember feeling so confused inside that I wanted to hide in my tiny bedroom. I didn’t even confide in my own mother or husband. I cried about everything, things that made absolutely no sense at all. I cried when I cleaned house, I cried when the sun was shining, I cried when Jessica wouldn’t sleep and I cried when she was sleeping. I cried when Mike left for youth activities and I cried when I caught our little kitchen on fire because I forgot I was preheating oil to brown some stew meat in. I felt like I was in an out of body experience. My body was doing the motions of wife and mother but my brain was far away and scared. The thing is, I felt like I was crazy or losing my mind so I was too scared to talk about it and even if I did talk about it, I had no idea how to explain my feelings to anyone. I couldn’t even explain how I was feeling to myself. So I bottled it in and cried. Things are so different today. Mothers are encouraged to talk about postpartum, to get help, to understand they aren’t crazy. As encouraging as it is to know that other mothers have been where you are, it’s still a very lonely and scary experience and it’s doubly hard because our husbands, our knights in shining armor, have no idea how to help us and probably think to themselves that their wife has lost her mind. So what are we supposed to do? NOT what I did. One thing I have learned in the 32 years I have been married is that open communication is critical in your relationship. Two have become one. You are not alone. Talk to your husband even if you don’t know what to say~ tell him exactly that! Tell him you can’t even explain what’s going on in your head and you have no idea what he could do to help you except possibly listen, have compassion, hold you and allow you to cry without trying to fix you. Ask him to try to understand that you don’t even understand. The second thing I learned is~ don’t feel silly telling your Doctor what you are going through. God put doctors in our lives for a reason. They will not think you are crazy because it has been happening to mothers since the beginning of time. They are there to help you, so allow them to do just that. And most important~prayer is vital. When I thought I was crazy, the only thing that brought me comfort was the fact that I knew my Heavenly Father knew me even when I didn’t know myself and He was with me through all the tears and every mixed up feeling. When I didn’t even know what to ask for or how to pray, when the only words I could utter were “please help me”, my heart knew that my all knowing Savior would do exactly that. Whether you are expecting and don’t know what to expect or you have just given birth to a little miracle yourself, take heart precious mama. Allow your husband, your Doctor and most importantly, your Savior to help you. God knew that only you would be the perfect wife and mother for your family when you were still in your own mother’s womb. Remember~you are exactly that~ a momentarily mixed up, gloriously grace covered, absolutely perfect and adored mama. 💕 |
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