12/24/2021
The Greatest JoyToday is Christmas!!
Today we celebrate the day that changed the entire course of all mankind. The birth of our Redeemer. How we celebrate will look different for everyone. Whether you are surrounded by the squeals of happy, little children, whether you are yearning for the cries of a newborn of your own, whether you are holding the aged hand of an elderly parent~ who once held your tiny hand in theirs, whether you are awaiting the arrival of adult children and looking forward to a house filled with laughter or whether you are alone, perhaps looking at the empty seat of a loved one you lost this year. Whatever your story~ today is the celebration of THE story. The story of good news. The story of glad tidings. The story of great joy. The story of hope, and not of fear. And so, whatever story this day holds for your heart, let us celebrate the JOY that came down from heaven for us and let us grasp the gladness that story holds. No matter how different your story may look from that of others~ God’s story is the same for us all. The story of sacrificial love for you. Allow the story of Christmas to wrap around your happy heart, but also your hurting heart. Lean into it and let it’s gift illuminate a weary soul. Let it’s wonder light up your room and let it’s message move you to merriment. Today, allow your soul to sing that glorious message along with the angels~ Good news. Glad tidings. Great joy and~ a very, Merry Christmas. 
12/10/2021
The Empty Places At ChristmasOur children’s Christmas play might look a little different this year. Sickness has seem to hit our little town very hard. School activities have been canceled and our children’s midweek program has suffered. Attendance has been light to say the least, and because of this our Christmas program has also suffered. A program that we look forward to every year. A program that fills our little church with parents, grandparents and friends. A program that tells the good news of Jesus birth.
As I prayed about this Sunday, my heart wondered who would even attend? We only had a handful of children participating ~ half of whom were my own grandchildren. I thought about empty pews, and how that might affect them. But as I prayed God whispered to my heart that it would all be fine, because He brought to my remembrance the very first Christmas. The night the good news of Jesus birth was proclaimed by an angel. Not to a large auditorium full of people, but to shepherds in a field who came to a manger and worshipped a Savior. Thousands of people were in Bethlehem that night, but God came into the stillness of a silent night and spoke to the humble hearts of shepherds. And I knew that whether one person came and sat alone in our little auditorium, or 100 people came, God knew all along that the ones who needed the message would be there. Listening to the words of children proclaiming the good news. Watching the faith of a younger generation and having hope again in their hearts. And I knew that God would be there. Jesus among us~ no matter how small the attendance might be. This year your Christmas might look a little different, for one reason or another. Lack of family and friends and empty chairs might affect you. Don’t be tempted to look for Jesus in the big. Don’t look for Him in the parties or in the shopping and wrapping. Don’t look for Him in the Christmas music and movies. Don’t look for Him In the festivities filled with all the big Christmas things. Don’t look for His joy and peace in a place. Look for Him in the silent night, with the faith of a child. That’s where Christmas will be because that’s where God will be. His love fills all the empty places. Jesus among us. The precious gift of Jesus~right here in the stillness of your humble heart. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27 ◦
12/3/2021
Practicing The Perfect ChristmasWhen my kids were little, they would “practice” Christmas morning. It was the sweetest thing to watch.
They would come up with “what-if” scenarios, then practice their solution to each. ~what if Michael wakes up first… ~what if Andrea wakes up first… ~what if Jessica WON’T wake up… ~what if Kathryn sneaks downstairs… ~what if it’s too early… Then they would act out their solutions. Michael would go in to wake the girls, Andrea would wake Michael, all of them would jump on Jessica, Kat would be strictly admonished to stay upstairs until given permission, and if it was too early they would tell mom and dad they had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t wait any longer. Funny thing is, all that practicing for the perfect Christmas went right out the window once that day arrived. The excitement made all the perfect planning and good ideas disappear, but that was alright. They will forever hold memories in their heart of running downstairs in complete chaos on Christmas morning and in their eyes, it was always perfect. It seems like so many Christmas movies revolve around someone trying to pull off the perfect Christmas, and utterly failing in one way or another. Apparently this is a hot topic during the holidays. As I look back on my little family and all the Christmases we have shared, I realize that too often I have fallen prey to practicing the perfect Christmas myself. My goal to make everyone happy ended in me being miserable at times, because my focus was misconstrued. I have come to the Christmas conclusion that you will never make everyone happy and~ only Jesus can give the gift of true happiness. I certainly am not Jesus. Year after year I got caught up in striving to make things perfect for everyone, and ended up taking my focus off of Him. Instead, my focus was placed solely on others. I found myself in tears last year because I was afraid that Christmas wouldn’t be special enough for my kids. That old saying~’practice makes perfect’ doesn’t always hold true. 35 years of practicing and planning to make the perfect Christmas for my children, and in my eyes I have yet to perfect it. Now that my kids are adults, they are no longer oblivious to the amount of work that sometimes goes into the perfecting of the perfect Christmas, and they are fully aware of the stress it can bring IF your focus isn’t on the entire reason for celebrating. Last year my girls bore witness to my little breakdown of emotions over my felt failures and they didn’t like it, because they now wish for ME to experience (and not just provide) the perfect Christmas as well. So what is the key to the perfect Christmas if it isn’t in the practice? The key is the peace that passes all understanding. My words might seem counterintuitive but when pleasing others becomes more important than pleasing Christ~we have no peace. Aren’t we always told to focus on others and not ourselves? Yes, we certainly should. I’m not saying that focusing on others is wrong, I’m saying that if that is our only focus, Jesus will become an afterthought. The words to the song Silent Night hold so many truths we need to grasp when December comes around… All is calm. All is bright. Holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. When we keep our eyes on Jesus and remember that He is the ONLY reason we celebrate the season, things will change. Christmas might be chaotic, all the perfect planning and good ideas might go right out the window, but that’s alright. Our hearts will hold the peace that passes understanding... All will be calm. All will be bright. All because of the Holy Infant born for us. And we will forever hold memories in our hearts of what a truly perfect Christmas is all about.
11/26/2021
Christmas CrazyI could hear their little feet tiptoeing down the stairs. They were trying to be quiet, but the old stairs could not lie. Each step made their presence known. I looked over at the clock in the darkness~4:30am. Hadn’t I just gone to sleep a few hours before?
(New rule this year, they will not be allowed out of bed until at least 6am.) I rolled over and nudged my husband. “The kids are awake”. He let out a quiet groan, but didn’t move. I slipped out of bed and went to the stairway door. It was still shut, at least that rule stayed in tact. I opened it slightly and saw 4 little faces. Excitement was written all over them. “It’s 4:30 in the morning!” I whispered. They giggled and squealed~ ”But mom! It’s Christmas!!!” That’s all it took. Yes, I gave in. That old saying~”I’m only a morning person on Christmas” is 100% me, and their excitement was contagious. Nothing compares to Christmas morning. When you are a child, it’s the most wonderful day of the year. For a whole month life becomes magical. Christmas countdown calendars are made. Letters are written, cards are signed, cookies are baked, presents are wrapped, music is blaring, lights are twinkling, snow is wished for and excitement abounds. Smiles and dreams lay on pillows at night, and every new day is more exciting than the last. Oh to be a child again at Christmas. Oh to be a child again for the entire month of December. We forget. We grow up. We have responsibilities, and the list of things that brought so much magic and joy to December when we were younger are now on a long checklist of things to do that cause us stress. We have shut the door on December excitement and groaned in the darkness of “to-do’s”. Yes, we have forgotten that we are still children. There is so much hope in the wonder of a child. No matter your age, there is still wonder to behold and there is still magic and joy in that beholding. Because we are GOD’S CHILD. That in itself should be so exciting to us. This is the month we celebrate the birth of our Savior. This is the month we celebrate the gift God has given us of eternal life in Heaven one day with Him, all because of His gift. The gift of His Son who would take on every sin~ past, present and future~ and die on the cross to take that sin away. If we have received that gift with humble penitence, our lives should be different. Excitement and joy should permeate every day and December should be the most wonderful time of the year. Don’t lose that excitement as you head into December. Determine in your heart to find the joy of a child in the “to-do’s” and the wonder in each thing December brings. Instead of dreading the calendar and how quickly each day passes, ask God for the childlike wonder and thankfulness for the gift of salvation that became yours. Experience the happiness in baking and wrapping and Christmas music and yes, even snow. Each thing that makes December so special to a child can be a reminder of all God has done for us~ Blessing us with the delicious ingredients that go into those Christmas cookies, reminding us of the gift of His Son as we wrap each gift we will give this year, gazing at the soft, twinkling lights and remembering the star that shone over a manger so long ago, looking out over a winter wonderland and thanking God that He has washed our sinful hearts and proclaimed them white as snow. Go to sleep each night with smiles and dreams upon your pillow. Dreams of a different December because of a different heart attitude. The heart of a child. God’s child. Be a little Christmas crazy. Be contagious in your excitement over the most wonderful time of the year, and when others look at you like you are a Christmas lunatic, smile and respond~ ”It’s Christmas!!” Because that truly says it all.
11/19/2021
A Guaranteed Happy ThanksgivingA Guaranteed Happy Thanksgiving
A Thanksgiving Devotional For weeks I had been planning this holiday with an excitement that could not be contained. My family would be traveling 700 miles to visit me for Thanksgiving. I poured over magazines with pictures of beautiful holiday table settings. Wonderful memories flooded my heart as I remembered the countless Thanksgivings spent with family, sitting around just such a table. Despite my apartment being tiny, we would all squeeze in and make it work. Mike and I had been married less than 3 years, with one child and another on the way. Morning sickness prevailed but I didn’t care~I missed home, I missed family, I missed all of us sitting around the dinner table together. Everything began just as I had planned, but it all went downhill on Thanksgiving day. One family member after another came down with the stomach flu~in the very worst way. Everyone ended up sick except for me. It is an understatement when I tell you that our apartment was tiny. There was barely enough room to walk by each other and with only one small bathroom and 5 sick people… well you can only imagine. I had a lot of cleaning… and then more cleaning to do, with no time to rest or even celebrate. Add morning sickness to the equation and my picture perfect Thanksgiving turned into a nightmare. No sitting around a table filled with a cornucopia of delicious foods and thankful spirits. Just misery. We all want that picture perfect Thanksgiving dinner, Martha Stewart style. We have high hopes that the Turkey will turn out a beautiful golden brown, that family will all get along and that laughter along with delicious pumpkin pie will ensue. That we will all truly be thankful. Sometimes life just doesn’t work out the way we hoped, especially during the holidays. The turkey is too dry, we burn the biscuits, we wonder why we’re the only one doing all the work, the stress levels in the kitchen are at an all time high and that one family member gets on our last nerve. And then we lose it. Our frustrations boil over just like our mashed potatoes. And so, as we approach this week of gratitude I would like to challenge you to focus on a different table setting. That of the last supper. There is so much we can glean from the scripture passage in John 13, and it stirs my heart. Who is sitting at your table? The focus in John 13 was not the food or even the fellowship. The focus was Jesus and the example He set for all of us as we sit down to our Thanksgiving meals. I would like to leave you with five things to meditate on this week. It might seem lengthy, but if you choose to focus on one every day~ it’s a guarantee your Thanksgiving supper will be a happy one. 1. A gift in the gratitude~Jesus gave thanks despite knowing what was ahead. Despite the wicked betrayal in the heart of Judas, despite the foreknowledge of Peter’s denial, despite the coming abandonment of the disciples who professed their love for Him. (Luke 22:17-18, Matthew 26:26-27, Mark 14:22-23.) Maybe you are excited about Thanksgiving, or maybe you are stressing over it~ whatever your case may be, you can change your outlook by choosing to give thanks. There is so much to be thankful for, starting with our Savior. How could He possibly be thankful in that moment? And yet, He was. Emulate His gratitude. Find something to be thankful for every day leading up to the big day. A habitual heart that beats a thankful rhythm will not easily be dissuaded when faced with difficult circumstances or people. Look to Jesus and just be thankful. 2. A gift in the giving~ Jesus became a servant. He never complained, but in humble love washed His disciples feet~ even the feet of the one who would betray Him. (John 13:4&5) Prepare your heart to be a servant this Thanksgiving, even to those you feel don’t deserve it. Judas certainly didn’t deserve it, but that didn’t stop our Savior. Serving others should never be viewed as an unwanted duty. Choose to bless others by the love you put into that service. Determine not to have a grumbling heart, but instead a thankful servant’s heart that God can use. Have the heart of Jesus. 3. A gift in the guidance~Despite knowing Judas would betray Him, Jesus chose to love and serve him and told us that we should follow His example. (John 13:11, 14-15.) We are human, there will always be that one person that annoys us (because they are human too) despite the little idiosyncrasies that get on our last nerve, none of them compare to sitting at supper with Judas. As you sit to supper this Thanksgiving, remember Jesus example and His words to us in admonishing that we follow that example. 4. A gift in the getting~Jesus actually told us something simple, yet profound. By following His example we will in turn be blessed with happiness. (John 13:17.) Okay, who doesn’t want happiness during the holidays? Who doesn’t want to fall into bed at night after a wonderful meal and precious moments with family and friends on Thanksgiving, and have your heart full of happiness? It doesn’t have to be something we wish for. Happiness can be our reality this Thanksgiving if we put into practice the steps He outlined for us in His word. Become a servant of love. 5. A gift in the glorifying~The last thing I want to leave you with in preparation of your week ahead is the very gift you will give to others by following Jesus example. (John 13:31&32, 34&35) You will be loving others with a true servant’s heart and in the doing, that love will glorify God. Isn’t that the ultimate goal? It’s not about us. It’s not about the food or the Pinterest perfect table setting. It’s all about the joy in sharing the love of Jesus. It’s all about the happiness in the serving. It’s all about the glory of God. Remember that Jesus is sitting at your table with you this Thanksgiving. He is all you will ever need in making beautiful God moments and memories. As I look back at that Thanksgiving so many years ago and the disaster that it was, it still holds precious memories to me. I can even laugh with my brothers at the events that holiday held and cherish the time spent with my mom and dad, who are no longer with us. Yes, there was a lot of serving, but there was also so much love; and the happiness my heart holds at the time we had together is one that I will treasure forever. A gift in the gratitude. A gift in the giving. A gift in the guidance. A gift in the getting. A gift in the glorifying. All because of Jesus. A Thanksgiving gift of God. Philippians 4:6 1 Thessalonians 5:18
11/12/2021
What Can I Give Him?His eyes twinkled as he hid a surprise behind his back. You could feel his excitement when he announced- “I have a present for you! “ he handed me the bag and watched as I pulled each item out. A ruler, some pencils, his mom’s best pair of scissors, a brand new tube of toothpaste and a folded up piece of sandpaper. I exclaimed over each thing, and then explained to him that mama might need her scissors and she would be looking for that toothpaste later. He agreed to put everything back, except the sand paper. He handed it to me with a smile and said “in case you want to make something”.
We played for a while and then, when I knew he wasn’t looking, I tucked that sand paper far behind some of my daughter’s things on the kitchen counter. I would tell her later that it was there. As I opened the front door to leave, he came running around the corner. “Grandma you forgot this!” he said, and proudly handed me that sand paper. HOW had he found it??? He wasn’t even in the same room when I hid it!!! I couldn’t stop laughing when I got home and told my husband the story. So often I believe we see the love of God through the lens of our human hearts. We gage the goodness of God on the big picture of our lives. If things aren’t going the way we would like, we tend to feel miserable and defeated. We complain and become ungrateful. We miss the abundance of small gifts tucked away in our lives. Gifts that God has already given to us. We miss the tremendous love God has poured into every single thing we have been so blessed to receive. In our eyes that small piece of sandpaper is worthless and we disregard it. Or, we look at our own heart and what we have to offer the Lord and often feel just like that piece of sandpaper. We see the talents and possessions of others and wish for what they have. We tend to think we have nothing to offer God because we compare ourselves to others. If only we could give God that shiny pair of special scissors or the brand new tube of toothpaste. But those gifts belong to someone else. They aren’t ours to give. And then we look down at ourselves and think we are worthless, just like that piece of sandpaper. How could God ever love or use us? Surely He must disregard us. When Little Gabe came running to me, holding that piece of sandpaper that I had so flippantly disregarded, God opened my eyes. He gave me a glimpse not only into all He has blessed me with that I so easily disregard at times, but also the love He has for me when I humbly come to Him with nothing to offer except myself. You see, I wouldn’t want anything else from my grandchildren. That innocent love they have in the giving is enough to make your heart burst, and I realized that’s exactly the way my Heavenly Father sees me. He doesn’t want fancy, shiny Charisse, He just wants Charisse. God wants us to come to him like a child. We need to stop looking at what we have to offer through our human lens. God wants us to know that He only wants us, not the gifts and possessions we can give Him. If he has our heart, He has everything. That piece of sandpaper is lovingly displayed on a stack of bibles in my home. It means so much to me. A little piece of paper filled with love and assurance that God my Father can use any of us if we are willing to give Him ourselves. Don’t look for the shiny and the new and forget all the little pieces of beautiful sandpaper He has already blessed you with, and don’t tuck away what you feel doesn’t measure up in God’s eyes. Today I will whisper thank you to Jesus for all the blessings He has given me that I so easily disregard in seasons of discontent. I will open my eyes to the love and grace He has so readily poured into my life and I will be grateful. I may not ever know how God can possibly find something in me to be used for His glory but as I give Him all the love in my meager, willing, folded up, sandpaper heart, with a smile I will say- “in case you want to make something”. And I will know that that is all He ever wanted. I Samuel 16:7 Acts 3:6 James 1:17 Luke 18:15-17 Mark 10:24 Micah 6:8
10/8/2021
He Never Lost YouI don’t know if it was my hormones or just my crazy personality, but I cried the entire drive home.
I mean I wept ugly tears. We had been at church camp for the week and the very day we were to leave and return home, my wedding ring went missing. My four children were old enough to be campers, but my two nieces were not. They had been staying with Mike and I in our tiny room all week. Needless to say~ between the rainy weather that caused an over abundance of muddy clothing and the wet towels strung around the room, the sleeping bags and the toys they brought with them~it was almost impossible to find anything. I tore through every inch of that room to no avail. I was sure I had taken the ring off and placed it on the high dresser top before we left for swim time, but now my mind was playing tricks on me. Had I actually taken the ring off or had it slipped off in the pool without my knowing? The pool area was searched. The grounds were searched. The car was searched. The room was searched. And then it was time to leave. Camp was over. We had to bring the children home. And I wept. A wedding ring is a symbol of never ending, eternal love. The ring has no beginning. No ending. It is continual. And I had lost it. Once we were home, I needed to be alone. My poor nieces and nephews had never been so quiet (or so good). Even my own kids were somber. I stole away to my cellar and muttered that I would be doing the mounds of laundry that were always accumulated after a week at camp. As I poured out one big garbage bag of laundry after another, something caught my eye. A glimmer of hope amidst the dirty items that lay in piles on the floor. My ring came tumbling out right along with the mess of it all. It had been there all along. And once again I cried. I fell to the floor and wept ugly, grateful tears. I can still see that big black garbage bag. I can picture my ring inside among it all, and as I look back on that story I can see such a picture of Christ in my life. When I mess up over and over again and feel like a failure. When I allow my mind to play tricks on me and believe that God must be so disappointed in me. When He seems so far away and I feel completely lost in a darkness that seems to enfold me~ and when I fall on my knees and pour it all out to Him among ugly tears~ I find that He has always been there. Right there in the very middle of my mess. I just lost sight of Him. He never lost me. I’m very sentimental when it comes to certain things, especially things that hold beautiful memories for me. I guess that’s my crazy personality. I know that others might think that “things” don’t hold eternal value, but I believe God often blesses us with beauty simply because He loves us~and in the loving we feel His presence~and that does have eternal value. It can change a person’s entire outlook on life. My ring isn’t just a ring to me. When I look at it, a lifetime of memories flood over me. Some have been incredibly hard but most have been incredibly beautiful. God’s love is just like that. It’s an eternity of love. It has no beginning and no ending. It is constant and continual. Our life here on earth might not always be easy. There will be hard times and in the darkness we might lose sight of the fact that God has never left our side. Let me give you a glimmer of hope today. Cry out to Him. Let the ugly tears flow. Let it all coming pouring out and never forget sweet friend~ He’s always been right there. Right in the middle of it all. You might have lost sight of him But He never lost you~ And He never will.
10/2/2021
Glory! Glory! Glory!Our sweet uncle David went home to glory on Thursday evening. As I prayed about what to post, this particular one came to mind immediately. I had written it a few weeks back as an encouragement for those who might be going through a personal darkness. For those whose mind is racing when the rest of the world is fast asleep. And for those who might not be able to sleep, even though they are physically exhausted. It is something that I often practice. Instead of counting sheep, I go through the alphabet. As I think of each letter, I sing a wonderful, old hymn of faith to each one. I praise God for the words and for who He is and for the peace that only He can give. Sometimes I will go letter by letter and quote verses to match as well. Every time God allows me much needed slumber.
Our uncle David loved music. It was his life~and what a beautiful life it was. I will never forget a particular song that he had picked for the choir to sing one Sunday. I had never heard it before and it moved me beyond words. Years later, I still weep when I hear it~ ”Were You There When They Crucified My Lord.” Today I weep for my Aunt Cindy, for their daughter Chelsea, for our hurting hearts~ but I also weep tears of joy~ for uncle David is now in heaven shouting~ “GLORY! GLORY! GLORY!!” I pray that these old hymns of faith and the simple prayers of praise that accompany them will help you focus on praises to your Savior and will bring comfort, peace and much needed slumber to a tired soul today. All Hail the Power of Jesus Name~I praise you for the power in your name. Blessed Assurance Jesus is Mine~I praise you for the assurance I have that nothing can pluck me out of your hand. You are mine! What a thought! Calvary Covers it All~I praise you that your blood shed for me at Calvary covers every sin. Past, present and future. Day by Day (and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here)~I praise you for the strength I find in you through prayer and reading your word. Every Day with Jesus is Sweeter Than the Day Before~I praise you that when I am walking with you, every day becomes sweeter. Face to Face~ I praise you for the day I will see you face to face. When grief and pain are banished, and replaced with rejoicing for eternity. Great is Thy Faithfulness~I praise you that you are faithful, even when my faith is lacking. Have Faith in God~I praise you that even when I feel the darkness winning, you whisper to my tired soul “Have faith in Me”. I Have Decided to Follow Jesus~I praise you for leading me beside the still waters. Jesus Is the Sweetest Name I Know~I praise you that I can call upon your sweet name at any time and in any place. Keeps Me Singing As I Go~I praise you for the song of deliverance you have placed in my heart. Love Lifted Me~I praise you that your love lifted me out of the depths of hell. Make Me a Blessing~I praise you that I get to share your blessings on my life to bless others. Nothing But the Blood~I praise you that your blood washes away every sin. If my eternal destiny were in my own hands, I would utterly fail. Oh How He Loves You and Me~I praise you for a love that transcends any human idea of love that I have ever had. Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace~I praise you for the peace you give me that passes all understanding. Quiet Rest (Near to the Heart of God)~I praise you that you are not a far away God, but a loving Father who is right here with me in the darkness. Revive Us Again~I praise you that I can call upon your name and lift this country that I love so dearly in prayer to you, asking you for revival. Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus~ I praise you for the freedom to stand up for you daily, despite the wickedness this world may throw at me. Take Time to Be Holy~ I praise you that even among the chaos, I can get alone with you and take the time to be in your very presence. Under His Wings~ I praise you for the shelter, love, protection, comfort and peace that is found under your wings. Victory in Jesus~I praise you for every victory I have in your name and for the victories yet to come. WERE YOU THERE~ I praise you that you rose up from the dead, that you conquered death and that for all eternity I will shout “GLORY, GLORY, GLORY!” eXpress (My Tribute)~I praise you for all the undeserved things You have done for me. The voices of a million angels could not even express my thankfulness. Yesterday He died For Me~I praise you for dying for me, but also for living for me. Zions Hill~ I praise you that one day I will run to you. I will hug you. I will weep for the burdens that have been taken off my shoulders and the freedom I find in your presence. I will fall at your feet on Zions hill in praises to you.
9/25/2021
Your God MomentsThere are times that God just awes me.
Moments that might not mean a thing to someone else. Every time an awe moment hits, I feel the closeness of His presence. The tears and praises intermingle as my soul acknowledges the fact that the very God who created my great big world is also sitting right next to little me, giving me a much needed hug. As I play the piano week after week for our church services, I am often in awe that my hands can actually create a melody. Every aspect of it has me amazed. It’s not that I’m good at it, because I definitely am not (and that’s not me pretending to be humble. It’s simply the facts). It’s the very idea that I can play the melodies to hundreds of well loved hymns that stir my soul. My hands. God using my hands. You would think that after 52 years of playing it wouldn’t surprise me anymore, but it hits me every time. As I look down at the fingers that touch each key to create such a melody, I am almost in disbelief. It’s something I will never take for granted. There are so many other things that God uses to awe me. Looking into the precious eyes of my grandchildren is like looking into a miracle. I am in awe as I view the childhood eyes of my husband, myself and my children all in the same sweet child standing before me. Watching my adult children with a humbling pride (if there can be such a thing) at the amazing ways God is using the talents He has given each of them to further His kingdom. Having a “me” moment and feeling sorry for myself, yet not praying about my feelings or even sharing those emotions with a single person. In turn~receiving 4 unexpected acts of encouragement within 12 hours that blessed my heart and soul to its core. Knowing that it was God and not taking a single one for granted. There are awe moments in so many things. The little girl dreams I had that have come true for me. My husband and best friend, who loves me despite me. A home filled with beautiful things that I love. Not just physical things, but memories of my babies. Love and laughter. Seasons of change. Memories yet to be made. My church right next door and the wonderful facilities God has blessed us with. My church family that has become everything to me. My hometown and the sunsets over our lake that always take my breath away. The Bible. The very words of God that I get to hold in my hands. Words that are so often taken for granted. Jesus dying on the cross and saving my sinful soul, taking away every sin~ past present and future. Jesus, who holds my hand through every scary situation, who takes away every anxious thought, who hugs a heartbroken soul, who turns my sorrow into laughter. God who created my great big world, yet sits right here with little me. Too often we are tempted to ask~ “Where is God in all of this?” Sweet friend, God is in the still small beauty that surrounds you at this very minute. Take your eyes off of the messiness and look right in front of you. Don’t dwell on the sad. Don’t fill your mind with all the negative. When you feel yourself slipping down that dark tunnel of despair, turn your eyes back to the light. Look for your own awe moments. All the gifts that God has given. Gifts that surround you at this very moment. Those moments that don’t mean a thing to someone else~ those are your own God moments. We take so many of them for granted. We don’t deserve a single one, and yet God in all His magnificent love has seen fit to bless us with them. Open your eyes and see your world for the very first time. The great big world that belongs to you… And realize that God is sitting right there with you, no matter how small you feel. Above every other awe moment~ that is the one that truly brings me to my knees. That is the one that causes tears and praise to intermingle. That is the one that will never cease to take my breath away. He is here. Right here with me. Little me.
9/18/2021
Confessions Of A Pastor’s WifeSometimes I look at my treadmill with disdain.
Sometimes, most times, I’d rather be eating a gallon of ice cream in bed. Sometimes I’d rather be binge watching Netflix. Sometimes I look at that grilled chicken and want that pizza and fudge. And more fudge. Sometimes I want that Pepsi with the high fructose corn syrup. Sometimes I want to sleep in. Sometimes I don’t want to text or answer emails or phone calls. Sometimes I don’t want to people or parent. Sometimes I want to be alone. Sometimes I feel all alone. Sometimes I don’t want to teach and minister. Sometimes I’m weary in well doing. Sometimes I don’t want to pretend to be happy. Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes my thoughts are dark and I question everything. Sometimes I don’t want to do the hard. And sometimes church is hard. Sometimes I just want to slip into a pew unnoticed and be fed from God’s word without having to think. Sometimes I just want to be. I am a conundrum. I am told if I start something it will become a habit and eventually I will enjoy it. I have meticulously stuck to these habits for over a year. Here are the results of all the enjoyment I find in performing said habits: Getting up early. None Running two miles every day. None Eating healthy. None Avoiding pop. None I still want to sleep in. I don’t enjoy running. I’d rather eat those greasy French fries and I definitely want that large, ice cold Pepsi. There are even times that I fall into the bad habit of skipping bible reading and prayer. Again. And again. Sleep seems like a better option. Television and mindless scrolling feel like a lot less work. And then I realize that my view of everything that should be a privilege to me, everything that is actually good for my body and soul is viewed in a messed up way. My feelings override my logic and steal my peace. I view too many things as work. I view too many things as hard. Jeremiah 17:9 I view too many things exactly like satan wants me too. And maybe you do too. But God. I’ve heard that phrase so often this week and it’s so true. Despite my grumbling and complaining, through His amazing grace He opens my eyes to the “beautiful” satan has hidden behind the word “hard”. Sometimes I don’t want to do all the things, but every time, every single time, I see God in each one. When I am weak (which is 99.999% of the time) His strength makes me strong. From running on the treadmill and the happy endorphins I get afterward (because that’s how cool God created us), to grumbling as my alarm goes off but an hour later praising Him for all the promises His words gave me for the day, and all the peace my prayers to Him afforded me. From eating healthy and the good changes it causes in my hormonal imbalances and moods, to the energy it gives to run after my grandchildren as they tease “grandma you can’t catch me”. From the introvert who doesn’t want to “people” to the beautiful task God has laid at my feet to be a pastor’s wife. To be able to share everything He has done for me. To feel my heart burst with love for my church family. To somehow be used of God to help others and in turn, the encouragement He speaks through them to my thirsty soul. Isaiah 52:7, Romans 10:15 To be able to go to church. Do the hard. Do the hard. Let me say it again. DO. THE. HARD. Sometimes you won’t want to, most times you won’t want to, but every time God will show up in His miraculous way. He will smile and He will say “Let me show you again why you should be doing the hard things”. Yes sometimes life is hard but if we don’t do the hard~ life would be SO. MUCH. HARDER. God knows that. We’re just a little stubborn and lazy. We fall into our bad habits or greatly dislike our new ones. Deep down we realize that those bad habits do not bring happiness. Let me encourage you today from someone with a little too much experience in this area, when you fall prey to your own “sometimes” look back to all the “every times” because that’s where God is. That’s where God always shows up. That’s where the miracles happen. Do the hard. He will never fail you because He is the God of Every. Single. Time. Hebrews 12:1-3, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 2 Timothy 4:7-8, 2 Corinthians 12:10
9/4/2021
Reading A Book Called GraceI’m very good at judging a book by its cover, especially the “judging” part. Something I do not take pride in.
My problem is, I never read the entire book. I decide I know the whole story just by skimming a few chapters, or even looking at the cover. I realized the other day how often I will watch other women, how often I will listen to their words and how often I will come to a conclusion about them based solely on a few comments or their outward demeanor. I am ashamed to say that I allow my mind those conclusions when only God knows their heart. I Samuel 16:7 I am not God. One comment, one action, one mean word and we can tend to write someone off as a bad book. We have no idea what’s going on in their heart, in the ugly chapters with the long words and heartbreaking scenarios. We don’t know what they’ve been through or might be going through. The defenses and walls they’ve put up. The hurt they’ve endured. The sadness that overwhelms. There is always something deeper. I am not condoning bad behavior. We should always strive to be like Christ, but often we are quick to apply that rule to others and not to ourselves. Matthew 7:2-5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:5 I know without a doubt that Christ has never had thoughts similar to those I have had in the past. Wretched thoughts such as~ “What a jerk. What a witch. What a miserable, horrible person”. Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139: 16-17 Putting it on paper makes me weep because I know, all Christ sees is love. Forgiveness. Understanding. Mercy and grace. He sympathizes with our circumstances because He is fully aware of what this life entails. He’s been through it. His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5, Philippians 2:6,7, Hebrews 4:15,16 Too often I have heard the words… “but you don’t know what she’s like, what she said, what she did, what she wrote. You don’t know…” I have spoken those exact words myself. God knows though. Inevitably by saying those words I am somehow trying to justify myself for my wrong actions in judging that person. My actions that were not Christlike. Romans 12:21 My actions that were no better than hers. There have been times I was hurting deeply. There have been times I have been stuck in a place of darkness and loneliness, feeling as if no one understood. All the raw emotions that gripped me would suddenly spill out, and I would lash out at someone from the agonizing pain I had been holding in. Other moments tears would be so close that I would remain quiet, appearing aloof. In all my setbacks and shortcomings, I am so glad Christ never judged me by my cover. I am so glad he knew my thoughts and heart and instead of judging He was my advocate to God my Father. He sat with me in the pain and pulled me out of it. He gave me grace. I John 2:1-2, James 4:6 Oh ladies, why can’t we be like Christ? Why can’t we look a little deeper and show a little more empathy? Why are we so quick to judge and so lax to pray? Why can’t we offer to sit with them in the pain~with grace on our lips instead of grumbling in our hearts? I want to be that book called grace. I want my pictures and words to be beautiful illustrations of mercy, empathy, forgiveness and love. More important, when God looks at my thoughts and heart toward others, I want Him to see those exact pictures too. We can hide behind a beautifully illustrated cover, but what does Christ see when He looks inside? Proverbs 4:23, I Peter 3:3-4, Psalm 19:14 Our world is a wounded, hurting world. A world that desperately needs Hope, the hope that only Christ can give. A world that needs to read your book. Let it be the book called Grace. James 4:6,11-12, I Peter 2:9, Proverbs 3:3-4
8/27/2021
Don’t Run From Him, Run To HimI found her there, all alone.
Joy filled laughter echoed from the other room. The room she had just left. It didn’t seem logical for a child to leave all that fun behind. To be sitting in the dark, alone. She was staring out the window in complete silence. I wrapped her in a blanket and asked if she was okay. Her tiny face was so forlorn as she looked up at me and whispered~ “I miss mommy and daddy.” My heart melted in that moment. Just like my granddaughter, how often have I felt those exact emotions. My parents are gone now. Somehow, even though I am a grandma, having my dad so close had given me a sense of security. The sweetness of childlike comfort. There are days I don’t want to do the hard stuff, I just want to be that child again. And then I thought about Jesus. When did we make Jesus so hard? So complicated? When did we grow up and turn Jesus into “adulting”? When did humanity turn our Savior and Redeemer into a religion of self reliance where we constantly feel we come up short? When did we begin to believe the lie that we have to be a certain way for Him to love us? That we have to do all the “things” for Him to accept us? Jesus Himself tells us that we need the faith of a child. Not an adult with all the adult complications and responsibilities. A carefree child. What is it about being a child that brings so much comfort? Perhaps the idea of knowing that our parents will take care of everything. When we were tiny beings, we had no responsibilities. We were freely given the gift of life the moment we were born. We did not have to do one thing in order to receive that gift. As infants, our lives were completely and joyously surrendered to our parents. We didn’t have to make the hard decisions. We didn’t have to worry if our needs would be met. When we were born, we didn’t have to perform or be perfect to be loved. We were simply loved because of who we were. But then, things slowly began to change. One day, the innocence shifted. For one reason or another we decided to muster up our four year old courage and pack up our tiny little suitcase with our teddy bears and baby dolls, and we ran away from home. Maybe we made it to the end of our street. Maybe we hid in our backyard for a while. But soon we realized, we missed mommy and daddy and even though we were just a child, we somehow understood how very much they loved us and how much we needed them. We came home, and if we couldn’t find our way, they always found us. But each day the “hard” took over the “carefree” a little bit more. We grew up. We became an adult. And now, too often as adults we are running away from God. God our Father who asks us to simply have the faith of a child. God who wants us to have joy and comfort and peace, simply because He loves us. He doesn’t ask for perfection. He doesn’t ask for performance. He asks for us. Our entire hearts. And yet, we hide. We think we have to be different, better, changed in order to come to Him. We think we have to obey all the rules to be loved. We think we have to do this life on our own. We think we have to “adult” when it comes to Jesus. Oh friend. Unpack your suitcase. Jesus wants you. He wants to give you a new life. A life born into His family. Forever His child. He asks for nothing from you, because there isn’t a single thing you can physically do. Jesus did it all already. He simply wants you. With childlike faith, accept His gift of life. Let your Father make all the hard decisions. Let Him meet all your needs. Let Him love you. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that a life with Jesus is hard. Complicated. If I’m being honest, there are times I fall into that mentality myself. Sometimes I make my relationship with Him too hard. I make life complicated in my own mind. Jesus never leaves me there though. He always finds me. He always comes through for me and I know without a doubt that I could not do this life without Him. Do you find yourself alone, sitting in the dark, missing that childlike innocence and the comfort it brings? You may have tried everything in your quest for happiness. You can hear the echo of laughter from long ago in the background of the years you let slip away. Always running, always searching, yet never finding joy. The joy of just being a child. It’s time to come home. Slip your hand into His. Let Him wrap His love around you like a warm blanket. Don’t lose that childlike wonder. Look up into the face that loves you. Pour out your heart to Him and let Him take away all the “hard”. Or maybe, simply whisper in the quiet~ I miss you.
8/21/2021
That Woman Isn’t MeThrough the years I have heard many sermons on *John 16:21 and I have to be honest, each time I’ve heard one I felt a little shame. Am I the only mom who remembers?
I get the joy part, no problem~ but forgetting the pain in childbirth?? I don’t know what mother that is, but it’s definitely not me. That woman must be a superhero. I can remember every detail. When both of my daughters went into labor, I may or may not have experienced sympathy pains! (I’m joking 🤔Haha) I can remember when we arrived at the hospital, ready for our first born to be delivered. Mike and I could hear a woman screaming in the room next to us. It literally sounded like she was being murdered, I kid you not. I’m sure my eyes looked like saucers when I glanced over at my husband. 😳 No one warned me about pain that horrifying. I don’t think that woman ever forgot HER pain, I don’t care HOW cute her child was. The more I contemplated that age old saying, the more I realized the truth of it. I might remember my labor pain like it was yesterday, but today~that pain doesn’t define me and I am not stuck there. Sure it hurt like nobody’s business (especially having my first two with no medication at all), but it wasn’t horrifying, murderous pain. It lasted for a moment in time and today I see all the beautiful joy wrapped around it, just like Jesus talks about. And that’s the key. It’s the key to so many situations in our life. We just have to put that key into the lock and turn it, opening the door to God’s unlimited, joy filled promises and inviting them into our hearts, souls and minds. The key is joy. Retraining our brains to find the joy in every situation. If we could do that, I think our lives would be drastically different. Instead we have turned ourselves into a bunch of Negative Nancy’s, victims and martyrs in our own minds. Sadly, the next generation isn’t going to be any better. Every bad scenario is the end of the world, and we make sure everyone knows about it. Too often we turn petty little complaints into prayer requests, seeking the pity of others instead of looking to Jesus for everything and finding His joy through everything. This is not the life God intended us to live. God intended us to live a life of joy, shining so that others could see His glory. Shining so that others want that joy that lives inside of us. Again, that woman wasn’t me. When I was younger and the “hard” hit, I was always the victim. Poor Charisse. Look how busy she is, look how hard her life is, look at all she’s going through. From years of fighting a disease I didn’t know I had, having Epstein Barr and mono 5 times, dealing with allergy ridden babies, sleepless nights, many moves, heartbreaking deaths, sick children, hospital stays and cancer scares. I have always made myself the victim. I still get drawn into that mentality and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I truly looked for joy in my “bad” situations. If I had, it would’ve changed my life. My husband would have had a different wife and my children could’ve seen a different mama. They would have had a completely different perspective on life. Yet, God is faithful. He is merciful. Every day is a new start. He doesn’t hold my old victim mentality against me and despite me, His glory has shown through my children a thousand times over. Today, I want to encourage you to find the joy. Look for joy in every single thing. If you truly look, with your heart open to all of God’s promises, promises that will never fail, you will find it. I’m not trying to say that life isn’t hard. The death of a loved one is excruciating. Cancer scares are hard, continual sickness is overwhelming. Pain and sorrow can truly break us. Sometimes they are harder than we ever imagined. Days where we don’t think we can make it through. When you don’t have the answers, when your heart begs to know why, these are the days you beg God for a glimpse of that joy. These are the days you beg God for His peace and comfort. These are the days you hold onto that truth that Jesus is the author and finisher of your faith, you are not. These are the days you look ahead and in His strength know that you will conquer. You will overcome because~ HE WILL NOT FAIL. Maybe today life for you is good. You’re smiling and things couldn’t be better. I encourage you to start small~ If you stub your toe (ie-if I hadn’t stubbed my toe, I would’ve tripped on that rug and broken my ankle 🤷🏼♀️)~look for the joy. If you’re stuck in traffic (ie- this is the alone time I was begging God for, after complaining about not having enough time with Him)~look for the joy. Look and you will find it. If you retrain your brain to look for the joy in the little things, soon you will see that even on your worst day~you will find it. Because Jesus is that joy and when you’re holding on to Him, His joy floods your heart and soul with comfort and peace. Finding joy in the bad does not come easy for me. Sometimes I want to park there and just feel sorry for myself, but all the times I thought it was the end of the world proved otherwise. None of them were as bad as I had allowed my mind to think in the moment. The older I get, the more I realize this and the more I want to encourage others in this area, especially young women and moms just starting out. That phrase- “this too shall pass” can certainly be irritating when you’re in the thick of it, but it really is truth. Horrifying labor pains and all. Sorrow might be there for a while, but joy always comes, it’s just waiting for you to invite it in. * “A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.” John 16:21
8/14/2021
I Kept A Secret From My HusbandI had been looking forward to this day for months.
Just like when they were little. Little children, little problems. Today, big children, big problems. And so~ We needed time away. Time to focus on each other. But my heart held a secret from him. The moment we drove away, I missed them all already. (They all live on our block) How could this be? I had felt the need to get away from the chaos for so long. I needed to just be a wife, and not a mom for a short amount of time. He needed me to be just a wife and not a mom for a short amount of time. This has happened time and time again, since they were babies. The chaos gets to us mamas and we become desperate for alone time. Desperate for time away just to gather our thoughts and feel sane again. The crying of little ones, the fighting toddlers, the cleaning and cooking and laundry and endless chores. The noise level and continual talking. The lack of adult conversation. The constant. We feel our minds screaming inside to have some time with our husbands so we can feel like a wife again, like a woman again. But when we finally get it~we miss them and suddenly we can’t remember all the bad, we only remember the good. The soft smell of their little heads, their kisses and hugs, their giggles, their smiles, their unconditional love, their joy at just being in our presence. We remember them snuggled into us, fast asleep and our hearts just want to burst. And when they become adults, that mama life doesn’t get any easier. When your adult children are hurting, the pain in your heart manifolds itself into every area of your life, as does their joy. Even when they’re adults, it’s in a mama’s DNA to take care of her children but you can’t just put a bandaid on all the bad that they will go through. You feel it deeply because you know a kiss and a smile from mom won’t take that pain away any longer. It hurts a mama’s heart to the core. Not only can their hurts lay constant on your heart, but their stresses, their arguments, their jobs and spouses and children… all of it becomes bigger than life and as a mama, your heart just wants to make it all better~but you realize you can’t. And you realize that it takes a toll. It can take a toll on you spiritually and if you aren’t careful, it can take a toll on your marriage. That weight was never meant for a mama to bear, it was meant to be carried by God. You realize your mama’s heart of worry has drowned out the heart of His word and all His promises. And then you know, you NEED that time alone with God, because you aren’t God. You can’t fix everything. And you NEED that time away with your spouse, to reconnect with the one who has been in it with you for the long haul. Who loves your children as much as you do, but also needs that time away. Mama, go away. Go away with God. Go away with your spouse. You will fight it. Your heart will feel guilty and the second you drive away, you will miss them terribly. But you NEED it. Your heart NEEDS it. Your spouse NEEDS it, and you both will be better for it. Figure out a way to get away, and make it happen. He will be a better husband and daddy for it and you will be a better wife and mama. And so~I looked over at my husband as we drove in silence. He was smiling. He had no idea what my heart was feeling. I prayed and God reminded me of how much we needed this. I knew He was right. I needed to let go. I asked God to give my heart peace in leaving it all with Him and focusing on my relationship with Him, and our relationship as a married couple. It didn’t take long. God’s good that way. He gave me a comfort in that moment that this was what was needed. I would return home with a restored soul. With a better appreciation for the beautiful life God has given me. With a deeper love for my husband and a deep peace in my heart. I would be a better mama for it and my marriage would be that much sweeter. So, I reached over, I took his hand in mine and I smiled at him~ Because I knew it already was.
8/6/2021
When I Am WeakAfter I gave birth to my second child, I began hemorrhaging. Those moments in time are so vivid to me and yet, they almost feel like a dream~The team of nurses rushing me down to surgery, a cold surgical room composed of nothing but steel, the anesthesiologist telling me to count backwards, and then waking up next to my husband.
Of all the things I remember, there is one memory that stands out the most to me. The absence of fear and the incredible, overwhelming peace that washed over me as my last thoughts were~ I am going to die and I am going to wake up with Jesus. Words cannot express the comfort I felt. It will last with me my lifetime. In that moment there wasn’t a single thing I could do to control that situation. My life was in the hands of God and in my weakness, He was my strength. It’s easy to talk about fear and having faith when you’re on the other side of it looking back. As the saying goes “Easier said than done”. We might think our faith is strong, but in a split second life can change. In times like those, we don’t have the chance to say- “hold on Crisis, let me get out my bible and notes and uplifting music so I can be in the right frame of mind”. Our dependence is totally and completely in the power of God. This is why meditating on His word every single day is so important. He promises that His promises will stay with us in those split second times of crisis. But what about the moments in our lives where time is not our friend? Where split seconds turn into weeks or even months? The moments that time allows us to get inside our head and become overwrought with worry and fear? The times we know we should be meditating on His words but we find ourselves constantly meditating on the problem instead? This is where I have been the last few days. The same child whose birth caused my faith to go into high gear in a matter of seconds is going through a trying time with her own unborn child. As a mother, it’s times like these that I have no idea how people can lean on their own strength instead of the power and strength of God. Because I would crumble. I readily admit that I am weak. Not only is it in a mother’s heart to worry and sometimes fear for our children, it’s in the heart of everyone who loves deeply. When we love deeply we will do anything to help the one we love. To take their pain away. To make everything okay again. To give them comfort and peace and joy. Even though time has been tempting me to worry and to fear, even though the nights have been long and my heart hurts for my child~ I know that there is not a single thing I can physically do to change the situation, just like the day that she was born. The only thing I can do is to cling to my faith in God’s promises and place all those worries and fears (over her worries and fears) into His hands. Because when we are weak, He is strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 Because He loves us infinitely more than we could ever imagine. In fact, He loves my children infinitely more than I ever could. Isaiah 49:15, 66:13 So I will praise Him through all of this. I will praise Him because no matter what happens, I know of His steadfast love for me. I know of His steadfast love for my daughter and for my grandchild who has yet to be born. I know that His Mercy is new every morning and that He is forever faithful. Lamentations 3:22-23 And I know that He is in complete control. I am not~ But praise God because He is the I AM! Exodus 3:14, John 14:6, 15:5 Today I want to encourage you. What is your heart and mind meditating on? The problem or the promises? Are you worrying or worshipping? We need to come to grips with the fact that we are not in control and stop allowing fear and worry to control us by giving it our hearts and minds. Give it all to God. Believe me, I know it’s hard, but every time my mind starts meditating on anything besides His promises to me I know that I need to give it back to Him~ even if I have to repeat the process over and over again. Because I know in my heart that He is the only One Who controls the outcome and that outcome will be what’s best because it’s given from the One Who gave everything for me. John 3:16
7/31/2021
Fading Into The BackgroundMost of the time I put a lot of effort into the things I’m passionate about. Being a pastor’s wife, a mom and a grandma is definitely a passion of mine. It takes up a quite a bit of time, but I love every second of it. Even last week, Mike and I put a lot of effort into making beautiful memories with our grandchildren. I put a lot of time into my Holding Hope page as well. I study God’s word, I pray, I notice reactions and emotions to blog posts, I yearn to help.
These things are important to me. Another area I am passionate about is decorating, specifically the Pilgrim era. I study this time period, I pour over books and pictures and videos. I’m drawn to it and because of my passion for it, I don’t mind putting all that effort into it. I actually love the process. Here’s the funny thing. Out of all the things in my home that I have arranged and rearranged, of all the things I have purchased because of my love of history and the 17th century, of all the pieces I think are so beautiful~ one thing always stands out to visitors. It’s the one thing they always ask me about… It isn’t the intricately carved antiques that pilgrims once owned, it’s a crude, primitive hanging shelf. One of the first things Mike made for me in my pursuit of all things pilgrim. I was thrilled with that little piece, a piece I often overlook now because it’s been hanging in the same spot for what feels like forever. A faded memory that has blended into the background. I thought about that shelf today, and I thought about all the things I’m passionate about. I thought about how those passions have changed through the years and then I thought about the one thing that has remained for what feels like forever. The one thing I was so incredibly passionate about when it first became mine. My husband. How easily we allow everything else in our lives to take over the thing we were once so passionate about. We have little children and with all the joy they bring, they also bring little children problems. We have teenagers with teenager problems. We blink and our teenagers are adults and then we have grandchildren. Along the way our jobs, friends and hobbies take up our time. From the moment we say “I do”, life begins to move on, but the constant is our spouse. The beginning of it all. The love of our life. As the years go by we experience the fatigue of child rearing and before we can blink, the fatigue of old age has crept up upon us. We make a life together, that life might be beautiful but often that life can get in the way and we can easily lose sight of one another through the busyness. Like my old shelf. Besides our relationship with God, our marriage is the most important relationship in our life, and yet the one we seem to put the least amount of effort into as the years go by. The one we tend to take for granted the most. I’m not sure why life happens this way. But it shouldn’t. Let me encourage you ladies today to put the passion back into your marriage. To notice the one who vowed to spend his life with you, who has been a constant through the good and the bad. Put as much effort into your spouse as you do into your children, your job, your hobbies and your friends. Look over at him now in quiet contemplation and vow in your heart to renew that relationship, whether he is holding your newborn child, or laying back in his easy chair snoring happily. Our relationship with our spouse isn’t meant to just be passionate the first few years. That passion is meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes we tend to pursue other passions as the years go by, looking for happiness in the “new” when all along our happiness is sitting right beside us. After a week with our grandchildren we were pretty exhausted. We fell into bed that night and in the quiet darkness, I reached over and held his hand. we began to talk about how much God has blessed our life and how much we had to be thankful for. We prayed together and God showed me in that beautiful moment how often I take the most important person in my life for granted. Just like that old shelf. My constant. My lover. My best friend. Besides my love for God, I want my love for my husband to be so evident that it’s the one thing others always ask me about. I don’t want the passion of my marriage to be a faded memory that has blended into the background of our lives. No matter how old we get, as long as he is by my side I will ask God to continually put that passion in my heart for him above all else~ and I will love the process.
7/23/2021
Choose To BelieveMy husband and I are spending the week with our 5 grandchildren. It’s definitely a reality check for a grandma who is used to quiet mornings with only her coffee and Jesus. The three boys form a pack of rambunctious early risers. On the other hand, the girls love to sleep, just like their grandma. Every time I babysit I gain more empathy for mamas of little ones who can’t seem to get even a minute in God’s word before the sun hits the horizon. It is now Thursday and I’m wondering how I’ll get a chance to have one conversation with the Lord, let alone write this post. At the moment I am hiding out in the bathroom. 😂 So, last night at midnight I lay in bed with all kinds of ideas about what I wanted to write. I preset my coffee pot to be ready when I woke. I would grab my coffee in the morning and sneak back to my bedroom first thing while my husband kept them occupied. Nope. I stumbled out of bed half asleep after a rather sleepless night, walked into the tiny kitchen in the cabin only to find my coffee pot empty and the counter top and floor covered in hot coffee and coffee grounds. You’d think the pot exploded. I still don’t know what happened. I immediately wanted to cry. I am NOT a morning person. I NEEDED that coffee and I NEEDED Jesus. And I needed it BEFORE the kids woke up. I almost gave in. I’m sure that exactly what Satan wanted. Thankfully Jesus did not allow me to lose it. He reminded me in that moment that I had a choice~ the very topic I had planned to write about… A few phrases have come up quite often this week. The first being~ ”What were you thinking?” to the precious grandchild of mine who runs out into parking lots when we say WAIT. And to that same grandchild who gets into an elevator with our youngest and to our horror~pushes the button as we come running. Yep. The elevator doors closed. And then there’s the phrase my 3 year old grandson seems to use All. THE. TIME~ ”I can do it myself”. We know they can’t do it themselves, yet we try to muster up the patience to wait and wait and then wait some more~only to lose that patience and say “Just let me do it!” or have them come to us in frustrated tears, asking for help. Ironically, we turn around and try to encourage our children by cheering them on with the phrase~”YOU CAN DO IT!!” That has to be so confusing to a little 3 year old. I find myself thinking about what I would feel like if God were this way with me. What if God was like grandma? What if God lost His patience and asked me “what were you thinking?” I can’t even count the number of times I have decided I can do things on my own and end up messing up over and over and over. What if God lost It with me? Or what if I do hear Him cheering me on with truths from His word~ truths like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And yet still find myself trying to do it alone and failing miserably, until I finally ask for help. In the last few months God has been working on me and the choices I make. He has opened my eyes to all the seemingly normal irritations we allow and then blame on genetics or DNA. How utterly ridiculous that for the past 50 plus years I have allowed Satan to convince me that I am not a morning person and I do not have a choice in my overall morning attitude because it’s just how I’m wired. Morning equals miserable. That’s so silly! When I think about all the ways that I must drive God crazy, I can get very down on myself. I find myself asking~ Charisse what were you thinking? But then God shows me what HE is thinking with the one phrase I have heard more than any other this week~ “I love you”. When the day is done and sleepiness lays heavy in the air, when snuggles ensue and I brush away their hair to kiss them softly on the forehead… when they whisper “I love you grandma.”~ Oh the beautiful power those words hold. That is when God squeezes me heart. It’s in that moment that I see my humanness and how easily I made the choice to become frustrated… but I also see God, because it’s in that very moment that I know I would choose this time with my grandchildren a thousand times over. I would do anything in the world for them~ Because I love them too. More than my words could ever express. I am so thankful that even after 56 years of choosing to allow my mind to get the better of me, of choosing to try and do things on my own without asking God for help, in choosing to believe it’s just normal to be miserable now and then (or possibly every single morning of those 56 years) that God’s words express His love for me in astoundingly beautiful ways. I am so thankful that as my head hits the pillow and sleepiness lays heavy in the air God kisses my forehead with peace and whispers to my childish heart over and over again~ “I love you.” Oh the power those words hold. ….What was my choice early this morning? My choice was to believe Him.
7/10/2021
Holding Hands And Heroes“I’m such a type A personality.”
Have you ever heard a comment like this? What about the new wave of personality tests or Enneagram numbers? It seems like they’re popping up everywhere. What really amazes me is how completely different we all are. Not just a little different, but majorly different. I so often see it in my grandchildren. Each of my grandsons have different personalities, and my granddaughters seem to be completely opposite. One is wild, crazy and outgoing and the other is shy, quiet and sweet. My wild and crazy girl likes to put up a strong front. She’s been that way since she was a baby. She doesn’t like to show her vulnerability at all. She will just start to let her guard down and the minute I grab her to hug her, she will push away and act silly. So, you can imagine how I eat it up when on rare occasions she wants to snuggle and cuddles up next to me. I just sit quietly stroking her hair and drinking it all in. Sometimes she will slip her tiny hand into mine and sit with me that way without saying a word. It got me thinking about a comment my friend said to me about my blog. She mentioned how very different our personalities were, but that she enjoyed reading my blog and seeing things from a different perspective. I’m not like my granddaughter. I’m a~ “grab hold of that hand and don’t let go, passionate snuggler, cuddler, crier, emotional, deep loving and deep thinking, shy introvert, ‘please let me help you, encourage you and lift you up’, I need to fix everything and make everyone happy” personality. Not sure what letter of the alphabet that type is or what Enneagram number I am, but that’s me. Because of the deep desire I have to want to help EVERYONE, writing for my blog can sometimes be tough. I have this need to somehow make myself relatable to other women, no matter how our personalities might differ. As I thought about this, it reminded me of an incident that happened the other night. A problem arose between two of my children and I honestly did not have a clue how to help or what to say. My immediate thought was to ask my logical husband for help, except this time I couldn’t. He had just boarded a plane and would be in the air for at least two hours. A bit of panic mode set in. I wanted to fix the situation. I wanted my husband to come to my rescue. To help me. To make everything better and I wanted to go to bed that night knowing it was all wrapped up in a perfect little “everything’s alright.” package. I wanted a hero. I think that no matter what type personality or Enneagram number you are, each of us as women have that need deep down. (Whether we want to admit it or not). The need to be taken care of. The need for a rescuer. A hero. The desire for everything to be ok. And I truly believe God put that need in each of us for a reason. I think about the moments my tough little Clara becomes vulnerable and the little bit of peace that comes over her when her hand slips into mine, and I think about the emotional basket case I can be at times and the small measure of comfort I get when my hand rests in my husband’s strong one. But it’s not a lasting peace. It’s not a comfort that reaches down deep to your very core. Something is always missing. And then I think about Jesus. Jesus needed time with His Father and I realized that’s exactly why God places that need in each of us. (Matthew 14:23, Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35) He wants all of us to be like Jesus. (Isaiah 30:15, Philippians 2:5) It’s not a need that any human can meet. It’s a need deep down that only God can fulfill. It’s a comfort and a peace that can never be attained from another human being. (John 14:27, 16:33, Philippians 4:6-7) It’s a peace that you alone cannot attain, no matter how strong your personality is. He alone is our rescuer. He alone can make everything ok. All we need do is trust. Trust Him, go to Him, slip our tiny hand inside the very hands that created our entire world and rest there. (Isaiah 26:3, 48:13) Allow Him to take care of us. (I Peter 5:7) To be our hero. So what happened in my situation? I prayed. I sought God. I asked for wisdom. And even though my husband wasn’t sitting next to me on the couch, I wasn’t alone. A peace and comfort washed over me in a situation I thought had no possible, promising outcome. And I realized my hand was being held by my hero. Deuteronomy 20:4, Isaiah 41:10, 13-14
7/3/2021
We Are Powerful. We Are Brave.Brave
That word has come up often this week. A word I would never use to describe myself. Last week I stepped out of my comfort zone and recorded myself for this blog. Before all this brave stuff came up. And then God brought it up. Again and again~That word brave. First thing Monday morning I was asked the question~ What’s the bravest thing you have ever done? I couldn’t think of one thing. I was stumped. When I read that question I thought about women who jump out of airplanes. I thought about women who fight for our country. I thought about women who’ve climbed mountains, who’ve traveled the world, who’ve battled cancer, who’ve lost husbands and children. But I didn’t think about me. I’m not brave. My husband disagreed. He always seems to come up with answers when I’m at a loss. “What about leaving all your loved ones to move 700 miles away with me? Moving to a home sight unseen, and not knowing a single person there. Being 4 months pregnant with your first child and just stepping out in faith when your husband didn’t even have a job lined up. I’d say that’s brave. Or what about giving birth to your first two children with no medication at all. That’s very brave!” But in my head I thought~ no, that’s just being a wife and a mom. That’s where I was wrong though. We aren’t “just” wives and moms and we aren’t “just” Christian women. We are powerful. We are brave. All of us. Sometimes we get into our heads too much. We compare ourselves to others. You know~ all those other women we think are brave. We think we have to be like them to be worth anything to God. We believe the lies of doubt Satan whispers in our ear~ you can’t do it. It’s too scary. You aren’t brave. (2 Corinthians 11:3) Sometimes we just forget that we are brave and have to be reminded. I forgot. Until God reminded me. And so, again and again that word came up. Several women commented on my video that I was brave and confident. I felt like Sarah when God told Abraham she would conceive at 90 years of age (Genesis 18:12-13), because I almost laughed out loud when I read the comments. Are they talking about me? I’m not brave. I’m not confident. But when I remember the exact moment I turned the camera on, my heart knew I could do what I thought I could never do~ Because God reminded me. He reminded me that it wasn’t me at all. That I’m not “just” a Christian, but that Christ lives in me and through Him and because of Him I can do all things. (Philippians 4:13) He is always present with me and at my weakest He is my strength. (Genesis 18:14, Psalm 138:3, 2 Corinthians 12:9) There is such a powerful freedom in that truth. Can you imagine talking about God and saying. He’s “just” God. No big deal. He only created the entire universe in 6 days just by speaking it into existence.(Genesis 1) He only performed countless miracles and transformed lives. (John 21:25) He only walked on water, parted seas, raised the dead and fed 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. (Exodus 14:21-22, John 11:43-44, Matthew 14:16-21, 25) He only gave us the powerful written word to guide us every day. (Hebrews 4:12) He only died on the cross and defeated death to save the entire world from an eternity in hell. (John 3:16-17) He only gives us His Holy Spirit to strengthen and comfort every single second of every single day. (John 14:16) He only hears the prayers of every human in existence~and all at the same time. (I John 5:15) Did I mention He defeated death? Ya, no big deal. I don’t think any of us would say~ no big deal. If He is your Savior, He lives in you!!! THAT power is inside you. THAT is the power that makes you brave. Even if you thought it was utterly ridiculous for me to be so afraid to put myself out there on video, you most likely have your own set of fears. Every one of us have our own giants, even all those women you think are so brave. Giants that we feel tiny next to. But the same God that killed Goliath with only a sling shot, a stone and a little boy (1 Samuel 17) is the same God living inside you.(Romans 8:9) Inside the little girl who doesn’t feel brave. You have a choice today. You can believe the lies that you cannot overcome those giants, or you can believe in the all powerful love of a Savior Who conquered death for you. (Ephesians 1:19-21, Colossians 1:12-25, 18)) A love that warrants grabbing hold of His hand and conquering anything because you realize Who it is that lives in you. That love makes me want to be brave. (Galatians 2:20, Romans 8:37) You can overcome. You can be brave and you can defeat your giants . So let me be the one to remind you again today~ We aren’t “just” wives and moms and we aren’t “just” Christian women. We are powerful. We are brave. Every single one of us.
6/25/2021
Encouraging The PerfectionistDo you ever see people and try to picture what type of home they live in or the way they might decorate that home? Do you ever drive through your neighborhood and look at house after house and wonder what it looks like inside? Maybe I’m a little weird, but I do. When I listen to audiobooks, when I watch work out videos, when I read devotionals or even meet random people, I find myself picturing what type of home they might live in. I’m really not sure why haha. Maybe it makes me feel that if I knew, I would know that person on a more personal level. I guess I want to know them deeper than just a face on a screen or a voice on a podcast. Recently I’ve done something way out of my comfort zone. I’ve invited people in at the spur of the moment. Into my home, my introvert safe place. I was fine inviting people in on social media, hiding behind a screen. It’s so easy to stage your house~just shove all the stuff you don’t want people to see out of the camera’s view. Even better, you don’t have to actually see people’s reactions to your pictures after they’re posted. I was okay with having people over, as long as I knew way in advance so that I could prepare. Even then I would stress. I’m such a Martha. (Luke 10:41-42) None of this spur of the moment thing. As little as a year ago this was something I never would have done, because of fear. Fear that my house wasn’t clean enough, but mostly just fear over what people would think. I believed the lies I told myself~ if I invite people in they might think I’m bragging about my home, they don’t care about how I decorate. They don’t care about antiques. This is not Pinterest worthy. They might think I’m nuts for decorating this way… and on and on. The lies were my escape route. But God was nudging my heart. Let them in Charisse. Just let them in. And I realized it wasn’t just about my home. It was about me, and the fear I had over the perception I thought people would have of me. My dumb pride always getting in the way. If you’ve followed along on my blog journey you know this “introvert thing”, and my worry over what people think is not something new to me. I’m continually sweeping that “hospitality thing” Christ talks about under the rug. (1 Peter 4:9, Romans12:13, Titus 1:8) It’s something God has really been getting on me about for a while now. I’m a mess in progress with a Hope in heaven and a God of great grace. And so, I took the plunge and at the spur of the moment with no tidying, with no cleaning, with no worry that my floors were covered with grass clippings or beach sand or that dirty dishes were in the sink, with no worry that maybe I had left my sports bra hanging on the bathroom doorknob or that one of my grandkids did not flush the toilet, I let them in. And then something funny happened, again and again and again opportunities came up and again and again I let them in. And every single time I was amazed at the gratitude, the smiles, the appreciation, the kind words. I felt a freedom, I felt a happiness, I felt a joy in the fact that my home was lived in and traces of my grandchildren were everywhere I looked, because my home was filled with love. Just yesterday, on a whim I invited a sweet acquaintance in to see my home. I’ve known who she was for years and always thought “she seems to be the kind of person I’d like to get to know”. But that’s where it ended. I admired from afar. Introvert Charisse never got to know her. And so I invited her in. I’m so glad I did. She completely surprised me with her kind words~ “Who knew this was in Caseville! It’s beautiful! Do your neighbors know this is what your home looks like inside?” Her last comment is what got me. No, no they probably don’t. Because I’ve always convinced myself that they wouldn’t care. After she left I really thought about it. Why had I convinced myself that others wouldn’t care to be invited in when I readily admit that I would LOVE to peek inside the homes of others? Our homes are an extension of our hearts. Our safe place. Our comfort. That’s why I don’t necessarily think that the gratitude and smiles really had so much to do with opening my front door and showing people how I decorate, but more so with opening my heart and sharing that comfort with them. Maybe you are the very opposite of me. Maybe you aren’t an introvert and thoroughly enjoy having people over all the time. Maybe it’s not hard for you at all. But sometimes I think it’s a little hard for all of us to truly open up our hearts. To be vulnerable with others and allow them to see that vulnerability~ sports bra, unflushed toilet and all. And so I encourage all you introverts today~ open your home to others. And to you extroverts~ good for you!! I strive to get to that place. But for both~ open your hearts. Let others in. If we never open our hearts to others, we can never truly care for each other, pray for each other (Ephesians 3:14-21) or lean on each other.(Galatians 6:2) If we never open our hearts to others they will never see the goodness of God inside of us. (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12) They won’t ever get to meet our Jesus Who lives there. (Revelation 3:20) They won’t get to see His light and glory and love. (2 Corinthians 4:6, Matthew 5:13-16) They will just see us. The outside of a house. (Psalm 127:1) Always wondering what it looks like on the inside. Today I invite you. Come on in and let me show you around… 😊🥰
6/19/2021
Are You Shocked?My husband received a precious piece of mail a few weeks back.
It was from our grandson Ethan. He has recently finished the second grade and one of his last assignments was posting a letter in the mail. My husband was tickled. As sweet as that letter was to him, we didn’t know the whole story… You see, the very day Ethan wrote that letter, sealed it and placed it in the mailbox is the very day my husband sent him a video telling him how proud he was of Ethan and all the great things he had planned for him that summer. They were the exact things Ethan asked about in his letter, a letter my husband had not received yet, much less read. When my daughter told me this story I immediately thought of my Heavenly Father, and I couldn’t help thinking about Father’s Day and how important the role of a daddy is. Daddies, and even their daddies create imprints of their Heavenly Father on their children and grandchildren’s hearts. Someday they might base their trust, protection, comfort, and most important~ love ~ on how they received it from their earthly father. That’s pretty huge. They will look at approaching God in the same way they could go to their daddy when they were little. It should be in awe, but never fear. How a daddy acts and reacts is a continual lesson in their little hearts to how they will one day believe God will act or react to them. And so, I read Ethan’s letter again. The sweet things he asked of his Bapa were answered before they were ever asked. What a beautiful picture of our Father. Whether you had a good relationship with your father or maybe never even knew your father, whether you felt like you could go to your dad about anything or you couldn’t ever talk to your dad, whether you felt comfort in his presence or disappointment, whether you ever felt loved at all… God your Father wants you to understand that He is and always will be all of these things for you. And so dear daughters, this Father’s Day there are four things I want you to remember. Four things I want imprinted on your heart. Four things to hold close and never forget. 1. God always wants to comfort and protect you. Isaiah 43:2, Psalm 91:1-2 2. God wants you to know you can always trust Him and depend on Him. Isaiah 26:3-4, Psalm 28:7 3. God wants you to talk to Him and tell Him the desires of your heart, understanding that He knows your thoughts before you do. He knows your requests and wants to answer before you’ve even asked. Psalm 139:1-6, 17, I John 5:14, Luke 11:13, John 14:13-14 4. God loves you. He loves you. Your Father loves you. I John 3:1, 4:16, Jeremiah 31:3, Zephaniah 3:17, Ephesians 3:19 I wish I could have seen Ethan’s face when he received my husband’s video message. I can picture his smile. I wish I could’ve seen my daughters face too. They were both in shock. My daughter said she even questioned how he could’ve answered Ethan’s letter when they had only just put it in the mailbox. Yes, God couldn’t have given me a better illustration of His heart for us. He knows. He answers. He loves. Once you grasp that, His love will never be something that surprises or shocks you. Instead, His love will continually make you smile and say~ “That was all God…MY Father.”
6/12/2021
Moments and MemoriesMoments that make up memories.
I realized yesterday that I use that phrase quite often when I write. The importance of those words is very weighty to me. There is nothing in this world that can take away, erase or change your memories. They are with you for the rest of your life. Like a feature film only you can see and play, as often as you would like. Most of the time we don’t get to choose the scenarios, they come upon us unawares as our days progress into each other. Day by day, moment by moment we live our lives, all the while turning those moments into memories. When my dad was still alive, memories of my childhood were precious, but I never fully understood their importance. Maybe because he was still with me and so, a part of me still felt like a child. I had him, I had my memories and I had pieces of my childhood all around me whenever I sat and visited with him. (which was almost a daily occurrence). It felt safe. It felt like home. And then~just like that, all of it was gone and I felt utterly abandoned and alone. I felt as if those memories were a life line I was grasping at and trying to hold on to~ because I no longer had them in the physical things I could see and touch. Dishes and utensils, pots and pans, china and silver~all the things I remember my mom using in my childhood were all priced, packed and put aside to sell. Furniture that I had dusted week after week from the time I started grade school was sold. Pictures were put in boxes and a home filled with my childhood seemed to be erased. I realize that this is something every one of us must face at some point in our lives. I will admit, I’m overly sentimental and probably wear my heart on my sleeve way too often. I almost couldn’t bare to do it. I almost couldn’t bare to part with one thing that my parents had cherished because every single thing, right down to the forks and spoons were part of a childhood that meant the world to me. I am so sentimental that I took pictures of every thing before packing it all up, every drawer and cupboard, every display on every shelf of every room. I even took pictures of my dad’s junk drawer. He was so organized and had everything so neat and tidy and it tickled my heart to see it. I didn’t care if I looked foolish for taking pictures of it all and I didn’t care if the tears fell. And they fell and they fell. And then it was all over and gone and all I had left was the memory of it all. I realized that I was the only one that possessed my unique and exact memories with my parents~ because they were both gone now too. And that’s when the importance of moments and memories hit me. But~ I realized in that moment that I was still making memories. My memories did not end with my parents. They will continue as long as I am alive. I can be a part of the memories in the hearts of my own children. Memories in the hearts of my grandchildren, memories in the heart of my husband, memories in the hearts of my family and my church family~ and my own heart felt such a stirring to remind you all of how important the memories we create from the moments we share are. Because memories are something that will always, always live on in our hearts until the day we die. We might move from house to house. Through the years we most likely will change our decor or our vehicle or our appliances, we might make new friends as the years pass, we might watch our children and grandchildren as they grow and move away and begin lives of their own, we may look lovingly at our spouse and their now wrinkled smile and gray hair, and we might even lose those we love dearly~ but we will never, ever lose our memories. The key to the beauty of it all is in the moments that make up those memories. We put so much importance on the things we can see and touch and possess. Things we think we can’t live without. Projects that have to be finished, jobs that must be done. Houses and cars and furniture and clothes and things we think will make us, or even our children happy. Things we think we are supposed to have. The American dream. But all the while we somehow forget that we can’t take any of it with us when we die. It will all be left behind for someone to sort through, to cry over and to make the hard decisions to sell. And then all that is left behind are the memories we have made in the moments we lived. Yes, I was sad to see my parent’s “things” go, but not because of the monetary value they held. I was sad because of the precious memories that made them so valuable. There is nothing wrong with making a wonderful life and home for yourself and your children. That’s exactly what my parents did for me, but don’t ever allow the making of that life to overshadow the moments with your children that create memories they will always cherish. What are you making of your moments? Every single second you live is a moment and a memory in the making. The words you say to those you love. The hugs and the kisses and the laughter and the magic. The snuggles and the reminiscing and the tenderness. The togetherness. That is what make up the moments that create beautiful memories. One day your child will no longer have you. They most likely will not have their childhood home or any of the things that fill that home. Things you think are so important. But they will always have their memories. Unique only to them. A precious gift that only you can give them by choosing today to make every moment count. To make every moment meaningful. To make a lifetime of every day normalcy into a fairytale of beautiful memories. I am a grandma, and yet I can remember my childhood like it was yesterday. Your children will too. Give those you love that beauty to remember. I will always cherish mine because it’s in that beauty of those memories that our loved ones live on forever.
6/5/2021
I Want To Go BackSome days I want to go back.
Back to when I was tiny and didn’t know about life. When I watched the love my mom poured into being a wife and mother, cooking and cleaning with pure contentment. When she would read to me or hold me when I was crying. When I believed everything would be okay, simply because she told me it would. When I had no cares except for what dress my baby dolls would wear or what flavor ice cream I would choose. A childhood filled with magic and make believe. A childhood filled with extraordinarily beautiful moments. Back to the days when mom made everything cozy and safe. I wish my younger little me could’ve understood how incredibly important those moments were. I wish I could’ve held on to them longer. Some days I wish I could go back to that first look. That first kiss. When the innocence of romance was far from reality. When there were no bills and no quarrels. When my world revolved around him and the love we shared. When he was the only person my eyes could see in a room full of people. When my heart would flutter with each smile and nothing mattered except him. When I put his needs before my own without a second thought. When the weight of life and the heartaches to come were non existent. When I thought that spark and excitement would last forever. Some days I wish I could go back to when they were little. When mommy was their world. When they thought she was the best and the smartest and had all the answers. When she could fix every problem and heal every boo~boo. When mommy was who they turned to when hearts were breaking or secrets were shared. When I watched them as they slept and felt my heart might burst for love of them. When they were safe in my care, under our roof. When I thought they would think of me this way for always and no matter how many years might pass, they would forever be my babies. Some days I wish I could go back to that day. Turning the corner and catching my daddy deep in thought. So deep he didn’t notice I was standing there. I wish I would’ve asked what he was thinking about more often. I wish I asked more questions about his childhood or what it was like raising my brothers and me. I wish I had asked what made him buy a farm and a horse or move back to a subdivision. I wish I had asked questions that might not have been important at the time but answers that would be so precious to me now. I wish I had asked how he was able to live again after mom passed because this is the toughest thing I’ve gone through. Living without them. Perhaps all those things are exactly what he was so deep in thought about. Perhaps he was wishing he could go back to when life was simpler and happiness came in bundles. Happiness we took for granted. Why is it that we don’t realize how important moments that make up our memories truly are until they are only memories? Memories that we can only visit in our hearts. Moments that we beg our children not to take for granted. Moments we want them to learn from now instead of later. How badly I wish I could go back to those moments in time and hold on to them and truly understand and cherish the beauty of each one. Never taking a single one for granted. Always thankful. Always being present. Always loving with my everything. Spending more time in those moments instead of in my head where the to~do’s and tomorrow’s came to visit too often. We can’t go back. But I can love like my mama on my grandchildren. I can make my home a place where they will always feel safe and cozy. I can’t go back to that first kiss but I can remember and recreate. I can choose to be selfless in my love for him and dwell on all the unbelievable goodness our marriage has held, and all the joy we have yet to look forward to. I can’t go back but I can always be that mom who points them to the answers in God’s word, who prays for them when their heart is breaking, who comforts them when secrets are shared. I can be that mom who tells them don’t take one second of your beautiful life for granted. I can be that mom that knows that no matter their age or where they might be, they are safe because God is holding them when I cannot. I can’t go back but I can look forward to the incredible joy I will one day encounter when I enter heaven’s glory and get to hug my Savior. When I get to let go of all the sadness, heaviness and grief as He holds me there. When I get to say thank you for all eternity, and it still won’t seem like enough because of all he’s done for me. When I get to see my loved ones that I have missed so deeply and know without a doubt how happy they are and have been and will forever be. And maybe that’s the lesson God has for us. To stop wishing on that past and start living for eternity. To look forward. To cherish more. To be present. To teach and to not take anything for granted and most importantly to look ahead to the home He has prepared for us. That beautiful home where our most cherished memories and moments will seem like nothing special at all compared to the glory we behold. That home. The home where happiness and joy will never cease and will always come in bundles.
5/22/2021
Your Miracle ZoneI had a heart to heart with Jesus last night.
Around midnight my husband’s pager went off. I always feel uneasy when his pager goes off, especially in the middle of the night. Not only is my husband a firefighter, two of my son in laws are as well. It was only minutes after he rushed out that I heard a loud explosive sound in my backyard. I quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed my phone to call him. And then it happened again, even louder than the first time. My whole backyard looked like it was on fire. We lost electricity and the sky grew dark again. My heart felt like it was beating outside of my chest. Within seconds the fire truck showed up. I sat at the top of my stairwell in the dark, looking out at my backyard, watching and listening as the firefighters got out, and with flashlights began to assess the area. They had complete faith in their training and fire gear and I was in awe. I watched those brave men outside and wondered if they might step on something electrical or worse, have the whole incident happen again. To be honest, I was scared. As I sat there watching, I started thinking about all the stupid things I’ve allowed myself to be scared of my entire adult married life. Compared to this moment, they seemed so insignificant. So many things flooded my mind, but one stood out above the others~ I’ve been holding out on God because of pride. All these years I’ve been blaming so many things on the fact that I’m “shy” and I’m an “introvert”. For the longest time, I wouldn’t willingly walk up and converse with people at church or around town and I always blamed it on my shyness. God brought something to the forefront of my mind as I sat in that stairwell last night. Lately Facebook has been prompting me to do a video for my Holding Hope page so that followers could “get to know me”. I felt this nudge from God every time I got that notification. I know that this generation is drawn more to visual than written word. It’s easier to watch or even listen than to read. I also know that it is a marketing ploy on Facebook’s behalf and due to my shyness, my response has always been “no way”. I have an extremely hard time doing video chats with my own children let alone recording myself for a bunch of strangers. I tend to be overly critical and find every flaw, not to mention the fact that when you’re recording, you’re pretty much talking to yourself on camera. I don’t know how this generation can do it so easily. I chalked it up to their self love and prided myself on my humbleness. And that’s exactly what Jesus pointed out to me last night~ I was proud of my humbleness, when in reality I wasn’t being humble at all. I was just proud. It’s a lot easier to speak up for God behind a pen and paper or a social media post, but the minute you put your face out there you become vulnerable. I was scared of that vulnerability. My fear was this~ I was afraid of what people would think of me. Bottom line. Pride. Not because I’m shy. Not because I’m an introvert. Because I’m scared of the opinions of others and what they will think of how I look, talk and act. Sadly it wasn’t a fear of how I would represent the Lord, it was a fear of how people perceived Charisse. I forgot the very important fact that God is within me and by my side and by hiding behind my pride and the false identity of shyness, I was hiding His glory and all the joy He brings to my life. The next morning as I read His word, three verses popped out. (1 John 1:4, 2 John 1:12, 3 John 1:4) I thought about how much joy writing for this blog brings me. I thought about how much joy each one of you brings to my life. As I go through notifications, I pray for names of women I will most likely never meet, but it gives me joy to do so. It gives me so much incredible joy to share the hope of God. It brings joy to tell you how He can change your life forever. I don’t want to quench that joy. I don’t want to suppress it. I want it to multiply to all of you. If that means following the nudge of God, stepping out of my comfort zone and trying something new, then I know I can do it because God will be with me. I don’t ever want people to see Charisse in my posts or conversations. I always want them to see Christ. So what is the point in my rambling and confessions? I guess to just encourage all of you to examine your own hearts. What are you allowing to hold you back? God’s word promises us that He will always be with us. It’s His training through His word that will sustain and carry us through. If He asks it of us, He will provide every measure of strength we need. Look for God’s leading in your life. Don’t be scared. If He is leading, He’s right there with you and He will continue to be with you every step of the way. Yes, I am an introvert. I am shy. I’m not a people person and it’s very hard to put myself out there~but I can’t lean on that crutch for every situation in my life that feels uncomfortable. I have to step out on faith. Just like my brave firefighter husband, son in laws and friends did last night. And in the process, you might just see some videos in the near future 😉 Philippians 1:6 As a mother, one of the most comforting passages in scripture to me are the simple words of Jesus in John 2~
My hour is not yet come. In other words~ It’s not time yet, this wasn’t the plan. The magnitude of this speaks volumes to my mama heart because it shows the heart my Savior had for his own earthly mother. The God of the universe, the Christ who controls every aspect of time and space and knows every detail of our lives down to the second~ changed the very course of time for his mother. It wasn’t time for Him to reveal God’s plan to the world. It wasn’t time for Him to reveal Himself as the Messiah. It wasn’t His plan to perform His first miracle that day. Until that moment, He was simply a guest at a wedding. With the pleas of a mother, all of that changed in an instant. Not because she was a saint. Not because she had some power over Him that He could not refuse. Simply because she was his mama, a normal mama just like you and me. A mother. A miracle. A Messiah. His mother asked for help from the only One she knew could truly help. She needed a miracle. He did not hesitate. His heart for her was displayed in a single moment. Compassion, empathy, honor, love. And yes, that speaks volumes to me. Because I know that He knows. He understands. He has compassion and empathy and love. For me. Whatever I am facing as a mother, He will understand, and He will always be there to perform the miracles this mother needs in her own life. No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, Jesus will be with you through it all. ~When the pregnancy test comes back positive and suddenly, you are holding a precious newborn in your arms. ~When your once peaceful home becomes crazy and chaotic with toddlers and toys, diapers and bottles, giggles and laughter. ~When you fight back the tears on their first day of kindergarten and their last day of high school. ~When you smile for every “first” you get to experience, every proud moment, every minute spent together, every confidence shared. ~When you cry as they drive off to college or vow their life to another. ~When suddenly you are staring into the sweetness and wonder of your first grandchild, and it feels like it was just yesterday that you were holding their mama in your arms. As quickly as it starts, time will fly by even faster. With the best intentions, you might have the perfect plan laid out for your future, but the minute your baby is conceived is the minute everything changes. You become a mother. Through every “first” you can rest assured that He will be with you on your journey. Because He knows. He knows all about mamas and plans and change. He is with you through the uncertainty, the fear, the joy, the wonder, the stress, the tears, the loneliness, the pride, the amazement and the thankfulness. You are never alone mama. Your Savior has a heart for you. Even as Jesus was tortured and dying, He took care of His mother. I do not have one shadow of a doubt that He will do the same for me~ because it was for me that He was on that cross. Whatever you are facing, know that you can face it with Him. Not only the hard stuff, but the celebrations of motherhood as well. No one understands like He does. No one will have compassion and empathy for you as He does. No one will love you more on this journey of motherhood than He does. He knows. He understands. A mother. A miracle. Our Messiah. |
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