Choose To Believe
My husband and I are spending the week with our 5 grandchildren. It’s definitely a reality check for a grandma who is used to quiet mornings with only her coffee and Jesus.
The three boys form a pack of rambunctious early risers. On the other hand, the girls love to sleep, just like their grandma. Every time I babysit I gain more empathy for mamas of little ones who can’t seem to get even a minute in God’s word before the sun hits the horizon. It is now Thursday and I’m wondering how I’ll get a chance to have one conversation with the Lord, let alone write this post.
At the moment I am hiding out in the bathroom. 😂
So, last night at midnight I lay in bed with all kinds of ideas about what I wanted to write. I preset my coffee pot to be ready when I woke. I would grab my coffee in the morning and sneak back to my bedroom first thing while my husband kept them occupied.
Nope. I stumbled out of bed half asleep after a rather sleepless night, walked into the tiny kitchen in the cabin only to find my coffee pot empty and the counter top and floor covered in hot coffee and coffee grounds. You’d think the pot exploded. I still don’t know what happened.
I immediately wanted to cry. I am NOT a morning person. I NEEDED that coffee and I NEEDED Jesus. And I needed it BEFORE the kids woke up. I almost gave in. I’m sure that exactly what Satan wanted. Thankfully Jesus did not allow me to lose it.
He reminded me in that moment that I had a choice~
the very topic I had planned to write about…
A few phrases have come up quite often this week. The first being~
”What were you thinking?”
to the precious grandchild of mine who runs out into parking lots when we say WAIT. And to that same grandchild who gets into an elevator with our youngest and to our horror~pushes the button as we come running.
Yep. The elevator doors closed.
And then there’s the phrase my 3 year old grandson seems to use All. THE. TIME~
”I can do it myself”.
We know they can’t do it themselves, yet we try to muster up the patience to wait and wait and then wait some more~only to lose that patience and say “Just let me do it!” or have them come to us in frustrated tears, asking for help.
Ironically, we turn around and try to encourage our children by cheering them on with the phrase~”YOU CAN DO IT!!”
That has to be so confusing to a little 3 year old.
I find myself thinking about what I would feel like if God were this way with me. What if God was like grandma? What if God lost His patience and asked me “what were you thinking?”
I can’t even count the number of times I have decided I can do things on my own and end up messing up over and over and over. What if God lost It with me? Or what if I do hear Him cheering me on with truths from His word~ truths like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And yet still find myself trying to do it alone and failing miserably, until I finally ask for help.
In the last few months God has been working on me and the choices I make. He has opened my eyes to all the seemingly normal irritations we allow and then blame on genetics or DNA. How utterly ridiculous that for the past 50 plus years I have allowed Satan to convince me that I am not a morning person and I do not have a choice in my overall morning attitude because it’s just how I’m wired. Morning equals miserable. That’s so silly!
When I think about all the ways that I must drive God crazy, I can get very down on myself. I find myself asking~ Charisse what were you thinking?
But then God shows me what HE is thinking
with the one phrase I have heard more than any other this week~
“I love you”.
When the day is done and sleepiness lays heavy in the air, when snuggles ensue and I brush away their hair to kiss them softly on the forehead…
when they whisper “I love you grandma.”~
Oh the beautiful power those words hold.
That is when God squeezes me heart.
It’s in that moment that I see my humanness and how easily I made the choice to become frustrated… but I also see God, because it’s in that very moment that I know I would choose this time with my grandchildren a thousand times over. I would do anything in the world for them~
Because I love them too.
More than my words could ever express.
I am so thankful that even after 56 years of choosing to allow my mind to get the better of me, of choosing to try and do things on my own without asking God for help, in choosing to believe it’s just normal to be miserable now and then (or possibly every single morning of those 56 years) that God’s words express His love for me in astoundingly beautiful ways. I am so thankful that as my head hits the pillow and sleepiness lays heavy in the air God kisses my forehead with peace and whispers to my childish heart over and over again~
“I love you.”
Oh the power those words hold.
….What was my choice early this morning?
My choice was to believe Him.
© 2020 HOLDING HOPE