When I Am Weak

After I gave birth to my second child, I began hemorrhaging. Those moments in time are so vivid to me and yet, they almost feel like a dream~The team of nurses rushing me down to surgery, a cold surgical room composed of nothing but steel, the anesthesiologist telling me to count backwards, and then waking up next to my husband.


Of all the things I remember, there is one memory that stands out the most to me. The absence of fear and the incredible, overwhelming peace that washed over me as my last thoughts were~ I am going to die and I am going to wake up with Jesus.
Words cannot express the comfort I felt.
It will last with me my lifetime.


In that moment there wasn’t a single thing I could do to control that situation. My life was in the hands of God and in my weakness, He was my strength.


It’s easy to talk about fear and having faith when you’re on the other side of it looking back. As the saying goes “Easier said than done”. We might think our faith is strong, but in a split second life can change. In times like those, we don’t have the chance to say- “hold on Crisis, let me get out my bible and notes and uplifting music so I can be in the right frame of mind”. Our dependence is totally and completely in the power of God. This is why meditating on His word every single day is so important. He promises that His promises will stay with us in those split second times of crisis.


But what about the moments in our lives where time is not our friend? Where split seconds turn into weeks or even months? The moments that time allows us to get inside our head and become overwrought with worry and fear? The times we know we should be meditating on His words but we find ourselves constantly meditating on the problem instead?


This is where I have been the last few days.


The same child whose birth caused my faith to go into high gear in a matter of seconds is going through a trying time with her own unborn child.


As a mother, it’s times like these that I have no idea how people can lean on their own strength instead of the power and strength of God.
Because I would crumble.
I readily admit that I am weak.


Not only is it in a mother’s heart to worry and sometimes fear for our children, it’s in the heart of everyone who loves deeply. When we love deeply we will do anything to help the one we love. To take their pain away. To make everything okay again. To give them comfort and peace and joy.


Even though time has been tempting me to worry and to fear, even though the nights have been long and my heart hurts for my child~ I know that there is not a single thing I can physically do to change the situation, just like the day that she was born. The only thing I can do is to cling to my faith in God’s promises and place all those worries and fears (over her worries and fears) into His hands.


Because when we are weak, He is strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
Because He loves us infinitely more than we could ever imagine. In fact, He loves my children infinitely more than I ever could.
Isaiah 49:15, 66:13


So I will praise Him through all of this. I will praise Him because no matter what happens, I know of His steadfast love for me. I know of His steadfast love for my daughter and for my grandchild who has yet to be born. I know that His Mercy is new every morning and that He is forever faithful. Lamentations 3:22-23
And I know that He is in complete control.


I am not~
But praise God because He is the I AM!
Exodus 3:14, John 14:6, 15:5


Today I want to encourage you. What is your heart and mind meditating on? The problem or the promises? Are you worrying or worshipping?
We need to come to grips with the fact that we are not in control and stop allowing fear and worry to control us by giving it our hearts and minds. Give it all to God. Believe me, I know it’s hard, but every time my mind starts meditating on anything besides His promises to me I know that I need to give it back to Him~
even if I have to repeat the process over and over again.


Because I know in my heart that He is the only One Who controls the outcome and that outcome will be what’s best because it’s given from the One Who gave everything for me.
John 3:16