8/14/2021
I Kept A Secret From My HusbandI had been looking forward to this day for months.
Just like when they were little. Little children, little problems. Today, big children, big problems. And so~ We needed time away. Time to focus on each other. But my heart held a secret from him. The moment we drove away, I missed them all already. (They all live on our block) How could this be? I had felt the need to get away from the chaos for so long. I needed to just be a wife, and not a mom for a short amount of time. He needed me to be just a wife and not a mom for a short amount of time. This has happened time and time again, since they were babies. The chaos gets to us mamas and we become desperate for alone time. Desperate for time away just to gather our thoughts and feel sane again. The crying of little ones, the fighting toddlers, the cleaning and cooking and laundry and endless chores. The noise level and continual talking. The lack of adult conversation. The constant. We feel our minds screaming inside to have some time with our husbands so we can feel like a wife again, like a woman again. But when we finally get it~we miss them and suddenly we can’t remember all the bad, we only remember the good. The soft smell of their little heads, their kisses and hugs, their giggles, their smiles, their unconditional love, their joy at just being in our presence. We remember them snuggled into us, fast asleep and our hearts just want to burst. And when they become adults, that mama life doesn’t get any easier. When your adult children are hurting, the pain in your heart manifolds itself into every area of your life, as does their joy. Even when they’re adults, it’s in a mama’s DNA to take care of her children but you can’t just put a bandaid on all the bad that they will go through. You feel it deeply because you know a kiss and a smile from mom won’t take that pain away any longer. It hurts a mama’s heart to the core. Not only can their hurts lay constant on your heart, but their stresses, their arguments, their jobs and spouses and children… all of it becomes bigger than life and as a mama, your heart just wants to make it all better~but you realize you can’t. And you realize that it takes a toll. It can take a toll on you spiritually and if you aren’t careful, it can take a toll on your marriage. That weight was never meant for a mama to bear, it was meant to be carried by God. You realize your mama’s heart of worry has drowned out the heart of His word and all His promises. And then you know, you NEED that time alone with God, because you aren’t God. You can’t fix everything. And you NEED that time away with your spouse, to reconnect with the one who has been in it with you for the long haul. Who loves your children as much as you do, but also needs that time away. Mama, go away. Go away with God. Go away with your spouse. You will fight it. Your heart will feel guilty and the second you drive away, you will miss them terribly. But you NEED it. Your heart NEEDS it. Your spouse NEEDS it, and you both will be better for it. Figure out a way to get away, and make it happen. He will be a better husband and daddy for it and you will be a better wife and mama. And so~I looked over at my husband as we drove in silence. He was smiling. He had no idea what my heart was feeling. I prayed and God reminded me of how much we needed this. I knew He was right. I needed to let go. I asked God to give my heart peace in leaving it all with Him and focusing on my relationship with Him, and our relationship as a married couple. It didn’t take long. God’s good that way. He gave me a comfort in that moment that this was what was needed. I would return home with a restored soul. With a better appreciation for the beautiful life God has given me. With a deeper love for my husband and a deep peace in my heart. I would be a better mama for it and my marriage would be that much sweeter. So, I reached over, I took his hand in mine and I smiled at him~ Because I knew it already was.
8/6/2021
When I Am WeakAfter I gave birth to my second child, I began hemorrhaging. Those moments in time are so vivid to me and yet, they almost feel like a dream~The team of nurses rushing me down to surgery, a cold surgical room composed of nothing but steel, the anesthesiologist telling me to count backwards, and then waking up next to my husband.
Of all the things I remember, there is one memory that stands out the most to me. The absence of fear and the incredible, overwhelming peace that washed over me as my last thoughts were~ I am going to die and I am going to wake up with Jesus. Words cannot express the comfort I felt. It will last with me my lifetime. In that moment there wasn’t a single thing I could do to control that situation. My life was in the hands of God and in my weakness, He was my strength. It’s easy to talk about fear and having faith when you’re on the other side of it looking back. As the saying goes “Easier said than done”. We might think our faith is strong, but in a split second life can change. In times like those, we don’t have the chance to say- “hold on Crisis, let me get out my bible and notes and uplifting music so I can be in the right frame of mind”. Our dependence is totally and completely in the power of God. This is why meditating on His word every single day is so important. He promises that His promises will stay with us in those split second times of crisis. But what about the moments in our lives where time is not our friend? Where split seconds turn into weeks or even months? The moments that time allows us to get inside our head and become overwrought with worry and fear? The times we know we should be meditating on His words but we find ourselves constantly meditating on the problem instead? This is where I have been the last few days. The same child whose birth caused my faith to go into high gear in a matter of seconds is going through a trying time with her own unborn child. As a mother, it’s times like these that I have no idea how people can lean on their own strength instead of the power and strength of God. Because I would crumble. I readily admit that I am weak. Not only is it in a mother’s heart to worry and sometimes fear for our children, it’s in the heart of everyone who loves deeply. When we love deeply we will do anything to help the one we love. To take their pain away. To make everything okay again. To give them comfort and peace and joy. Even though time has been tempting me to worry and to fear, even though the nights have been long and my heart hurts for my child~ I know that there is not a single thing I can physically do to change the situation, just like the day that she was born. The only thing I can do is to cling to my faith in God’s promises and place all those worries and fears (over her worries and fears) into His hands. Because when we are weak, He is strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 Because He loves us infinitely more than we could ever imagine. In fact, He loves my children infinitely more than I ever could. Isaiah 49:15, 66:13 So I will praise Him through all of this. I will praise Him because no matter what happens, I know of His steadfast love for me. I know of His steadfast love for my daughter and for my grandchild who has yet to be born. I know that His Mercy is new every morning and that He is forever faithful. Lamentations 3:22-23 And I know that He is in complete control. I am not~ But praise God because He is the I AM! Exodus 3:14, John 14:6, 15:5 Today I want to encourage you. What is your heart and mind meditating on? The problem or the promises? Are you worrying or worshipping? We need to come to grips with the fact that we are not in control and stop allowing fear and worry to control us by giving it our hearts and minds. Give it all to God. Believe me, I know it’s hard, but every time my mind starts meditating on anything besides His promises to me I know that I need to give it back to Him~ even if I have to repeat the process over and over again. Because I know in my heart that He is the only One Who controls the outcome and that outcome will be what’s best because it’s given from the One Who gave everything for me. John 3:16
7/23/2021
Choose To BelieveMy husband and I are spending the week with our 5 grandchildren. It’s definitely a reality check for a grandma who is used to quiet mornings with only her coffee and Jesus. The three boys form a pack of rambunctious early risers. On the other hand, the girls love to sleep, just like their grandma. Every time I babysit I gain more empathy for mamas of little ones who can’t seem to get even a minute in God’s word before the sun hits the horizon. It is now Thursday and I’m wondering how I’ll get a chance to have one conversation with the Lord, let alone write this post. At the moment I am hiding out in the bathroom. 😂 So, last night at midnight I lay in bed with all kinds of ideas about what I wanted to write. I preset my coffee pot to be ready when I woke. I would grab my coffee in the morning and sneak back to my bedroom first thing while my husband kept them occupied. Nope. I stumbled out of bed half asleep after a rather sleepless night, walked into the tiny kitchen in the cabin only to find my coffee pot empty and the counter top and floor covered in hot coffee and coffee grounds. You’d think the pot exploded. I still don’t know what happened. I immediately wanted to cry. I am NOT a morning person. I NEEDED that coffee and I NEEDED Jesus. And I needed it BEFORE the kids woke up. I almost gave in. I’m sure that exactly what Satan wanted. Thankfully Jesus did not allow me to lose it. He reminded me in that moment that I had a choice~ the very topic I had planned to write about… A few phrases have come up quite often this week. The first being~ ”What were you thinking?” to the precious grandchild of mine who runs out into parking lots when we say WAIT. And to that same grandchild who gets into an elevator with our youngest and to our horror~pushes the button as we come running. Yep. The elevator doors closed. And then there’s the phrase my 3 year old grandson seems to use All. THE. TIME~ ”I can do it myself”. We know they can’t do it themselves, yet we try to muster up the patience to wait and wait and then wait some more~only to lose that patience and say “Just let me do it!” or have them come to us in frustrated tears, asking for help. Ironically, we turn around and try to encourage our children by cheering them on with the phrase~”YOU CAN DO IT!!” That has to be so confusing to a little 3 year old. I find myself thinking about what I would feel like if God were this way with me. What if God was like grandma? What if God lost His patience and asked me “what were you thinking?” I can’t even count the number of times I have decided I can do things on my own and end up messing up over and over and over. What if God lost It with me? Or what if I do hear Him cheering me on with truths from His word~ truths like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And yet still find myself trying to do it alone and failing miserably, until I finally ask for help. In the last few months God has been working on me and the choices I make. He has opened my eyes to all the seemingly normal irritations we allow and then blame on genetics or DNA. How utterly ridiculous that for the past 50 plus years I have allowed Satan to convince me that I am not a morning person and I do not have a choice in my overall morning attitude because it’s just how I’m wired. Morning equals miserable. That’s so silly! When I think about all the ways that I must drive God crazy, I can get very down on myself. I find myself asking~ Charisse what were you thinking? But then God shows me what HE is thinking with the one phrase I have heard more than any other this week~ “I love you”. When the day is done and sleepiness lays heavy in the air, when snuggles ensue and I brush away their hair to kiss them softly on the forehead… when they whisper “I love you grandma.”~ Oh the beautiful power those words hold. That is when God squeezes me heart. It’s in that moment that I see my humanness and how easily I made the choice to become frustrated… but I also see God, because it’s in that very moment that I know I would choose this time with my grandchildren a thousand times over. I would do anything in the world for them~ Because I love them too. More than my words could ever express. I am so thankful that even after 56 years of choosing to allow my mind to get the better of me, of choosing to try and do things on my own without asking God for help, in choosing to believe it’s just normal to be miserable now and then (or possibly every single morning of those 56 years) that God’s words express His love for me in astoundingly beautiful ways. I am so thankful that as my head hits the pillow and sleepiness lays heavy in the air God kisses my forehead with peace and whispers to my childish heart over and over again~ “I love you.” Oh the power those words hold. ….What was my choice early this morning? My choice was to believe Him.
7/10/2021
Holding Hands And Heroes“I’m such a type A personality.”
Have you ever heard a comment like this? What about the new wave of personality tests or Enneagram numbers? It seems like they’re popping up everywhere. What really amazes me is how completely different we all are. Not just a little different, but majorly different. I so often see it in my grandchildren. Each of my grandsons have different personalities, and my granddaughters seem to be completely opposite. One is wild, crazy and outgoing and the other is shy, quiet and sweet. My wild and crazy girl likes to put up a strong front. She’s been that way since she was a baby. She doesn’t like to show her vulnerability at all. She will just start to let her guard down and the minute I grab her to hug her, she will push away and act silly. So, you can imagine how I eat it up when on rare occasions she wants to snuggle and cuddles up next to me. I just sit quietly stroking her hair and drinking it all in. Sometimes she will slip her tiny hand into mine and sit with me that way without saying a word. It got me thinking about a comment my friend said to me about my blog. She mentioned how very different our personalities were, but that she enjoyed reading my blog and seeing things from a different perspective. I’m not like my granddaughter. I’m a~ “grab hold of that hand and don’t let go, passionate snuggler, cuddler, crier, emotional, deep loving and deep thinking, shy introvert, ‘please let me help you, encourage you and lift you up’, I need to fix everything and make everyone happy” personality. Not sure what letter of the alphabet that type is or what Enneagram number I am, but that’s me. Because of the deep desire I have to want to help EVERYONE, writing for my blog can sometimes be tough. I have this need to somehow make myself relatable to other women, no matter how our personalities might differ. As I thought about this, it reminded me of an incident that happened the other night. A problem arose between two of my children and I honestly did not have a clue how to help or what to say. My immediate thought was to ask my logical husband for help, except this time I couldn’t. He had just boarded a plane and would be in the air for at least two hours. A bit of panic mode set in. I wanted to fix the situation. I wanted my husband to come to my rescue. To help me. To make everything better and I wanted to go to bed that night knowing it was all wrapped up in a perfect little “everything’s alright.” package. I wanted a hero. I think that no matter what type personality or Enneagram number you are, each of us as women have that need deep down. (Whether we want to admit it or not). The need to be taken care of. The need for a rescuer. A hero. The desire for everything to be ok. And I truly believe God put that need in each of us for a reason. I think about the moments my tough little Clara becomes vulnerable and the little bit of peace that comes over her when her hand slips into mine, and I think about the emotional basket case I can be at times and the small measure of comfort I get when my hand rests in my husband’s strong one. But it’s not a lasting peace. It’s not a comfort that reaches down deep to your very core. Something is always missing. And then I think about Jesus. Jesus needed time with His Father and I realized that’s exactly why God places that need in each of us. (Matthew 14:23, Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35) He wants all of us to be like Jesus. (Isaiah 30:15, Philippians 2:5) It’s not a need that any human can meet. It’s a need deep down that only God can fulfill. It’s a comfort and a peace that can never be attained from another human being. (John 14:27, 16:33, Philippians 4:6-7) It’s a peace that you alone cannot attain, no matter how strong your personality is. He alone is our rescuer. He alone can make everything ok. All we need do is trust. Trust Him, go to Him, slip our tiny hand inside the very hands that created our entire world and rest there. (Isaiah 26:3, 48:13) Allow Him to take care of us. (I Peter 5:7) To be our hero. So what happened in my situation? I prayed. I sought God. I asked for wisdom. And even though my husband wasn’t sitting next to me on the couch, I wasn’t alone. A peace and comfort washed over me in a situation I thought had no possible, promising outcome. And I realized my hand was being held by my hero. Deuteronomy 20:4, Isaiah 41:10, 13-14
3/27/2021
Palms and PromisesWhoever finds a palm tree first gets a pickle...
I don’t know where my granddaughter Clara came up with this game, but we all started laughing. Five grandkids in the back of our vehicle, only minutes away from our vacation destination. The excitement could not be contained. It got me thinking about Palm Sunday and the excitement Easter holds, and I couldn’t help but think of the verse~ “eye hath not seen, nor ear heard... the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” I Corinthians 2:9 Do you know what I like about Palm Sunday? Despite knowing the future anguish Christ would endure for all of mankind, God did not stop there. We can praise God for the promise of Easter and the knowledge that one day in heaven we will have eternity to shout Hosanna! So today, I’d like to share with you a place, a problem, a Person and a promise. I’d like to tell you about a place. It’s a place that isn’t popular to talk about in this “feel good” generation, when so many are scared to even go out of their homes, and just want to escape into the unreality of television and social media. It’s a place whose destination has been joked about, and even bragged about at times. It’s a place called hell. It isn’t great material for jokes, it’s a horrifying place of fire and darkness. It’s real and it’s eternal. (1) It’s a destination for all sinners. There will be no so social gatherings there. There will be no parties or camaraderie. Only torment and pain. (2) The cost of our sin. (3) I’d like to tell you about a problem. The problem that lies within each and every one of us. A problem we are all born with, myself included. (4) That problem is sin. From murdering to the little white lie, sin is sin. None of us are sinless. I am as much a sinner as the murderer on death row or the sweet, little old lady down the street. (5) Being a pastor’s wife does not make me exempt. No one is exempt. There is nothing we can do, no good deeds we can accomplish, no church we can attend, no charity we can give to that can take away that sin. (6) And because of the depravity of our sinful hearts, the punishment for that sin is separation from God and eternity in hell. (7) I’d like to tell you about a Person. The only sinless Person Who took all our sins upon Himself so that we would not have to face that punishment. That Person isn’t me. It isn’t my pastor husband. It isn’t the priest or the preacher down the street. That Person is Jesus. (8) Born in a manger, He took the form of a human baby for the love of a people who don’t deserve it, but desperately need it. (9) Jesus Who, with joy endured the brutal beating and death on a cross to save our wicked souls from eternity in hell. (10) Jesus Who rose again from that death and sits on the right hand of God the Father, making intercession for us, praying for us even now. (11) That person Who we owe everything to. That person is inviting you to a promise. (12) I’d like to tell you about that promise. To believe. To have faith in that belief that Jesus took your sins upon Himself on that cross. (13) To joyfully except His invitation by repenting and turning away from the blindness sin has caused (14) in allowing you to somehow be fooled into thinking that hell isn’t that bad, and heaven isn’t that good, and Jesus death was just a bible story for little kids in Sunday school. The lie that the Bible and church is for religious people or fanatics and that you’ll be just fine, because you aren’t that bad a person. You’re actually pretty good. There is nothing good about us. (15) Our hearts need the grace only Jesus can give. (16) Our hearts need the faithful believing that His shed blood on that cross washes away sins. (17) Our hearts need sorrow for that sin and repentance. Our hearts need Jesus. (18) And once we have Jesus, He promises us that we are forever His child. Nothing will ever separate us from Him. He promises us a home in heaven when we leave this earth. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to be with us always. (19) A palm tree and a pickle. A place, a problem, a Person and a beautiful promise. Are you excited about your destination after death? We have hope in the Person and His promise. Freedom from the fear of death. (20) The hope of heaven and not hell, but so much more that that~ The hope that we get God. We get Jesus. Our Father, our Friend, our forgiveness. Our Savior. We get a love beyond anything our human hearts have ever, or could ever comprehend. (21) Yes, there is a place and a problem, but there is a Person with a Promise. And that embodies peace. (22) (1) Psalm 11:6 (2) Luke 16:22-31 (3) Romans 6:23 (4) Romans 5:12 (5) Romans 3:23 Revelation 21:8 (6) Ephesians 2:8-9 (7) Romans 5:10 (8) I John 2:2, 4:9-10 (9) Philippians 2:7 (10) Hebrews 12:2 (11) Romans 8:34 (12) Revelation 3:20 (13) I Peter 2:24 (14) 2 Corinthians 4:4 (15) Romans 7:18 (16) Romans 5:15 (17)I John 1:7-9 (18) 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 (19) Hebrews 13:5 Matthew 28:20 (20) I John 4:18 Hebrews 2:14-15 Romans 15:13 (21) Ephesians 3:16-19 (22) Philippians 4:7 “I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore. For great is thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.” Psalms 86:12-13 How can I get my joy back?
If I was asked this question a year ago, I would have been very confident in how I responded. Today I don’t know. I guess that isn’t 100% true, sometimes I just “feel” like I don’t know. My emotions feel like a jumble of “I don’t knows”. Even though there are a lot of good answers on how to find joy, I can tell you this, not all circumstances merit that cliche answer many people like to throw out there. ie~ “choose joy”. It isn’t always that simple. The “fake it till you make it” mentality doesn’t work when it comes to joy. Sure we can change our attitudes and mindset to reflect happiness, but in some circumstances the darkness is still buried deep inside, no matter our good intentions . The good news is, there is Someone Who will always be our answer. THE answer to every heartbreaking circumstance this world throws at you. Jesus~ first and foremost. Actually, only Jesus. The end. He’s the answer. Joy=Jesus. God obviously knew that our human hearts would still struggle. He knows our frame. (Psalms 103:13-14) He is our strength through every circumstance. We’re the ones who forget. So he gave us His word. The Bible. And in it we find a wealth of wisdom on how to find joy. The hard part is applying that wisdom to our everyday lives. How do you find joy when you’ve lost more loved ones in the last year than ever before? How do you find joy after coming home from a heart wrenching funeral of the dearest friend, only to find your precious daddy gone without warning the very next day? How do you smile when your heart hurts terribly for friends and loved ones going through their own heart wrenching moments? Sickness, job loss, accidents, affairs, abusive relationships, death. When sleep won’t come because you can’t stop hurting for them? Or for yourself? When you feel like joy and Jesus are very far away? And in the unexpected moments when you do catch yourself smiling and feel a little spark of that joy, you immediately feel guilt along with it. Our little church has been bombarded with heartache lately. Truly tough stuff. It’s knocked the air out of our lungs as my husband and I try to minister. Last week I woke up feeling like this heavy cloud was hanging over my life. Our lives. I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted to sit in front of my cozy fire, oblivious to my circumstances and forget everything. I wanted to smile again. I wanted to go back to when things were predictable and happy. When I woke up feeling that way, I could almost picture that black cloud hovering above me and all I could utter was~ “God please help me.” And He did. God immediately reminded me of the story in the Old Testament about the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. (You can read about it here~Exodus 13:21-22, 40:34-38, Numbers 9:15-23, Psalms78:14) If you’re not familiar, God led them with a cloud by day. The moment God brought that picture into my head felt like freedom. God was in that cloud. It was His reminder to me that He is always with me, even in the dark clouds hanging over my life. He is in control and despite feeling hopeless, He is in that cloud protecting and guiding me. Not only did God lead and protect them with a cloud by day, He also gave them a pillar of fire by night. Just as I longed for my predictable life and the comfort of sitting next to my cozy fire, I saw that pillar of fire that God provided as comfort too. (John 14:8) If you continue digging deeper into God’s words you will find that the pillar of cloud and fire were continually leading and when they stopped, the people were to stop and set up God’s tabernacle. That tabernacle was God’s gracious presence. A place to reside for a time. A home. A dwelling place. God showed me that He is always leading. Sometimes my moments might feel cozy, warm and comfortable and other times I might feel like a dark cloud is parked over every facet of my existence. That’s when God wants me to stop. Stop wandering on my own and just be home with Him in His beautiful presence, beside the still waters (Psalms 23) and among the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) . He tells me I can stay as long as I need because He will never leave. (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5) He is my dwelling place no matter what circumstances look like all around me. (Psalms 46:1-2, 91:1-9) Despite that phenomenal story of God’s leading in the Old Testament, His children still complained. They were still afraid. They wanted to go back to their predictable lives back in Egypt, even though they were slaves in that predictable existence. They missed all the beauty that was ahead for them. All that God had prepared for them. I don’t want to miss the beauty God has ahead for me. I don’t want to just exist and be a slave to my circumstances. I don’t want you to miss God’s beauty either. That dark cloud that you might feel is constantly looming overhead, that cloud is guiding you. Whatever your cloud might be, God is in it. In the next few weeks I would like to take you on a journey with me. The journey to find joy again. I want to help you to see that God is in that cloud. I want to show you specific ways God has shown me how to find joy again, despite the deeply sorrowful circumstances we might be in. I want to share with you my Savior’s solutions. He is there. Don’t let go of that hope. Joy will come again. My heart is glad. My whole being rejoices. My flesh rests in hope. (Psalm 16:7-11, 30:5, 34:17-19, Isaiah 41:10)
1/23/2021
Small Frames Hold Big LoveBig magic in the mundane, the big picture in a small frame, everything is sacred when you take time to notice, big love happens in the small moments.... Can I just be honest here? Sometimes my adult kids really frustrate me. When the frustration hits, it’s usually due to worry. Am I allowed to say that as a pastor’s wife? Most of my kids read my blog posts. Not sure how that will go 🤣, but if they’re honest, they’re kids or spouses frustrate them now and then too. I know I’ve said it before, but you mamas who think it’s so hard with little ones... Just wait. When they’re little it seems like their hearts are bursting with unconditional love for you, plus~ you get to tell them what to do. 😂 Sure, they might not obey every time, but when they’re really little, it’s SO much easier to teach them why your words of wisdom are so important. And when they’re really little, they usually listen. I tend to let the “not listening” part of adult children really get to me. Often my feelings get hurt and I feel unloved when I don’t understand the direction they’re going, and it seems like they’re disregarding me as a parent and the things we taught them when they were little. But then God gives me mama moments. Moments filled with comfort. They might not be living under my roof anymore or doing things the way that I taught them, but if I’m truly praying for them, if I’m truly leaving my children in the hands of God and trusting Him, then I should not be worried at all. And He always ends up showing me just how loved I am. This past Christmas was one of those mama moments. The kids gave us a video they put together of pictures of our grandchildren set to music. Ten years earlier they gave us a similar video, but it was full of pictures from their own childhood-My husband watches that video all the time, and every single time he gets teary eyed. So, we all jammed into my tiny 10’ x 12’ TV room to watch the new video. Some were standing, grandkids were on laps and the room felt like chaos. But when the video started, magic happened~ silence filled the room as everyone watched. As I watched. I watched the video, but I also watched my adult children and their spouses. Every single one of them was wiping away tears as eyes were glued to the screen. They weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears filled with love. The love their hearts were feeling. And man, my heart was full. So much love filled that room. God was in that room. This was a big moment in a small frame and I don’t think any of them probably realized that at the time. But I did. And God told my fretful, worrying mama heart that I was too often trying to hold on to this big picture and freaking out about what I thought life for my adult children was supposed to look like, when all the while He was giving me small frames to hold onto every single day in the mundane. Beautiful pictures inside those frames to show me how truly wonderful life with my adult children was. I was trying to control what was inside that big picture instead of realizing that He is the only One who can. I was doing the same thing to God that I thought my adult children were doing to me. I wasn’t listening to what He had been teaching me all along, but instead I was doubting His love and goodness. I was doubting that He would take care of them. That big moment in a small frame will forever be etched in my heart and I will look more often for those small frames that my life holds. Small frames God gives me every single day. So moms of adult children, don’t fret, don’t worry, don’t let your heart hurt. Don’t feel unloved. I know it’s hard. I’ll probably never stop parenting or wanting them to listen to my advice, but if we’ve been praying for our children, if we’ve truly given them to God, then we can’t let the frustration and worry control us. Allow Him to hold your big picture. We might not ever see the finished portrait here on earth, but we can rest in the fact that our Heavenly Father is still perfecting every stroke. One day when we take our last breath and stand face to face with our Savior, He will show us that beautiful picture and it will be so much more glorious than we could have ever imagined. Until then, enjoy all the beautiful small frames He hangs on the walls of your heart every single day~and trust Him. Because those small frames hold big love.
1/16/2021
Run and PlayIn that moment, I saw God.
Not an angry God. Not a disappointed God. A forgiving God. A loving God. A God full of joy. Let me take you there... My grandson’s big blue eyes held a lot of fear for such a little guy. He was confessing to his parents. He was asking for forgiveness. You see, moments before in Sunday school I had taught a lesson on that very subject. Forgiveness. His little 5 year old mind couldn’t seem to grasp the concept, so I made up a story to illustrate. A fictional story about him, a little boy who broke something of his moms without her knowing. The little boy hid what he broke, but later that night as he lay in bed his heart seemed to hurt. He knew he had to tell her what he had done. He needed to confess. So he went to her bedroom and explained everything. With tears he told her he was sorry and asked her to please not be mad for what he had done. He asked for forgiveness. As I told that fictional story his eyes seemed to increase in size with every detail, and then I found out why. He told me his own story. We both decided it was something he needed to confess to his parents. So here we were, in the front pew after church. With his sweet little lisp he spoke- “Last summer, I climbed up on top of the shelves in the garage and reached for some of your pottery and one piece fell and broke... so I buried it in the dirt behind the garage. I’m sorry”. There was no hesitation in his parent’s reaction. They could see his repentance. He was their child. They smiled (and almost laughed) they pulled him close and hugged him and told him he was forgiven. And with childlike faith, it was over. He smiled and ran to play. In that moment I saw forgiveness. I saw freedom and release. I saw unconditional love. Little Gabe did not carry that weight with him. He let it go and with unabashed joy he laughed and played as if it never happened, and in amazement I watched it all unfold. This 55 year old grandma was reminded again of the love my Father has for me. This was God. Our Father. How often do we feel the weight of guilt for the things we have done? How often do we worry that God is angry with us? We might try to hide our sin, or we might recognize it, repent and ask for forgiveness, but deep down we struggle with believing that our past truly can be forgiven. We might view God as an angry God who expects perfection and if we don’t measure up, punishment will ensue. But this is not God at all. Our God is the God of that little child. You are that child. He is our God full of mercy, grace and love. Our “It is finished” Father. Our God who wants us to have faith as a little child. To leave it all with Him and to experience the freedom, joy and peace of repentance and forgiveness. At times I think we make it too hard. We’re human and we tend to look at God as if He were human too. He holds no grudges as we do. Whether it’s broken pottery or a broken past, with absolutely no hesitation He pulls us close and hugs us. He tells us~ “It is finished my child~ All has already been forgiven”. With the beauty this knowledge holds, how can we not be filled with unadulterated, pure joy in that freedom? Our Father is smiling down at us~ let us run and play again. No thought of the past. No fear of the future. As little children. Children full of faith in the love and forgiveness of our heavenly Father. Psalm 103:12 Romans 5:20b Hebrews 7:25 I John 1:7, 9 II Corinthians 5:21
12/24/2020
Find JesusI stumbled downstairs last Sunday and with sleepy eyes poured myself a cup of coffee. At the moment, I definitely did not feel excitement. I was tired and wouldn’t have minded crawling right back into bed. And then it hit me. Today was my anniversary, and immediately I thought about Charisse 35 years ago on this day. The barely 20 year old who couldn’t sleep. The young girl who couldn’t wait for this day and the beginning of a life full of beautiful. The thankfulness her heart felt toward God for blessing her with everything this day held. Yet here I was, 35 years later muttering about how tired I was. Wishing for bed instead of worship. Many things went wrong on the day of our wedding. A huge snow storm hit that day. The limo my parents ordered to drive us to the wedding never showed up. My father in law’s cummerbund got misplaced, so at the last minute my fiancé drove in the storm to the tuxedo shop to get another. He then got hit by a car due to slippery roads. My grandparents were late due to the storm and almost didn’t make it. The snow worsened by the minute and we weren’t sure anyone would show up. None of this swayed my joy. None of this made me want to go back to bed so I didn’t have to think about all the “bad”. All I could focus on was him, Because I loved him. As I remembered that day, it gripped my heart. It’s the season of Christmas and yet, so many of us are focusing on the bad. The countless number of times I have heard or read that “2020 is the worst year in history” has been staggering. I can’t help but think about God and the murmuring He hears coming from those of us who are supposedly His children. Praise has not been on our lips, including my own. Thankfulness has not filled our hearts, but instead continual complaining about all we are subject to. There is no joy. There will always be something to complain about. We live in a sin cursed world where the wrong seems to outweigh the right. We can complain about our government or injustice or this pandemic and the rules we are asked to abide by. We can complain about not seeing family members or the fear of catching this sickness. But I would like to remind you that the good can outweigh the bad, we just haven’t been looking for it. We have been focusing on the bad so much that we have lost sight of all the incredibly good things God has blessed us with. Lives filled with beautiful. I would like to challenge you today to focus on Him. I have found in my own life that when I take my focus off of Him and place it on myself, I find all kinds of things to complain about. But, when I shift my focus to Him I find countless reasons to be thankful. That’s when joy floods my heart and soul. Think back to a special day in your own life. A day that you remember that feeling of pure joy and the reasons you felt that joy. That’s a beginning. That’s the first step in telling God thank you. If we could just decide in our hearts that we are going to choose thankfulness and praise over complaining, our lives will be transformed. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of the bad. I’m sick of social media and the news and the constant “bad” that is bombarding us. I want to focus on the good. All that is good in our life is only because of God. I want to focus on Him. I know there are hard days. I’m not always the picture of happiness and joy. Sweet friends have gone home to heaven this year. My precious dad went home to heaven. Covid has hit our little town. Family won’t be with us to celebrate this year. Our children’s Christmas program has been canceled. Just yesterday I broke down while shopping. The memory of Christmas shopping with my dad just last year hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to hide out in the underwear section until the tears subsided. We all have bad days, but later my husband reminded me of what a precious memory that was to have. Christmas shopping with dad. Our wedding day ended up being my fairy tale. All my dreams came true. Over 500 people came out in that storm to celebrate our union. Happiness and joy filled the church that day. A day I will never forget. Don’t ever forget when Christ filled your heart. A heart that once was dark, now filled with His light and love, joy and happiness. What if we all chose to celebrate Christ’s birth differently than the rest of the world, despite the storms we have all been facing? Find the good. Find the thankful. Find the gladness and joy. Find the beautiful. It’s right there where you are, you’ve just been missing it. This Christmas, focus on Him. Find Jesus. And he brought forth his people with joy, and his chosen with gladness:” Psalms 105:1-5, 43 KJV Psalms 78:22, 32, 37-39, 42, 53 KJV
9/27/2020
Check Your Heart. Dig Deep.The kitten’s little body was beyond repair. We lived on a farm. Accidents on a farm weren’t new to me, but this time was different. This kitten was mine. She was a fluffy ball of soft black comfort and she fit perfectly in my small hands. My dad told me she wasn’t going to make it. There was nothing that could be done for her. Her tiny body was broken beyond repair. I begged my dad to wait one more day before putting her to sleep. That night little Charisse knelt in her bedroom next to the picture of Blessed Mary. I held my rosary in my hands and I begged God to heal my little kitten. The next morning nothing had changed. I knew my dad wouldn’t be home until much later, so I prayed some more. I can vividly remember recalling a conversation my aunt had with my parents just the week before. She had started going to a new church and she was excited about it. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about, but I remembered her telling my parents that we needed to pray “in Jesus name”. My little mind thought perhaps this was the answer. I would ask God to save my kitten then add the words “in Jesus name”. I walked through our apple orchard all day long praying over and over again that my kitty would be saved “in Jesus name”. When my dad’s car pulled in that afternoon I was sure my magic prayers had worked. I ran to meet him and we walked into the barn to check on my kitten. She wasn’t any different and even though I was only 9, I knew she needed to be released from her pain. I wept uncontrollably. I think I cried for a week. The pain of that moment felt so deep to my young heart. At the time I didn’t realize that my internal fears and heartache were manifesting themselves in other areas of my life. My parents had been arguing for months and deep down I was scared. When I lost my kitty all the emotions bottled up in my young heart came pouring out. I was broken and the only thing that would truly heal my brokenness was literally the name of Jesus, I just didn’t understand that at the time. I was the one who needed saving. I viewed God like a genie. Ask what I want and get my wish. And surely if I added “in Jesus name” the magic would happen. When I look back at the circumstances now, I realize I was terrified. I was lonely. I was afraid of a future that looked different. I didn’t understand that even if my kitty was miraculously healed, even if my parents did get back together. My heart would still feel that lonely emptiness and the only One Who could fill it was Jesus. We women are emotional creatures. When something is burrowed deep down in the recesses of our hurting hearts it boils to the surface manifesting itself in every area of our lives. We either become angry or bitter, sad, depressed or even mean. We snap at little things or cry over an innocent comment. We don’t dig to see what’s truly wrong because we don’t want to face that darkness. What is weighing your heart down today my friend? How have your emotional reactions been? Does your heart feel empty? Do you feel alone or scared, stressed or anxious? Can I tell you something? Jesus is the answer to all of the above. Jesus name is the answer to your brokenness. Maybe you are scared about an unknown future or a situation that seems hopeless. Perhaps you’ve never received the gift of Jesus and have not experienced His presence in your life or perhaps you have, but you’ve buried His comfort and goodness deep down under piles of heartache and forgotten that there is power in His name. He is your answer. He has never left you, but you’ve forgotten His peace that passes all understanding. Just a few years later I heard the beautiful story from God’s word of how He sent His only Son to die for me. For my sins. My heart was pricked. What a Love was this!! I knelt down that day and repented. I spoke His name. I asked Him to be my Savior. My brokenness was mended, my fears were gone and His comfort wrapped around me with a peace I never knew existed. He wasn’t just some magic God that answered prayers like a genie. He was my Father, my Savior, and my eternal Friend. His beautiful name truly saved me from my brokenness. He forgave me of every sin~past and present and I knew that He was all I would ever need no matter what my future held. Check your heart sweet sister. Dig deep. Is Jesus there? Have you forgotten His love, joy and peace and buried it deep beneath the heartache and hurt, stress and anxiety or fear and anger you are feeling? Do you need to be released from your pain? Go down into that darkness and let His light shine all over that mess. Speak His name. That beautiful name. Allow Him to save you from your brokenness~ forever, just speak His name. I worry about tomorrow.
I know~that’s exactly what Jesus tells me NOT to do (Matthew 6:34), and yet I do it all the time. I am a planner, but I also have control issues. That is a terrible combination. When I look at a future I cannot control, it scares me. I get anxious, I get stressed and I worry. Funny thing is, I don’t really have control over anything. I have no control over next year or next month or even next minute. My mind tricks me into a false sense of security when I plan and have everything written down in a neat, orderly fashion. But, just because I have a perfect little list of what I want my life to look like doesn’t mean I have any control over any of it. I know this, but somehow I always forget it. God is the only One in control. I remember the first summer after my last child graduated from college. It happened to be a very stressful time for me. On top of a multitude of other burdens I was carrying, Mike and I decided to renovate the upstairs kids bedrooms into our master bedroom and bath. I specifically remember calling my daughter several times and saying, “are you sure you’re okay with this?You will no longer have a bedroom here.” She promised she was fine with it. Florida was her home now. So, we began the work. And then~ the day I was kneeling on the floor, scraping 100 years of carpet glue up, she called. She was crying. She was homesick and wanted me to try to come down to visit. I talked to her a while and when I hung up~ I sat and cried. I had so much on my plate, so many things on my little list that I wanted to accomplish and I desperately wanted to finish this project before the school year started. I was exhausted and overwhelmed, but my heart hurt for my daughter. What was I going to do? I did what I do way too often. I cried helpless tears and I stressed myself out. I didn’t give it to God, I didn’t ask Him for help. I had a pity party and worried for a week over that decision. When I look back on it now I think it should’ve been a very easy decision to make. Go see my daughter. The bedroom could wait. The responsibilities that were so heavy on my shoulders could wait, but sometimes when you’re in the middle of the storm everything seems like “too much” and you can’t think logically. You can’t see past the storm clouds to the rainbow of God’s promises beyond. (Proverbs 3:5,6, Hebrews 13:5) I wish that I had just stopped and said~ God show me and then give me the peace to leave it in Your hands knowing You will take care of it. (Philippians 4:7) But I didn’t. One week later, despite me and my worries, miracles happened.(Revelation 3:8) My daughter called to say she had prayed all week and felt God leading her to move back home, she just needed God to provide a job (and a bedroom 😂). That very afternoon a job was provided, before she even had a chance to look. A great job in our tiny town, where jobs like that aren’t available often. Before I knew it, she was home. Our bedroom was done. (Her bedroom was moved downstairs) The responsibilities were taken care of. The burdens were lifted one by one. And God knew it all along. He knew it when she called. He knew it as I sat there crying. He knew it as I worried day after day. He knew it as I lay in bed unable to sleep. Jesus tells me to focus on today because God has already taken care of all my tomorrows, and yet I find myself focusing on the tomorrows way too often. (Matthew 6:34) If I had just trusted Him and given Him all that worry, all those burdens, all those tears~ all of it could’ve been avoided because in return He would have given me peace. I can’t tell you the number of times God has done this in my life. Time after time after time He has shown me that He had the situation under control before it ever became a situation. You would think I would have learned one simple truth by now~ God loves me and He will always take care of every situation in my life. He knows all our weaknesses and wants us to be strong through Him, but somehow we think our strength is enough. It isn’t. It never can be. (II Corinthians 12:9) So my friend, this is a reminder to myself, because this past week I allowed this to happen yet again in my life. And this is a reminder to you~ Whatever you are facing today that has you worried and stressed and anxious, please give it to God. He’s right there waiting and whispering~ “Find peace and joy in this very minute right now. Trust Me. I’ve got all your tomorrows already taken care of.” (I Peter 5:7, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.” Psalms 46:1-3, 5
5/6/2020
Rain Showers and Dark DaysRAIN SHOWERS AND DARK DAYS
This morning I sat in bed. It was dark and the lamp next to my bed gave the room a soft, cozy glow. God’s word was open on my lap, but I wasn’t reading. I wasn’t praying. I was listening. It was raining. Hard, driving, continuous rain. And I remembered. I remembered a time when I was only 4 or 5. A day just like this. I was in the family room with my mom. I think she was ironing. The room was dark as rain cascaded in heavy streams down the windows. And a lamp was on. I can vividly remember looking at the rain and looking at the cozy glow the lamp gave the room, and looking up at my beautiful mom. And I felt safe and I felt loved. I felt cozy. I felt like I didn’t want that feeling to end. Ever. Every time it rains I think of that day. I think that’s why I’m a bit weird in that, I love rain showers and dark days. They bring me back. Sometimes it’s such a good feeling. Like being wrapped in a soft, comfy blanket. I love the coziness I feel inside my home. And then there are other days. Other days when life is hard and heartache or pain have hit me out of no where, days like today that make me weep, because I want to go back. I want the freedom that comes with being a child again. No responsibilities. No need to be strong for everyone. No pain. No heartache. No real, deep down, debilitating hurt. My mom. I want my mom. I’m a grandma and there are still days I want to go back. There are still days I want my mom. So I look down at my lap. And through the tears I see a love letter written just for me. And even though the words become blurred due to my tears, He tells me this~ “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted....” Isaiah 66:13 My mom is gone. I have bad days. I have heart wrenching, pain filled days. I am not always strong. I have days where all I want to do is cry and go back. Back to that little girl who looked up at her beautiful mom and knew everything was right and good and safe. And then God whispers to my heart and I realize that even though I am a grandma, I will always be God’s little girl. He will always be there to comfort me. He doesn’t scold, even when I lose it and cry and tell Him I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this adult thing. He just loves me and tells me that He knows. And then He holds me and comforts me. He tells me it’s okay as I let the tears fall. Just like that rain. And just like that old lamp, When I look up at Him I can suddenly feel that cozy, safe glow inside my heart~ and I know Everything will be right, and good. I am safe. I am loved. I am held in His arms forever. The weight of the world is lifted and released from my heavy heart and I am a carefree child again. I am His child. And so are you. “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26
4/23/2020
Stop Freaking OutSTOP FREAKING OUT
2 minute read I was having a particularly stressful week. I got bombarded daily with unexpected inconveniences that continually messed up my plans. I tried to remain calm. One more week and we would be on vacation. I would be laying in the sand, soaking up the sun and listening to the ocean waves. I was pretty sure I had the following week free to get my “to do” list accomplished before we left. I looked at the calendar and, I kid you not~ I almost had a panic attack. Every single day before vacation was booked with activities and appointments. And I had a freak out moment. I am a big planner. I’m one of those people who has a daily “to do” list written out for the next month. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with planning but~ There is something wrong when those “plans” cause you to freak out because they aren’t going “as planned”. And that happens to me more than I care to admit. God is constantly having to remind me to~ “Be where your feet are Charisse. Today is all you need think about. What do I have for you today? Right now? Right this very minute?” “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself...” Matthew 6:34 So what happened? A virus hit so hard that everything shut down. All those activities and appointments, all the worry I had about finishing everything before vacation~ it all came to naught. Vacation didn’t happen. The sun, sand and ocean waves didn’t happen. The only thing that did happen was me freaking out about something that God already knew wouldn’t matter. I wasn’t trusting God. As I look at social media, it is very evident to me that our entire country is freaking out. We’re complaining about our plans getting canceled. We’re either complaining that the government isn’t doing enough to protect us and heal this virus, or we’re complaining that the government is doing too much by not allowing us to work. Instead of God’s plans, instead of God’s purposes, instead of God’s peace~ it has become either personal pouting or political. We are constantly fighting or griping instead of just being where our feet are. Right now. Today. “How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!” Romans 10:15 Perhaps Gods plan all along has been this day, this moment. Maybe His plan all along was just to stop. To enjoy today. The extra time He has allowed us to spend with Him and our families. But we aren’t doing that. We are wasting our today’s by fighting over our tomorrows. Every single time I have freaked out about my plans and my future, every time I have cried and complained and worried over how I would do it all~ God always, without fail pulled me through and showed me that His plans were not mine. That I couldn’t do it all, but He could and would. His plans were always SO MUCH better. And yet, for some reason~I continue to place my trust in myself instead of remembering the thousands of times He has shown Himself faithful. He knew all along I had no reason to freak out about my week ahead. Today, stop and look at where your feet are. Look at today. Look at your parents or your husband, look at your children, look at Gods word. Look at everything God has blessed you with. Enjoy this day God has given you and trust Him with your future. Ask Him to show you what His plans are for you TODAY~ what He wants to teach you TODAY. How you can choose joy TODAY. How you can be like Jesus TODAY. Our country has a 3 phase plan in place, but can I encourage you~Gods plans for your tomorrows are so much better. God’s got this. He’s going to take care of this virus. He’s going to take care of our finances. He’s going to take care of our families. He’s going to take care of you. Not the government. Not the doctors. Not us. GOD. So let’s all leave it with Him~ And stop freaking out. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27
4/16/2020
Fix Your Eyes On JesusI’ll never forget the Easter my cousin Erick decided to dress up as the Easter bunny. We were in middle school, and both our brothers were much younger. He thought it would be fun to surprise them. It had the opposite effect. When his younger brother Peter saw him, he was petrified. He started crying and wouldn’t stop. We tried to comfort him but nothing helped. My cousin repeatedly told him- “It’s me, your brother. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here.” But the crying persisted. My poor little cousin was looking into the face of fear, despite the words of comfort he was hearing. It wasn’t until Erick took off that bunny mask that Peter finally calmed down and realized, it was his brother all along. This Easter many of us are looking at all the quarantine masks and our hearts are petrified. We are looking into the face of fear, instead of the face of our Savior. His words of comfort are constantly reminding us that He is with us always, but fear has such a grip on our hearts that we cannot be comforted by His very words... “fear not”, “be not afraid”, “I am with you always”. Can I encourage you today to trust the One Who loves us so much that He sent His very Son to die for us? To trust the One Who promises us a home in heaven if we accept the beautiful gift of His Son. To trust the One Who tells us He will be with us always. ALWAYS. Why is it that we can have the faith to trust that God will take us to heaven when we die, but our faith falls short when we have to trust Him to take care of us physically or monetarily? I think it’s because we know that what Jesus did on the cross for us is what assures us a home in heaven~not anything that we ourselves have done, or could ever do. Our sins are completely forgiven because of Jesus alone. The situation changes when it comes to our physical bodies, and the well being of those we love. Somehow we think we are the ones in control of things here on earth. Our health. Our finances. Our futures. When things become out of control, fear invades our hearts instead of faith. Romans 8:31,32. Stop looking into the face of fear and dwelling there. Stop watching the news all day. Stop the googling and social media. Sit at your Savior’s feet and soak in His comfort and peace. When you stop looking into the face of fear, you will realize your Heavenly Father has been with you all along. Romans 8:35,37-39. Fix your eyes on Jesus. He is in you. He gives you the power to overcome. The power that we could never achieve on our own. Power, even when things of this world are out of control. John 1:12. The Coronavirus is no surprise to Him. I John 3:20. My cousin asked his brother if he wanted to hold the bunny mask. Reluctantly, Peter took it. He looked at it, and with tears still streaming down his little cheeks~he gave it right back. We all laughed and soon he was laughing too. We don’t have to wait until we remove the quarantine masks for our fears to subside. We don’t have to wait until we remove the masks to realize God has been right here with us all along. Exodus 33:14. Give all that fear right back to your Heavenly Father. Find your laughter again. And hear him reassuring you over and over- “It’s me. Your Father. You don’t have to be afraid. I am right here.”
1/1/2020
Step Through That DoorSTEP THROUGH THAT DOOR
2019~ I want to linger here a little longer. Perhaps it’s because I realize each year seems to pass more quickly than the last. Time is fleeting. I want to linger in the Christmas magic. I don’t want it to be over already. I want to linger in the childlike wonder of my grandchildren. I want to linger in the sounds of their tiny little voices as they tell me all about their moments and their days. I want to linger as they hand me Christmas pictures they drew. I want to linger in their snuggles, before they are too old to want to snuggle anymore. Just like I wanted to linger when my own children were that age. Yes, I want to linger, but I know I can’t. Where did the year go? No, I don’t want 2019 to end. But I hold out my hand, I ask God to take it and I step through the door of 2020. This is Gods plan. Not to look back. Not to hold on to the past, but to look forward to the future. Philippians 3:13 As hard as it was at times to watch my children grow up and out of the childlike wonder Christmas held for them, I look at them now, and the glow of Christmas still lights up their eyes. The smile on their faces on Christmas morning still takes me back and the pride I have for the adults they’ve become still brings tears. And I can see it. I can see all of the same things in my grand babies eyes~ and it’s magical. I can see a future wrapped up in Jesus. And that brings tears. They were being naughty the other day. I was trying to get them to calm down and behave, so I turned on a Christmas movie. It didn’t have the desired effect I was hoping for. Naughtiness still ensued. Jumping on the couch. Doing somersaults on the floor. Asking a thousand times how many more days until they could open their presents. So I asked the one who was misbehaving most~“Clara, are you paying attention to the movie?” She looked at me and nodded, so I asked~“Then what’s the best way to spread Christmas cheer?” (If you’ve seen the movie you know the answer- ‘singing loud for all to hear’.) Suddenly the room got very quiet. The other grandchildren were sure she would get it wrong. In the softest, sweetest voice she answered~ “Jesus” And she meant it. No questions. No hesitating. It’s a future of moments like this that I can’t wait to unwrap. It’s hard to let go of the past. It’s hard to see our babies become adults. But the sweetness the years bring when those years are wrapped up in Jesus is a future that’s filled with hope and love. Joy and excitement. Peace. Philippians 4:7 Yes I will step through the door of 2020 and spread that Christmas cheer. I may want to linger still, but I will look ahead to a future wrapped up in the excitement and joy that only Jesus can bring. Clara got it so right. The door of new beginnings. The door of possibilities. The door of joy and peace. The door that only Jesus can open. Jesus. Look ahead. Take His hand and step through that door with me. 2020 Happy New Year dear friends!
12/11/2019
Presents, Plans, Parties & PeacePRESENTS, PLANS, PARTIES & SWEET PEACE
We live for tomorrow’s while missing today’s, especially at Christmas. Without realizing it, our lives are consumed with tomorrow’s~ What’s next on our Christmas calendars and to do lists. And all the while we are missing the moments and minutes of right now. Soaking up Gods presence right this second. Glorifying Him in the now. Loving the Christmas chaos of flour and sugar and chocolate chips all over the kitchen, wrapping paper and boxes all over our living rooms, cards that still need to be addressed all over our tables, party invitations and orders that need to be finalized on our computers and shopping lists. And we miss Jesus. Instead of living as if today were our last, we live for tomorrow and we stress and we worry and we fret and we lose all the joy of what this crazy season truly means. I recently reposted an article I wrote last year about living today as if it were our last, and my own words convicted me once again. I don’t do this. I’m constantly thinking ahead of what I need to get done and instead of enjoying it, I stress over it and the joy is completely drained out of moments that should be magical. I rush around trying to accomplish so much and in the process~I miss so much. I miss my grandchildren playing Elf on the Shelf with each other, I miss snuggles with them as they watch Christmas movies. I miss messes made with them baking cookies because I’m in too big a hurry and just want to do it myself. I miss the awe and wonder of their precious faces as they look at my Christmas tree and manger. I miss moments right in front of me because I’m continually looking at tomorrow. But what if I don’t have a tomorrow? What did I do today that my precious grandchildren will remember? Will they remember grandma was stressed and in a hurry and overwhelmed and impatient? Will they remember how beautifully I celebrated Christ’s birth with them every day in December or only a December that made grandma frazzled? We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, tonight could be your last night here on earth. What will your own children, your grandchildren, your spouses and coworkers remember about you on this day? Don’t miss the magical moments that are wrapped up in Jesus. Maybe we all need to refocus and truly treat each other, each day and each moment as if it were our last. I think if we did, we would find that sweet peace and joy that only Jesus brings. The true joy of Christmas. Benign. Malignant.
One word that can change her life forever. 2 minute read The blankets were warm. The lights were dim. The voices were soft...compassionate. She was explaining to me what she would be doing, showing me the screen and the images. I watched as the needle went in, almost as if it wasn’t happening to me. But it was. And time stood still... Thousands of us have been here. Right here in this very moment. Holding our breath. Watching time stand still~ yet our life pass before our eyes. Waiting for the results that are finally spoken. And in the waiting, those who have been here before us have two options: To show that person empathy, or to show them apathy. To remember the fear, the anxiousness, the worry~ and to allow all of those pieces of our hearts to spill forth into our words~ or to thoughtlessly dismiss it because somehow you made it through. You were ok. But she may not be. I remember both reactions in those moments my life stood still. I will never forget the sweet compassion and heartfelt prayers of those who knew exactly what I was going through. As that needle went in and I watched, I felt God comfort my weary soul. I felt the prayers of loved ones wash over me and as time stood still, I heard my Savior whisper to my anxious heart that I would be okay... No matter what story that needle had to tell~I would be okay. Because He is my Father and even if I lost my very life, I would never, ever lose Him. And if my physical body had to endure tremendous pain in the process and I had no strength left to hold on~ I wouldn’t have to~ because He would be holding me. And my sisters would be holding me. Holding me in prayer and compassion. The compassion of those who had been there, who remembered the 60 seconds it took as the doctor told them their results. That compassion and those prayers allowed me the peace that passes understanding. 60 seconds that could change a person’s life forever. One word that could bring immense relief or heart wrenching sorrow. Benign. Malignant. So choose your words and actions wisely as you encounter a sweet soul going through the waiting. Remember exactly how you felt and what you wished someone had said to you. Only 60 seconds, but they could change her life forever. Your empathy can tell them a different story. A story of comfort and of hope. A story of a sister who will stay by their side and a Savior Who will carry them through. The story of peace that passes understanding~ No matter what story that needle has to tell. II Corinthians 1:3-4 Romans 12:15 Colossians 3:12 Galatians 6:2 ANYTHING I CAN’T STOP THINKING OF.. 2 minute read I sat in my bedroom. The world was still dark in the early morning hours. I listened to the words as the vocalist sang. They touched my heart and I asked God to whisper to me. He showed me I could write all the right words and still get worship wrong, because worship is more than just words. I told Him how desperately I wanted Him to shine His light on every corner of my heart, but as the song continued and she sang the word “idol”~ I said “no”. “I don’t have idols.” But then her words pierced my heart. “Anything I love with all my heart is an idol. Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.” The words poured over me. And I knew. I had idols. Not one, but many. Worry. Stress. Fear. Anxiety. Jealousy, pride. My husband, my children, my grandchildren. My blog. My time. My thoughts. My trust issues. My “to do” lists. My idols might not be money or material wants~ but I have turned the inward thoughts in my head into my own idols. They are there. Constantly chiding me. I allow all the emotions that stem from my idols to control me. Instead of my Savior. I am my own idol. How often do I bring these to Him and lay them at his feet? Not often enough. How often do I think on these more than on Him? All the time. “Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.” No matter how eloquent I might think I am, I am broken in the realization that I continually mess up. Over and over again. Too often I am not walking in the words that I write. I ask to start anew. I fail Him again. Yet every moment of every day He is merciful. He understands. He forgives, because He loves, Oh how He loves! What do your thoughts and prayers, dreams and desires reflect? Do they reflect you, or are they a reflection of Jesus? If it isn’t Jesus-~ It’s an idol. I find myself clenching every idol I’ve ever had tightly, not wanting to let go. I somehow think I can control them. But I find that the tighter I clench, the more unhappiness fills my heart. Like smoke in a bottle. I cannot see clearly. It is cloudy and messy. So I hold on to my idols with one hand, and with the other I try to wipe away the messiness. It only makes it worse. It smears and everything becomes blurry. But when I let go~ when I give those idols over to my Savior, they float to the top of that bottle and peace falls freely down and fills it. It becomes clear again. And then I see Him. In all His beautiful, loving glory. He’s been there all along. He is cradling every idol I have ever had beneath His wings. He is telling me it’s okay. I don’t have to hold on any longer. Because He is. And then~He is glorified. “Mine eyes fail for thy word, saying, When wilt thou comfort me? For I am become like a bottle in the smoke; yet do I not forget thy statutes.” Psalms 119:82-83 Colossians 3:2 *I highly recommend listening to the song I posted in the comments below. https://youtu.be/4VkHd7froJo |
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