© 2020 HOLDING HOPE
ANYTHING I CAN’T STOP THINKING OF..
2 minute read
I sat in my bedroom. The world was still dark in the early morning hours.
I listened to the words as the vocalist sang.
They touched my heart and I asked God to whisper to me.
He showed me I could write all the right words and still get worship wrong, because worship is more than just words.
I told Him how desperately I wanted Him to shine His light on every corner of my heart, but as the song continued and she sang the word “idol”~
I said “no”.
“I don’t have idols.”
But then her words pierced my heart.
“Anything I love with all my heart is an idol. Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.”
The words poured over me.
And I knew.
I had idols.
Not one, but many.
Worry. Stress. Fear. Anxiety.
My husband, my children, my grandchildren.
My trust issues.
My “to do” lists.
My idols might not be money or material wants~
but I have turned the inward thoughts in my head into my own idols.
They are there.
Constantly chiding me.
I allow all the emotions that stem from my idols to control me.
Instead of my Savior.
I am my own idol.
How often do I bring these to Him and lay them at his feet? Not often enough.
How often do I think on these more than on Him?
All the time.
“Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.”
No matter how eloquent I might think I am, I am broken in the realization that I continually mess up.
Over and over again.
Too often I am not walking in the words that I write.
I ask to start anew.
I fail Him again.
Yet every moment of every day He is merciful.
He forgives, because He loves,
Oh how He loves!
What do your thoughts and prayers, dreams and desires reflect?
Do they reflect you, or are they a reflection of Jesus?
If it isn’t Jesus-~
It’s an idol.
I find myself clenching every idol I’ve ever had tightly, not wanting to let go.
I somehow think I can control them.
But I find that the tighter I clench, the more unhappiness fills my heart.
Like smoke in a bottle.
I cannot see clearly.
It is cloudy and messy.
So I hold on to my idols with one hand, and with the other I try to wipe away the messiness.
It only makes it worse.
It smears and everything becomes blurry.
But when I let go~ when I give those idols over to my Savior, they float to the top of that bottle and peace falls freely down and fills it.
It becomes clear again.
And then I see Him.
In all His beautiful, loving glory.
He’s been there all along.
He is cradling every idol I have ever had beneath His wings.
He is telling me it’s okay.
I don’t have to hold on any longer.
Because He is.
And then~He is glorified.
“Mine eyes fail for thy word, saying, When wilt thou comfort me? For I am become like a bottle in the smoke; yet do I not forget thy statutes.”
*I highly recommend listening to the song I posted in the comments below. https://youtu.be/4VkHd7froJo