Check Your Heart. Dig Deep.
The kitten’s little body was beyond repair. We lived on a farm.
Accidents on a farm weren’t new to me, but this time was different. This kitten was mine. She was a fluffy ball of soft black comfort and she fit perfectly in my small hands.
My dad told me she wasn’t going to make it. There was nothing that could be done for her. Her tiny body was broken beyond repair. I begged my dad to wait one more day before putting her to sleep.
That night little Charisse knelt in her bedroom next to the picture of Blessed Mary. I held my rosary in my hands and I begged God to heal my little kitten.
The next morning nothing had changed. I knew my dad wouldn’t be home until much later, so I prayed some more.
I can vividly remember recalling a conversation my aunt had with my parents just the week before. She had started going to a new church and she was excited about it. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about, but I remembered her telling my parents that we needed to pray “in Jesus name”. My little mind thought perhaps this was the answer. I would ask God to save my kitten then add the words “in Jesus name”.
I walked through our apple orchard all day long praying over and over again that my kitty would be saved “in Jesus name”.
When my dad’s car pulled in that afternoon I was sure my magic prayers had worked. I ran to meet him and we walked into the barn to check on my kitten. She wasn’t any different and even though I was only 9, I knew she needed to be released from her pain.
I wept uncontrollably.
I think I cried for a week.
The pain of that moment felt so deep to my young heart.
At the time I didn’t realize that my internal fears and heartache were manifesting themselves in other areas of my life. My parents had been arguing for months and deep down I was scared. When I lost my kitty all the emotions bottled up in my young heart came pouring out.
I was broken and the only thing that would truly heal my brokenness was literally the name of Jesus, I just didn’t understand that at the time.
I was the one who needed saving.
I viewed God like a genie.
Ask what I want and get my wish.
And surely if I added “in Jesus name” the magic would happen.
When I look back at the circumstances now, I realize I was terrified. I was lonely. I was afraid of a future that looked different. I didn’t understand that even if my kitty was miraculously healed, even if my parents did get back together. My heart would still feel that lonely emptiness and the only One Who could fill it was Jesus.
We women are emotional creatures. When something is burrowed deep down in the recesses of our hurting hearts it boils to the surface manifesting itself in every area of our lives. We either become angry or bitter, sad, depressed or even mean. We snap at little things or cry over an innocent comment. We don’t dig to see what’s truly wrong because we don’t want to face that darkness.
What is weighing your heart down today my friend? How have your emotional reactions been? Does your heart feel empty? Do you feel alone or scared, stressed or anxious?
Can I tell you something? Jesus is the answer to all of the above. Jesus name is the answer to your brokenness.
Maybe you are scared about an unknown future or a situation that seems hopeless. Perhaps you’ve never received the gift of Jesus and have not experienced His presence in your life or perhaps you have, but you’ve buried His comfort and goodness deep down under piles of heartache and forgotten that there is power in His name.
He is your answer.
He has never left you, but you’ve forgotten His peace that passes all understanding.
Just a few years later I heard the beautiful story from God’s word of how He sent His only Son to die for me. For my sins. My heart was pricked. What a Love was this!! I knelt down that day and repented. I spoke His name. I asked Him to be my Savior. My brokenness was mended, my fears were gone and His comfort wrapped around me with a peace I never knew existed. He wasn’t just some magic God that answered prayers like a genie. He was my Father, my Savior, and my eternal Friend.
His beautiful name truly saved me from my brokenness. He forgave me of every sin~past and present and I knew that He was all I would ever need no matter what my future held.
Check your heart sweet sister. Dig deep. Is Jesus there? Have you forgotten His love, joy and peace and buried it deep beneath the heartache and hurt, stress and anxiety or fear and anger you are feeling? Do you need to be released from your pain? Go down into that darkness and let His light shine all over that mess.
Speak His name.
That beautiful name.
Allow Him to save you from your brokenness~ forever,
just speak His name.
© 2020 HOLDING HOPE