God Is Enough

My first experience meeting a pastor's wife was when I was in the 7th grade. Mrs Blaine Farley was such a godly woman. I don't really remember ever having a one on one with her but from afar she always had a joy and peace about her and even in my young mind I felt like a light radiated from her. Mrs Betty Traxler was the same way. Just a complete joy and full of godly wisdom and love. I was always in awe of my pastor's wives. I went through a stage of rebellion when I was in high school. I can remember my youth Pastor's wife, Sheilah Smith speaking to us teen girls and even in my rebellion thinking she was so full of godly wisdom. One day she had a heart to heart with me out of love and concern and told me-"Charisse, you never know, someday God might use you to be a pastor's wife" in my head and heart I thought-"ya right, I will never be a pastor's wife" Well here I am, a pastor's wife, haha! I have to tell you that there are many times I feel I don't measure up. I feel like I'm not at all like those spiritual women that were on a pedestal to me. I'm just Charisse, and at times even wonder "God, what were you thinking?" I'm shy and it's hard for me to easily strike up a conversation with people. I often feel like so many other women could do a better job. At times in my personal walk with God, I struggle with my devotions and prayer life. I start to pray and suddenly I can't focus and a million things start swirling around in my head and I have to ask the Holy Spirit to stop that nonsense and fill me with peace and calm so I can talk to my Savior. But this all goes back to doing things in my own strength and that's where we can mess up. If I try and try to pray or read the Bible and never ask God to help me, I won't get far. If I try to love God without asking for His help, my flesh will fail. I can try my hardest to be the perfect pastor's wife but without Gods strength, I will just be shy Charisse hiding by the piano convincing myself that I can't do this. God has to remind me daily and sometimes hourly, "I've got this Charisse" and I have to ask Him constantly to help me to lean on Him and love Him with my everything and to use me for His glory. Because of Jesus alone, God can use me, He can use you. I'm no different than any other woman. I have Jesus, and now when I think about the amazing, godly women God brought into my life, I realize that's all they had too, and that was enough.