Help My Unbelief

It hit me this week


My faith.
Or lack thereof.
If Jesus said I could move mountains with faith as small as a mustard seed, my faith must be the size of a dust particle. You know, the ones you can only see when the sun is streaming through the windows. That’s me. Boasting on my faith when life is all sunshine and happiness~
until a cloud rolls by~
and just like that, the little particle disappears into nothingness.


I’ve had a lot of clouds roll by throughout my life. This past month has been no exception. My husband was scheduled for complete shoulder replacement surgery and I’ll be an open book here~ I was dreading it. The doctor, the nurses, the anesthesiologist and people who have had the surgery all warned me that my sweetheart would be in a tremendous amount of pain, and it would be hard. VERY hard.


The doctor spoke with me after the surgery and told me that it was worse than he expected. Lots of muscle to get through. He cut, he drilled, he scraped, he chiseled. This would be a tough recovery.


So I did what any Christian would do. I reached out and asked for prayer. Hundreds of people responded.
It brought tears to my eyes.


And yet, despite this, deep down I was mentally preparing myself for the worst.


The “worst” never came.


And silly me, I kept looking for it.


Day after day.
I then questioned it.
Something must be wrong.
How can he have ZERO pain with everything the doctor did? With everything everyone told me to expect?


It has been two weeks and he’s not even taking Tylenol. The worst never showed up. The miracle did. And I realized that I didn’t look for the miracle or even expect it when I asked for prayer.


And in that moment, so many other things came flooding to my mind. Pleas that I had been praying about for years. Things that God had miraculously answered. Prayers I had prayed with no faith at all, because I was convinced that the person or situation could never change. Prayers prayed for thirty years that had been answered.
And I wept.
Because God was so faithful to me despite my unfaithfulness.


He showed me today that it isn’t about me and how large my faith is, because God doesn’t need my faith. I need my faith. When I uttered the request, He answered. He saw that tiny dust particle floating around and He created a miracle from it in my life.


If someone had told me thirty years ago, or even ten years ago that some of my prayers would be answered ten years down the road, my flesh probably would have whined and complained. “TEN years???? That’s SO LONG!!” But, I blinked and it happened. Miracle after miracle after miracle.


I continually find myself saying~
I believe, please help my unbelief.
And He does.
Over and over again. My great God breathed hope back into situations that seemed utterly hopeless. He restored, He healed, He answered. Always when I was least expecting it. When I wasn’t looking. When my faith was floating around like a dust particle…




Think back to when you were a child. Do you remember seeing the sunshine streaming through your windows? Can you remember watching in awe as all the little particles danced in that sunshine? Do you remember thinking that somehow you could grab a hold of one and hold it in your hand, yet somehow they eluded your tiny little grasp?


Hearken back to that my friend.
That child like wonder and awe.
That belief that anything is possible. Because it is. But only with God.
That tiny particle of faith that you have never eludes Him. His power resides inside it. *Even a tiny faith holds all of Christ. He grabs a hold of that particle and makes something beautiful. He remains faithful despite our unfaithfulness.


Today I look over at my sweetheart. There is no logical explanation for the fact that he has zero pain.
Except God.
Time and time again He has shown me~


Keep looking for your answer,
even when your faith seems small because~
He is faithful.
When we are looking for the worst,
He is creating our miracles.