I Am A Liar
I don’t know when it started, but I became quite the little liar when I was a child. I suppose all children go through some stage of lying, but today I’m faced with the reality that I never really grew out of it.
Up until one particular day, I found I could lie my way out of anything and get away with it.
I asked my mom if I could play outside with my friend. It was summer. I was five. She told me that I could, but not until I cleaned my room. I definitely did NOT want to clean my room. I’m sure I did a lot of complaining because I just wanted to be happy and have fun. I remember this next part like it was yesterday. She said:
“and you better not shove it all in your closet or under your bed.”
Within minutes I called downstairs to let her know I was finished so she could come up to check. “Wow”, she said as she looked around, “you did such a good job.”And then she asked~ “You didn’t shove it all in your closet or under your bed, did you?”
To this day, I don’t know what my little five year old brain was thinking, because I looked her straight in the eye, nodded, smiled and said~ “no mama, I cleaned it all”.
And then she opened the closet door.
I had tried to make it look good on the outside so I could get what I wanted on the inside. Today as I searched my heart, I realized that I continue to do this. I want my life to be happy and fun~ and I want to tag Jesus on to all of it. So I do “all the things”. All the outward things “for His glory”, but the more I do for “His glory”, the less time I spend with Him.
And yet, I want Him to bless it all.
This blog included.
What was I thinking?
I can nod and smile and say “it’s all good”, but I know it isn’t. Too much good robs me of the best. Today, God opened the door of my heart and everything came tumbling out.
Bible study books, Sunday School lessons, Children’s Ministry material, Ladies Book ministries, the search for awesome quotes to post on my Holding Hope page and the search for the best words to write for this blog... They all came tumbling out, and along with them came fatigue and comparison, depression and questioning, complaining and defeat.
And there on the dresser sat my Bible.
The one needful thing.
Doing all the outward things doesn’t make God love us more. Doing “all the things” doesn’t guarantee us a happy, blessed, fun Christian life or gain us brownie points with God. Sometimes satan uses our busyness to distract us from the one needful thing and then he labels it “ministry.”
I fell into this mindset once again and realized I was lying to myself and to others, but more importantly~ to God.
And all along He knew.
I almost quit my blog and Facebook page this week. I looked at the numbers, the likes, the shares, the views and decided God wasn’t blessing it anymore. I looked at the numbers instead of my heart. So, I searched and prayed and opened my Bible and then I prayed some more. And just like He always does, God answered. Whenever I get writer’s block and discouragement over my blog hits me hard, I realize it’s because I am not doing that one needful thing. Looking to Jesus. Opening every door, letting it all tumble out and asking Him for guidance in cleaning it up. He always does. And then He gives me the words to pen.
And He shows me,
they aren’t for the reader,
they are for me.
Because they are the EXACT words I need to hear from Him.
I didn’t get to play outside that summer day so long ago. But my mom helped me by guiding and instructing me on how to actually clean my room the right way. And I got to spend an afternoon with my mama that I will never forget. Even at five, she instilled something in me that has lasted 52 years.
God knows what we’re hiding that needs to come tumbling out. Quit leaning against that door and let God open it. He’s been knocking, but sometimes we’re just too busy to hear. Give it all to Him and ask for His guidance. Every day He will instill something new in your heart that will change you~
Just by spending time with Him. There isn’t a ministry book or blog, a Facebook page or podcast (all the “fruit” that’s supposed to make us wise) that can replace time spent with God and His steadfast love. Don’t let satan deceive you. (Genesis 3:5-6) Trying to look good on the outside won’t give you what your soul needs on the inside.
Do the one needful thing.
Todays scripture reading:
Psalm 108:1-7, 12&13
Psalm 109:4, 21&22, 26&27, 30.
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