My baby is having her first baby.
There’s such a distinction between your oldest baby’s first pregnancy and your last baby’s first pregnancy. Each carries a myriad of emotions specific to them.
As with all your children, so many unique memories are wrapped up in your last. I remember her little face. I recall listening to her babble as a toddler, smiling and wondering what it would be like to have a conversation with her as an adult someday. I remember crying on her first day of kindergarten and then I blinked, and I was sobbing on her last day of high school. Each step marking the end of a chapter full of “firsts”, but also “lasts”. Moving and college hundreds of miles from home, marriage and her first house. And now a baby. My last baby is having a baby.
She loved to stay home with her dad and I more than going out with her friends. She went to bed before it was even dark sometimes. She wasn’t one to play with baby dolls and Barbies but preferred snakes, mice, lizards and turtles. She is beautiful and unique and she fell in love with a man who understands her crazy better than anyone else.
And this July, my baby will have a baby. I honestly tear up at the thought. It is almost too hard to wrap my mind around. Even though I had already had all four of my children by the time I was her age, in my eyes and heart she’s still my baby.
Time flies by so fast, yet never so fast that it erases the fact that they will always be your babies.
Sometimes I want to go back just for a moment. I want to look into her little face. I want to hear her baby babble and hold her close to my heart as I sing soft lullabies to her. But then I would miss out on all the beautiful moments in between, especially living the reality of experiencing all the happy, sad or silly adult conversations with one of my best friends. That’s what our children become as adults, our best friends.
Whatever firsts you are going through today with your own baby~their first kindergarten graduation or their high school graduation. Your baby leaving for college in a few short months or saying “I do”, or your baby having her own baby~ each comes wrapped with emotions that are almost too hard to contain.
Don’t feel bad for the tears mama. Embrace them. Take each wrapped up moment and tuck it away in your heart and every now and then, open it up and remember. Not with sadness or longing, but with joy at how God has blessed you with such a beautiful gift. The gift of being a mama to some amazing children.
And then with equal joy, look ahead to the gifts that are to come. Gifts upon gifts upon gifts yet to open. My baby is having a baby. A double portion of God’s blessing. My daughter will soon experience that joy at receiving such a gift from the Lord. The gift called motherhood. She will truly understand how deeply she is loved when she looks upon the little face of her own sweet baby for the first time. And that in turn will become a bond that we both will share.
The mama tears will flow, but they won’t always be sad. There’s so much excitement and “firsts” still ahead and when you’re a mama~
you get to open that gift every moment of every day.
My baby is having a baby.