Not My Story

My son’s birthday is this week.
What do I want for my son?
A child.
More than anything, a child.
My heart longs for it desperately for him.


I thought it was my story to tell when I got pregnant with my son by mistake.
I thought it was my story to tell when the doctor told us he would have birth defects and abortion was a recommendation.
I thought it was my story to tell when we said “absolutely not.”
I thought it was my story to tell when he had a fibral seizure and lost his hearing.
I thought it was my story to tell when I watched him walk to school every day and he would wave at me the entire time, until he was no longer in sight.
I thought it was my story when I watched his tenderness with his sisters, with children and with babies and couldn’t wait to see the day that he would become a daddy. A wonderful, compassionate, selfless daddy.
I thought it was my story to tell when he slowly grew away from God.
I thought it was my story to tell when I prayed for him to return.
I thought it was my story to tell when he surrendered to God’s call. When I prayed for the woman God would have for him. The woman who would love God and my son with her everything.
And God answered.
I thought it was my story to tell when I saw the love she had for children and babies and I knew that one day she would be a wonderful, compassionate, selfless mama.


And I thought it was my story to tell you today that she isn’t, because they have not conceived despite the years of trying. Despite the tears.
Despite the prayers.
It is an unanswered request.


My story wasn’t really my story after all. One day it became my son’s story as he stood behind a pulpit and shared the journey his life took. The road that led him to today. The steps that God directed to this very place in time.


The ache inside my soul for my son and daughter cannot be compared to the empty ache they feel. It is a loneliness and a longing that cannot be described. It is a “hard” a mama never wants to see her child experience.


And yet, if ever that cliche quote were true, it is true of them~
“My story for His glory”.


I know that God has a purpose. His timing is perfect. There is a reason. We do not know what the future holds, only God does. I never imagined a future for my son that didn’t include children. It crushes my heart to even pen the words. It’s a future I do not want to face. It’s a future I have to give to God daily, some days minute by minute. But it isn’t my story to tell. And today I realize, it’s not even my son’s story to tell.


It’s God’s story.


Today I can only tell you my chapter of that story. My son and daughter will continue it and in my heart I want to believe that perhaps one day, miraculously they will repeat it to their child and their child will continue to tell it.
And in the telling, hurting hearts will be healed.
I might not ever know the end of the story, but I’m so thankful God does. Whatever that ending might be, I know it will be good and wonderful and miraculous.


It has never been about me. It’s not even about us. It’s about God. Future generations being brought to a Savior who loves them beyond any human love a mother or father could ever give. A hope for the hurting. Those future generations might not ever hold our namesake, but they can hold God’s, if we just continue to share His story.


A story for His glory.










Scripture Reading:
“One generation shall praise thy works to another, And shall declare thy mighty acts. I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, And of thy wondrous works. And men shall speak of the might. And I will declare thy greatness. They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, And shall sing of thy righteousness. The LORD is good to all: And his tender mercies are over all his works. They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, And talk of thy power; To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, And the glorious majesty of his kingdom. Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, And thy dominion endureth throughout all generations. The LORD upholdeth all that fall, And raiseth up all those that be bowed down.”
Psalm 145:4-7, 9, 11-14


“For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; And his truth endureth to all generations.”
Psalm 100:5


“This shall be written for the generation to come: And the people which shall be created shall praise the LORD.”
Psalm 102:18


“Which we have heard and known, And our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come, The praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. That the generation to come might know them, Even the children which should be born; Who should arise And declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:”
Psalm 78:3-4, 6-7


“Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come”.
Psalm 71:18


“Nevertheless he saved them for his name's sake, That he might make his mighty power to be known.”
Psalm 106:8